Joss Carter was normally a woman of instant decision. She made tough choices every day. She raised a son on her own. She knew about decision.

Faced with John's obviously not-improving condition, she found herself unable to make any form of choice. Nothing seemed to help, and she hated seeing him suffer. So she found herself turning to Megan Tillman for advice.

It felt awkward, but Joss brushed that aside. This was for the good of the man who had saved her life, assured her that she was not alone, and then snatched her son from the jaws of death to deliver him safely back to her. This was snatching John back from the jaws of defeat.

So she explained to the doctor the nature of the problem. Megan sat back and studied the detective for a moment. Joss shifted a little under the scrutiny.

"Can I ask you a question, Detective?"

Joss nodded.

Megan looked at her for a long moment, "Have you been able to forgive yourself?"

Joss was taken aback. Forgive herself. The concept seemed alien. She had naively trusted and John was tortured because of it. He never would have been tortured if she wasn't with him, nor received the wounds that had become infected. His injured arm was her fault.

Megan smiled. "John's a big boy, he can take care of himself. He can take care of you, if you let him. You need to get past your own role in this, because what happened might have been inevitable. You cannot just decide to assume responsibility for it."

She looked down at her hands. "John once took responsibility for something that I wanted to do so badly for so long. And he was right. I had to let go of my part in something that I had no control over."

Joss nodded. "I see."

"Let him in Joss. Let John be what he so desperately needs to be. It's not about denying that you're a strong capable woman, it's about letting him do what he's hard-wired to do."

Insight was a precious thing, Joss thought. Thanking Megan, she left.

Insight may well have been precious, but putting it into practice was not going to be so easy. Carter had her doubts. John was a very private person, and damaged by his experiences. He was not just going to drop his defenses because she needed him to. Tricking him was out of the question. If he found out about it, given their history, he would never trust her again.

They were at her place, and Joss was on her forty-eight, so there was time. She had promised Taylor that the three of them would spend some quality time the next day, so she had all the time in the world.

Yeah.

Right.

All the time in the world to gently break through John's natural reserve, and repair damage that had begun years before Joss was even aware of the existence of her guy in the suit.

She was making chili, mild but still a little spicy, crunchy salad, tacos, and John was laying the table. Slightly awkwardly. That was probably the worst part. He might be ambidextrous, but he was left-hand dominant, he wrote with his left and this was killing him emotionally.

His arm was still in the sling. She noticed the way the dark material was pulled around his forearm, she could see that most of his hand was hidden back inside the thing, just his fingers protruding. His forearm curved close into his body. Almost as though he was ashamed of the limb.

She even noticed how suddenly he favored black, dark gray and navy shirts instead of the bright white linen that had become something of a trademark for him. All to camouflage the arm and the sling he deemed so shameful but was unable to part with.

Part of her wanted to switch the stove off, whisk him away to bed and hold onto him so he never had to face another demon as long as he lived.

Way to go, Joss. John is not a Disney Princess in need of rescue. He's a brave and intelligent soldier who needs a way out of this mess. Joss rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. Besides. If he didn't meet her at least halfway on this they were going nowhere fast.

Sure she could coax him, but he had to take the steps.

Getting him out of his clothes, so he was less able to take flight was the beginning of the plan. Not precisely a trick, but not exactly not a trick either. She hoped fervently that he would forgive her for that part. This had to be the whole package. She could talk the hind leg off a donkey if she had to, but she needed him as close physically as she could get him.

Dinner was a little stilted, but Joss worked to calm him, realizing that the day she had first met him, disheveled, stinking of cheap liquor and several other, more personal, hygiene issues she had been trying to get a result. Not really thinking of the man in front of her. In the months since, learning more about him, she still hadn't thought that much about the man behind the actions. Even after he was shot.

Perhaps that was why she had screwed up so badly and gotten him into this situation. Realising what Megan had said was also true, for whatever reason, John Reese was hard-wired to protect her, may be even love her. The kindest thing she could do for him would be to let him do what his noble soul demanded. Protect her.

Not that she was a Disney Princess either.

He followed her to her bed readily enough, and for a while she was content to lose herself in John's kisses.

She trailed her lips down, across his jaw, down his neck, the hitches in his breathing and the little noises from deep in his throat encouraging her. Across his throat down past his collarbones to the enticing v presented by his unbuttoned shirt. She savoured that moment, as her fingers slid to pop the first button free of its buttonhole.

He seemed content to stand and let her do whatever she wanted, and that was key, his right hand restlessly roamed her body.

It was a matter of a few seconds to unbutton his shirt and push it open. Now came the slightly tricky part, getting him out of his shirt and the sling supporting his arm. She traced her tongue over his right nipple, heard his gasp, moved to his left, her fingers calmly reaching for the straps of the sling as she teased with her tongue and teeth. He didn't try and stop her, as she pushed his shirt off his shoulders and the sling with it.

She took his hand then, tugging him closer so that his left arm curved around her. He was letting her lead, and she knew she would never have a better opportunity.

Almost holding her breath, Joss put her hand on his elbow, held his eyes with hers. "I'm sorry I didn't think." She whispered, "forgive me?"

He could not mistake what she was saying, "you know I do." The words catching in his throat. The look in his eyes nearly broke her apart.

Her hand feathered slowly up his arm to his shoulder. "Then maybe you ought to forgive yourself too."

His breath hitched again, but his arms closed around her tightly. She could feel the stiffness in his left arm, but his lips came down on hers, she could feel wetness on her cheeks, as his lips and tongue tasted hers, she closed her eyes and gave him everything in return.