Sorry it's not an update for In Your Eyes (I am working on the next chapter!) but I'm starting a new series of one-shots focusing on the NH relationship. As I listen to my iPod, I hear songs that remind me of Naley or trigger plot bunnies so I decided to start writing some stories based on those songs. It's a nice way to break writer's block with IYE. These one-shots will vary in length and tone-some will be fluffy, or smutty, or angsty, depending on the song inspiration. Some may be interconnected but most will be separate stories. The stories may be set in canon, may be AU/AR, who knows?

This one-shot is inspired by the Wakey!Wakey! song "What If We Got It All Wrong?" It's set in the future and is AU. It's a quick one-shot I wrote this evening so apologies in advance for rambling nonsense or spelling/grammatical errors. This probably sucks but it was a niggling story I just had to write so I could get back to IYE.

The title of the series is taken from a lyric in Tyler Hilton's song "I Belong."

(And disclaimer: not mine. The lyrics in italics belong to Wakey!Wakey!)

I hope you enjoy! Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

It's been long enough that I can think of you

It doesn't hurt so much when he thinks of her now, years after they ended their relationship. For the first two years after the break up, merely hearing Haley's name brought a deep, aching pain that he thought would never heal. His friends and teammates grew accustomed to his ever-changing mood swings whenever her name was mentioned or Nathan glimpsed any petite young woman with long auburn hair. The pain would turn to anger to depression to self-loathing to cursing Haley and finally, back to pain. Rinse, repeat.

The first couple of years are a blur to him now, merely endless days of drowning himself in alcohol and women in desperate attempts to forget the one woman who stole his heart so long ago. He thought he'd never move beyond the vicious cycle until one day, he woke up and realized it was the first night since they broke things off that he hadn't dreamt of Haley. Slowly, painfully, he began to allow himself to heal, to move on from the broken dreams he once shared with her. It was the most difficult thing he had ever done, to finally be okay without Haley in his life.

Once he accepted this new reality, he threw himself into it. He refocused on basketball, he studied, he mended old friendships and made new ones, he healed painful wounds with his family. He became the man he once was, only this time without a petite spitfire as the motivation.

So now, years past the break up, he can think of Haley and smile. The ache is still there, it always is, but it's less. The years have softened the sharp edges of his grief, turning it into a more gentle pain that he can live with. In his most philosophical moments, he can even thank Haley for turning him into the man he is today, for all the struggles he's experienced over the last six years have forged a new strength in him he never thought possible.

So we tried our best, but it wasn't enough
And we tried so hard that we fucked it up

Even though it hurts, he sometimes looks back on his relationship with Haley and tries to pinpoint where it all went wrong. It's a futile gesture though, because he thinks they would have ended no matter what. But in his more fanciful moments he chooses to believe otherwise.

He was the popular basketball star of Tree Hill High, the guy every boy wanted to be and every girl wanted to date. She was the smart bookworm who stuck to her close group of friends, content to walk the halls of high school in shadows. Their worlds collided one day when she was assigned to tutor THE Nathan Scott. It was instantaneous attraction on his end, though he still doesn't understand why. Sure, Haley was, and still is, the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, but his instant connection with her was deeper, more honest and true than anything he had and has ever felt. Whatever it was, he can't explain it and doesn't really care to.

Although Haley was hesitant to believe Nathan's intentions were true, she eventually gave in and agreed to a date. That first date led to a whirlwind of a relationship and soon, Nathan found himself falling ridiculously head over heels in love. Haley became his whole world, and he hers. He began thinking in terms he never imagined—of changing his plans for college in order to be close to Haley, of marriage and kids and most importantly, of giving up his dream of playing in the NBA because the thought of being away from Haley for so long wasn't something he was willing to accept.

They burned so brightly, so quickly, that no one and yet everyone was surprised when their relationship ended. The end began innocently enough: a few fights here and there that soon increased in frequency; Haley pulling away from Nathan as graduation approached and Nathan lashing out. The slow simmer of the destruction of their relationship grew to a boil one night three weeks before graduation. Haley confronted Nathan when she discovered that he had lied about not receiving a basketball scholarship from Duke. She had received a full ride from Stanford, her dream school, and Nathan couldn't entertain the thought of being thousands of miles from her. So he told her that Duke hadn't offered him a scholarship and that instead, he had received one from a junior college near Palo Alto, where he would only be a 15-minute drive from her. She believed he was giving everything up for her, something she didn't want. He tried to explain he wasn't losing his dream, that his dream had changed, but Haley couldn't, or wouldn't, believe him. Harsh words were exchanged, and the next thing Nathan knew, he was telling Haley that their relationship wasn't worth all this fighting and maybe they should just give up.

Even now, he can still picture the look of devastation on Haley's face at those words. But she never fought him on it, never fought for him, so mere months after their first encounter in the tutoring center, when Nathan's entire world changed whether he knew it or not, they were over.

Yeah, I could've done much better for you
But you could've done much better for me I'm sure

Maybe he should have fought for her, done more to convince Haley that he wasn't giving up anything for her. He could have explained it better, made her understand that without her, basketball meant nothing. He was in love with Haley, completely, irrevocably in love with her. His relationship was more than just high school sweethearts gone wrong. He felt it was forever, but when push came to shove, he let her slip through his fingers without a fight.

Although it's easy for him to shoulder all the blame, he knows Haley has her part. She could have believed him when he told her what he wanted and not assumed she knew what was best for Nathan. She could have fought more when he said they should end things, insisted that they needed to be together because she loved him and he loved her.

But Nathan knows they were just a couple of dumb teenagers, dealing with their first real relationship. They didn't understand, not really, the ramifications of their actions. They were young and in love and thought the world was theirs for their taking, until things got rough and instead of fighting through, they gave up.

When he looks back on their relationship, with the clarity years and pain has brought him, he understands they never could have lasted the way they had been. It was for the best, he convinces himself as the years go by. He was too immature, Haley too untrusting in her belief of them. Their relationship would have crashed and burned eventually, and ending it when they did saved them both worlds of even more pain. Or so Nathan tells himself.

What if we got it all wrong?
What if we got it all wrong?

But in his reminiscences of the past, he wonders if maybe they were wrong to end things. Maybe they could have lasted, would still be together today if he hadn't been such a hothead and Haley so acquiescent. Maybe they'd be married by now, happy and still ridiculously in love. Maybe…maybe…maybe…

It's that thought that keeps him up some nights—the idea that he and Haley could still be together and that ending their relationship was the worst mistake he could have made. He looks at his life and is generally content. He loves his job, he has great friends and finally has a healthy relationship with both his parents. He spoils his niece and nephew rotten, and he and Lucas, his brother, have never been closer. He has a good life, a satisfying life, but there is something missing. During the quiet parts of the night, when it's just him and the darkness, he knows it's not a something but rather, a someone who's missing. He's content with his life and everything in it, but he knows he won't be truly, perfectly happy as long as Haley isn't in his life.

He loved her as an immature, selfish eighteen year-old boy, he loved her as a bitter, angry, depressed man, and he loves her even still, as a fully realized man who knows exactly what he wants. He loves her even more now, six years after their break up, than he did while they dated. Back then, he was a starry-eyed teenager in his first real relationship. That naïvete didn't cheapen his love for her then, but now, he loves her with the grace and honesty and messiness and truth of a man who's experienced the brutal ups and downs of love.

He loves her, he has always loved her, and even though it took him a long to accept it, he will always love her.

It's been long enough that I can speak to you

Over the years, he's heard through Lucas details of Haley's life—how she graduated from Stanford with honors and began teaching, eventually moving back to Tree Hill to teach to be closer to family. The fact that she dated but never had a relationship for long, as if, according to Lucas, "she's looking for something she used to have." That she's happy, she has a good life, but like him, something seems to be missing.

So after a particularly sleepless night, when thoughts of Haley and the "what ifs" and "might have beens" of their relationship keeps him restless, he makes a decision. He reaches into his bedside drawer and pulls out a slip of paper. Hastily scrawled in his brother's chicken scratch writing are ten digits.

Taking a deep breath, he picks up his phone and dials the number, mind racing as the phone rings on the other end. The call is answered and his heart leaps when he hears the voice that has stayed with him for six long years.

"Hello?"

"Haley? It's Nathan."

What if we got it all wrong?
What if we got it all wrong?

fin