The Girl in my Nightmares

Disclaimer: I do not own Hey, Arnold! or any of its characters.

Chapter 11 – Regret is a Two Way Street

Arnold's P.O.V.

"Helga…" I still felt like my heart wasn't beating and the pressure in my chest grew stronger. "W-what are you doing here?"

She arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Gee, football head… Way to greet a guest."

"I-I wasn't expecting you. I thought you weren't gonna come."

She lifted her shoulder in a half shrug. "I wasn't, but… I'm here now, aren't I?"

My heartbeat gradually picked up. "Yeah, but… W-when did… Why –"

"I didn't sneak up here or anything, if that's what you're thinking."

I shook my head and slightly frowned. "Why did you come up here? I didn't see you –"

"Your Grandmother let me in. She, uhm… She seemed pretty excited to see me."

"Yeah… err… she's always happy to see Eleanor." But that didn't really explain why she was up here and why she hadn't joined the party.

Helga half smiled and, as if she had read my mind, started to explain, "Anyway… I told her I wanted to talk to you… alone, and asked her if she could bring you out into the hall,… but when I saw everyone there having fun, I kinda chickened out and turned to leave." She paused and rubbed the back of her neck. "She stopped me and said I could wait up here if I wanted to, and she'd go find you."

"Err… Everyone left over an hour ago."

"Yeah…" Helga laughed nervously. "I guess she forgot, huh? I've been waiting up here for a while." Our eyes met and then Helga looked away and started fidgeting with her hands. "I-I guess I should leave… I've been feeling kinda stupid up here, but I didn't wanna run into anyone if I went downstairs."

She started walking towards the door.

"No, Helga, wait…" She halted and turned around. "What was is it you wanted to talk about?"

Her face turned pink and a corner of her mouth twitched. "Uh... Nothing really. Honestly, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here."

One of my eyebrows lifted. "You expect me to believe that?"

"I-I…" Helga sighed heavily and threw her hands out in frustration. "I don't know, okay, football head! I-I've just been thinking a lot lately, and I… I don't know!" She squeezed her eyes shut and turned her back to me.

"What, Helga?" I took a step closer to her." What have you been thinking about?"

"About… everything. You… and me… About what happened." She let out an exasperated breath and turned around to face me. "I… I just…"

"What?" I took another step closer.

Her eyes glistened. "I can't stop thinking that I don't know which one of these days is gonna be the last time I ever see you."

I felt my own eyes start to prickle. "Helga, we're gonna see each other again."

"You don't know that."

"Of course I do."

By then, I noticed how close we were now. No more than two feet separated us. For a while, neither of us said anything, we just stood there looking into each other's eyes. There was so much to say, but no words were being spoken.

My gut clenched into a hard knot as I thought about what she'd said and I swallowed hard to get rid of the lump that had formed in my throat.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, when Helga's hands reached up to grab my face and pulled me down for a hard kiss. For a moment, my mind was a complete blur and I couldn't move, but then the heat and moisture of Helga's mouth sank in and I was undone. As if my hands had just been relieved from an invisible binding, they impatiently moved all over her back and pulled her closer.

I felt her fingers slide to the back of my neck, digging into my skin, and all the nerve endings in my body came alive, overtaking my senses and flooding me with need.

I kissed her back with the same eagerness, and she moaned and pressed up against me, pushing me backwards. She continued to push me backwards until we stumbled together onto the couch, and I accidentally dropped what I was holding in my hand. We heard a hard thump and tore our lips apart to see what had fallen onto the floor.

It was the golden compass she had given me. We looked back at each other, our breath coming in short pants, our own want reflected in the other's eyes. I swallowed and picked the compass off the floor. I stared at it for a moment and heard Helga say, "I didn't want you to get lost somewhere in the middle of the jungle."

The corner of my mouth lifted and I chuckled softly as I examined it more closely.

Helga was still half-wrapped in my arms. "It's also a locket." She took the compass from my hand and showed me how to open it.

My forehead creased. "It doesn't have a picture inside."

"I know… I figured you could put any picture you wanted in it; maybe a picture of your grandparents… something that would remind you of home."

I looked up into her eyes. "What if I want a picture of you?"

"Well," She smirked and pretended to consider it. "I guess we could arrange that… with one condition."

I grinned lopsidedly and snaked my arm around her waist. "What condition?"

She reached into her t-shirt and pulled out a heart-shaped locket with a very old picture of me. "I think mine needs an update."

My heart twitched as I looked at my picture in her locket. How long had she had this? The picture was so old. "Helga… When exactly did you start having feelings for me?"

"What?" She straightened and squirmed uncomfortably away from me. "Why are you asking me this? Why do you wanna know?"

"I just want to know..."

"A long time ago… Let's just leave it at that."

"C'mon, Helga… Just tell me, was it before or after you started bullying me?"

She moved further away on the couch and dropped her gaze. "It was before, okay? I-I've always liked you… Ever since I first met you."

"Then why were you always mean to me? Why didn't you ever just tell me how you felt? I think I would've understood. I might've even… likedyou back."

Her shoulders sagged. "Arnold… Is it really necessary to talk about this?"

"It's just weird for me… I mean, I always thought you kinda hated me."

She looked back at me then. "I've never hated you, football head… I-I've always lo-lo-loved you… I was just afraid of showing my sensitive side. I didn't want to be picked on," She knitted her eyebrows. "…so I picked on you."

"It's okay, Helga. I've forgiven you." I reached out and grabbed her hand. "I know it sounds strange, but… In a way, I think I always knew."

She looked down at our joined hands and smiled weakly.

"I think I should go. It's getting pretty late."

I nodded and smiled back. "Yeah, okay… I'll walk you home."

"I can walk home on my own, Arnold," she said, but I was already putting my jacket on and grabbing a set of keys from the desk.

"Like you said, it's pretty late, so… let me walk you home."

As we walked to her house in the middle of the night together, we didn't say much. We just held hands and enjoyed the comfortable silence between us. We both had a lot to think about.

When we got to her stoop, I stood in front of her and took both her hands in mine. I leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. "Good night, Helga."

Helga's P.O.V.

It was a quick, simple kiss, but it still made my insides flutter. There were so many butterflies flapping around in my stomach I thought I was gonna puke. It all felt like a dream, like I needed to slap myself hard in the face to wake up. But I didn't want to wake up… This was a dream come true.

"Good night, Arnold."

He let go of my hands and I started walking – or should I say floating? – up the stairs to my front door.

"Hey… Helga…?"

I stopped mid-staircase and looked back at him.

He was rubbing the back of his neck and his cheeks were blushing. "I was wondering… would you maybe consider going to prom with me?"

Prom?! I felt the color drain out of my face. "Are you seriously asking me to go to prom with you?"

Now his whole face turned a deep red. "Yeah… I guess I am."

My heart had started drumming so loud inside my chest it was hard to think straight. "Uh…" Crimeny, Helga, get a grip! Answer the stupid question! "…Yeah, I'll go to prom with you, football head."

Arnold smiled and waited as I continued to walk up the stairs. When I opened the front door, he waved good-bye and I watched him walk down the street and disappear out of sight.

I closed the door gently behind me and leaned against it. My heart was still drumming so hard. I pressed my fingers to my lips and drew in a shaky breath. If I closed my eyes, I could still feel Arnold's lips on mine, I could still taste him in my mouth.

My mind started spinning like crazy. What was I doing? He was leaving soon! He had asked me to go to prom with him, and I had accepted! Should I go with him? What if this was a big mistake? How was I going to say good-bye to him after everything that just happened?

I ran my hands down my face and tried to calm down. It's okay… It's okay, Helga. I took a deep breath. You'll just deal with it when the time comes. Enjoy it while it lasts. You can pick up the broken pieces when he's gone.

With more confidence than I was actually feeling, I walked up the stairs to my bedroom. I decided I wasn't going to worry about that, at least not tonight.

Arnold's P.O.V.

While I walked back home that night, I couldn't get the grin off my face, but as I neared the boarding house thoughts started running through my head, ruining the excitement I had been feeling. What was going to happen now? Things had just gotten way more complicated. Could we make a long distance relationship work? A part of me still wanted to go to Central America, but now another part of me wanted to stay. I had been accepted at a University very close to New York; it was about an hour drive away, two at the most. Maybe it wasn't too late yet.

I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't realized I was actually home until I was taking my jacket off and slumping into bed.

On Monday at school, I decided to talk to Gerald about it.

"Arnold, are you crazy?! Are you seriously rethinking the whole going to Central America thing?" His whole face was completely distorted with confusion.

"I don't know, Gerald. I'm really confused."

"But… You seemed so excited about it the other day!"

"Yeah, I know… but things have changed. I'm really crazy about her…." I lifted my palms up and shrugged. "I don't want to regret not taking the chance to be with her."

"Regret is a two way street, man. You could also regret not taking the scholarship."

My stomach twisted into a knot and I sagged against the wall. "What am I supposed to do, Gerald? I don't know what to do."

"What does your gut tell you?"

"I don't know." But somewhere in the back of my mind, I did know. I just didn't want to listen to it.

Gerald placed his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye. "Look, man, all I can say is that you should follow your heart. Do what you have to do, and everything else will fall into place. At least that's what my Dad tells me."

Helga's P.O.V.

I was walking down the hall to my next class, when someone reached out from an empty classroom and dragged me inside. He slammed the door shut and pulled me closer, shoving his lips hard against mine.

Blood boiled up to my head and, without thinking, I hurled him away and slapped him right across the face.

"Ow!"

My eyes blinked twice. "Oh my God! …A-Arnold?"

Arnold was looking back at me, his hand gripping his reddened cheek.

"Gee, Helga! You really know how to hit hard!"

"Arnold, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't know…"

"It's okay…" He said, as he rubbed his face where I'd just slapped him. "I shouldn't have surprised you like that. I was just trying to be spontaneous."

I felt laughter bubbling up inside me but I fought to keep it under control. "I guess old habits die hard. In my defense, I didn't know it was you."

"If you had known it was me, would you have let me kiss you?"

"I think you know the answer to that question, football head."

The stupid football head had the audacity to bite his lip and smirk. "Is it because you have this huge crush on me?"

My knees grew very weak. "Now you're just fishing for compliments."

He chuckled and grabbed my hand, bringing me closer to him. "Hey, I've been thinking…"

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay…"

He swallowed hard and turned very serious. "What if I stayed here?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"I got accepted into a University not far from New York…" What was he saying? My heart clenched so tight that I almost couldn't breathe. "I was thinking maybe I should stay. Maybe we could give this relationship a try."

My mouth dropped wide open. I didn't know what to say.

"I know it's kind of sudden," He went on, "but… What do you think?"

"Arnold, I-I… I don't know what to say."

"Just think about it. We can talk about it on Friday after school. Okay?"

I nodded and gulped.

"We could catch a movie or something."

"Yeah…" I finally found my voice. "We could invite Gerald and Phoebe to come along. We haven't all hung out together in a long time."

"Sounds like a plan." He smiled and gave me a peck on the cheek. "I'll see you on Friday."

He walked out of the classroom leaving me wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

Arnold's P.O.V.

The following Friday, Gerald and I were standing outside the movie theater waiting for Helga and Phoebe to get there, so while we waited I told him about the news I had received earlier that day.

"So, they're actually sending you to San Lorenzo? That's awesome!"

"Yeah," I smiled. "But like I said, I don't really know if I'm going yet."

"You should really think this through, man! You've wanted to go there for years! This could be a great opportunity."

"I know, Gerald, but –"

"I mean, this is San Lorenzo we're talking about!"

"San Lorenzo?" Came a voice from behind.

I turned and saw Helga and Phoebe approaching. "Err… Yeah. I just got the news today." My gaze fell on Helga. "But I was just telling Gerald that nothing is decided yet."

Helga looked away, but Phoebe smiled and said, "Still… That's great news, Arnold!"

I half smiled and we all went in line to buy our tickets.

The movie wasn't very interesting. It was a drama Phoebe had picked out, but I had fun snuggling close to Helga and holding her hand.

After the movies, we went to Dave's to eat some pizza and play some arcade games, just like the old times. It was nice hanging out, just the four of us. Helga was right; we hadn't done this in a long time.

When Gerald and Phoebe stood up to play some foosball and left Helga and I alone at our table, she abruptly turned around to face me and blurted out, "Arnold… I really think you should go to San Lorenzo."

It was so unexpected, I almost felt like she'd slapped me in the face again. "W-why? Don't you think…? I mean, I thought –"

"I obviously want you to stay, but… I also don't want to come between you and your dream."

"Helga, I can go to San Lorenzo any time I want. I don't have to go now!" I was starting to feel desperate and anxious. I had known from the beginning what the outcome would be, but a part of me had still dreamed and fantasized with a different result.

"This isn't just about San Lorenzo." She squeezed my hand tight. "This is about you helping people, Arnold… about what you're good at and what you really want to do."

"But… What's gonna happen with us?"

Her eyes shimmered. "I don't know…. Life is full of surprises." Her mouth twisted and she forced a smile. "You never know what's gonna happen."

My throat burned from fighting back tears. I already knew the answer to the question, but I had to ask her anyway. "What if we try it long distance? Gerald and Phoebe –"

Her eyes darted to where Gerald and Phoebe were laughing and playing together. "Look, football head, I'm not tryin' to bust anyone's dreams here, but I honestly think they're just kiddin' themselves. Long distance relationships never work out."

How did she know that if she'd never tried it before? Maybe it could work out. After all, I was only going to be gone for a year and then I could go wherever I wanted.

I was about to tell her that, when she said, "Can't we just enjoy what time we have left together? I don't want to think about all of this now, Arnold. It's gonna be hard enough for me when I have to actually see you leave."

I decided to keep my mouth shut and just accept her decision, so I nodded and tried to fake a smile.

A couple of hours later, Gerald and I were dropping them off at Phoebe's house.

"Bye, Helga." I was leaning in to kiss her cheek, when she lifted her hand up and cupped my cheek.

"C'mon, football head. Don't wear the long face… or in your case horizontal face…" She half smiled and I couldn't help chuckle softly and that lifted the gloom off my mood a bit. "Everything's gonna be okay…"

I took her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers. "And you think you're not tough…"

I must've moved something inside her because her eyes were suddenly swarming with unshed tears. "Are we still in for prom night?"

"Yeah… We're still in."

She gave me one last kiss and joined Phoebe inside.

Helga's P.O.V.

"I don't get it, Helga." Phoebe said as she consoled me. "If you're so upset about it, why didn't you ask him to stay? He was already willing to do so."

I lifted my head from her shoulder and wiped a tear off my face. "How could I ask him to stay, Pheebs? I know him. I know this is what he wants. If he ever looked back at this moment with regret, I could never forgive myself."