Branch II: Arum, Deep Red Rose, Pennyroyal
(our ardor awakens, and in shame I can only do this - I flee from you)

- Fiora paused and Kent paused and the whole world paused.

Fiora was a good knight, a better woman. The proper response to this incident was to pull her hand away and apologize. That was all, that was easy, that was what she had to do. She had done this before, she had always done what was proper and right.

But she had no idea - never allowed herself to realize it - that Kent was so close to her.

With equal parts sinking dread and high notes of some fluttery emotion she did not want to think about, she looked at him, his strong, youthful features touched by fingers of moonlight. He wasn't much older than her nineteen years, something, one of the many things that had strongly appealed to her. The Pegasus Knight Brigade had no choice in selecting young commanders, but that he, who was so like her in many ways, earned his right to be a commander of a Lycian canton's army said something about her as well. Despite her failure, maybe she had earned her right to lead once; maybe she could again, if she wanted it. Not that she could even think clearly on matters such as those when his gaze was on her.

The thought of it made her feel as if she was slowly losing her hold on reality. No matter what the other pegasus knights had said over the years, she had never thought herself to be just as vulnerable to the feelings of a touch, a gaze as any of them. She had pulled away from enough men to prove that much to herself, no matter how often her comrades would tell her later that 'the right man' would change everything.

Even if Kent was 'the right man', it scared her that as much as she was telling herself to move, to apologize, to avoid the situation, she wasn't.

She didn't want to move away. She wanted to get closer.

That wasn't fair to him, she told herself. He had never shown any interest in her that way; it would be obvious and she would have pulled away sooner. But now, Fiora realized with a settling sensation of dismay, that perhaps all along her feelings had been betraying her, coaching her to stay beside him even when she intellectually knew that it was dishonest - she was not the 'morally pure' person he had thought she would be. She needed to pull away.

She needed - she wanted -

"Kent," she whispered; his hand - his fingers lingered over her hand, curled around it.

She wanted to get closer. It frightened her. This was not something she thought she should want, therefore it was not something she should have. As a pegasus knight of Ilia -

Oh, but she knew all the stories. How so many pegasus knights, so many of her friends, played around after the mission was over. Discreetly, but...

Ah, he was looking at her like she was the only thing he could see.

With her free hand, she touched his face. Fingerless gloves - oh, why did she have fingerless gloves? He felt nice. Why was she doing this? She curled a lock of his hair around her finger; it wasn't soft, but she liked the color. Did he like her doing this, did he like her?

Fiora would never be able to explain what happened next, who made the next move. Distantly aware of the world around her, she was only somewhat certain that she had leaned towards him, her face tilted up - what did she think was going to happen next? But she hadn't leaned in all that far before she felt his lips brush against hers, and so she wasn't sure what to think.

Not that she was sure how she was supposed to feel, either.

They did not move, not for a long time. For what felt like years of her life ticking away, one by one, Fiora was overwhelmed by the rise of emotion that threatened to sweep her away; it was all she could do to let her lips linger along his, every tremble of his lips a tremor against hers. That lamentable, insistent urge that had pushed her to this seemed to melt away, replaced by a new feeling: a strange, longing curiosity that nudged at her to explore further this new act, this...indulgence of something that seemed more than base carnality. When she pressed her lips against his in a proper kiss, Kent responded with the same. His hand, which covered hers, curled over hers like it was engulfing it in a gentle hug; she twisted her hand underneath his until she was able to entwine their fingers together as they continued to lay chaste kisses on each other's lips until they were breathless, foreheads pressed together and parted lips allowing their breaths to mingle together, sharing a new warmth as the cooling night air swirled past them.

How strange, she thought in hazy wonder. She had worried over the increasing intimacy between others in their army because she had viewed it as an element of distraction that no one needed at this time, but now she found herself seeing things with a new clarity. This felt much nicer than she had imagined - with a good deal of her comrades' experiences cobbled together - it to be. It was more honest than she had let herself be as of late, and to share that with she admired and was growing ever fonder of absolved her of the fear she had felt before.

Renewed by this realization, Fiora didn't hesitate to kiss Kent again, her lips still parted from trying to catch her breath. And his as well, she found out. It was stranger yet, she had to admit - there was the taste of him, the slight wetness, how they both started a little when their teeth clacked together with the wrong head movement - but it was enjoyable in a way she had never thought to examine before. The arm around her waist, the hand pressed against her back reminded her that she still had a hand free, which she moved to the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair as their kissing deepened. She had thought she had been overwhelmed before - no. Not compared to now, surrounded as she was by him. His smell, his taste, his touch; these things completely dominated her senses and made her eager for more -

How much more?

- as their tongues entwined over and around again and again, increasingly frantic -

Isn't this going too far?

- as they swept each other up in a whirlwind of emotion, and caught up in all these new feelings nothing else mattered -

In horror, in abject shock and horror, Fiora pushed Kent away and jumped to her feet, trembling as she realized that she had gone too far.

Who was she to think that nothing else mattered? Who was she to cast aside her integrity, her honor, her morality for the sake of pleasure?

Who was she to deserve it?

Somehow, even though Kent was complicit in engaging in that with her, she was embarrassed to look at him, sure that he would feel disgust towards her. Or worse, himself. If only she had moved her hand, this would have never happened.

"I," she began, a flat note, "I'm so sorry. This was all my fault, I..." He didn't say anything, so she glanced at him - he seemed to be avoiding her gaze, his head turned away from her, and that much more guilt pierced her like an arrow. "I...please forgive me. I, I should go."

She ruined everything, she knew. First her wing, now she had driven off the man she had grown to care for deeply...this was too much. Drawing the tatters of what was left of her dignity around her, she began to take her leave in measured steps. To run away like a criminal, even if she felt like one at the moment, was not something she could do; at the very least, she should ensure not to look suspicious to the night watch for Kent's sake.

"Fiora!" he called as she walked away. His voice sounded foreign to her ears.

She did not look back. It would break her if she had.

-end-