Turning the Tables

A/N: This story was written in the fall of 2009 by both LilacGrace444 and VioletKitty02. It was written in conjunction by passing a notebook back and forth. The plot and characters are obviously supposed to be very Alternate Universe. It is all nonsense. This is not how we see the characters as truly being, we just wanted to have a bit of fun. The dialogue and soap opera action are ridiculous because we made the challenge of trying to one up each other along the way. Laugh, enjoy, and of course, REVIEW!

Disclaimer: Not ours.

Part 1

"Harry, what is that outside the window?" Draco asked, while the Golden Boy washed the dishes at 12 Grimmauld Place.

"I don't know, Dray. It looks like some kind of flying creature. You know the ones from the Wizard of Oz?" Harry replied, setting a plate aside.

"Potter," Draco rolled his head back towards him, eyebrow raised to accompany the infamous smirk, "We live in the Wizarding World. We have flying creatures, remember? A hippogriff-you've flown one. A dragon-you've defeated one. Thestrals-obviously, you've seen those. Phoenixes-"

"I get it! There's no point in being sarcastic, Malfoy. I've never seen a creature that looks like that. What do you think it is, Mr. I'm-So-Smart-Cause-I'm-A-Pureblood-But-I-Still-Got-Beaten-By-A-Muggleborn?" Harry said, glaring at Draco. Draco glowered back.

"I thought we agreed never to bring that back up." Draco grabbed Harry's arm a bit roughly. After a long minute of familiar glares of animosity, Draco quietly added "…and I thought Granger was unbearable before then."

"Look, Dray, I didn't think it still bothered you."

"Well, it does. How would you feel if I kept reminding you about the time you walked in on Remus and Tonks upstairs?"

"Draco!"

"You wouldn't like it, and neither do I. So you have no right to remind me that Granger beat me in school," the blond huffed.

Harry chuckled and replied, "Do you mean with her grades or her fist?" Draco huffed and shoved him out of the way. Harry shoved him back, and walked out of the room.

"Merlin, I can't believe I'm stuck in this forsaken house with you of all people! I bet you feel right at home in this mess of dark rooms, useless expensive crap, and screaming pureblood portraits…" Harry muttered as he stormed up the stairs.

"Maybe I do!" Draco yelled after him.

"Stupid Potter and his hissy fits," he muttered as he glanced back out the window.

"What are you looking at, Draco?" Draco shrieked and whirled around to face his godfather.

"Don't do that! I was looking at the-" Draco turned to the window, but the creature was gone. "What are you doing here, Sev?"

"Coming to see if you two have hexed each other profusely yet, what else? Severus Snape snarkily replied.

"What, would you like a VIP pass to the show? Sadistic old man…"Draco grunted, flopping down onto the emerald plush couch with a petulance rivaling a Hufflepuff first year. Snape rolled his eyes and cuffed Draco on the back of his head.

"I don't have time for your childishness. Where's Potter?"

"Upstairs," Draco said with a pout, rubbing the back of his head.

"I'm guessing you two had a spat, immature little twats. Pity it didn't get violent. Well, unfortunately I have Order business with the Boy-Who-Did-Whatever-People-Want-to-Believe." Snape stepped into the stairway, but turned back before ascending to say, "And try to obtain some manhood while I'm gone." Draco harrumphed and tossed his head to get the hair out of his eyes.

"Who does he think he is? Obtain some manhood," he mimicked as he got out his nail file to finish his manicure. Harry and Snape came back down a few minutes later. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Sissy pouf," he snickered. Draco opened his mouth to respond, but Snape cut him off.

"Draco, you're gayer than your father and Voldemort put together. And believe me, I've seen such a thing, and that was not a pretty picture." Harry and Draco gaped alike while Snape simply shrugged, face emotionless but mirthful eyes proving he was truly pleased at their shock and disgust.

"Oh that is sick. I didn't even think Voldemort had what it took to do that. Guess Tom has more in him than I thought, and apparently Lucius has more Slytherin in him than I thought too…A lot more…Never took him for such a snake charmer. Guess Voldemort's not the only Parselmouth," Harry said, tears rolling down his face as he rolled on the floor laughing. Draco seemed to be turning a sickly shade of green.

"Showing your true house colors, Malfoy?" Snape asked as he relinquished his hold and began cruelly chuckling as well.

"Yeah, all he needs now is some silver fairy dust and he'll be showing his house colors and his gayness," Harry snickered. Snape stopped laughing and turned his mocking gaze to Harry. Harry slowed his snickers.

"Potter," Snape spat with the corner of his mouth twitching upwards, "your pitiful attempt to imitate those straight dunderheads you call friends makes me want to break down your closet door with an axe, just to hear you scream like a little girl." Harry's eyes went wide, and his mouth dropped open.

"I-I-I," he stuttered.

"Really Potter, you'd think the Gryffindor hero in you would want to help the little girl locked in the closet screaming to be free," Malfoy smirked.

"Let me out, let me out!" Snape whispered in a high-pitched voice. He and Draco made eye contact, glanced at Harry's horror stricken face, and burst out laughing again.

"Tables turn, Potter. There are no predictable targets from me, well…except you. I doubt I would ever get tired of that look on your foolish mug," Snape managed to get out.

"Well, so what if I am…well, you know. We can't help who we want, can we, professor? Personally, I never found bushy-haired know-it-alls to be my cup of tea, unlike some, eh, professor?" Snape's smirk fell instantly, replaced with dark fury.

"My, my how fast those tables turn back. Dizzying, isn't it?" Harry said, taking his turn to smirk at the surprised expression on Snape's face.

"How did you-"

"She's my best friend, professor, and she talks in her sleep. Disturbing, really. So much for girl's night sleepovers."