Title: Handcuffs and Stethoscopes

Author: captstarbuck & pens_co927

Disclaimers – All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual

Summary: Meredith and Derek host a Halloween party with a "Handcuffs and Stethoscopes" theme, where everyone invited has to come and act as their favorite TV character that is in medicine or law enforcement. The party just happens to coincide with a visit from Mrs. Caroline Shepherd.

Rating: PG-13ish for language and innuendo

Timeframe: early season 6 post merger but no Mercy Westers appear and Izzie is still around.

Author's Note: Once upon a time in the midst of helping one another with our fanfics, captstarbuck and pens_co927 tossed around the idea of collaborating, but decided to wait for just the right project. Cue the plot bunnies, vicodin, and the need for some fluffy good times. Apologies for being a couple days late. ENJOY!

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Cristina Yang stared at the ceiling above Meredith Grey's bed. "Owen's being weird."

Meredith looked over at her friend. "How is that any different from normal?"

"It's not, I guess. It's just…mentionable."

"Ah." Meredith replied as though she understood. After several minutes, she spoke again. "Derek's mom is coming to visit again next month."

"Wasn't she just here?"

"I know, right? Anyway, Derek wants us to have a 'get together' of our hospital friends to make her feel more at ease." Her lips curled with distaste at the idea.

"Ummm between the two of us, we live with everyone we associate with at the hospital."

"Except for Bailey."

"And Webber."

"And Mark."

"Sloan's in my apartment enough it's like he's a part of the furniture," Cristina stated nonchalantly. "I mean, he's Callie's friend, so whatever." Her eyebrows furrowed with thought. "Wait a sec. Does she know about the post-it wedding?"

"Of course Callie knows about my post-it. Everyone at the hospital does."

"Not Callie. Mrs. Shepherd."

Understanding dawned on Meredith. "And that's why she's coming. I can't deal with her and that right now." She bolted upright as a thought entered her mind. "Halloween."

"Uhhh what about it?" Cristina questioned drolly.

"We'll throw a party."

"You're insane if you think I'm going to have any part in a Halloween party."

"Come on. You're my person, Cristina. I can't do this without you," Meredith pleaded.

"No. Halloween parties are lame." Cristina covered her eyes with her left forearm. "Besides, the only good thing about Halloween is the cool surgeries from the chainsaw carving contest."

"We could make it fun. Come on. Please."

"You realize the people we work with are morons and would just come as doctors and slutty nurses. Except Robbins. She'd come as Glinda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz," Cristina mumbled under her arm.

"Then we'll make it a theme party."

"Christ, Mer, do you even want me to come to this thing?"

"Just hear me out."

As Meredith laid out her plans for the party, a slow grin formed on Cristina Yang's lips. This was going to be the best party ever.

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Derek looked up from his spot in the elevator when the doors opened to reveal Mark Sloan. "Sloan," he said acknowledging the man's entrance.

"Shepherd." Mark moved to stand beside the neurosurgeon. "What's this about a costume party at Grey's?"

Derek chuckled. "My mother is coming to town and rather than plan an intimate dinner with close friends, Meredith planned a theme party."

"Well, it is Halloween."

"That doesn't matter to Meredith. It's my mother. My mother intimidates her."

"Mrs. Shepherd's a very intimidating presence, Derek. I should know!" Mark said in defense of Derek's wife.

"In any case, it's the weekend before Halloween. The theme is stethoscopes and handcuffs."

Mark raised his eyebrows. "Kinky."

"No. Come as your favorite television character from a medical or legal show. Meredith and Cristina already figured out that telling a bunch of doctors to play dress up would mean everyone coming in blood-covered scrubs. Not only do we have to dress as our characters, we have to actually portray our characters during the party." Derek shook his head.

"Do I even want to know who you're going as?" Mark leaned his head back warily.

"Meredith was insistent that I come as Selleck, which means I'm coming as Magnum, PI."

Mark looked up and down Derek's frame. "Luckily for you, there's a couple weeks until the party."

"Why does that make me lucky?" The elevator dinged and the doors opened.

Mark stepped out of the enclosed space. "Because if you get a couple tanning sessions and grow out your mustache, you might actually make a decent Magnum. " As the elevator doors closed he added, "Time, however, won't make you taller."

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Alex Karev entered the trailer he shared with his wife, Izzie Stevens. He kissed her cheek as he moved past her towards the small bedroom. "Something smells good."

"Beef stew. It's starting to get cold and I was in the mood for something hot and hearty," she said stirring the contents in the big pot on the stove.

He grunted noncommittally. "Apparently, Grey's having a big Halloween party later this month."

Izzie dropped the spoon into the pot excitedly. "Really? That's awesome!"

"What?" he scowled. "No. It's lame."

"Halloween is the best time of year, Alex. You can be whoever you want on Halloween."

"I thought Christmas was your favorite time of year," he mused in confusion.

"It is, but Halloween is great, too. Oooo, is there a theme? Nothing's better than a theme party at Halloween."

"Yeah, uh, stethoscopes and handcuffs. Come as your favorite character from a medical or criminal tv show."

Izzie leaned against the bedroom doorway. "That throws out zombie doctor and slutty nurse." She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Oh! I got it! MASH. I can be Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan and you can be her love interest, Frank Burns."

"What? No. Who said I'm even going to this thing?" He flopped backwards onto the bed.

Izzie turned to make sure the stove was set to its lowest setting. She moved back to the bedroom. "I guess I'll just have to persuade you."

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Cristina lengthened her stride to walk next to her lover, Owen Hunt, on her way to the ambulance bay. "What've we got?"

"32 year old female. Canning accident," he replied shortly. "Multiple burns and lacerations to the face, arms and chest."

The pair stood in the ambulance bay in silence as they waited. Finally, Cristina spoke. "Um, so Meredith's throwing a Halloween party. Come as your favorite TV cop or doctor. You should come."

"I'll think about it," he said stepping forward to meet the approaching ambulance.

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"Are we really going to go to Grey's party, Calliope?" Arizona asked hesitantly one night over dinner.

"Of course. Why wouldn't we?" Callie replied.

"I don't know these people - your friends - all that well."

"C'mon, Arizona. You like Halloween. You've been planning the decorations and the party for the kids in peds for the past two weeks."

"That's for children! Halloween is all about kids getting to dress up and pretend and get candy and other treats. This is just an excuse for our colleagues to get drunk and have sex!"

"And your point?" Callie raised her right eyebrow.

"Callie."

"Arizona, I really want to go."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Arizona sighed once deeply before agreeing with a "Fine. Who should we go as?"

"Hmmm. let me think... What about that couple on ER?"

"Which couple? There are so many of them." Arizona sipped her wine thoughtfully. "That show is so unrealistic. Real doctors don't spend that much time having sex and changing partners seemingly every other week."

"There was that lesbian couple that seemed pretty stable. You know, the doctor with the limp and her girlfriend. You can be the doctor - what's her name? Weaver. Yeah, Kerry Weaver. I'll be the badass firefighter girlfriend."

"Callie, I'm blonde and she's not. I'm not dying my hair red and I'm certainly not going to spend the whole night limping around with a crutch! Besides, didn't the firefighter girlfriend die?"

"Well, what do you want, Arizona?" Callie replied resignedly, her dream of getting to dress up as a firefighter crushed.

"We should do something non-medical. Ooh, I want to be Alex Cabot from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. She's blonde and smart and… she's… she's hot!"

Callie's eyebrow arched upward. "Really? You think she's hot?"

"Yes. And you could be the detective, Olivia Benson."

"We should go as a couple. I vote for Cagney & Lacey."

"Have you even watched SVU? Benson and Cabot were totally doing it off-screen and Cagney and Lacey were both married to men."

"Come on, Arizona. You know Mary Beth and Cristine were shagging in the back of their car during stakeouts. Besides, I wanna break out my inner badass and Mary Beth Lacey was totally badass."

"They're so 80's, Callie."

"But they were both badass, Arizona."

"Wouldn't you rather see me in a power suit and glasses?" the blonde said coyly.

"I'd rather see you in nothing at all." Callie quipped.

Later that night, as the ladies stared up at the ceiling with matching grins, the exact thought crossed Callie and Arizona's mind. I knew I'd make her see things my way.

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THE WEEK BEFORE THE PARTY

"Are you excited for Derek and Meredith's party, Bailey?" Arizona asked as she picked up a chart at the nurses' station.

"Mmmm," Bailey replied non-commitally.

"I admit, I wasn't too keen on going at first, but now I am." She turned to face the shorter woman. "Do you know who you're going as? I do. Calliope and I have the best idea."

"Uh huh," Bailey answered.

"Really. We do," Arizona continued with a smile. She didn't notice her girlfriend's approach. "I'm so ready for this. I didn't even have to get a costume. I've already got one."

Callie's ears perked up at the blonde's last statement. Arizona has a police uniform already? How did I not know that? Where did she get it? Better yet, why does she have one? A smile slowly crossed the Latina's face as she pictured her girlfriend dressed in a police officer's uniform. Mmmm. Arizona in a uniform.

Callie stepped behind Arizona, her hands on her hips. The Peds surgeon half-turned in Callie's embrace to place a quick kiss hello on her cheek.

"So, do you have your costume, Bailey?" Callie asked.

"Yes, I do. I've had it for over a week. And no, I won't tell you who I'm going to be," she said, shutting the chart she'd been writing in. "I think it's time everyone started going back to being doctors, instead of worrying about being pretend doctors and police officers." She returned the chart to the rack. "And the men around here… you'd think there was a razor shortage. Between the facial hair and the long hair…" Bailey shook her head in disgust.

"Oookay, then," Callie replied, leaning back.

"I have more important things to do," Bailey continued with her rant. "And so do the two of you."

"Actually, right now, no, we don't," Arizona corrected her. "We're on our way to lunch." Arizona smiled. "Do you want to join us?"

"And have to listen to you two either talk about the party or stare at each other all moony-eyed? Not a chance in hell," she responded, walking away.

"How much time do you have for lunch?" Callie inquired.

"About an hour. Why?"

Callie's thoughts were still on Arizona wearing a uniform. "Want to make a stop along the way?" she asked suggestively.

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"Why did I agree to do this with you?" Callie asked with a sigh as she followed Cristina into yet another store.

"Because we both need costumes."

Callie looked around at the racks and shelves full of used military clothing. "Well, you should be able to find what you need. How's that gonna help me?" she asked. She knew that once Cristina found what she was looking for she'd stop shopping whether Callie was successful or not in finding her own costume.

"Use your imagination, Cal," the smaller woman suggested as she picked through several bins of olive green apparel.

"Do you even know what I'm going as?"

"No."

Callie scowled at her roommate's complete self-absorption. "I'm going to go over there and see if I can find something."

"Sure, fine, whatever."

Callie was able to piece together a somewhat presentable looking police officer's uniform when she found a rack full of security guard clothing. Satisfied with her choices, she moved on to look for the accessories to complete her uniform. Her roommate, arms now full of green clothing, peeked around Callie's shoulder.

"We're supposed to be shopping for costumes, Callie, not toys for your freaky sex with Rollergirl." Cristina shuddered once at the image that suddenly popped into her head.

Callie rolled her eyes. "I'm a cop, Cristina. Cops are supposed to have handcuffs."

"Yeah, right," the smaller woman retorted. "Just make sure I'm not around when you decide to play cops and robbers. It's bad enough you're always 'frisking' her in the living room." She started to walk away. "And the kitchen. And the hallway. And the elevator."

"Enough, Cristina. I get your point."

"Why isn't McPerky shopping with you?" Cristina asked, turning around to face Callie once more.

"Arizona said she already had what she needed," Callie explained.

"She owns a cop uniform?" Cristina asked, her eyebrows raising in surprise. Clearly there was more to the blonde peds surgeon than Cristina thought. "That's pretty kinky, Cal, even for Rollergirl."

"Mmmm... not kinky... hot," Callie replied, visions of the blonde dressed in a uniform filling her mind. "Wonder if she's got her own handcuffs?"

The Latina saw the disgusted look on her friend's face and her face flushed red when she realized she'd said it aloud.

"Another image I so don't want bouncing around in my brain," the resident said with a shake of her head. "C'mon. I still have to get a wig."

"Um.. yeah… about that wig," Callie said, following Cristina to the check-out line.

"What?"

"Don't you think it's odd that you, a Korean American woman, is going to the party as a blonde who served in a war in Korea?" Even though Cristina glared at her, Callie plowed on. "Why don't you come as the owner of the bar that the doctors were always going to? You know, what's-her-name. Damn, what was her name?" The Latina pondered the show for a minute or two. "Rosie. Her name was Rosie and the bar was called 'Rosie's'. Yeah. She was really bitchy. You'd make an awesome Rosie."

Yang snorted at Callie's use of the word 'awesome' and at her idea. "Not happening, Cal. Number one, Rosie was a freakin' bartender. I am not going to be a bartender. There's no way I'm going to spend my night getting drinks for everyone. Number two, Owen is a natural for Hawkeye Pierce. He's already an Army surgeon. He won't even have to get a costume. It's perfect for him. Number three, I need to be Hotlips Houlihan. At least she was a nurse." She dumped her purchases onto the counter. "And not a freakin' bartender," she muttered.

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THE MORNING OF THE PARTY

Meredith opened the front door. "Mrs. Shepherd, so good to see you again," She greeted with a tight smile. "Did I get the time wrong? I thought I wasn't supposed to pick you up at the airport for another couple of hours."

Caroline Shepherd breezed past the stunned resident. "You're right, my dear. I arrived early. Contrary to my son's beliefs, I am perfectly capable of taking an airport shuttle or hailing my own taxi." She pulled Meredith into a hug. "You look like you've lost weight." She moved away to hold her daughter-in-law at arms' length. "Have you been ill?"

"No. I'm fine. Everything's fine." She looked down at the luggage on the ground. "Can I help you with your bags?"

Mrs. Shepherd shook her head as she looked around the room. "Festive decorations."

Meredith placed both hands in her jean pockets and swayed nervously. "Ummm… yeah. We're having a themed costume party for our friends tonight."

"Oh?"

"Handcuffs and stethoscopes. Come as your favorite television character who was in medicine or law enforcement," she said nodding her head.

"That's a wonderful idea," Caroline exclaimed. "I wish Derek had told me about this. I don't have the items necessary to come as Mary Beth Lacey. The fashion from the eighties is hard to replicate."

"Try finding clothes to match the 1870's frontier."

Caroline thought a moment. "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman?" she guessed.

Meredith nodded. "Derek's supposed to be Sully."

"Sully wasn't in medicine or law enforcement."

"He used to be in the military and he worked for Indian Affairs."

"That's stretching your theme a bit," Caroline said with a wink.

"Why don't you come as your second favorite character?" Meredith suggested.

"She was a missionary. Although my third favorite was a retired social worker whose daughter was a judge."

"There ya go!" Meredith shifted awkwardly. "By any chance do you have any idea how to go about putting on a hoop skirt with a bustle?"

"I think I could probably figure it out."

Meredith gestured towards the kitchen. "I've got to finish getting stuff together for this evening."

"What can I do to help?" Caroline asked. She paused just inside the kitchen door. "All I see is liquor, Meredith. Four bottles of tequila?" the older woman asked incredulously. "Don't you think you need some food?"

"Derek and Cristina said they'd pick up some chips and dip on their way here."

"All that alcohol requires more substantive food," the former nurse stated authoritatively. "Let me make something for you today. I've got plenty of time before the party."

"I couldn't ask you to do that, Mrs. Shepherd."

"It's no bother, Meredith. Now, how many people did you say were going to be here?" she inquired, rolling up her sleeves.

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THE NIGHT OF THE PARTY

The doorbell rang announcing the first guest. Meredith opened the door to see Cristina in olive green fatigues, a platinum blonde wig and padding to accentuate her breasts. "I'm so glad you're here." She yanked Cristina inside. "Derek's mom is here and seems to love this TV theme party idea."

"I thought that was the point."

"It is but she's all in-character and everything. It's weird."

Before Cristina could respond the doorbell rang again. "I'll take care of the door. You… go… find an Amish-man or something."

"I'm one of the first women doctors, thankyouverymuch!"

"Whatever." Cristina opened the door. In front of her was Izzie Stevens dressed exactly the same, though her bust didn't need padding. "Oh hell no!"

Izzie's eyes widened. "You've got to be kidding me! I was hoping that just once we could not be in competition with each other but you go and ruin it."

"My boyfriend is ex-Army. Of course we would be here as Hot Lips Houlihan and Hawkeye Pierce."

"I'm a natural busty blonde. Plus I figured being a nurse would be beneath you."

As the two stood in the doorway arguing, they were passed by a flood of arrivals. Derek "Magnum PI", Mark "Dr. Joe Gannon", Callie "Mary Beth Lacey" and Chief Webber brushed past the pair.

Meredith crossed the room to greet her husband. "What the…Derek, you were supposed to be Sully."

"I thought you said Selleck, as in Tom Selleck. Who's Sully?" Derek removed the Detroit Tigers baseball cap from his head.

"Dr. Quinn's love interest!" She gestured to her own costume. "He was a rugged mountain man who ran around with the local Indians. He did not wear Hawaiian shirts and baseball hats!"

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Alex Karev walked up to Meredith's front porch and stood next to Lexie. "Why aren't you inside already?"

"I just got here and my wig shifted." She looked him up and down. "Who are you supposed to be? I mean, obviously you're a cop, right?"

"Dirty Harry. Who the hell are you?"

"Dorothy from the Golden Girls."

"Wasn't she a schoolteacher?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Dude, the theme is handcuffs and stethoscopes. You've committed a party foul without even walking through the door," he said with a loud laugh.

She stomped her foot angrily. "Nobody told me that. I was just told to dress as my favorite tv character."

"If you were going to come as a Golden Girl, I think Blanche would have been a better fit." He pushed open the door. "If it makes you feel better, Izzie thinks I'm coming here as Frank Burns from MASH."

"Frank Burns was a pansy." Lexie scoffed.

"Exactly. I'm no pussy. I'm badass. Dirty Harry. Now, he's badass."

"What the hell, Alex?" Izzie ran over to greet her husband. "You were supposed to be Frank!" she said shoving him with the hand not holding her jello shot.

"Frank Burns was a pussy," Alex and Lexie chimed in unison.

"Oooo jello shots!" Lexie moved away from the quarreling couple.

"Your costume has no imagination. Bell bottoms and a white dress shirt. Big freaking deal," Izzie scoffed.

Alex held up his oversized cap gun. "I've got the gun and shoulder holster to go with it."

Izzie glared at him. Then, in a flash the glare turned into an evil glint. She smashed her cherry red jello shot against his chest and walked away from him.

"Dude! You just freakin' shot me!" he yelled after her.

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Owen Hunt dragged both of his hands through his Derek Shepherd length hair. As soon as this party was over, he was making a visit to Supercuts. He ran one of his hands over his cheeks. It felt strange to be completely clean shaven. He opened the door to see Mrs. Shepherd at the base of the stairs.

"Why hello, Dr. Hunt, or should I say, Dr. MacNeil. How are you this fine evening?"

"I'm fine. Have you seen Dr. Yang?"

Mrs. Shepherd grinned when he spoke in a thick Scottish brogue. "Impressive brogue. I believe Cristina was dancing with Meredith in the living room."

He looked over her turtleneck sweater and jeans. "Who are you supposed to be, Mrs. Shepherd?"

"I'm Maxine Gray from Judging Amy. The hair's a bit shorter but I believe I got the look right." She compared her costume to his. "Not many men can pull off the suspenders and shaggy hair look. Your hair's not quite dark enough to pass for Neil MacNeil but I think the brogue makes up for it."

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Callie sat beside her roommate, matching her shot for shot. Her mood had turned somewhat foul as the party had been going on for almost two hours and Arizona still hadn't arrived.

"Stupid Owen," Cristina muttered, pouring them both another shot of tequila. "No, he couldn't come as Hawkeye Pierce. He had to come as some doctor from the past who wasn't really even a surgeon."

"At least he came to the party," Callie complained.

"And that stupid accent…" Cristina continued as if she hadn't heard Callie.

"His accent's not that bad, Cristina. It actually sounds Scottish." Callie tossed back the shot. "I mean, Meredith's accent? I can't tell if she's supposed to be British or from New England. "

"Yeah, who knew Meredith would be a fan of 19th century clothing," Cristina said, disappointment in her voice. "Hope Meredith's not planning on doing the McNasty tonight," she said, a grin starting to cross her face. "Derek could get a nun out of her habit faster than he could get Meredith out of all those layers."

Callie guffawed at Cristina's comment. Who knew that an on-her-way-to-being drunk Cristina Yang could help her get out of her bad mood? She reached for the bottle and this time, she poured the shots of tequila. When she slid the glass over to her friend, she couldn't help but notice that Cristina seemed a bit lopsided. Callie didn't think she was so drunk that she was seeing things, but her friend's breasts seemed to be moving.

"What?" Cristina asked, noticing Callie's stare.

"Um, your, uh, your boobs are moving."

Cristina looked down at her chest. Realizing that the falsies she wore had shifted, she reached into her shirt and adjusted her bra.

Callie watched her, a mouth agape. "Cristina –"

"Stop staring, Cal."

"I'm not."

"Go stare at your girlfriend's boobs, not mine."

"I would, but my girlfriend isn't even here. She's off saving the tiny humans," she said waving her empty shot glass.

"Not my problem," Cristina replied.

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Arizona paused at the door, checking herself one last time in the reflection of the glass door. She smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in her navy blue skirt, straightened out the lapels of the matching jacket and fixed the collar of her powder blue blouse. She pushed the dark framed non-prescription glasses back up, then reached up, trying to decide if she should knock or ring the doorbell.

Before she could knock once, Mark opened the door. Arizona quickly looked over the Plastic surgeon. His now-longer hair was smoothed down and parted to the side. Large sideburns graced his face his beardless face. She almost laughed when she saw the wide navy blue tie he wore, along with the blue and white striped shirt under a lab coat.

Mark slowly took in Arizona's outfit. "Damn, Blondie," he said after a short whistle. "You look hot. I never was one for girls who wore glasses but…"

"Alex Cabot," Arizona said, thrusting her hand out. "And you are?"

"Huh?" Mark stuttered. Recovering quickly, Mark fell into his role as well. "Oh, I'm Dr. Joe…"

"Gannon," Arizona finished for him. "Medical Center. My mom loved that show," the blonde said, momentarily stepping out of character.

"Perhaps I could schedule you for a personal exam, Ms. Cabot," Mark replied, wagging his eyebrows up and down.

"Not on your life, Dr. Gannon," she replied, removing her hand from Mark's grasp. "In fact, what you're suggesting is in clear violation of Penal Code 19.68.10."

"Oh, I didn't know you were into penile law, counselor."

"Penal law, NOT penile law! Jackass," she huffed. "I need a drink. Have you seen Detective Benson?"

"Nope. She's not here."

"What? She's not here yet?"

"Not Detective Benson, no. I did see a police officer, however," he said with a chuckle.

"Where?"

"At the bar, of course," he answered.

Pushing her way past Mark, Arizona bumped into Chief Webber. It only took a glance at the colorful sweater he wore under a white lab coat for her to identify his character.

"Alex Cabot, Assistant District Attorney," she said shaking his hand. "So glad you could make it to the party, Dr. Huxtable."

"Ms. Cabot," he greeted her, a wide smile gracing his face as he returned the handshake. He pulled her in a little closer. "I knew you'd get it, Dr. Robbins," the older man said with a semi-whisper. "You and Derek's mother are the only ones who got it right."

Spotting a somewhat tipsy Miranda Bailey, Arizona excused herself from the chief and approached the smaller woman.

"Lieutenant Van Buren," she greeted her. "I'm looking for -"

"'Bout time one of you got my costume right," Bailey said. "You're the first one. How hard could it be? It's not like I had a whole lotta options."

"I'm sorry," Arizona said, not sure why she was apologizing.

"What did you want...ummm?" Bailey stopped, trying to guess Arizona's character.

"Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot," Arizona offered. "I'm looking for one of your detectives."

"My detectives? Briscoe and Green aren't here."

"My apologies. You run the Homicide Division and the detective I'm looking for is from Special Victims."

"The panty police? Oh you mean Benson. She's not here."

"She's not?" Arizona was crestfallen. "Detective Benson isn't here? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. Detective Benson is not here." Bailey finished her drink. "Try the bar. I saw a cop in there earlier."

"The bar?" Arizona realized that she'd never been inside Meredith Grey's house before. "And where is that?"

"The kitchen. Through that door," Bailey gestured with her hand. "And get me another drink while you're in there, wouldya?"

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Meredith and Cristina watched Arizona as she made her way through the crowded living room.

"Y'know," Cristina commented as she set her shot glass down, "it's a bit… unsettling."

"What?"

"Rollergirl has guessed every character so far. That's kinda freakish, if you ask me. She must've watched a lot of TV." She re-filled her shot glass. "Never would've pegged her for that."

"Did she guess Lexie's costume?"

Cristina laughed snarkily at Lexie's misguided choice for a costume. "Don't know, but we're about to find out," she said, looking over at Arizona as she approached Lexie.

Arizona cocked one eyebrow, baffled at Lexie's costume. She racked her brain, quickly reviewing every crime or medical show she knew. Lexie looked familiar enough, but there was no show the blonde could recall that matched the younger woman's costume.

"Alex Cabot," she said, introducing herself to Lexie. "And you?"

"Dorothy Zbornak," Lexie said with a sigh. "Golden Girls."

"And how is Golden Girls a medical or crime show?"

"It's not. Nobody told me the theme. I just heard 'come as a TV character'," she explained for the umpteenth time.

"You should have come as…"

"Blanche Deveraux. Yes, yes. I know. I've been told that repeatedly," Lexie said with an exasperated sigh. "How do you know so much about all these TV characters? I mean, when do you have the time to watch that much television?"

"The televisions are always turned on in the peds wing. If the little kids aren't watching cartoons, then the teenagers are watching comedies or the worried parents are immersed in primetime dramas." After some thought, Arizona continued. "You could've come as Clair Wyatt from The Practice. You look enough like her."

"Why didn't you come as Jamie Springer?" Lexie countered. "You look a lot more like her than Alex Cabot."

"Wasn't she a bit of a slut?" Arizona looked over the top of her glasses at Lexie, fixing her with a piercing stare. "Are you saying I'm a slut?"

"N-n-no," Lexie replied, more than a little flustered by the glare the older doctor was currently giving her. "Not-not at all, Dr. Robbins."

"Because, clearly the evidence contradicts that belief," Arizona said.

"Well, that's not what I heard," Lexie blurted.

"What?"

"One of the other residents was doing her rotation in derm, and she told me –"

"Stop talking, Grey," Arizona said, cutting her off. "This place has ears," she hissed.

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Callie approached where Mark stood trying to blend in with some plants in the corner of Meredith's living room. "Why are you over here trying to mate with the fichus?"

"I'm hiding." He grasped her shoulders to move her to stand directly in front of him, shielding him from the room at large.

"Once again…why?" She drank deeply from her tumbler of Scotch.

"Mrs. Shepherd found out who my character is and she didn't like him so she's taking her frustration on the TV guy out on me."

"Oooohhhh kay. This is a whole new level of crazy for you, Mark. You realize that, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You don't know her." He jabbed his index finger against her chest as he made his point.

"Don't poke me." She snorted to herself. "Shouldn't you be off 'poking' Lexie in a corner somewhere?"

Mark shuddered visibly as though the thought of being intimate with his girlfriend disgusted him. "Have you seen her tonight? She looks like my grandmother. I can't be breaking out little Sloan for grannies."

"Yeah, well at least she came. Arizona didn't want to come because these are all my friends, even though she works with every person here. Well… not Mrs. Shepherd, but everyone else."

Mark drew his eyebrows together deep in thought. "Huh."

"What 'huh'? Why are you 'huh'-ing, Mark?"

"Calm down, Torres. I was just going to tell you that for someone so ambivalent towards coming to a party with your friends, Blondie seems to be having a good time and looking mighty fine while doing it."

"I would know if she were here. We were supposed to be Cagney and Lacey. I am the only person in a police uniform at this thing." A persistent tap on her shoulder blade caused Callie to turn around.

Callie's gaze started at the top of Arizona's head and quickly dropped to the ground. On the return trip up to her lover's face, she took notice of the costume. Navy blue stiletto pumps matched the deep blue skirt and suit jacket. A robin's egg blue scoop necked blouse peeked at the top of the jacket buttons. Arizona's cornsilk hair was pulled harshly into a French twist. Her bright blue eyes seemed cold and distant behind the black rectangular frames of her eyeglasses. Callie's jaw dropped as all the moisture from her mouth ventured south.

Arizona held out her right hand. "Officer Lacey, I presume."

Callie stammered as she grasped Arizona's hand. "Uhhh..right. Mary Beth Lacey. You…must be Alex Cabot." She dropped the hand and her voice grew stronger. "You're definitely not Christine Cagney."

Mark edged past the women whose disagreement was threatening to escalate . "That's my cue to leave."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cristina Yang had had enough. It was bad enough that she'd gone against her better judgment and actually participated in the 'dressing up', but to actually have the same idea as Izzie freakin' Stevens? And it wasn't helping that Callie and Rollergirl couldn't seem to stop with their petty arguing.

"Y'know, I didn't come to this party to listen to bickering lesbians," she said. She reached over and grabbed the hat perched on Callie's head.

"Hey!" Callie exclaimed.

Cristina pulled the wig off her head and plopped it down unceremoniously on the Latina's head. "There. Now you can be Cagney AND Lacey. Problem solved."

Lexie looked over at Callie with the blonde wig tipped precariously atop her head.

"You know, Callie, you look an awful lot like one of the guest stars from SVU."

"What? Who?"

"There was a hooker in one episode that wore a blonde wig."

"Oh great, you think I look like a hooker?" Callie rolled her eyes in disgust.

"You have talked yourself into quite the quagmire, Mrs. Zbornak," Arizona warned. "First, you accused me of promiscuity."

"What do you mean she accused you of promiscuity? Little Grey, did you call my girlfriend a slut?" Callie's temper started to rise.

"Then you identified Officer Lacey as an alleged prostitute," Arizona continued talking despite Callie's outburst. She pinned Lexie with an icy stare. "The evidence is stacked in favor of a conviction against you for slander."

"I-I-I didn't accuse her of that! I said she resembled someone!" Lexie stammered, completely flummoxed by the way Arizona switched back and forth between being Alex Cabot and Arizona Robbins.

Arizona crossed her left arm over her chest, using her wrist to prop her right elbow while she tapped her index finger against her lip. She studied Callie, who still wore the lopsided wig. She pursed her lips in disgust. "Damn it. I hate losing cases on flimsy evidence and a technicality. Since Officer Lacey does, indeed, resemble someone who was once on my witness stand, I'm willing to offer a deal rather than take this to trial."

"I am too sober to be involved with this level of crazy." Cristina muttered as she tossed back a shot of tequila.

Alex stumbled into the kitchen and braced himself on one of the kitchen chairs. "Go ahead, make my drink," Alex said to Meredith and Cristina, drunkenly swaying back and forth. He hadn't notice the blonde who parked herself next to him.

"Really, Inspector Callahan," Arizona groaned, rolling her eyes. "Is that all you can come up with?"

"What?"

"Clearly your judgment is impaired. If you're planning on driving anywhere, you will be suspended, or possibly even terminated if you keep drinking as you are."

"Huh?"

"Drunk and on-duty can result in suspension or termination of employment, Regulation 31.10.29" Arizona said, still in lawyer mode. "In addition, your weapon isn't exactly regulation either." Arizona looked over the top of her glasses, having previously discovered the awesome effect of her stare on Lexie.

Meredith leaned into her best friend and whispered. "I didn't know Robbins knew so much about the law."

Cristina snorted. "She doesn't. She's just making shit up."

"What? No, she couldn't be."

"She's winging it. She's just using the birthday or year of whoever she's talking to or days of October as her code. How did you not notice that?"

"Tequila," Meredith answered with a smirk as she turned her attention back on Alex and Arizona.

"What?" Karev said irritably at his boss's latest recitation of some dumb law that he'd never heard of.

"Let's not dismiss what is clearly your greatest offense. Party regulation 20.10.10," she said with a straight face. "Failure to comply with the Halloween costume requirements. Harry Callahan is a movie character, not a television character."

"Whatever. The movies are on TV now. It's the same thing."

"That argument won't fly in my courtroom, Inspector."

Karev stared open mouthed at the blonde. "You're more annoying as a lawyer than you are as a surgeon," he blurted.

Cristina cackled loudly into her drink as Arizona walked away from Alex in a huff.

Arizona grabbed Callie's arm and pulled her into the hall outside of the kitchen. "We need to discuss your plea arrangement for your infraction of Article 10.26.12 of the revised code."

"My what?" Callie's drunken mind couldn't keep up with the various statutes Arizona spouted in every other sentence.

"The costume infraction."

Before Callie could argue the semantics of their costume miscommunication, Derek's mother walked up to the pair.

"And can I ask who are you supposed to be?" Caroline Shepherd asked, noticing the two women who were clearly a couple, although their costumes indicated otherwise.

"We were supposed to be Cagney and Lacey. Bad ass detectives," Callie replied, her words slightly slurred.

"We never agreed to that, Calliope. You said that's what you wanted. I wanted us to be Cabot and Benson, which I thought we had agreed upon." Arizona stated crossing her arms over her chest. "I clearly remember stating my case." Arizona blushed as she recalled exactly how she had persuaded Callie. "And you had agreed to the terms of the plea bargain."

"Were either of you even born when Cagney & Lacey was on?" Caroline interrupted the women.

"Of course," Arizona said perkily, not quite as drunk as her girlfriend.

"Maybe, but I doubt you were old enough to watch it."

"I'll have you know I was…" Arizona began to argue.

"R-re-runs!" Callie stuttered as she began to interrupt. "Re-runs. We saw them on re-runs." She draped her arm over the blonde's shoulders. Pleased with her quick answer, the Latina kissed Arizona sloppily on the cheek.

"Well, I can tell you, Cagney and Lacey were never THAT close," Caroline Shepherd remarked.

"Of course they were," Arizona aka Alex Cabot said confidently.

"They most certainly were not."

"Did Mary Beth Lacey or did she not name her daughter after her partner?" Arizona said, her voice insinuating that partner meant more than partner.

"Not exactly."

"Her daughter was named after her mother and Christine Cagney," the blonde pointed out. "Alice Christine Lacey." Arizona's voice was smug. "And it was only Mary Beth Lacey's intervention and love that got Cagney to stop drinking."

"They were friends and partners," Mrs. Shepherd said.

"Furthermore, there was that episode when Lacey was shot and she confronted Christine about her feelings."

Callie eyes went back and forth from one woman to the other. From everything she'd seen earlier in the evening, one did not go toe-to-toe with Caroline Shepherd. The Latina was proud, and oddly enough, a little turned on by her girlfriend's assertiveness. Lawyer Arizona Robbins was turning out to be a lot hotter than just the power suit she was wearing.

"They were partners and friends," Mrs. Shepherd argued. "They had each other's backs."

"And I'm sure it wasn't just each other's backs they had."

"I can see you aren't going to change your incorrect position," Caroline Shepherd said. The older women left the two women standing there as she went off in search of a glass of wine.

"Wow, she's kinda scary," Callie said once the woman was out of earshot.

Arizona stepped back from Callie, her eyes raking the Latina's uniform clad body, then she looked across the room at Derek's mother. "She really could pass for an older, more mature Mary Beth Lacey," she commented, moving back to Callie, her body pressing up into her girlfriend's.

Callie quirked an eyebrow up at the blonde's last statement. "Mrs. Shepherd is doing it for ya? Really, counselor?"

Arizona was torn between honesty and lying. Opting for honesty she pushed even closer to Callie, and ran a hand over Callie's jacket. "It's the Lacey thing." She tugged on Callie's black tie, untucking it from her shirt and added in a low voice, "and the uniform."

Callie's right eyebrow quirked upward. "Y'know, when George and I were married, we lived here for a little while."

"Talking about your dead ex-husband is not conducive towards getting me in your panties, Officer Lacey."

Callie ignored Arizona's comment. "And while we were living here, we managed to christen every room of this house except one. The laundry room."

"You really suck at role playing."

"We even managed to do it in Meredith's bedroom once. Although now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure he was thinking about her the entire time."

"Officer Lacey, if you continue with this line of conversation, I will be forced to..."

"Oooo you like it forceful, huh?" Callie wiggled her eyebrows as she stepped closer to Arizona.

Arizona stepped backward only to find herself against the wall. "This-this-this is conduct unbecoming of a New York City police officer. I'll have your badge for this."

"New York? I thought we were in Seattle." Callie pressed her lips firmly against Arizona's.

"I'll have you know this is a direct violation of…"

"Oooo, you want me to violate you, huh?"

"That is not what I…"

Callie switched tactics. "I believe I've got probable cause for a warrant for the laundry room, Miss Cabot. There was a suspicious white powder on top of the washing machine. I believe Dr. Quinn and Magnum are running a mobile meth lab in their laundry room."

Arizona removed a folded blue paper from inside her suit jacket. "It's a good thing I know the mother of a judge. Once I get her signature, I'll go meet you to search the premises and ensure you follow the directives of the warrant."

"Is the coast clear?" Mark interrupted, sidling up to the two women.

"What do you mean?"

"Mrs. Shepherd."

"What did you do now, Mark?" Arizona asked.

"She just won't let up on me tonight."

"Did she find out you slept with all her daughters?" Callie asked with a knowing smirk.

"I don't think so."

Arizona turned to Mark, slipping back into character. "Technically, since he slept with Addison, he has slept with Derek by association. Therefore, he's slept with all the Shepherd children. Why not just go for the hat trick and sleep with Mrs. Shepherd?" Arizona removed her prop glasses and chewed on the earpiece thoughtfully.

Mark's jaw dropped in horror and he cringed at the blonde's arguments. "That's SICK, Robbins! Just... SICK!"

The Plastic surgeon walked away shaking noticeably as the two women laughed. Callie faced Arizona. "Weren't you supposed to get a signature on that warrant for the laundry room?"

"Seriously? You really want me to get a warrant?"

Callie slid her hand down Arizona's back and cupped the blonde's firm ass. "We wouldn't want to do anything… illegal, would we?" she asked in a husky voice.

The tone of her girlfriend's voice sent a shiver down Arizona's spine. "Uh… no… we wouldn't want that," she stammered.

"Then you'd better get that warrant, counselor," Callie said, giving Arizona a gentle squeeze.

"Oh, yes, right away, Officer Lacey."

Arizona stepped away from Callie to clear her head. She took the blue piece of paper back out of her suit pocket, along with a pen. She quickly scribbled some notes and filled in the blanks on the pre-made 'warrant'. Spotting Mrs. Shepherd across the room, the Peds surgeon squared her shoulders and approached Derek's mother, who was deep in conversation with Chief Webber and Miranda Bailey.

"Mrs. Gray, may I have a moment of your time?" Arizona asked in the most professional, courteous tone she could muster given the amount of alcohol she had imbibed.

Caroline Shepherd looked at the blonde. She had found her a little annoying earlier, but she couldn't help but admire her courage. 'Ballsy' was the first word that came to her mind as she considered the younger woman. No, that didn't quite fit her. 'Spunky' was more fitting a word.

"Yes, Counselor?"

"I need to have my search warrant signed. Since your daughter is a judge, could you sign in loco absentia?"

"None of my daughters are…" The older woman paused, realizing that the woman in front of her was still in character and referring to her 'TV' daughter.

"I don't know if that's legal, Ms. Cabot."

"Time is of the utmost importance ma'am. Robbins v. Shepherd clearly states that…"

Mrs. Shepherd held up her hand to stop the flow of pseudo-legal jargon coming from the other woman's mouth. "I suppose I could just this once."

Arizona handed her the fake warrant along with a pen. "Just sign and date it right here," she said, pointing out the line on the paper.

"And this is to search the laundry room?" Caroline Shepherd asked as she quickly reviewed the document.

"Yes. Officer Lacey believes illegal activity is taking place there."

"Hmmm. That's a little surprising." She hesitated until she noticed the small look of desperation on the blonde's face. "I suppose it can't hurt to look, can it?" she commented, signing 'Maxine Gray' with a flourish. "Here you go."

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Gray. We really appreciate it."

"I hope you're successful with your search," she called out as Arizona left the room in search of her girlfriend; her hot, hot girlfriend. Caroline returned her attention to the other two party guests. "Do either of you know where the restroom is?"

"I'm not sure. I've only been here once," Bailey replied sipping on her rum and Coke.

"Possibly off the kitchen somewhere?" Chief Webber supplied shrugging his shoulders. "I know for certain there's one upstairs, but I'm pretty sure there's one on the main floor."

Mrs. Shepherd excused herself and headed in the general direction of the kitchen. She paused momentarily when she heard Cristina Yang tell Meredith that Derek should have dressed as Quincy, ME so they could be matching Quinn's. Caroline thought about commenting but decided the need to find the elusive bathroom was a more pressing issue than her son's choice of costume.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Even through her alcohol fueled lust, Callie was cognizant of the fact that she'd never expected this side of her girlfriend. Her girlfriend that currently had her pinned against the laundry room door and was kissing her like there was no tomorrow! Maybe it was all the tequila shots that Arizona had drank but her randy behavior seemed completely out of character. Then again, over the past few months that they'd been dating, Callie was constantly surprised by the different facets of her girlfriend's personality.

When Arizona's mouth moved to Callie's neck and her hand moved up under her shirt, the Latina had had enough. With one hand already on Arizona's ass, she dropped her other hand down and pulled the blonde even closer. Lips still locked together, Callie pushed off against the door, steering them toward the washing machine. When Arizona's body crashed against the appliance, Callie lifted her up so that she was seated atop it.

"I want you so badly," Callie groaned as she began kissing Arizona's neck.

The blonde tilted her head back, giving Callie access to her neck and chest. She wrapped her legs around Callie's waist and linked her arms around her girlfriend's neck. "I want you, too, Calliope."

As Callie's right hand drifted up Arizona's thigh, they became lost in another deep kiss. Neither heard the creak of the door opening.

"Oh, excuse me," Caroline Shepherd said from the doorway. "I thought this was the bathroom."

Callie froze with one hand partly up Arizona's skirt. Arizona buried her rapidly reddening face against Callie's neck.

Realizing who she had interrupted, the older woman said with smile, "I didn't know I was signing a warrant for you to search each other." She chuckled softly before closing the door on the two very embarrassed women. "I know Cagney & Lacey never did that," she said to herself.

"I think it would be best for us to evaluate the evidence back at the precinct, Officer Lacey," Arizona said, her voice a little bit breathless from what they'd been doing and from the embarrassment of having been interrupted.

"I agree, Counselor. We won't be disturbed there," Callie replied as she reluctantly removed her hand from under the blonde's skirt.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

THE FOLLOWING MORNING

Chief Webber walked up to Bailey, who stood outside of the ER doors waiting for an ambulance to arrive. "Trolling for patients, Bailey? Or should I say, Lieutenant Van Buren?" he asked with a wink.

"It's too early for your mockery, Chief. Besides, people knew who I was. Only Robbins and Mrs. Shepherd knew who you were," she stated haughtily. "I'm surprised this place is still standing after leaving it in the charge of those fools from Mercy West."

He tried to suppress his grin. "Right you are, Bailey."

"I, for one, am glad this nonsense is behind us."

Chief Webber chuckled. "Although with the amount of tequila that flowed last night, a part of me wonders what kind of shape the rest of my staff is in this morning."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The smell of frying bacon permeated Lexie Grey's senses to pull her from her fitful slumber. She momentarily forgot where she was. Panicked, she looked around the room. She quickly realized she was in Mark's apartment, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out why she had slept on the couch. "What the…"

"Good morning. I made bacon and toast. You want some?" Mark's voice drifted from across the kitchenette.

She nodded and pressed her fingers to both temples. "And some aspirin." He brought her a glass of water and the requested pain pill. "Why did I sleep on the couch?"

"Because regardless of what people think of me, I have standards and grandmas are out of bounds."

"I'm not a grandma, Mark. I just dressed like one from a TV show. A TV show, I might add, that was about grandmas having sex."

Mark shuddered. "Don't care. If you want some of this," He gestured at his body. "Burn that." He pointed to her outfit. "Little Sloan doesn't rise for grannies, Lex."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Arizona pressed a series of lingering kisses over the tops of Callie's bare breasts. "I'm not convinced, Officer."

Callie smirked at her lover and pressed the cap from her costume uniform to Arizona's unruly blonde curls. "Oh, really?"

Arizona started trailing her lips down Callie's ribcage. "I know you're withholding a vital piece of evidence. I just haven't found it yet."

"Keep looking, counselor. I know it got filed." Callie ran her hands over the pale back. She moaned loudly when Arizona reached her belly button.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cristina stumbled into the kitchen. "Who can sleep with all that moaning and groaning and giggling going on?" she asked Owen who was sitting on the couch reading the morning paper.

He shrugged. "I think it's kinda nice they found each other."

"You… you don't get to have an opinion on my roommate's sex life," Cristina stuttered as she opened a box of Lucky Charms.

"Why not? She confided in me after the whole Hahn thing about maybe being a lesbian and needing someone to cook for."

"McDreamy hair on steroids does not make you McDreamy. Seriously, shear the mop and grow back your beard because all your macho Army cred is flying out the window on a rainbow unicorn right now."

Another series of muffled giggles came from behind the door to Callie's bedroom.

"After as much as they both drank last night, I'm surprised either of them can function let alone have sex," Owen commented.

Cristina placed the Lucky Charms box on the counter and crossed the room. She grabbed her coat and Owen's arm. "Yeah, yeah, Callie's a machine. I don't want to hear it. We're going out for breakfast."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meredith awoke to the sound of a buzzing razor. She pulled on the nearest shirt she could find, which happened to be Derek's Hawaiian shirt from the previous night. On her way to the bathroom, she tripped over the mass of clothing consisting of her costume. "Stupid corset," she grumbled.

Derek poked his head into the bedroom. One half of his mustache still remained on his upper lip. "Did you say something?"

"Cursing the corset." She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "You look horrible with that thing on your lip."

Derek finished shaving and pressed a tender kiss to her lips. "Better?"

She grinned up at him. "Much."

"I'm going to go find my mother and try to convince her that we'll take care of the party clean-up."

"How do you know that's what she's doing?"

"Because it's eight o'clock, on a Saturday morning. My mother is a creature of habit even when she's hungover." He stopped at the bedroom doorway. "I'm surprised she hasn't started cooking breakfast yet."

"Mothers really do that?" Meredith asked bewildered by the concept.

Derek shrugged. "Mine does." He disappeared down the hall.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Caroline Shepherd stood in the dining area nursing a mug of coffee. Several empty liquor bottles littered the table. Bottles of beer in varying states of content lay abandoned on any flat surface. She moved into the living room.

Alex Karev lay on the couch, face-down. At some point in the evening, someone had plastered an "exit wound" to his back to match the one on the front of his white shirt. His wife had left early in the night, grumbling about her disappointment of a husband and her friendship-rivalry with Yang.

Derek entered the area. "Good morning."

"Morning, son," she replied sipping her coffee. She used her mug to gesture to the room. "Your colleagues have left you with quite a mess."

"Don't worry about the mess. Meredith and I will take care of it later today."

She continued as though she hadn't heard him. "I assumed that being doctors and colleagues that your friends would draw the line at having relations in the laundry room out of respect for you and Meredith."

"Since when has Mark respected anyone? I hope you gave him the same lecture you gave me when you walked in on me and Addison when I brought her home for Christmas my first year of med school."

"It wasn't Mark. Mark was on his best behavior despite the character he dressed as last evening."

"Well, Cristina and Owen get handsy when they've been drinking."

"It wasn't Major Hunt. It was..."

"Alex and Izzie, then. They used to live here. Still do from time to time. So does Lexie."

"It was two women, Derek. Now I didn't catch their real names and they were quarrelling for a good chunk of the evening, but the blonde refused to break her character the entire night. Plus, she made some very disturbing points about the relationship between Cagney and Lacey."

"Two women? A Blonde?" His hung-over brain couldn't connect the dots.

Mrs. Shepherd kissed his cheek. "You most certainly have the most…" She struggled to find the right word to define the people she met the previous night. "Interesting group of friends. I look forward to getting to know them outside of their alter egos."