Matthew,

I don't know what I did wrong. Why wouldn't you at least give me more of an explanation...? "I've found someone else"... I don't understand. I thought you were happy with me, that we could go on forever in our own little world, our little bubble of happiness. Ah... Matvey, you're sleeping under the stars tonight, aren't you? I know that you love them, all the pretty patterns they form in the sky... I love how they can each be so alone in their own patch of the sky and still glow so brightly, like the finest, most well-polished diamonds... People can't be like that, though. Everyone needs someone to care about them...

Oh, Matvey, I can't sleep. I keep going outside to sit on the porch swing and think instead of sleeping... But it's not the same. With you there, it was a peaceful silence, one where I knew everything was going to be alright... Now, it's almost uneasy, and I'm so confused... I miss holding your hands in mine, Matvey, they fit so perfectly... Even the sunrise is different. I miss watching it with you, miss our whispers, the sweet kisses we shared in the soft light of the dawn... It just feels so... Empty...

I can't help but wonder... Would you explain it to me if you knew how much I wondered...? I haven't gotten more than a minute of sleep, Matvey, I'm too caught up in my thoughts. Wondering what I did, if it was something I did, why you left me, why you went to that... Why you went to Gilbert... Matvey, I thought we were something... Special... Are you recreating that feeling, that wonderful feeling of love that I felt towards you with him...? I want to know so much, Matvey, and you're the only one that can answer my questions...

I wonder... Would you explain it all to me if you knew that I haven't stopped thinking of you for even a second...?

Oh, Matvey, I can't take it any more... I can't stand seeing you so happy with anyone else, let alone him... I can't stand seeing you so happy with the one that causes all of my pain... I don't want to live. I just want to see you smile at me, feel you wrap your arms around my waist and kiss me on the cheek... Tell me that it's all going to be okay... Oh, I might smile all the time, but I do it... So no one will see the pain. My happiness is false, a mask... If anyone would bother to look, they would see the sadness, the pain in my eyes...

I bought a coil of rope just for this purpose. Silly clerk, he believed me when I said I wanted to build a tent for my little sister... I know you aren't happy, Matvey. I think that you'll be happier... After I'm gone.

Ah... Matvey, did you ever notice the little things we shared...? A love of the cold, snow, the stars... Did you notice that our eyes were almost reflections...? Blue-violet and red-violet, reflecting old pain, sadness, new happiness back to each other... I know that soon, I will be forgotten... Forgotten, by everyone but my sisters. I wonder if they'll keep the yellow color of my room from fading, fading into gray... I think it'll make you at least a little happier to know that Katyusha will be getting my sunflowers... I know that you are her friend.

I'm not happy anymore. I can't be. I can't stop the flood of memories... Of sweet moments we shared, kisses, everything about us. Every time I close my eyes, I can't help but see them... Oh, Matvey, everything is 'used to' now... Used to be your boyfriend, used to want to live, used to be happy.

I slung the rope over my shoulder as I climbed the tree, up to a branch that would be high over my head if I stood underneath. It was hard to keep my balance; for a moment I thought that my plans might go out the window and I would die another way. Wobbling, I tied the rope around that branch. I just barely saw you come running into the yard as I draped the noose over my shoulders. You were yelling; I couldn't hear what, over my thoughts. Would I float up, high above the earth, or would I sink down to burn? I shook off those thoughts- I couldn't bring myself to care.

I sang a last verse as I walked forward, to my death.

"When violet eyes get brighter, and heavy wings grow lighter, I'll taste the sky and feel alive again! And I'll forget the world that I knew, but I swear I won't forget you! Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past, I'd whisper in your ear- Oh, darling, I wish you were here!"

I took a last step and fell.

The noose pulled tight, and I knew no more.

A sixteen year old boy by the name of Ivan Braginski was found hanging from a tree in his backyard late Friday night. Another young man, presumably one of his friends, was found kneeling on the ground next to the deceased teenager, crying. He said that he tried to stop his friend, but he was too late. There were three letters on his desk.

One was addressed to "My dear Matvey", saying:

I love you, Matvey. Even after you left me, I never stopped loving you. Maybe you'll be happier if I'm gone. I only want you to be happy, Matvey.

A second was written for his sisters:

I love you, my dear sisters. Kat, keep my sunflowers, keep them alive for as long as you can. They are my present to you. Natalia, I'm sorry I couldn't love you as much as you loved me. You can have my novels- I know you like the stories. Don't take revenge on anyone, please.

The third and final was written to "Everyone Else":

I have every right to be bitter. I have every right to say "Screw you, and screw the world," but I won't. I know I was... Different. I may have been unapproachable. I don't know why you hated me. I don't know why you feared me. All I can say is da svedaniya, goodbye.

This letter was read to his classmates. Many were in tears, possibly out of regret, but some seemed unaffected. There were a few that seemed downright amused with his untimely demise. They will be punished accordingly.

Matvey, I'm sorry. I understand now, and I forgive you, Matvey, it's alright. But you need to move on. I'm so much happier here; there is no pain. You can learn to love again, I know you can. I see what he's doing to you, but I can also see... You'll be meeting someone who can help soon. Please don't forget me, but... Find the one you can be happy with. And never forget... Ya tebya lyublyu, Matvey. I'll always be with you.