A/N: There is a plethora of Doctor Who references. If it looks familiar, it's probably because I'm directly quoting an episode. I only reference 9/10/11 because those are the only series I've seen, but I'm sure that the other Doctors are wonderful.
Also, as it turns out the invention of Sour Patch Kids came about in the 1970s as a result of UFO sightings. Unless of course the internet lied to me. Which is entirely possible.
Everyone knows about Phil Coulson's obsession with Captain America. The long-dead soldier is Coulson's role model, and Tony personally thinks Coulson's crazy for trying to live up to Cap's reputation and that it's entirely unfair that Coulson expects Tony to live up to Cap's reputation, but he does.
Tony doesn't think he'll ever forgive Steve Rogers for being the world's first superhero. The man's shoes are way too big to fill. Literally. Tony knows because Coulson has some of Steve Roger's old clothes.
Tony thought Coulson was going to kill him the day Tony decided to play dress-up.
Being around someone obsessed with Captain America isn't new to Tony; after all, he had Howard Stark as a father. Tony's actually the one who gave Coulson the last card he needed for a complete vintage set of trading cards.
Tony keeps the prototype shield for himself. He's a bit of a Cap fanboy as well. Not that he'll admit that to anyone.
Anyways, it's a mundane Wednesday (Tony hates Wednesdays, it seems like there's so much week left and the day always drags on and on), and Tony actually shows up to the SHIELD meeting on time, because Coulson has promised a surprise.
If it's surprise paperwork or surprise Natasha's actually a double-agent, Tony's going to be pissed. He'll probably boycott meetings for the next month.
Right now, Tony, Clint Barton, and Natasha Romanov make up the SHIELD team that deals with major threats. Tony's heard rumors that they're tracking down Bruce Banner which is pretty sweet. Tony wouldn't mind another genius on the team.
Tony and Clint are flicking a paper football back and forth (Clint's accuracy is completely unfair) when Coulson comes in, a manila folder gripped lightly in his hands. He puts it down on the table in front of his chair and looks over the top paper—the meeting's schedule—even though Tony's sure he has it memorized.
"Good afternoon," Coulson says, the same as every other meeting. If Tony hadn't already scanned Coulson to make sure he wasn't a Cyberman or just a regular robot he'd be worried at the precise patterns Coulson follows. And the disturbing lack of emotion he shows.
"Good afternoon," Clint chirps back, a grin flashing across his face.
"Suck up," Tony says. He gets a middle finger from Clint and a quirked eyebrow from Coulson.
"I would like you to meet the newest member of your team," Coulson says and he turns towards the doorway.
"Banner?" Tony asks, because as cool as a guy that can conjure lightening is, the foremost expert in gamma radiation is even cooler. Like, on the same level as bow ties and bunk beds. Ooh, speaking of, Tony needs to make sure his suit is ready for the charity event he has this weekend. He shoots off a quick text to Pepper so she'll take care of it.
When he looks up from his phone, a young man is ducking into the room. His plain white shirt strains against his chest and clings to his biceps, and he gives a shy little wave and then rubs the back of his neck, and that's when Tony notices the comb over.
Tony's eyes widen and he does a double-take. Plain white shirt, khaki pants that are too old to be in style. Blue eyes, blonde hair, jacked. Holy shit.
Tony turns to Coulson who is trying his hardest not to stare at the man next to him. "Did you wish really hard?"
A light blush rises up Coulson's face, tingeing his cheeks pink.
"Hey, I understood that reference," Clint says.
Tony has a moment to be impressed that Clint's seen Doctor Who before Steve Rogers is speaking. "That was a reference?" His eyebrows pull together, wrinkling his forehead, and he looks confused, like a lost puppy and nothing like the footage Tony's seen of Captain America.
"Oh, you have so much to learn," Tony says, flashing Steve a bright smile. "Luckily, I'm a fantastic teacher."
"Uh," Steve says. He looks to Coulson for help, but Coulson doesn't answer, he's too busy staring like he can't believe that Steve Rogers is standing before him, alive and well.
"Rule number one," Tony says, propping his feet up on the table, "the Director lies."
"Stark," Coulson says, snapping out of his awe in time to be reprimanding.
Tony just grins.
Tony is given the responsibility of easing Steve into the modern era. Clint was first choice, but then he was sent on an op in Eastern Europe. Natasha was second choice, but then she was sent to find Banner before the army got to him.
Tony would've pitched a fit and refused to help, because he was called in as the last resort, but this is Captain America, and it means he has an excuse to get out of SI work. So he pitches a bit of a fit, but at 9am sharp on Friday morning, he shows up at SHIELD with two travel mugs full of coffee.
Steve is in khakis and a white v-neck again, but his hair is damp like he just got out of the shower instead of laden with product.
"Coffee," Tony says, handing a travel mug over. "In a container that keeps it warm. Also, travel mugs reduce waste, because they're reusable unlike Styrofoam or paper cups. Important lesson, 21st century is all about the environment."
Steve smiles, a tentative quirk of his lips that makes Tony feel like he's accomplished something. He makes his new mission to coax a real smile from the man in front of him. For the sake of the team, of course.
"You're behind important technology for that," Steve says. "The arc reactor. Renewable energy."
He looks like he's waiting for Tony to say good job or for a pat on the head (not actually a puppy, Tony reminds himself). "Yep, that's me. Tony Stark's saving the world. Iron Man's saving the people who live in it."
"That's really good of you," Steve says, honest and earnest, and Tony's starting to understand why Howard wasted so many years looking for this guy. He's unreal.
"You're unreal," Tony says because apparently he has no brain to mouth filter today. "Drink your coffee."
Steve looks down at the cup in his hand, and then back up at Tony, and the adoration is gone, replaced with something vulnerable, hesitant. "I, uh, I appreciate you bringing me this, but I don't drink coffee."
Tony's brain shuts off, restarts, plays back what he just heard. "You what?"
A blush creeps up and over Steve's cheekbones. "I don't care for the taste, and caffeine has no effect on me."
Super soldier. Right. Tony downs his cup of coffee and takes Steve's. "More for me then. So, what do you want to do first?"
Steve looks down at the ground and then his eyes flit back up to Tony's. "They haven't let me go outside yet."
Tony's mouth drops. They've imprisoned Captain America? There has to be some sort of law against that. Tony reaches out and grabs Steve's wrist. "That's settled then. We're breaking out of here."
They're in the middle of Times Square, and Steve is simply standing there, taking everything in; the sights, the sounds, the distinct city odor, and Tony figures he should probably text Coulson so SHIELD doesn't deploy teams to find and rescue Steve Rogers.
Tony to Coulson: I stole a super soldier and ran away
Coulson to Tony: You didn't run far
Tony to Coulson: Do you have cameras on us right now?
Tony looks around, wondering if they've hacked into the security feeds in the city or if there's a team following them.
Coulson to Tony: Captain Rogers is looking overwhelmed. Perhaps you should've eased him into modern cities
Tony doesn't need Coulson telling Tony how to do his job, but he grabs Steve by the wrist and drags him to Central Park anyways. He buys a soft pretzel for himself and a hotdog for Steve, and they settle down on an outcropping of rocks to eat and watch people mill about the park.
"It's loud," Steve says after a chewing and swallowing his first bite of hotdog. "I mean, New York's always been loud, and the war was loud, but the ice was quiet." He looks past the joggers and the bikers and towards the skyline that's broken up by skyscrapers. "Everything seems louder because of it. Even people talking."
Clint and Natasha are both quiet people, and Tony figures that's probably part of the reason they were the first choices. Tony's anything but quiet. He's animated and loud, and moves from one thing to the next, too fast for most people to handle, and he wonders if maybe he should tone himself down.
He dips his pretzel in mustard, and takes a large bite, because if he's eating then he's less likely to talk.
On their third trip into the world, Tony decides to take Steve to a movie, because they had movies in the 40s so it shouldn't be too overwhelming.
Steve hesitates outside the theater and Tony asks, "Everything all right?"
Steve forces a smile and heads into the air conditioned building. "I got beat up a lot outside of the pictures."
"Right, you were a regular rebel as a kid."
Tony buys them two tickets to Twilight then drags Steve to the concession stand to buy the largest bag of popcorn he can find and a package of Sour Patch Kids. He sees Steve eyeing the Raisinets and Tony rolls his eyes and shoves the Sour Patch Kids into Steve's hands.
"Live a little."
Steve frowns.
"Raisinets are boring," Tony explains. "Sour Patch Kids are not. The yellow ones are the best."
Steve tries an orange one, and he makes a face when the sour dust touches his tongue and Tony laughs and leads him to the main theater.
They sit in the first raised row so Tony can put his feet up on the railing.
"I think that's against the rules," Steve says.
Tony rolls his eyes but he drops his feet to the ground. A moment later, he grabs a handful of popcorn and tosses it at the couple in the floor row that are making out.
"Tony," Steve hisses.
Tony sighs. "You're no fun. I thought you'd be more fun."
Steve angrily chews a Sour Patch kid. "I used to be fun. And then I grew up."
In the shadowed light of the theater, Tony can see the way Steve curls in on himself, the way his eyes don't quite focus on anything, and Tony recognizes a man with troubling flashbacks.
"Don't worry," Tony says, tone brighter than he feels, "I'll soon fix that."
After the movie, Tony brings Steve to one of those old-fashioned diners that looks like a silver bullet on the outside and like a picnic threw up on it on the inside. The floor is a terrible white and red checkerboard that's giving Tony a headache, and the seats are red vinyl, the kind that your legs stick to when it's too hot.
"The uniforms are more low cut than in my day," Steve says.
"Are you checking out the waitresses?" Tony asks, arching an eyebrow.
Steve blushes right up to the roots of his hair. "No, just observing."
"Observing?" Tony laughs. "Is that what they used to call it?"
He's still laughing when Steve's straw wrapper hits the side of Tony's cheek. He looks down at the little white scrap of paper and then over at Steve who still has his straw in his mouth, his lips curling into a smile.
"Did you just?" Tony looks back down at the straw wrapper, unbelieving.
Steve shrug, his blush still lingering on his face. "I'm trying to remember how to be fun."
Tony grins and blows his straw wrapper at Steve.
When Tony gets back to the Tower after a long day of Steve-sitting, he has two missed calls, one angry voicemail, and several angry texts from Pepper, and he's trying to figure out whether he should care or not when something crinkles in his jacket pocket.
He frowns and sticks his hand in, and he pulls out the bag of Sour Patch kids. It's full of yellow ones.
Tony's not sure how he gets pulled into the Bruce Banner case. Apparently Natasha's found him, but he refuses to come in with her. Tony doesn't completely blame him. Natasha is terrifying. He wouldn't go anywhere with her.
Still, SHIELD has to be pretty desperate if they're sending him as the 'it's okay you can trust me' guy.
Tony ties up a project, signs a bunch of paperwork without Pepper's prompting, and he even shows up on time to a meeting in a clean, unwrinkled suit. All in one day.
At the end of the meeting, Pepper pulls him aside, looking worried. "Is everything all right?"
Tony flashes her a smile he knows she doesn't trust. "Of course. Is now a bad time to tell you I'm taking a vacation?"
Pepper takes a deep breath and releases it slowly, the way she does when she's trying not to reach out and strangle him. Tony takes a small step backwards, just in case.
"Vacation?" she asks after a long moment.
"SHIELD stuff. Classified. They need my expertise. Don't know how long I'll be gone." Tony leans in, pecks her on the cheek, and disappears before she can tell him no.
Tony has to take a SHIELD jet to get there, because Pepper won't let any of Tony's pilots on his private jet so Tony passes his flight to Calcutta thinking of witty things to text Steve and thinking about Bruce Banner.
The man is a genius, but after an accident that turned him into an uncontrollable monster he'd been bouncing from city to city, never staying in one place long and never going to the same place twice. Tony knows what it's like to try and run away from yourself.
He also knows a thing or two about trying to make up for the bad you've done which is why he isn't surprised to see noted in Banner's file that he likes to go to third world countries and offer free medical services.
What Tony also knows, is that Banner would be a fantastic addition to their team. He knows that Fury wants the Hulk on the team, because supposedly it's indestructible and packs a pretty powerful punch, but Tony's interested in the scientist. He wants someone that understands him, someone he can bounce ideas off of, someone who thinks that pulling all-nighters to try and invent a sonic screwdriver is normal and should even be encouraged.
When Tony gets to the small shack Bruce is calling home, the man already has his bag packed and it's resting by the door.
The man in front of him, a nervous, ruffled looking guy in a fraying tweed jacket gives a little smile. "I promised I'd let you talk but then I'm leaving." He nods towards the bag.
Tony notes the train ticket resting on top of it. He thinks about tearing it to pieces, but that might not be the best impression.
"You've been running your whole life," Tony says instead. "Now it's time for you to stop."
Bruce's eyes flicker with recognition, and his smile grows. "That's your plan? You're going to come and quote Doctor Who at me?"
Tony grins. "Is it working?"
Bruce hesitates then says, "Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?"
"They never really stop." Tony laughs and claps Bruce on the shoulder. "Excellent. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can move onto bribery. I have an impressive R&D division of my company, I have a personal set of labs, and I'm a genius. Three very good reasons to come and work with me."
"It's not you I'm worried about," Bruce says.
It's not a no, and Tony can work with maybe. "Who are you worried about? Natasha? I mean, she's terrifying, but she's on our side, well, I'm pretty sure she's on our side. No need to worry about her. Clint's a jackass every once in a while, but not a threat. And Steve is squishy and adorable and you definitely don't need to waste your worry on him."
"That was not reassuring at all," Bruce says, but he's smiling a little. "I don't want to be tested on. And I don't want to be some freak. And I don't want to be a weapon."
"You won't be. Come back with me, stay in my tower. I'll protect you from them." Tony shakes his head at Bruce's incredulous look. "I'm not sure how many different ways I can tell you that I'm excited about you, Bruce Banner. You're brilliant, and I like brilliant people. It's why some people call me a narcissist." Tony grins. "So, come back to Manhattan. We can invent things. It'll be great. Like slumber parties except without sleeping. And without pillow fights. Well, probably without pillow fights."
Bruce is looking overwhelmed. "If I say yes will you stop talking?"
Tony grins. "Never."
Tony brings Bruce back to Manhattan and it takes Bruce less than ten minutes to unpack the bag he's been touring the world with which is good, because Tony's not feeling particularly patient.
As soon as Bruce puts his toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter in the bathroom, Tony's grabbing his arm and pulling him down to give him a tour of the labs.
Tony loses track of time after that. At first they talk shop, throwing out multiple syllable words and scientific names, and Tony feels like he could talk to Bruce forever. Talking eventually gives way to doing, and they start running experiments and then the lack of sleep and decent food kicks in, and Tony gets into crazy invention mode.
This is the headspace he was in when he came up for the blueprints of his very own sonic screwdriver. This is the headspace he was in when he realized that he needed to create an AI to watch over him and record everything in case the Silence ever invaded. This is the headspace he was in when he created Emperor, his pet Dalek.
At some point Tony and Bruce are sitting on the ground (it's too much effort, too much energy to stand and that energy is much better directed into the design for Bruce's new pants), and they must drift off to sleep, because the next thing Tony remembers is the click of Pepper's heels on the floor.
"Get up," she says, cutting through his haze of sleep.
There's no pity in her voice, no scrap of compassion, and Tony groans and brings his hand up to shield his eyes, because he's tired, and it's bright in here and—
"JARVIS," Pepper says, "Increase lights by 20%."
"This is cruel and unusual punishment," Tony protests. Beside him, Bruce makes a pitiful sound and slips to the floor so he can curl into a ball, his arm flung over his head to block out the light.
"You brought Bruce here and trapped him in the lab until you both passed out from exhaustion, possibly dehydration. Is that how we treat our guests?"
"Our very special ones, yes." Tony wants the light to go away. He wants Pepper to go away. He wants to sleep.
"Tony." There's a warning note in Pepper's voice, the one that makes him try and pay attention. "I know what you're like when you get a new toy, but since you and Dr. Banner are both humans, you need to come upstairs and eat. And then sleep in a real bed."
Oh, that wasn't so bad. Tony pulls himself to his feet and then nudges Bruce with his foot. "You hear that, big guy? Food then sleep."
"Sleep now," Bruce mumbles.
"You could have a bed."
"Beds are overrated."
Tony turns to Pepper to give her a 'what more do you want from me' shrug. She sighs and wraps her fingers around Bruce's wrist and yanks, and Tony is impressed with how strong she is. She gets Bruce halfway off the ground before he slips through her grasp and hits the floor hard enough to jolt him awake.
"Right." Bruce fixes his glasses and wipes his mouth. "Awake now. Apologies."
Pepper eyes the torn suit jacket and stained dress shirt with a critical eye. "We're going to have to get you new clothes. You're a member of the Avengers, and if you're living here then you also reflect Stark Industries."
She heads towards the door, giving Bruce no opportunity to protest. Bruce and Tony trail after her, like lost little ducklings.
Tony's caught up in a haze of sleep and trying to sort out what is actual work that he and Bruce did and what is weird snatches of dreams which is why it takes him until they're almost in the kitchen to realize that Pepper's unhappy with him. And not in her usual, exasperated and a little annoyed but will easily forgive him unhappy, but actually unhappy.
"Uh," Tony says, and he pauses outside the kitchen, motioning for Bruce to go ahead without him. "Pep?" She stops walking but she doesn't turn around and she doesn't respond. "Pepper?" She stays with her back to him. "What did I miss? I swear I'll make it up to you. Bruce and I were working on designs. Not just for him, though I think that stretchable pants definitely could be marketable. Maybe not as pants but the fabric could have all sorts of uses, and I can get to work on the next phone model, you know I will, I just—"
Pepper turns around, and the sharp look in her eye is enough to cut off his rambling. "I'm not the only one you should be apologizing to," she says and then she's walking into the kitchen and saying, "Good morning Steve," in a warm, pleasant tone that Tony's not going to hear again for at least a couple days.
And then it registers who Pepper's talking to, and Tony remembers how he'd invited Clint and Natasha and Steve to live in the Tower and then he'd run off to get Bruce and then he'd buried himself in the labs, but that's what Tony Stark does. He gets distracted by brilliance and good things come out of it.
All of his excuses mean nothing when he steps into the kitchen and sees Steve hunched over his plate of eggs, pulling his elbows in like he's afraid he's taking up too much space. His eyes flick up to Tony's and then drop back down, and he shoves some food into his mouth, giving him an excuse not to talk.
"Hey," Tony says trying to feel like less of a dick. He's going to need a lot of coffee and some apology inventions before that happens.
"Hey." Steve's voice is soft, his smile tentative.
Tony heads straight to the coffee machine. While it's brewing, Clint and Natasha wander in both looking way too far awake for, actually, Tony has no idea what time it is right now. He's guessing morning, because Steve is eating eggs, but who knows.
"Wow," Clint says, his eyes going wide. "You look like shit."
Tony half-heartedly flips him off and chugs his first cup of coffee before putting his mug back for a refill.
"I'm trying to design Bruce a pair of pants that won't rip to shreds when he Hulks out," Tony says. "And I think better when sleep deprived."
Pepper snorts into her coffee and then she gives everyone a little wave and leaves now that her job of pulling Tony out of his workshop is done.
"You want an omelet?" Bruce asks, holding up the frying pan.
Tony's mouth waters. "Is that even a real question? You're brilliant and you can cook? I should've tracked you down earlier."
Natasha coughs, claiming Tony's attention. "You tracked him down?"
Tony flashes her a grin that's all bravado. He knows that she could kill him with any object in the room if she felt like it.
Steve gets up and brings his plate to the sink.
"Hey Cap," Clint says, eyeing the remaining eggs. "If you're not going to finish that…"
Steve hands the plate over and turns to Natasha. "Will I see you in the gym later? Sparring?"
"Of course."
Tony quickly forgets about breakfast and people being unhappy with him, because he has SI stuff to catch up on, and Fury's harassing him about a new jet design, and all Tony wants to do is figure out the mystery of making Bruce pants.
Well, it's not all he wants to do.
"I don't see why you won't let me," Tony says, following Bruce into the kitchen.
Bruce has been surprisingly good for Tony. He hasn't let Tony get sucked into his workshop for inventing binges since that first time. He makes Tony come out regularly for showers and food, and Tony's starting to wonder if maybe Bruce has actually been recruited by Pepper or maybe even Fury to keep Tony alive instead of to be an Avenger.
"You're not scanning my brain," Bruce sighs because they've been arguing this on and off for two days now. This is the first time the conversation has made it out of the labs though.
"I'll show you my brain scan," Tony offers.
Bruce rolls his eyes and looks in the fridge to see what they have. He decides to make egg salad, because he knows they have eggs only he can't find them. He looks behind the Bisquick where they usually are and then in the fruit drawer, because sometimes Tony makes midnight omelets and then doesn't put the eggs away in the right place, but they aren't there either.
"What're you looking for?" Tony asks.
"Eggs." Bruce frowns and scans the fridge again.
"Eggs." It's an unfamiliar voice, yet a terrifyingly familiar one as well and Bruce spins around to see a miniature Dalek rolling towards him, a carton of eggs resting on its head. "Eggs," it repeats approaching him. "Eggs."
Bruce scrambles back. "What the hell, Tony! You created a Dalek?"
Tony smirks. "Just call me Davros."
"You're insane!" Bruce points to the thing that probably isn't any taller than his waist, and he's reasonably sure it's not going to blast him out of existence but this isn't the kind of thing you mess with.
"Why are you being so loud?" Clint asks, wandering in. He spies the Dalek and nods. "Ah, you've met Emperor."
"Emperor?" Bruce turns to Tony. "You have to be kidding me."
"Not kidding." Tony's grin widens. "Isn't he adorable?" He plucks the carton of eggs off Emperor's head and hands them to Bruce before giving Emperor's head a fond pat.
Steve is the next one to make it into the kitchen, and his face lights up when he sees Emperor. "Hey, Emperor. How are you doing today?"
"Feelings are irrelevant," Emperor says.
Steve's smile drops off a bit. "Yeah. So you say every day. One day that will change."
The Dalek whirs and bumps up against Steve's leg. "Do not blaspheme! Do not blaspheme!"
Steve chuckles and pats Emperor's head before going to investigate the contents of the fridge.
"I'm making egg salad," Bruce says as he puts a pot of water on to boil.
"Ooh egg salad," Clint says. "I'm in. Nat's not." He looks back at Emperor. "Your robots are pretty cool."
Tony smirks. "Bowties are cool."
Bruce's head snaps up. "Fezzes are cool."
"Bunk beds are cool."
"Stetsons are cool." Bruce grins.
Steve's looking back and forth between them like they're speaking a foreign language; he knows that they're talking and understanding each other, but he has no idea what's going on.
Some of his frustration must be showing his face because Clint jumps in and says, "You know what else is cool? Exploding arrows." He gives Tony a pointed look.
Tony sighs and sinks into his chair. "Everyone is so demanding of me."
"Yes," Clint agrees drily, "your life is so difficult." He rolls his eyes. "How long until lunch is ready?"
Bruce shrugs. "Half an hour?"
Clint grins and tugs on Steve's sleeve. "Want to dodge some arrows?"
Steve hesitates but when Emperor rolls over to coo at Bruce he nods and follows Clint out of the kitchen.
Tony browses the news on his tablet, skipping over the World News headlines and then going to the science section. He gives those a more thorough perusal, and he even clicks on some of the articles.
He looks up after yet another article debating whether fish oil is good for you or not, and Steve is slinking through the living room, his steps slow and measured so his feet make barely any sound when they touch down.
"What are you doing?" Tony asks.
Steve gives him an irritated look and holds a finger to his lips. "Hide and seek."
Now Tony is really confused. And a little interested. Who is Steve playing hide and seek with? If they're babysitting for mini-heroes then Tony's going to be annoyed.
He follows Steve into one of the spare bedrooms, and he watches, interested, as Steve presses his ear to the wall. A small smile tugs at his lips, and Tony is impressed with how serious Steve's taking the game. And then he's a little sad, because games aren't supposed to be taken seriously. They're supposed to be fun.
Tony's about to propose a game of strip chess or Twister or something that doesn't double as a training exercise when Steve throws open the doors to the closet.
"Aha!" he exclaims.
"Alert! Alert!" Emperor whines, shooting out of the closet. "We are detected! Alert! Alert!"
Steve laughs as Emperor's turret rotates, the spinning becoming more and more frantic.
Tony's mouth drops. Steve's playing hide and seek with Tony's robot Dalek? He's not sure whether to laugh, because only Steve Rogers would play with a robot or to be angry because Steve would rather play with Tony's tech than with Tony.
"This is a child's game," Tony says, deciding on angry. He's used to angry. He's good at angry. "It's stupid."
Steve's face falls, crumpling in on itself, and Tony feels like the world's biggest jerk.
And then Emperor's plunger is bumping up against Tony's leg. "Do not blaspheme! Do not blaspheme!"
"What the hell?" Tony asks. Is his Dalek siding with Steve over Tony?
Steve laughs and heads towards the door. "Come on, Emperor. We'll play where no one can judge you." Steve's smile drops off his face as he give Tony a sharp look and then Steve's around the corner, and Emperor is following him, and Tony's left alone in his spare bedroom wondering what the hell just happened.
Tony's in a business meeting, listening to proposed plans for the Stark Tablet update when his phone barks out, in Fury's clipped tone, "Avengers Assemble."
Tony has no idea how Fury has hacked Tony's phone, but he's on his feet in an instant, and picking up the call. "Stark here." Tony ignores everyone in the room who's now staring at him, charts and Apple upgrades forgotten. Tony has a harder time ignoring Pepper, because she's biting her lip in that way that means she's nervous but knows better than to try and stop him. He busies himself opening up his briefcase so he can reach his armor.
"Hostage situation at the Central Park East High School," Coulson says as the armor starts snapping into place. "The classrooms have been evacuated, but there are students trapped in the cafeteria and the library."
Hostages and kids? Tony doesn't like this. His helmet latches on and the call's transferred to the suit. "ID on who's behind this?" Because Tony's going to show up and blast them to hell. Kids should be left out of villainy.
"Kid genius," Coulson says. Pepper opens a window for Tony to fly out of, and he gives her a little wave before leaping through. "They think public schools are subpar and that if they're destroyed then everyone will have to go to private school."
Kids kidnapping kids? This just gets better and better. "They give geniuses a bad name." Tony's about five minutes away, and he wonders if he's going to have to alter his blast on sight plan. "We're not killing them, right?"
"Last resort. Steve is negotiating the release of the hostages from inside the library. Hawkeye and Black Widow are looking to break into the cafeteria to free the kids there. We need you in the air in case things go south."
"You pulled me out of a meeting to play back-up?" Tony pauses for a moment. "You're my favorite. Did I ever tell you that?"
"Focus, Iron Man," Coulson says.
Tony has a moment to wonder why Coulson had referred to Steve by his given name and everyone else by their code names before Clint's voice is coming through the comm.
"Two hostiles in the cafeteria. One at the entrance and one at the doors that lead outside. I don't see any guns, but one of them has some sort of remote."
"Bomb?" Coulson asks.
"I don't think so but don't rule it out. Widow, what's your position?"
"In the ceiling. I have a clear view of both hostiles and the students. They're lined up along the windows to discourage snipers."
"I've got a clear shot of both hostiles," Clint says. "They're not as clever as they think they are."
"Good. Hold position until further orders," Coulson says. "I'm switching on Steve's bug, hopefully he's planted it."
There's a crackle of static and then Steve's voice is coming through.
"…me. I'm not here to harm you."
"You expect us to believe that you're just some guy?" It's a young voice, male, full of scorn. "We're not stupid. We know who you are. You're Captain America."
"Only when I'm in uniform," Steve says. "Right now, I'm Steve Rogers, and I'm offering myself in exchange for the hostages. The fact that you know who I am means that you know I'm a more valuable hostage."
Tony panics for a brief moment. When Coulson said they were sending Steve in, he'd meant Steve. No uniform. Does that mean no shield?
"He's out of uniform," a second voice says, also male. "And he doesn't have his shield. He's difficult to harm or kill, because of the serum but not impossible."
"On one condition," the first voice says. "We'll only turn the hostages over to Dr. Banner. Dealing with your level of intelligence is insulting to us."
Tony sucks in a deep breath, but Steve doesn't appear to be offended.
"Let me place a call," Steve says and Tony hears a cell phone ringing before Steve's on the comms, his voice echoing as the bug picks up what he's saying directly into the phone. "The two gentleman have agreed to exchange the hostages for me provided that Dr. Banner is the one who comes to see the hostages to safety."
"That can be arranged," Coulson says. "Bruce, do you copy?"
There's a soft sigh. "I don't like it, but I'm on my way."
"Dr. Banner will be here shortly," Steve says.
"Stop talking," the second boy orders. "You're all muscle and no brain. Exactly what's wrong with America."
Tony seethes inside his suit and wishes he was doing something other than standing on the roof of the school waiting for orders.
Tony tracks Bruce's progress and shifts buildings so he can watch Bruce walk up to the doors. A moment later, one of the boys, short with an unfortunate bowl cut opens the door.
"Dr. Banner," the boy says, a little breathless. "So glad to meet you."
Tony can't see Bruce's face, but he imagines the man grimacing. "I wish it had been under better circumstances," Bruce says.
"You could work with us," the boy says. "After we finish dismantling the shoddy excuse for a school system, we're going to create a new one, and we could use teachers."
"Thank you for the offer, but I'm content with my job right now."
Tony has no idea how such a mild-mannered, easy going guy doubles as the Hulk. Tony would've snapped at the kid ten minutes ago and probably botched up the hostage transfer, but Bruce is calm, collected, and if he's pissed off, Tony certainly can't tell from his voice.
The boy continues to try and persuade Bruce to switch sides as the hostages trail out. Bruce gives them each a warm smile and a gentle touch to the shoulder as they pass him by, and as soon as they reach the street, they're running towards the waiting NYPD officers.
There's crying and shouting, and Tony tunes it out as he focuses on the line snaking through the school. Finally, he spots the last person and as they walk out the door Tony can't help but say, "The students have left the library. The students have been saved."
"Iron Man," comes Coulson's warning.
"Something's not right," Clint says. "Hostile is activating the switch."
There's a moment of calm terror as everyone holds their breaths, waiting for an explosion. It's a little anti-climatic when it doesn't come. And then Tony notices that Bruce is twitching and scratching at his arms and, "Oh shit. They've messed with Bruce. He's about to Hulk out."
The words barely get out of Tony's mouth before the Hulk explodes out of Bruce and starts growling.
"Hawkeye, Widow, non-lethally dispatch the two hostiles and get the hostages out. Steve, take down the hostile in the library with you."
Tony can't do anything but watch as the Hulk picks up the boy and tosses him into the air.
"Iron Man," Coulson begins.
"Hostile is airborne," Tony says, cutting him off. "I'm getting him. Who do I give him to?"
"Black van behind the NYPD line," Coulson says. "Those are our people."
Tony zooms up to catch the kid before he plummets to his death, and he hears the shattering of glass and then screaming, and he figures that Clint must've made his move.
"We've got a situation," Steve says, his voice too calm to bode well. "Hostile is secure, but he activated something before I subdued him."
"What do you mean by something?" Coulson asks.
Tony catches the kid and turns back to the school, his sensors on. "Shit. There's a bomb. Steve, you're closest. There's a back room in the library with a staircase that leads down to the archives."
"Woah!" the boy says, tapping Tony's armor. "You're Iron Man!"
"And you're in deep shit," Tony says back before flying him down to where Hill and Sitwell are waiting. They grab the kid and immediately get him into handcuffs before hustling him into the back of the van.
Tony returns to hover uncertainly by the door.
"Anyone think it's a bit quiet?" Hawkeye asks. "Shouldn't the Hulk be rampaging?"
Bruce. Tony's eyes hone in on the Hulk who's currently face down on the ground, having indented the sidewalk from where his face implanted. There are about a dozen tranqs sticking out of his back.
"NYPD tranqed him," Tony says. "He appears to be down for the count." No sooner are the words out of his mouth then the Hulk starts to stir. "Or not. I'm going to try and run interference."
"Don't get yourself hurt," Coulson says which Tony takes as permission.
He lands on the ground next to the Hulk's head, far enough away to be out of immediate reach but close enough that he'll be the first thing the Hulk sees.
"I've located the bomb," Steve says. "I'm making my way up to the first floor. Do we have a team to deal with it?"
"They'll meet you at the entrance," Coulson says. "Iron Man, what's the Hulk situation?"
The Hulk starts to stir, blinking one large eye open.
"Hey there," Tony says. He gives a little wave. "We were fighting, but we've handled everything. I need you to stay calm, because there are a lot of civilians around, and we don't want any of them to get hurt, right?"
The Hulk's getting more aware by the second, and Tony can see the fog being lifted, revealing barely repressed anger. That's not good. "Hulk. Bruce. Whoever you are in there, listen to me. You need to stay in control. You know why? Everybody lives, today. Just this once, everybody lives."
The Hulk blinks again, and some of the rage seems to be pushed out. Tony wouldn't go as far as to say that he looks calm, but he looks accepting, and he slowly eases into a sitting position instead of rampaging about so Tony's going to count it as a win.
Steve bursts through the doors a moment later, and he holds the bomb out to anyone who will take it. The numbers are ticking down. Not enough time to deactivate it. Tony rapidly calculates the chances that he'll be able to get it up in the air and far enough up to not hurt anyone. He could do it. If he moves now, he could get it up in the sky and the only casualty would be him.
He lunges towards Steve, but the Hulk beats him to it, snatching the device out of Steve's hand.
"What are you doing?" Steve asks. He jumps up to grab it back, because the bomb team has just arrived, but the Hulk only shakes his massive head.
"Everybody lives," he answers and then puts the damn thing in his mouth.
"What the hell," Tony says, and he stares for a moment, before snatching Steve off the ground and propelling them away from the Hulk, because Tony's pretty sure that bomb's still going to go off, and he doesn't want them getting hit by it. Or any bits of Hulk flesh.
Tony brushes that thought aside.
"Iron Man, put me down!" Steve shouts, twisting against the unforgivable metal of the suit. "The Hulk just ate a bomb!"
"You can't save him," Tony says.
Steve's protest is lost in the muted sound of an explosion. It's still loud enough that Tony's ears are ringing, and when he looks down, he sees the Hulk flat on his back, steam coming out of his ears and nostrils like a freaking cartoon.
"No way," Tony says and he flies Steve back down to the ground.
Steve's immediately at the Hulk's side, four fingers pressed to his neck, desperate for a pulse.
"He's alive," Steve says after a moment like he can't believe it. "He's alive."
Tony laughs, unable to believe it, and he grabs Steve in what has to be an uncomfortable hug.
"Everybody lives!" Tony shouts and he punches a fist into the air.
A week later they're called out to deal with the team of female geniuses who wanted to finish what their male counterparts had started.
They dispatch them easily, but the Hulk destroys two classrooms and wrecks the outdoor basketball courts.
The team assembles around Bruce's cot in medical once it's all over to do their debrief, because Tony refuses to leave Bruce lying unconscious and alone.
"Bruce is unconscious again," Tony says as Cap troops into the room. He tugs off his cowl, and he has a line across his face, dirt smeared where his face had been exposed and clean where the cowl had protected him. "Must be a Saturday."
Clint snorts. Coulson almost cracks a smile. Even Natasha's expression softens into something that doesn't make Tony fear for his life.
Steve pulls Tony forward and starts running his hands through his hair, checking for bumps. "Tony, it's Tuesday. Do you have a concussion?"
Tony lets himself get distracted by Steve's hands massaging his scalp before the words process. "What? No! No concussion. It's a joke. A reference. I—That's it. We're getting you up-to-date with TV's best show. As soon as Bruce is out of medical. This has gone on long enough."
"What?" Steve asks and he looks even more lost than he had before.
True to his word, as soon as Bruce is awake, Tony heads up to the living room and puts in the first disc of Nine's arc. He spent his 2-hour Bruce shift debating whether to start at the very beginning or maybe the end and go backwards, but he decided the first would take too long and the second would be too confusing so from there he had to figure out what Doctor to start with.
It helped that Clint refused to watch anything that came before Nine claiming that once was enough. Tony's offended that Clint doesn't appreciate older cinema and curious as to why Clint ever watched One through Eight in the first place. Actually, Tony wants to know why Clint every watched Doctor Who at all, because it didn't seem like his kind of show.
Tony doesn't have a lot of time to try and puzzle that one out because then everyone is joining him in the living room; though, Bruce is leaning heavily on Steve, and he's still looking out of it.
"The Doctor is in," Tony says, grinning at his joke.
"Doctor who?" Steve asks.
"Exactly!" Tony flops down on the couch. "Come on, it's TV time. Emperor will put the popcorn in."
Everything is good until the sixth episode when Steve meets the Daleks for the first time. He looks from the screen to Emperor, who is resting against Steve's leg and back to the screen.
"Emperor's not going to hurt you," Tony promises as the Dalek on screen threatens to kill Rose. "He's not actually a Dalek."
Steve rolls his eyes. "I know that. Just," Steve frowns at the screen. "Why?"
Tony shrugs, hoping that Steve will buy it. He doesn't, and Tony drops his voice so their conversation is more private even though he's pretty sure Natasha and Clint both have super hearing.
"I watched this show as a kid, and the Daleks were scary. So I made one. Fun fact, I made JARVIS, because the Silence are also creepy as shit, but you won't meet them for a while. Still haven't found a good way to protect myself against the angels."
Tony hazards a look at Steve, and he's surprised to see that Steve isn't looking mocking or concerned. He's just looking, and it makes something warm blossom in Tony's chest. At the same time, though, Tony wants to curl up, move, because he doesn't people looking at him like that; like they know, like they understand.
Finally, Steve turns back to the screen, but his knee nudges Tony's. Tony fights back a smile and leans his own knee into the touch.
"There's an easy solution to this problem," Pepper says.
"No."
"Tony—"
"No."
Pepper's silent long enough that Tony looks up to see if she's gone. She's not. She's still standing against the wall, arms crossed over her chest. When he looks over, she captures his gaze, and Tony knows he's trapped.
"Tony," she begins again, endlessly patient.
Tony pouts. "I don't want to."
"You've spent two months trying to invent pants for Bruce, but there's an easy solution, and you have projects for SI and SHIELD to complete which means give up on getting Bruce pants or call Mr. Fantastic."
Tony makes a face. "Don't call him that. That's a stupid name."
Pepper rolls her eyes. "I want the latest potential applications of arc reactor technology by lunch tomorrow."
Tony sighs and throws himself into his chair as she leaves. He hates asking for help. He especially hates asking for help from Reed Richards. Seriously, Mr. Fantastic? What the hell kind of superhero name is that?
But, Pepper's right. The Fantastic Four have uniforms that can withstand fire, being stretched, and going invisible. He bets they could withstand the Hulk as well. Which means he has to make a call.
Richards picks up the phone when Tony calls which is what happens when you're a genius but broke, you have to answer your own phone.
"Reed!" Tony exclaims, false cheer in his voice.
There's a moment of silence. "It's Dr. Richards."
And this is why Tony hates working with this guy. He's got a giant stick up his ass. "Fine, then I'm Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Stark. Though, I prefer Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All."
Another pause. "What do you want Stark?"
Some people have no sense of humor, Tony thinks. He's so glad he's not one of them.
They're blowing through Doctor Who. It helps that no one's trying to take over the world and that none of them sleep well. They watch an episode during lunch (which has the added bonus of dragging Tony out of his lab long enough to eat) and then they watch from dinner until they start falling sleep.
Steve likes Donna, and he's unhappy that she's only in one episode (Tony has to bite his tongue so he doesn't ruin anything), but then the next episode is about Shakespeare, and Steve's excited because he knows Shakespeare so he gets all the references. It's almost as good as the first time Ten said allons-y, and Steve sat straight up and said, "Hey, I know that word!"
But then there are two episodes that not only have Daleks but are set in 1930s New York, and Steve is quiet all the next day.
After they watch Blink, Tony catches Steve practicing how long he can stare without blinking. Tony would laugh except Weeping Angels are scary as shit, and it turns out that Steve can keep him eyes open until they water and then he can still keep them open. The real reason Tony doesn't laugh is because he wants Steve to be on his side in the event of an angel takeover.
The morning after they watch Blink, Tony sneaks up behind Bruce and whispers, "Don't blink. Blink and you're dead."
Bruce Hulks out and wrecks half a floor in Tony's tower. Once Bruce is back to himself he sets some important ground rules. No referencing the angels. No drawing tally marks on him. And absolutely no whispering, "hey, who turned out the lights?".
The Avengers go to their first formal function, and Tony's the only one who isn't uncomfortable. Well-tailored suits are a second nature to him, and so is bullshitting which means charity functions are right up his alley.
Bruce looks terrified, but Tony's not sure if it's because of all the people here or because he's in a suit that costs more than the rest of his wardrobe put together. Natasha's eyes keep flicking about the room for threats, but she doesn't seem too concerned. Tony suspects it has something to do with the heels she's wearing. They could easily kill someone.
Steve, Tony is surprised to note, is managing to hold his own. He looks stiff and like he'd rather be anywhere but here, but he hasn't actually run away, and he's even managing to be charming. Tony supposes this isn't too different from the USO tours. Probably better, because Steve's in a plain black suit and not expected to sing. Of course, he doesn't get to punch Hitler so it's a toss up whether or not this is better.
Tony lets some military guy (Tony should really be paying attention) pull him into a conversation about foreign policy, and Tony loses track of Steve for a while.
When he finds him again, Steve is inspecting the trays of appetizers that the wait staff are carrying around. The process is the same each time. He walks up to the young man or woman, politely asks what it is they're carrying and, more often than not, gives a polite smile and walks away.
"Nothing look good to you?" Tony asks, slipping up beside Steve.
He shrugs. "Not really. Besides, it's all so small I'd have to eat too many of them for it to matter."
Tony reaches his hand into his jacket and pulls out a banana. "Always take a banana to a party," he says and hands it over.
Steve takes it, and flashes Tony a brilliant smile, because they've seen Girl in the Fireplace so Steve gets that reference, and Tony pretends that that's not the entire reason he's been carrying a banana around all night. It's just, so much of modern culture is pop culture references and navigating how everything has come from something else, and Steve's missed so much that he's often left not understanding jokes or the full significance of something.
Steve starts to peel it, and he looks over at Tony, his smile lighting up his eyes now. "Good source of potassium!"
Tony laughs and they brush shoulders, and Steve offers him a piece of banana.
Tony's in bed, catching a few hours of sleep when his phone lights up, and Steve's voice says, "Allons-y Avengers!"
Tony sits up, looks at his phone, and he has a text message from Steve that says, In case you didn't realize, that's the new Avengers Assemble call. Link into comm. system for the debriefing.
Tony laughs and stumbles towards his nearest suit of armor. Allons-y Avengers. It has a nice ring to it.
Fifteen later, Tony's on the jet arguing with Coulson about the best strategy for dealing with the threat. It turns out giant ice monsters dropped from the sky and landed in Antarctica, and Tony would've let them have the continent except they apparently destroyed a research base, and Coulson's afraid of them getting loose on the rest of the world.
Tony thinks that once they get there he should zoom through and blast them with his repulsors and that everyone else should hang back so they don't get hurt.
"I'm not sitting still and doing nothing," Clint says. "They're giant blocks of ice, right? I'll use my incendiary arrows."
"If I sat out of every fight where my opponent was bigger than me," Steve pauses, "well, I never would've become Captain America."
Tony sighs and turns to Coulson. "My way makes sense. There's no use endangering anyone else. It's not like they're going to make it off Antarctica before I can deal with them."
"No," Coulson says. "When I said devise a plan, I meant a team plan not a solo plan."
"Clint can shoot arrows from the jet, and I can fly in. There, team plan."
Coulson doesn't do anything as obvious as cross his arms over his chest, but he gives Tony a level stare. "No. There are eight ice giants out there, and I'm not going to put up only two of my team against them. Hawkeye will use his arrows but stay in the jet, Widow will use the jet's weapons, Captain America and the Hulk will be on the ground, and you'll be in the air."
Tony wants to point out that Bruce hates having to Hulk out, and they can fight this battle without him. He also wants to point out that Steve has spent the whole trip, uncharacteristically moody, clutching his shield tighter and tighter the colder it got outside. Tony's not sure Steve's going to be okay once they drop him onto a giant slab of ice.
Coulson wins that fight, and Tony's pissy as he flies out of the jet with Steve in tow. He's careful putting Steve on the ground, and he hovers for a moment, wondering if this is a bad time to ask if Steve's all right, but then there's an ice spear hurting towards them and Steve dives one way, and Tony dives another and then they're split up and fighting, and Tony figures he'll just ask him at the end of it.
They're struggling, because it turns out that the giant part of ice giants was not exaggerated. If anything, it wasn't given enough stress, because these things are bigger than the Hulk, and they're almost as hardy as he is.
It takes Clint five arrows (one in each eye, two in the mouth, one in the chest) to take one out, and then he's only got five incendiary arrows left. Cap's doing a good job keeping another giant distracted, but he's not making any progress in killing it, and Tony's repulsor blasts are too slow so the giant gets a shield of ice up, before they hit and the blast melts the ice but by the time Tony's firing another one, there's a new shield.
Tony's started to get cranky, and a little worried, when they hear a crack of thunder and then suddenly a man in a red cape is hurtling towards the nearest giant. The giant throws up an ice shield, but the man plows through it, leaving the giant in shards on the ground.
"Uh, what?" Tony asks.
"Giants first," Coulson says. "Newcomer, second."
Turns out, the newcomer's name is Thor. He claims to be a god. Tony thinks he's just a powerful alien.
He also declares himself The Mighty Defender of Earth, and Fury shrugs and adds him to the Avengers roster.
Tony's not sure what to do so he invites the guy back to the tower to thaw out with the rest of them after their stint in the Antarctic.
They curl up on the couch with blankets and hot cocoa and Doctor Who. Tony curls up against Steve's side, because Steve's body is warm which is nice because Tony's is cold but also because Steve's warm but he's still shaking, and this is Tony's way of offering comfort.
Steve wraps an arm around Tony's shoulders and drops mini-marshmallows into Tony's cup every time Tony runs out, and he makes a face when Tony presses his cold nose into Steve's neck, but he doesn't smile until they start Partners in Crime and Donna's face appears on screen again.
Thor meets Emperor the morning after he joins the team, and Tony's honestly a little nervous about it, because he's not sure if Asgard has tech, and he's a little afraid that Thor is going to smash Emperor with his hammer, or short circuit him by accident.
It turns out that Tony didn't need to worry, because they're all around the breakfast table, in various stages of awake when Emperor rolls in.
Thor leaps to his feet, presumably to meet their foe, but when no one else shows any signs of alarm, he looks imperiously down at the robot. "I am the Prince of Asgard."
Emperor's light flashes, his way of blinking. "Titles are not meaningful in this context."
Thor frowns. "I do not understand."
"Titles are not meaningful in this context," Emperor repeats.
Thor's frown deepens. "I do not understand."
"Oh my goodness," Tony groans quietly, because he feels like he's watching a train wreck. Or a failed first contact. Next to him, Steve's trying his hardest not to laugh.
"Tell him your name," Steve suggests.
"Oh." Thor's smile returns. "I am Thor, Prince of Asgard."
Emperor whirs. "Titles are not meaningful in this context."
Bruce face palms.
Thor adds some upheaval to their lives when he first arrives, because he's an alien so they have to explain a lot of things to him, and he sometimes underestimates his own strength or overestimates the hardiness of Earth objects (he accidently rips his bedroom door off the hinges), and he talks loudly and often, but after a few days they settle back into a comfortable routine.
Work and SHIELD training in the mornings, more training in the afternoons, and then team bonding in front of the TV in the evenings.
The first night they watch after the Antarctica trip, Tony goes back to sitting with an acceptable amount of space between him and Steve, but when Steve comes back from refilling the popcorn bowl he sits down so he and Tony's legs are brushing.
After that, it just becomes a thing, them sitting side by side while they watch Doctor Who. Sometimes Tony rests his head on Steve's shoulder, sometimes Steve rests his hand on Tony's knee.
Tony doesn't ask, because he's afraid to ruin whatever it is they have going on, and Steve never brings it up.
Steve also starts popping down to Tony's workshop. He loves machines and figuring out how things work, and he can appreciate Tony's blueprints and designs even if he doesn't always understand them, and Tony finds that he likes having someone down in the workshop with him.
Steve's there to ask questions so Tony can talk through his process, and sometimes Steve just sits and looks awed which is good because Tony loves an audience, and sometimes Steve sprawls out on the couch with a paperback or his sketchbook, and they coexist, and Tony's kind of freaked out by how not freaked out he is by all of this.
It's one of those lazy afternoons where Tony is tinkering with the Iron Man suit, cleaning it up after a rough battle, and Steve is humming to himself as he sketches broad strokes, pausing every once in a while to tap his pencil against his lips.
"Ugh," Tony says, scrubbing at a particularly resilient spot. After a moment he throws the towel in, well, out maybe and tosses it across the rom.
It happens to land on Emperor, the grease stained scrap of fabric draping over Emperor's eye socket.
Emperor starts whirring, distressed. "My vision is impaired! I cannot see!" His turret starts rotating, but it isn't enough to shake off the towel. "My vision is impaired! I cannot see!"
Tony's halfway across the room to rescues his robot when he hears Steve laughing. He whips around, and Steve is clutching his sketchbook to his chest, and his entire body is shaking, and his head is thrown back, and he's laughing, because Tony's pet Dalek is having a towel crisis.
Emperor does not share in Steve's amusement, and he's now bumping into the wall over and over. "My vision is impaired! I cannot see."
Steve's laughter is contagious, and Tony's chuckling as he cautiously approaches Emperor. "Calm down, buddy, and I'll help you out. There you go, stop moving. Nicely done." Tony whips off the towel, and Emperor relaxes. "Sorry about that." Tony pats his head, and he goes back to work on the suit.
Steve leaves at some point, Tony wasn't really paying attention, but he left a roughly drawn sketch of Emperor's battle with the towel in his wake. Tony grins and hangs it up.
Tony kept weird hours even before Afghanistan, because genius strikes whenever it feels like, and Tony probably wouldn't be as successful as he is if he only got good ideas during 9-5 on Mondays through Fridays.
It's sometime after midnight, and Tony's camped in the kitchen with his tablet on his right and a bowl of custard on his left. He's tapping away with his right hand, and every once in a while he dips a fish finger into his custard and takes a bite.
The rhymtic tapping is soothing, and it calms some of the frantic buzzing that his thoughts do late at night/early in the morning, and he's just finished plotting a potential upgrade for the suit when Steve comes into the kitchen.
Steve's hair is gel-free, and it's sleep-ruffled, sticking up in every direction, and it makes him look younger than Tony's ever seen him, and it reminds Tony that technically, Steve's only a couple years past twenty.
Steve offers a sleepy smile and shuffles over to the fridge. He sits down at the table with a glass of milk, and he's halfway through drinking it when he seems to realize that Tony's eating.
His eyebrows pull together in a confused frown. "What are you eating?"
Tony smiles. "Fish fingers and custard."
"What?"
Tony brings a finger up to his lips. "Shh…spoilers."
"Doctor Who?" Steve shakes his head like he's having trouble believing this. "You live your life by this show, don't you?"
"It's fantastic," Tony says with a bit of Nine's lilt to his voice.
Steve laughs and snags a fish finger.
Two nights later, it's Tony's turn to find Steve in the kitchen late at night. Tony's possibly even more shocked than Steve had been, because when Tony wanders into the kitchen, the light is on and the oven is preheating, and Emperor is using the whisk that serves as a kind of arm to actually whisk.
"There you go," Steve says, proud, like he's talking to a kid and not a robot. "You want to wash your arm now?"
"I obey," Emperor chirps wheeling over to the sink. "I obey."
Steve chuckles and starts spooning the contents of the bowl into a white ridged bowl.
Emperor bumps up against Steve. "Eggs?"
"We have enough eggs but thank you."
Emperor pauses and then bumps him again. "Eggs?"
"We can make eggs when we're done," Steve says and he puts the dish into the oven.
When he straightens, he notices Tony, standing in the doorway, and Tony tries to act casual, like he's just arrived and not like he's been standing and staring, but he's not sure he pulls it off.
"What are you doing?" Tony asks, because it's always best to go on the offensive.
"I couldn't sleep," Steve says. "I came out here, and Emperor brought me a cookbook so I thought we'd have some fun."
Tony comes over to look, because he hadn't known he even owned a cookbook. The book's open to the baking section and when he sees 'Soufflé' written in large bold letters he can't help but laugh.
"Oh, you sneaky bastard," he says and flicks the top of Emperor's head.
"Soufflés are bad?" Steve asks.
"Spoilers," Tony says and Steve sighs.
"I feel like we've watched so much, and I still have so much to catch up on." He looks over at the timer. 25 minutes. "You want to start an episode?"
Tony should've known better than to watch Journey's End at 2:30 in the morning, but he's not very good at saying no to Steve, and even worse at saying no to watching TV with Steve, because it means sitting side by side, and Steve is warm and muscled, and Tony likes teasing himself with things he can't have.
They pause to take the soufflé out of the oven, and they keep watching as it cools. At the end, when the Doctor is saying goodbye to Donna, Steve sniffles and reaches for the soufflé, and the two of them end up eating the entire thing while trying not to cry.
Thor's a little confused about Doctor Who, either because they started in the middle of 10's era or because it's too foreign so he starts watching from Nine's first episode, and he doesn't have as much to do as the others, and he makes frightening progress.
One day, Tony's showing him how to work the TV and the next, Thor's proclaiming everything fantastic. And then he watches Blink, and it turns out, Weeping Angels scare the shit out of him.
Tony can't really judge, because Weeping Angels freak him out too, but the angels get him to thinking, and then he tries to distract himself from thinking by going down to his workshop, and the next thing he knows, it's been two days since he slept, and he's stumbling around upstairs looking for food, because it's also been too long since he last ate.
He's poking through the fridge for something that is both appetizing and can be eaten on its own (for example, hot sauce sounds good, but he shouldn't drink it straight) when Steve comes in.
"I was going to lead a search and rescue team if you didn't reappear soon," Steve says, and he sounds amused and not angry which is a new one for Tony. "Emperor will be disappointed that we're not going on an adventure."
"You're spoiling him," Tony says. He pushes aside the cream cheese (also appetizing, but that means toasting a bagel and that's too much effort), but nothing back there looks good. He sighs and shuts the fridge.
"Why don't I make you a sandwich," Steve says, herding Tony towards a chair. "And a little spoiling is good for robots every once in a while."
"Bullshit," Tony says, but there's no force behind his words. He sinks into a kitchen chair and suddenly he feels every hour he's been awake and every painful constriction of his stomach. He really needs to stop losing himself in his work for such long periods of time.
Steve sets a cup of tea in front of Tony and goes about fixing him a sandwich, and Tony's not usually a fan of tea, he prefers coffee, but the thought of caffeine right now kind of makes him want to cry, and the tea is warm and soothing, and so he drinks it, and feels his mind start to drift away from his body, the way it does when he's really tired.
"I watched Blink with Thor the other day," Tony says, looking down at his cup of tea.
"Really?" Steve layers on turkey and ham and cheese and reaches for the lettuce. "I thought you didn't like the angels."
"No one should have to watch that episode on their own." Tony takes a sip of tea. "The angels can send people back in time."
He looks at Steve for clues, but Steve's hands pause only for a moment before he lays the lettuce leaves across the top of the sandwich. Tony's been thinking about this for two days now. What would happen if Steve had a chance to go back to the 40s. To Bucky and Peggy and Tony's dad. Would he go? Would he miss the future? Would he be too relieved to be somewhere familiar to care?
Steve goes into the fridge for the mayo and the mustard. "I know, Tony."
Tony frowns into his tea, because Steve isn't dense. He doesn't always get pop culture references, and he's not a master of thermo-nuclear physics, but he's not stupid, and he's pretty perceptive. Which means he's trying to avoid a conversation or he's trying to draw Tony out.
Tony's too tired to remember that he's supposed to be carefully monitoring what he says. "If they were real, would you let them get you?"
Steve's hand pauses on the handle of the refrigerator. "Tony, they could send me anywhere. Maybe I could get back to the 40s. Maybe the 14th century. If they were real, I would be scared of them." Steve's facing Tony now, and he cautiously meets Tony's eyes. "There are people—things—I would miss if I got sent back in time."
"Emperor," Tony says, and isn't it just his luck that he's practically pouring his heart out to Steve, and Steve's thinking about how much he'd miss Tony's robot.
Steve sets the sandwich down in front of Tony. "Eat this and then go get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."
"Doubtful," Tony says but he bites into the sandwich.
Tony's a bit embarrassed when he wakes up the next morning, unusual for him, not because he wakes up hazy and tired and embarrassed, but because there was no alcohol involved.
He drags himself to breakfast, and he feels marginally better after two cups of coffee and some toast. But then Steve comes into the kitchen, and Tony remembers how he'd practically thrown himself at Steve last night and how Steve had just made him a sandwich and left.
Tony pours another cup of coffee and flees to his workroom.
It's just Tony's luck that that night they land on two episodes that involve angels. He's trying to figure out a way to escape without looking bad for skipping out on team bonding when Steve reaches out and gently guides Tony's head to his shoulder.
"You need to relax," Steve says, and his hand slips around Tony's shoulders, and Tony knows it's a bad idea but he slouches and makes himself more comfortable until he's tucked under Steve's arm, and he would be embarrassed except Steve is warm and his heartbeat makes such a nice, distracting sound, and before Tony's quite aware of what's going on, he's fallen asleep.
Tony's in his workshop the next day around noon when Steve comes down, and he doesn't have a paperback or his sketchbook, and Tony frowns and tries to think about if he's somehow missed a couple days. He hasn't. Last night was River Song and the angels, which meant that Tony ate dinner last night and breakfast this morning.
"Uh," Tony says, because he can't figure out why Steve's here.
"Would you like to get lunch with me?" Steve asks.
"I've already eaten one meal today," Tony answers and then he realizes that Steve has his hands clasped behind him, like he's standing at attention, and it's something he falls back on now when he's nervous, and Tony can't imagine why Steve would be nervous about lunch except, "Oh," Tony says. Steve's cheeks turn pink, and Tony's almost certain he's read this one right. "Are you asking me out on a date?"
Steve nods.
Tony thinks about the late nights in the kitchen and the nice evenings watching Doctor Who curled up together and the hectic missions and the quiet afternoons in the workshop, but it doesn't add up, because Tony's in the equation, and that always ruins the calculations. "Why?"
Steve tries for a nonchalant shrug and fails. "Because life is short and you are hot?" he offers.
Tony's mouth falls open, because not only is Steve Rogers asking him out, but he's using Doctor Who to do it? Forget lunch, Tony will shove Steve up against the wall and have his way with him right now. Hell, Tony would probably marry him on the spot.
Tony's mouth opens and closes and then he realizes there's only one appropriate response in this situation.
"I was not expecting this!"