Author's Note: This is a silly little thing that I wrote on a whim about ten minutes ago for a bunch of friends in a chat group. Therefore, I dedicate this fic to Abi, Ana, Lenne, Ellie, Mai, Jess, Liv and Kelly. Not Vishal, though. He doesn't even go here.

The Husky Hippogriff

"Good morning, my Husky Hippogriff."

Lily Evans turned in her seat and looked up at her boyfriend with an expression of pure incredulity. James Potter smiled winningly down at her, and ruffled his hair sexily.

"What did you just call me?" she said.

"Husky Hippogriff," said James happily, and slid into the seat next to her. "How about a good morning kiss for your dashing boyfriend?"

He leaned over to kiss her, but she turned her head and stuck her nose into the air, scowling. Amused, he pulled away and poked her in the side.

"What's wrong, Fluffybum?"

"Fluffybum?" Lily slid away from him on the bench. "Are you deliberately trying to insult me?"

"What's wrong with Fluffybum?"

"You're implying that I have a hairy arse," she said loftily.

"Well, to be fair," said James, snickering. "Everyone has a little bit of hair on their arse."

"Wow. Romantic."

"How about… my Charming Commander?"

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Because you're good at Charms?" he offered. Lily's other eyebrow rose to join the first. "And because you're always telling me what to do?"

"Oh," said Lily. And she stabbed a sausage with unnecessary venom. "Insulting and stupid."

"Why so defensive, Fannyfreckle?"

Lily made a strangled squealing noise at the back of her throat and punched her boyfriend's shoulder, then looked around wildly to see if anyone had heard him. Nobody had.

"I will kill you," she threatened.

"But Lily," he implored, trying to hold in the laughter. "You know I like that freck -"

"James!"

"What?"

"You can't -"

"I even gave it a name."

"You can't just -"

"I think it's really pretty."

"JAMES!"

"Why are you so angry?"

"How would you feel if I called you Tinypenis?"

"Well, that's just not true," said James, reaching for a slice of toast. "There's no need to be hurtful, you know."

Lily ignored him, and continued to eat her breakfast.

"I'm really hurt that you don't like any of my nicknames for you," he said presently. "I tried really hard to think those up. I made a shortlist."

"Heh."

"I had Peter and Remus vote on them."

"Eh."

"Sirius was the impartial commissioner."

"Impartial comm-" Lily dropped her fork and pulled at face at James. "That doesn't even make sense!"

"You don't make sense," said James, pulling a face in return. "Brian."

"Right, that's it," said Lily angrily. She grabbed James's hand and stood up, dragging him from his seat. He stumbled a little as he followed her out of the Great Hall.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking you somewhere private so we can snog," Lily snarled, barrelling through a group of innocent second years. "It's the only way to keep you from bloody talking."

James grinned. It seemed like his dastardly plan had worked after all. Sirius was going to owe him a Galleon.