AN: A big ole thank you for Beta-Chica Shar for spurring me on during this
whole thing and to Beta-Amiga Regina for spell checking for me. And all
lies other than Moulin Rouge and Smallville... and the underwear thing...
*looks at Shar* Are from the sheep. Check out that site! WOO! ^^ Oh yeah,
first humor attempt... right here. Lemme know what ya think.
Rating: PG? PG-13?
"Fact Me!" by Chiri
It wasn't unusual to see one Chloe Sullivan working at her computer in the Torch office. To see her grinning, working on the computer, or even just waiting for her staff to arrive wasn't either.
But to see her cracking up, completely, wasn't ... normal for her.
That is how Clark Kent found her.
The little blonde was laughing in shaky gasps, loud gawfs, and high pitched giggles. Fairly regularly, a simple tune that seemed to be baa-ed by a sheep continued in the background.
Baa-ed by a sheep?
Walking over to the editor, he was unnoticed. With a slight grimace that she didn't look up, he peered over her shoulder.
On her iMac, a website called "Fact Sheep" was up. A picture of white sheep on a hill looked a bit boring except for the "talk bubbles" that were from Sunday Morning Funnies offering up what he guessed were... facts.
"Pumice is made from tiny volcanoes." was the current so called... fact. Clark looked over to his friend who was almost gasping for breath between her giggle fits.
"Chloe?" he asked uncertainly. "What's so... funny? I mean, it's just a sheep."
"It's the FACT sheep!" she quipped, wiping at her eyes. "Hi Clark. I got this addy in my e-mail's inbox. It's just hilarious in it's understatement. Really."
With a click, the sheep declared that, "We don't know if there is life on Mars."
"PLUS.." she added, "It's British."
Clark reluctantly sat down, slightly unhappy. He was being ignored for a sheep. It wasn't even a REAL sheep!
With another baa the sheep let the world know that, "All people are addicted to oxygen."
Clark cracked a grin at the absurdity of the statement told by the black spotted sheep. It was slightly humorous... maybe. Chloe giggled aloud.
"It's... it's addicting." she admitted, clicking on the button saying "Fact me again!"
"How long have you been doing this?" he asked, incredulously.
"Ah..uh... an hour? Or so." she admitted before cracking up again. Where the normal fact sheep declared a fact, another white sheep disputed it.
"I wish to refute your so-called fact 'The word 'Rhythm' contains no vowels, which means that it is impossible to say.' It's actually pronounced 'rithem', which does contain vowels - a familiar trick of the English language. And I can say it perfectly well. Well, I could if I wasn't a sheep." the white sheep with a red bell declared, sending Chloe into a frenzy.
"Chloe, Chloe! It's NOT that funny." the dark haired boy said, placing his hand on her shoulder.
"It... it is!" she said, grinning up at him.
The Fact Sheep seemed to miss the attention of the editor because it tried to break up the warm fuzzy feelings by saying that "Hugh Heffner is one of the world's leading pornographers."
And then, he baa-ed that, "According to the label, Sainsbury's peanuts 'may contain nuts'." And that "Sheep meat is bad for you. Go eat a cow."
And even later that, "It'll all be over by Christmas."
Chloe was still smiling at Clark, Clark still had his hands on Chloe's back. And the fact sheep was one jealous scout.
"'Fact Sheep' and 'factsheep.co.uk' are both registered trademarks of me." he said, gaining Chloe's attention as the moment between her and the Kent boy had passed. However, to the sheep's displeasure, the boy's hands stayed on the editors back and now HE seemed to be watching as well.
"Lord Hailsham once told me, before he died, 'You're a sheep!'" he told them, after Chloe clicked again.
"You know Clark, we should expose this...sheep," she said, laughing again.
"Oh yeah, Chlo'. Belongs right up there on the wall." Although the comment would seem sarcastic, the humor in his voice was impossible to hide.
The Fact Sheep seemed to miss this comment. Perhaps if the iMac had been positioned towards the wall, he would of been able to fear that comment but he wasn't.
"In feudal Japan, firemen were usually the most vicious gangs around." the sheep admitted, still confused.
"You'd save me from the firemen if we lived in Japan, right Clark?" Chloe dipped her head back, grinning at her much taller friend.
Clark nodded, moving on of his arms around her waist, and using the other to tussle her hair.
Fact Sheep seemed to get mad. No one tussled her hair!
Sheep let out an a tirade of facts to interrupt them once again. But, no amount of "I know who killed Laura Palmer." or "The United States is one of the largest countries in North America." seemed to work.
Of course, neither did, "I like grass."
The white sheep tried to help with a burp, but that did nothing.
However, he found a winner once he started quoting pop culture. Specifically, Moulin Rouge.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return," seemed to make her uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to move out of the boy's grasp. The Fact Sheep wanted to baa in success!
"Does my bum look big in this?" made her laugh, but still not go back to the boy.
"Chloe?" a voice from the front door asked. "Can you come out here, I think Pete's royally messed up our sign."
Chloe looked up with a sigh and smile. That boy..
"Coming, Lan." Getting up, she looked at neither Sheep nor Clark, thankful to get away after that Moulin Rouge quote. Sitting so close to a crush after hearing that was... difficult. For once, Lana was a life saver.
Scooting into her chair, he clicked the "Fact me!" button.
"You can't always get what you want." Sheep told him.
Clark narrowed his gaze, and clicked again.
"Extra virgin olive oil must, by law, contain at least four extra virgins." Sheep baa-ed.
"Why do I have this feeling a sheep is baiting me?" the teen asked.
"I think, therefore I am!" Sheep cried.
"What is THIS?" Clark said, glaring at the screen.
"This is a sentence," Sheep said.
Clark tried not to glower.
"This is crazy. You are a sheep. No, you are not even a sheep. You a picture of a sheep on a web site!"
"I like blonde editors," the bovine admitted.
"WHAT?" Clark yelled.
Chloe poked her head in. Pete and Lana had been trying to put of the official number and title of the office up over the door, with little success. God only KNEW what they *really* had been doing. She had to try hard *not* to roll her eyes.
"You okay, Clark?"
"Yeah, up fine. The sheep just said something unbelievable."
"What did it say?" she asked, walking in.
"Uh just that... 'My best friend is Tony. He is a sheep.'" Clark said rather... well, sheepishly.
Chloe looked at him skeptically, before muttering something about wondering what he was REALLY doing to the sheep causing the boy to look away and get rather red in the cheeks.
After waiting for her to leave the room, Clark turned back to...the sheep.
"You *can't* be in love with her, your a sheep." He shook his head. "Your a website!"
"You can do it if you B&Q it," the sheep admitted.
"Come on, you aren't real." the ebony haired lad said.
"Come is both a verb AND a noun," the cheeky sheep told him. Clark both glowered and blushed.
"Really, you aren't real. Physically, impossible. Plus, all you offer is a bit of a distraction. You, a website, are just going to be around enough to be there but not enough for her to count on... Did I mention it's impossible?"
"Most people only ever criticize others for things they themselves are guilty of. S'true."
"I am not. I am her friend, we don't have a bad relationship." the boy retorted.
Sagely, Sheep told him that 'All relationships are emptying and temporary.'
Clark glared at the sheep and continued to until Chloe came back in. She ended up hanging the sign herself because Pete and Lana... "mysteriously" disappeared.
When she did come in, Sheep couldn't help noticing Clark's eyes get a slightly hopeful look or the grin she wore as she sat back down.
"Sorry 'bout that. You know how Pete and Lana are.. Anyways, you done molesting the sheep?"
"Chloeyyy." he said, dragging her name out, slightly annoyed but more amused.
When she clicked, Sheep offered up his best line for her. "I've never met a girl like you before." And she.. giggled. Sheep finally realized that his love for her would never happen, he decided to give the Kent boy a break.
The boy seemed still a bit angry but, hey, he would fix that.
"You always hurt, the one you love," Sheep spouted.
Chloe sat back in her chair, and began the clicking again. It wasn't long before Clark once again seem to intentionally put his arm around her and then, then Sheep got to work.
"All you need is love," and "Edible underwear is your friend," seemed to make each of them a little bit more... nervous... of each other.
"Kissing is fun," and
"Deep Thought was just a pun on Deep Throat," seemed to make both of them laugh a more bit nervously. Finally, he spilled the beans.
"Clark likes Chloe."
The blue eyed reporter's eyes went wide as the farm boy seemed to look around the room before glaring at Sheep.
"Really?" she asked in an awed voice.
"Chloe also likes Clark," Sheep answered, happy with himself.
Clark just gave her a goofy grin.
"ALL RIGHT!" she exclaimed. Then, rather quickly, she brought her arms around his shoulders, and her lips to his in a rather amorous fashion.
Clark grinned to him self, winked briefly at the sheep, and joined in happily with the little blonde.
Sheep was very happy with himself. For about five minutes. When he realized that they were NO where near stopping, he spoke up.
"I am a Sheep!"
"Pete and Lana are making out in the girl's locker room."
"Lex Luthor fancies flannel."
"I think he's taping this."
"You two should really go get a barn."
"I didn't know people could go with out AIR for so long."
"Can you say monkey three times fast? Monkey, monkey, monkey!"
"It's a long walk to the nearest pub, and I'm gagging for a pint."
"....Anyone fancy a pint?"
"Are you guys done YET????"
-end-
Rating: PG? PG-13?
"Fact Me!" by Chiri
It wasn't unusual to see one Chloe Sullivan working at her computer in the Torch office. To see her grinning, working on the computer, or even just waiting for her staff to arrive wasn't either.
But to see her cracking up, completely, wasn't ... normal for her.
That is how Clark Kent found her.
The little blonde was laughing in shaky gasps, loud gawfs, and high pitched giggles. Fairly regularly, a simple tune that seemed to be baa-ed by a sheep continued in the background.
Baa-ed by a sheep?
Walking over to the editor, he was unnoticed. With a slight grimace that she didn't look up, he peered over her shoulder.
On her iMac, a website called "Fact Sheep" was up. A picture of white sheep on a hill looked a bit boring except for the "talk bubbles" that were from Sunday Morning Funnies offering up what he guessed were... facts.
"Pumice is made from tiny volcanoes." was the current so called... fact. Clark looked over to his friend who was almost gasping for breath between her giggle fits.
"Chloe?" he asked uncertainly. "What's so... funny? I mean, it's just a sheep."
"It's the FACT sheep!" she quipped, wiping at her eyes. "Hi Clark. I got this addy in my e-mail's inbox. It's just hilarious in it's understatement. Really."
With a click, the sheep declared that, "We don't know if there is life on Mars."
"PLUS.." she added, "It's British."
Clark reluctantly sat down, slightly unhappy. He was being ignored for a sheep. It wasn't even a REAL sheep!
With another baa the sheep let the world know that, "All people are addicted to oxygen."
Clark cracked a grin at the absurdity of the statement told by the black spotted sheep. It was slightly humorous... maybe. Chloe giggled aloud.
"It's... it's addicting." she admitted, clicking on the button saying "Fact me again!"
"How long have you been doing this?" he asked, incredulously.
"Ah..uh... an hour? Or so." she admitted before cracking up again. Where the normal fact sheep declared a fact, another white sheep disputed it.
"I wish to refute your so-called fact 'The word 'Rhythm' contains no vowels, which means that it is impossible to say.' It's actually pronounced 'rithem', which does contain vowels - a familiar trick of the English language. And I can say it perfectly well. Well, I could if I wasn't a sheep." the white sheep with a red bell declared, sending Chloe into a frenzy.
"Chloe, Chloe! It's NOT that funny." the dark haired boy said, placing his hand on her shoulder.
"It... it is!" she said, grinning up at him.
The Fact Sheep seemed to miss the attention of the editor because it tried to break up the warm fuzzy feelings by saying that "Hugh Heffner is one of the world's leading pornographers."
And then, he baa-ed that, "According to the label, Sainsbury's peanuts 'may contain nuts'." And that "Sheep meat is bad for you. Go eat a cow."
And even later that, "It'll all be over by Christmas."
Chloe was still smiling at Clark, Clark still had his hands on Chloe's back. And the fact sheep was one jealous scout.
"'Fact Sheep' and 'factsheep.co.uk' are both registered trademarks of me." he said, gaining Chloe's attention as the moment between her and the Kent boy had passed. However, to the sheep's displeasure, the boy's hands stayed on the editors back and now HE seemed to be watching as well.
"Lord Hailsham once told me, before he died, 'You're a sheep!'" he told them, after Chloe clicked again.
"You know Clark, we should expose this...sheep," she said, laughing again.
"Oh yeah, Chlo'. Belongs right up there on the wall." Although the comment would seem sarcastic, the humor in his voice was impossible to hide.
The Fact Sheep seemed to miss this comment. Perhaps if the iMac had been positioned towards the wall, he would of been able to fear that comment but he wasn't.
"In feudal Japan, firemen were usually the most vicious gangs around." the sheep admitted, still confused.
"You'd save me from the firemen if we lived in Japan, right Clark?" Chloe dipped her head back, grinning at her much taller friend.
Clark nodded, moving on of his arms around her waist, and using the other to tussle her hair.
Fact Sheep seemed to get mad. No one tussled her hair!
Sheep let out an a tirade of facts to interrupt them once again. But, no amount of "I know who killed Laura Palmer." or "The United States is one of the largest countries in North America." seemed to work.
Of course, neither did, "I like grass."
The white sheep tried to help with a burp, but that did nothing.
However, he found a winner once he started quoting pop culture. Specifically, Moulin Rouge.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return," seemed to make her uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to move out of the boy's grasp. The Fact Sheep wanted to baa in success!
"Does my bum look big in this?" made her laugh, but still not go back to the boy.
"Chloe?" a voice from the front door asked. "Can you come out here, I think Pete's royally messed up our sign."
Chloe looked up with a sigh and smile. That boy..
"Coming, Lan." Getting up, she looked at neither Sheep nor Clark, thankful to get away after that Moulin Rouge quote. Sitting so close to a crush after hearing that was... difficult. For once, Lana was a life saver.
Scooting into her chair, he clicked the "Fact me!" button.
"You can't always get what you want." Sheep told him.
Clark narrowed his gaze, and clicked again.
"Extra virgin olive oil must, by law, contain at least four extra virgins." Sheep baa-ed.
"Why do I have this feeling a sheep is baiting me?" the teen asked.
"I think, therefore I am!" Sheep cried.
"What is THIS?" Clark said, glaring at the screen.
"This is a sentence," Sheep said.
Clark tried not to glower.
"This is crazy. You are a sheep. No, you are not even a sheep. You a picture of a sheep on a web site!"
"I like blonde editors," the bovine admitted.
"WHAT?" Clark yelled.
Chloe poked her head in. Pete and Lana had been trying to put of the official number and title of the office up over the door, with little success. God only KNEW what they *really* had been doing. She had to try hard *not* to roll her eyes.
"You okay, Clark?"
"Yeah, up fine. The sheep just said something unbelievable."
"What did it say?" she asked, walking in.
"Uh just that... 'My best friend is Tony. He is a sheep.'" Clark said rather... well, sheepishly.
Chloe looked at him skeptically, before muttering something about wondering what he was REALLY doing to the sheep causing the boy to look away and get rather red in the cheeks.
After waiting for her to leave the room, Clark turned back to...the sheep.
"You *can't* be in love with her, your a sheep." He shook his head. "Your a website!"
"You can do it if you B&Q it," the sheep admitted.
"Come on, you aren't real." the ebony haired lad said.
"Come is both a verb AND a noun," the cheeky sheep told him. Clark both glowered and blushed.
"Really, you aren't real. Physically, impossible. Plus, all you offer is a bit of a distraction. You, a website, are just going to be around enough to be there but not enough for her to count on... Did I mention it's impossible?"
"Most people only ever criticize others for things they themselves are guilty of. S'true."
"I am not. I am her friend, we don't have a bad relationship." the boy retorted.
Sagely, Sheep told him that 'All relationships are emptying and temporary.'
Clark glared at the sheep and continued to until Chloe came back in. She ended up hanging the sign herself because Pete and Lana... "mysteriously" disappeared.
When she did come in, Sheep couldn't help noticing Clark's eyes get a slightly hopeful look or the grin she wore as she sat back down.
"Sorry 'bout that. You know how Pete and Lana are.. Anyways, you done molesting the sheep?"
"Chloeyyy." he said, dragging her name out, slightly annoyed but more amused.
When she clicked, Sheep offered up his best line for her. "I've never met a girl like you before." And she.. giggled. Sheep finally realized that his love for her would never happen, he decided to give the Kent boy a break.
The boy seemed still a bit angry but, hey, he would fix that.
"You always hurt, the one you love," Sheep spouted.
Chloe sat back in her chair, and began the clicking again. It wasn't long before Clark once again seem to intentionally put his arm around her and then, then Sheep got to work.
"All you need is love," and "Edible underwear is your friend," seemed to make each of them a little bit more... nervous... of each other.
"Kissing is fun," and
"Deep Thought was just a pun on Deep Throat," seemed to make both of them laugh a more bit nervously. Finally, he spilled the beans.
"Clark likes Chloe."
The blue eyed reporter's eyes went wide as the farm boy seemed to look around the room before glaring at Sheep.
"Really?" she asked in an awed voice.
"Chloe also likes Clark," Sheep answered, happy with himself.
Clark just gave her a goofy grin.
"ALL RIGHT!" she exclaimed. Then, rather quickly, she brought her arms around his shoulders, and her lips to his in a rather amorous fashion.
Clark grinned to him self, winked briefly at the sheep, and joined in happily with the little blonde.
Sheep was very happy with himself. For about five minutes. When he realized that they were NO where near stopping, he spoke up.
"I am a Sheep!"
"Pete and Lana are making out in the girl's locker room."
"Lex Luthor fancies flannel."
"I think he's taping this."
"You two should really go get a barn."
"I didn't know people could go with out AIR for so long."
"Can you say monkey three times fast? Monkey, monkey, monkey!"
"It's a long walk to the nearest pub, and I'm gagging for a pint."
"....Anyone fancy a pint?"
"Are you guys done YET????"
-end-