Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize...

A/N: It's alwasy bugged me, how easily Kono seemed to recover from almost dying. So I had to write this. Totally AU after 3x01 of course but hell, I don't even care about the canon plot-line very much coz it's disappointing more than one way.

Thanks to quisinart4 for being my amazing beta.

Tell me what you think!

On the first night after she'd nearly drowned, Kono wakes up tangled in her sheets, drenched in cold sweat, fighting for air. She takes short, sharp breaths through her open mouth, but her throat is all closed up and her lungs burn from the strain to keep her alive. Through the red haze of panic she realize that her limbs don't move, no matter how hard she wills them to do so.

For a moment she thinks that she's gonna die, her imagination roughly yanks her back to that moment just a couple of hours earlier when she was surrounded by water, unable to move, to push herself to the surface.

She forces herself to flatten her palms against the sheet, still noisily gasping for air, to remind herself that she's safe in her own bed. It seems to work, the tension in her muscles slowly fading, and the crushing tightness loosens around her ribcage as she takes a few deep, calming breaths. She crawls out of her bed, blindly stumbling out of the house and she walks towards the shore, barefoot in her sleepwear.

She stands in the shallow water, lets the gentle little waves lap at her calves, trying to find the inner peace she only could reach in the ocean but she can't take another step forward. Her limbs start to shake violently at the mere thought of diving into the water.

She doesn't move, just looks directly into the rising sun until her eyes start to water and burn and she wants to scream but she's afraid that once she starts, she won't be able to stop.

.

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The second time it happens, she's dreaming about being underwater but her hands aren't taped together and she's reaching for the rapidly sinking Malia when she startles awake, choking and terrified, clawing at her chest to tear off the invisible heavy weight that crushes her lungs painfully.

She thrashes around, kicking her legs out in sheer frustration, her short nails leaving little red half-moons on her skin and the pain snaps her out of her helpless state. She goes languid in a blink of an eye, still panting harshly into the quiet of her room.

She tries to go to the beach again but the first glance at the water leaves her shaking and dizzy with fear so she turns her back on it quickly and realizes there's just only one place she can go.

Steve opens his door after the third knock, doesn't ask anything just leads her to his guest-room and sits beside her until she falls asleep.

She sneaks out in the morning and neither of them mentions it the next day.

.

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If he's honest with himself, he's not even surprised that she turned up on his doorstep because where would she have gone, really? Chin is still mourning and Danny hates the ocean so much he probably would have suggested to her never to go near it again. But she knows his relationship with the water, hell, he even told her a few stories about him nearly drowning in his career. So yeah, not a surprise.

He sits beside her, watching her sleep with a tension crease between her eyebrows and he barely can hold himself back from reaching out and smoothing his thumb over it.

She's not there the next morning and when he sees her on the shore, staring at the ocean before Malai's funeral he walks up to her, squeezing her shoulder, telling her that he's there for her anytime.

Then Catherine calls his name and he can feel Kono tense up under his touch before moving away from him without a word. He feels disappointed when she chooses to hold Danny's hand during the service and not his.

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Survivor guilt, he tells her the next time she shows up at his door but she refuses to talk and he doesn't want to push. He just sleeps next to her on the wide expanse of the bed in his guest-room, calms her down when she wakes in panic, tucking sweat slicked strands of dark brown hair behind her ear, murmuring comforting words.

One morning he wakes to unfamiliar noises from downstairs and he nearly drops his gun in shock when he finds his mother there, making breakfast while quietly chatting with Kono.

She doesn't seem a least bit uncomfortable, sitting on a stool in one of his Navy shirts, accepting the plate of scrambled eggs from his mother with a small grateful smile.

Something twists inside of his chest, utterly new and scary and he lets himself be overpowered by the two women.

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Catherine is there one time and he can see the displeased slant of her mouth when he lets Kono in without a second thought. When she notices Catherine, she halts in the living room, looking lost and uncomfortable and so very fragile that he can't do anything but bring her a blanket and a pillow and lead her to the couch. Catherine goes back into his bedroom, being warily silent the whole time but he doesn't follow her. He sits down in the armchair closest to the couch instead, and stays there the whole night.

Catherine packs her things after the second time Kono appears in the middle of the night, telling him that it's lasted already longer than she'd ever expected and she's happy that he found someone he could actually love.

He wants to protest because he isn't in love with Kono but he stays quiet after he realizes that he's not in love with Cath either.

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After Kono learns about their break-up, she stays away for a while, leaving him confused and worried. She seems fine at work, not more worn out than either of them during a difficult case, so he's pretty much in shock when Chin tells him that she left Adam a few days ago but he doesn't know why.

Later that night he's the one who shows up at her doorstep, walking into her house without knocking and he finds her curled up on the couch with a glass in hand. He sits down next to her, taking the whiskey from her and he pulls her into a hug and she goes without a hint of resistance, she's so eager actually that she ends up on his lap, clinging to him desperately. She presses her face into his neck, taking a shuddering breath before going pliant with a sigh of content.

Suddenly something in the air shifts and she deliberately starts to rock her hips against his while her mouth opens against his neck, and her teeth sinks into his skin not so gently. He lets out a surprised groan and his hips thrust up on pure instinct, his hands settle on her waist, to stop or encourage her, he's not even sure.

He wants to kiss her, god, he wants it so bad but not like that and he wants to push her back but she's making those almost inhuman keening noises, like she's so desperate for some kind of release that she'll die if she doesn't get it. And she wants it from him and that thought is enough to wake the possessive, borderline animalistic side of him and he finally shifts under her, sneaking a hand into her pants and helps her ride the tension out of her system.

She apologizes later, not looking him in the eye and he's suddenly afraid that she's never gonna get near him again.

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Almost two weeks passes before he sees her again outside of work. She takes his hand and leads him down to his private beach and starts to speak while staring at the ocean, trembling the whole time.

She tells him every nightmare, every detail, every half-breath she barely could force down into her lungs. She tells him how guilty she feels about her survival while Chin lost the love of his life. And finally she admits that she can't make herself to go into the water anymore because of the overwhelming terror of helplessness.

He doesn't say anything, just pulls her close and she starts to cry for the first time since she almost died. She shouts and screams, making mournful, inarticulate noises like a wounded animal but he doesn't care, he just holds her firmly to let her know he'll always be there for her.

After she calms down, it's him who takes her hand and leads her towards the water. They are waist deep when she can't take it anymore, begs him to get her out, clinging to his shoulders. He caresses her cheeks gently, telling her that it's okay, they'll try tomorrow again and kisses the corner of her mouth lightly.

She stays the night but this time they sleep in his bedroom with their limbs tangled together.