The Bad Guys Never Forget & Never Forgive

Epilogue

Sensing a presence in his room, Callen stirred quietly in his bed and slowly opened his eyes; glad to note that after nearly a week in the hospital the pain from his injuries had finally subsided into a dull, itchy throb.

He would need a few more surgeries...mostly cosmetic...to repair and minimize the deep, scarring slashes to his back and chest. He had refused to look at himself, at the wounds Harkins had inflicted on his body, to not only hurt him but to continue to haunt Deeks.

Reigning in his simmering rage he began scanning his surroundings, noting the deep shadows and dimmed lights coming from the hallway indicating that it was most likely late evening. He also noted, with a roll of his eyes and a barely suppressed sigh, that he was indeed not alone. Deeks was sitting near the window, blanketed in the room's deep shadows...and, apparently, lost deep in thought, since Callen's stirring did not gain the detective's attention.

While Deeks had rarely came to visit Callen (at least apparently, when he was conscious), he knew the detective had barely left the hospital in the week since he had been found and brought in. From Hetty, he knew the whole team had been there over the first forty-eight hours after he had been brought in, waiting for news of his condition. As he stabilized and the doctor gave them all assurances that Callen was indeed healing with no signs of complication...things slowly got back to what counted as normal for the NCIS team, and they all had dropped in at various times through the week to check on him. Hetty had even called Nate in to see to the team's needs and help them through the fallout that was sure to eventually rear its head.

All except-Deeks...oh, he had come in with the whole team a few times over those first few days when Callen was still so doped up on pain meds and antibiotics he couldn't see straight; and in the haziness of those memories he sensed more than actually remembered, that while it had been Deeks in the physical sense, it wasn't the Deeks he knew...this one was more subdued, more wary...the laid-back personality and irrepressible antics that made the detective who he was, now seemed forced and hollow...if they were even present at all.

He also had dim memories of Deeks constantly firing furtive looks towards Sam; something that his partner, in turn, was obviously taking great pains to ignore. Wanting to nip in the bud any ill feelings between the men that this case may have engendered, Callen confronted Sam about Deeks very "un-Deeks-like behavior".

It was then that his partner explained that there was no blame between them, at least not on Sam's part. He told Callen how after he had been rescued and they were securing the area the detective had seemed to disappear from the crime scene...eliciting no small amount of terror from both himself and Kensi, fearing that one of Harkins men had been missed in the raid and had somehow gotten to the detective.

A frantic search found him nearly a hundred yards from the crime scene, and though Kensi had wanted desperately to go to her partner, Sam convinced her that it was him that needed to see to the stricken man...

"Kens...he's probably in shock...and worse, he is no doubt taking the blame for this square on his shoulders," Sam had explained, "he needs to know that the team doesn't blame him..."

A startled look crossed Kensi's features as she exclaimed, "...of course we don't blame him Sam..." stopping to look her teammate dead in the eyes she reiterated more slowly, warning slowly creeping into her voice, "...we don't...you don't blame him...right? Callen won't blame his for this...?"

"No, Kensi, we don't...I don't blame him," Sam said forcefully, "we all know something like this could happen to any one of us...but right now he doesn't see it that way. He knows you don't blame him and on some level he knows the same of Hetty, and Erin 'n Nell...but G is my partner...he needs to hear it from me..."

Hearing an uncharacteristic but heartfelt plea in his last statement, Kensi slowly nodded her head, giving her partner one last worried glance before she turned back to the crime scene.

Once he was sure Kensi was not going to change her mind, Sam turned back to the detective. He noted that Deeks was on his knees, hunched over so far his head was almost touching the ground in front of him, arms wrapped protectively around his midsection.

As Sam closed the distance between them he could clearly smell sickness and he heard Deeks deep, choking coughs as the man appeared to be trying to turn himself inside out. He became concerned when it appeared Deeks couldn't quite catch his breath between the dry heaves wracking his body.

No longer concerned with startling the detective, Sam quickly fell to the man's side, wrapping an arm around Deeks shoulders to keep him steady, "whoa...whoa...come on man, you gotta breath for me here...come on, Deeks, you're gonna hyperventilate if you don't calm down..."

It was clear the man was in shock and wasn't quite able to acknowledge that Sam was even there; and despite being in Sam's firm grip, Deeks began to rock back and forth, "oh god...oh god...did you...oh god...if he dies...what Harkins did to him...ugh..." Deeks pulled from Sam's grip as dry heaves began tearing through the detective's body again, and in between the heaving Sam clearly heard Deeks whispered, ..."my fault...my fault...my fault...Callen dies...my fault..."

Angry at the situation, at Harkins for daring come after his team and fearful of Deeks psychological state, Sam pulled the man back up, "stop it...just stop it...we got to him, he's alive...Callen is on his way to the hospital...Harkins' is dead...it's over man..."

Flinching at the man's angry tone, Deeks tried to pull away, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...so sorry...so...so-rrr...yyy..." his breathy apologies turning into full on sobs.

Fighting back his own tears, Sam turned his body so he could pull the sobbing man into a steadying embrace, "it's alright man...no one blames you...it's gonna be alright...it's over..."

Sam had no idea how long he kept up the litany of soothing platitudes as he gently rocked them both back and forth, even running a hand over the detective's hair in an attempt to calm the man down. Deeks eventually wore himself out and all but collapsed into Sam's tight hold.

Sam then nodded towards where he had seen Kensi hovering, having brought one of the EMT's with her.

"He's exhausted and in shock and that shoulder wound probably needs checked out..." Sam instructed the EMT as he gently laid the semi-conscious man flat.

...

"We only managed to get him to stay in the hospital overnight...he signed himself out AMA," Sam had informed him, "...but since he wouldn't leave the hospital anyway...waiting to hear news on your condition, Hetty allowed it to happen, seeing as how if anything went wrong or he needed anything he was already here..."

/./././././././

So, the looks-embarrassment at losing it in front of the Navy SEAL, crying himself to the point of exhaustion in Sam's arms or was it overwhelming guilt. Maybe a little of evertything...but unfortunately it was most likely a good dose of the latter.

With another quiet sigh he knew that now was as good a time as any to finally confront the detective over the guilt he knew the man was carrying; but truly not knowing what he could say to ease his team mates feelings of responsibility...knowing full well, there was nothing anyone said to him that assuaged the guilt he carried when the situation had been reversed —no matter how unfounded it had been; but still, as the team leader...and as a friend...he had to try.

Deeks head whipped around and the younger man fairly flew from his seat at hearing Callen's sigh, "...oh, hey, Callen, man, I didn't mean to wake you...well, uh, I was just going..."

"I don't think so..." Callen said evenly, his steady gaze holding the detective rooted to his spot, as the agent levered himself up to a more seated position in the bed before crossing his arms over his chest.

"Huh...what, uh...what, you need something," Deeks babbled nervously, as he slowly inched his way to the door, "uh, you need me to get the nurse or something?"

"No...I'm fine..." Callen replied.

"Oh, uh...okay..." Deeks stuttered, running his hands up and down his thighs as he looked anyplace but towards the man in the bed.

"Haven't seen you much this week..." Callen commented lightly.

Deeks just shrugged, "I...well, ya' know lot of paperwork and all...and debriefs...just trying to...uh, wrap up the case and all..."

"Like hell..." Callen countered smugly.

Deeks head shot up in surprise, "What?"

A smirk on his face, Callen stated, "you heard me...I know you've been here, at the hospital, every day-until someone drags you home, then, we all know you just sneak back in."

Deeks just shook his head and scowled, and Callen could have sworn he heard Deeks grumble something about 'who snitched'.

"Look at me..." Callen requested quietly.

Deeks shuffled uncomfortably, and Callen finally sighed and said firmly, yet gently, "Deeks...Marty...look—at-me..."

Deeks head shot up in surprise at not only the agent's dulcet tone, but also the use of his first name.

When he was certain he had the detective's attention, Callen said slowly, enunciating every word, "I—Don't—Blame—You; this is all on Harkins, none of it is on you..."waiting a beat to gauge the man's reaction and not particularly liking what he saw he continued more sternly, "...are you hearing me?"

Deeks snorted and shook his head, "Yeah, right, because you were the one that betrayed him—pissed him off...no, Callen, he wanted to twist the knife...and he knew just how to do it...he just wanted to make me suffer and didn't care who got hurt in the process. It should have been me; you wouldn't even have pinged on the guy's radar if it weren't for my association with NCIS. You wouldn't have been riding with the transport that day...NCIS wouldn't have been involved at all; it would have just been me and the Marshall's," turning away and running his hands down his face, Deeks shook his head and intoned sadly, " I just don't think...I don't think after all this if...if I can do this...be the liaison..."

Though Deeks voice trailed off at the end, Callen clearly heard the words whispered more as unguarded thoughts than conversation; and dozens of ways to play the upcoming conversation filtered quickly through his mind...and making the wrong choice might just cost him his liaison officer...and his friend.

It sent a new rage burning through him...the bastard was dead and he was still haunting his team...haunting Deeks every waking (and no doubt sleeping) moments.

Callen decided he needed to play hardball...needed to pull the detective from his funk; soft shoeing and platitudes would only make the detective retreat further...he needed to spark a fire in Deeks gut, raise his ire.

Quirking a thoughtful brow, he asked, "So, then, you're saying, we're responsible for what they...these guys we take down; we're responsible for what they do when they hurt people..." it was a risky opening gambit on his part, considering it seemed a near a prerequisite for their job-to take on all kinds on unfounded guilt.

Callen sighed hoping his gamble would pay off as he commented in a hurt tone, "...sorry man, I didn't realize you blamed us..."

The confused look on Deeks face was almost comical, but Callen managed to keep hold of his scowl as Deeks sputtered, "Blame you...uh, Callen...what am I supposed to be blaming you for?"

"You said it...or implied it-as agents, or as cops, we're responsible when the bad guys make the conscious decision to go after someone...doesn't matter if it's for revenge, to cover their trail, to just get away...we're responsible—because we pushed them to it. So, if that's your logic then the whole team needs to turn in their resignations..." Callen explained.

Deeks brow knitted in confusion and he shook his head, his tone one of exasperation, as he asked, "Callen...what-the hell-are you talking about?"

Callen quirked a brow and asked pointedly, "...certain Serbian mobster ring any bells with you?"

His mind finally grasping what Callen was referring to, Deeks questioned, "Vakar? Are you somehow comparing this to Vakar? That is so not the same and you know it." Deeks snapped out the last sentence.

"Isn't it...you almost died...and that... "Callen pointed to the detective and then to himself as he continued, "...that- would have been on us."

Angry now, Deeks ranted, "No...It's not! You were tortured...tortured, G...!"

"And you...you were targeted, ambushed...shot point blank because of your association with NCIS; because Vakar wanted something from us...from Kensi. Without it, Vakar would never have come after you," Callen rejoined emphatically.

"It's not the same...Vakar; that was part of the job...Harkin's—what he did, what he wanted-that was personal..." Deeks replied.

Callen shot the detective a surprised look, "Was it? You seem to forget that it was NCIS that coordinated the final take down...so I think we can put this in the 'work related' category. And remember...Vakar wanted his wife dead so he could get to his son...nothing more personal than that; you think he wouldn't have tortured Kensi to get that information...?"

When Deeks just looked away, shaking his head in disagreement to Callen's assessment, Callen tried a different approach, "you think it was any less personal for us...for the team, when Vakar had you shot? The way I see it, it doesn't really matter why—for information...for revenge; Harkins and Vakar...they both wanted something and they were willing to do whatever it took to get it."

Callen knew he wasn't getting through to the detective, didn't know what to say to lessen the man's guilt...knew when the situation had been reversed he and the team held similar feelings when they finally put it all together—that it had been an NCIS op that had put Deeks in the hospital with two slugs to his chest.

The agent sighed again, it boiled down to blame and guilt...didn't seem to register with the detective that he himself had been the original target, that he had been set up by the very people that should have been watching his back...that he had no control over the actions of a dirty agent...or Harkin's vengeance.

"You think it would have been any easier on anyone if it had been you...knowing how much the man hated you," Callen asked, "do you think it would have been any easier knowing how much the man wanted to make you suffer before he killed you."

"Oh, and this is so much easier knowing what he did to you just to get at me..." Deeks ground out, waving his arms in Callen's general direction.

"No, it's not..." Callen agreed, adding pointedly, "but he wanted me alive...a little worse for it, maybe, for NCIS's part in his arrest: but you, his torture for you before he would have finally decided to kill you..." Callen just trailed off as he shook his head, some of Harkin's words and threats came back to him, causing minute shudders to course through his already battered body...things he had decided from the start that he was leaving out of his 'official' report, never wanting Deeks to know the horrors Harkins wished to exact on the detective...the man had enough to fuel his nightmares.

Deeks just sighed heavily and turned away from the bed, dropping his head heavily into his hand, "I just don't know...I don't know if I can do it anymore..."

"Yes you can...you have to, or Harkin's wins," Callen said forcefully.

Angry and frustrated, Deeks ground out, "Don't try that line...that's a bunch of BS and you know it..."

"So you giving up...walking away from your job—from your team; that's a win in your book...?" Callen snapped back.

"That's not fair..." Deeks shot back.

"Isn't it...no one ever said this job was easy...didn't come with more than its fair share of risks," Callen rejoined, "we all knew that when we made the decision to carry a shield. You came back after you were shot...so don't be such a damn hypocrite..."

"Excuse me...a hypocrite..." Deeks intoned with surprise, asking angrily, "...and just where the hell did that come from?"

"You heard me...you came back to NCIS after you were shot...and you say you don't blame us, yet you don't extend us...me- the same courtesy; you're opinion of us that low..." Callen shot back, not giving Deeks a chance to respond he continued, "yeah, it sucked...when Vakar shot you, when Harkin's decided to use me as his whipping boy...but in the end we were stronger and we took them down...so, yeah, we may have taken some hits, but we all walked away: so, I put it in the win column when my team...my friends can go home at the end of the day."

The detective just looked at the agent, stunned into silence by the raw emotion in Callen's words...giving Callen a chance to drive his point home, "So, if its guarantees you're looking for, then maybe you're right, detective...maybe you are in the wrong business."

Callen held Deeks gaze, holding his breathe and waiting, hoping that he hadn't pushed too hard, as he asked quietly, "so, do I still have a team to come back to?"

After a few tense moments, Deeks sighed and said hoarsely, "honestly, man...I don't know."

Before Callen could utter another word, Deeks spun on his heel and was out the door.

...NCIS LA...

Callen was released from the hospital two days later, desperate for news of the detective. Marty had not only stopped coming to the hospital altogether, but according to Sam, had informed Hetty that he needed time off and was going back to the PD.

Shaking his head, Callen said, "It's my fault. I pushed too hard..."

Rolling his eyes in frustration, Sam said, "Didn't you just have this blame game discussion with shaggy...now you're going and doing the same thing. Don't blame yourself G...you gotta give the boy time to wrap his head around all this."

"But Hetty said he went back to the PD...I basically told him if he couldn't hack this job he should just leave..." Callen replied, sighing in annoyance, "and apparently the one time he actually listens to me..."

Sam just snorted, causing Callen to look at his partner sharply, "you think this is funny...our team is falling apart, Sam..."

Sam shook his head, "...no, G, it isn't funny; but the boy just needs some space..."

"So, you think he'll be back..." Callen asked.

"He's come back before..." Sam answered with a shrug. "There has been plenty in this job to make him go running back to the PD...But he hasn't..."

Callen just nodded and absently turned to look out the window for the rest of the car trip to his house.

...NCIS LA...

Despite doctor's orders, Callen was back at work the next day. Sitting in his empty house left him too much time to think and the few times he plucked up the courage to call the detective it had gone to voice mail.

So, it was with a put upon sigh that the condition for his early return to work was 'desk duty'; so sifting through the mound of paperwork Hetty had so graciously found for him, he didn't notice the person's approach to his desk until a light shadow was cast over his files.

Looking up suddenly, he was surprised to note that it was none other than Deeks standing in front of him...an unreadable expression on his face as he took in the mound of paperwork on the agent's desk.

"Deeks..." Callen said, unsure what to say to the man.

"Callen," Deeks responded simply, his eyes still roaming the top of the desk, before he nodded, "desk duty...really sucks..."

Callen just snorted and closed the file he had been working on, "that it does..."

"Well since you've got so much already...guess one more piece won't matter..." Deeks said, holding out a file to the agent.

"What's this," Callen asked warily as he slowly reached for the file.

"My resignation from..." Deeks said.

"Resignation!" Callen interrupted heatedly, "So, that's it then...you're really leaving..."

"Well, yeah, I'm finally leaving..." Deeks replied with a shrug, "you were right..."

Callen looked at the file in his hand, then at the detective, before shaking his head, and standing up, waving the file at the detective, "No...You know what...no. I'm not accepting this..."

Deeks eyebrows shot up in surprise, as he took a few steps back from the suddenly angry agent, before his face settled an uncertainty, "so...you...uh, you didn't mean all that stuff you were saying about us being a team..."

"What? What's that have to do..." Callen was so angry he could barely think straight, as he waved the file in Marty's face, "you're the one who's leaving..."

Unbeknownst to either man, Hetty had stepped into the bullpen, her commanding voice cutting through the argument brewing, "Mr. Callen, I think there has been somewhat of a misunderstanding..."

Both men whirled to face the operations manager, Callen waving the file and saying, "What misunderstanding...he's leaving..."

Nodding towards the file in Callen's hand, Hetty asked, "Did you read the file, Mr. Callen?"

"Well...no," Callen said, suddenly unsure and feeling like he had missed something.

As Callen flipped open the file to scan its contents, the rest of the team stepped around and into the bullpen, exchanging expectant looks as the expression on Callen's face changed from anger, to confusion, to surprise.

"These are resignation papers from LAPD...you're...you're leaving the LAPD," Callen said slowly, as the implications of the file finally sunk in, "you're leaving LAPD...and with that, you're giving up your liaison position?" the last more of an accusation than observation as Callen fixed the detective with a scowl.

Noting that Deeks smug grin and the amused looks of the rest of the team were only serving to fuel her SFA's ire, Hetty commented, "Mr. Deeks the other file if you please..."

"What's this...?" Callen asked suspiciously, eying the new file with the same wariness.

"As team leader I need you to sign off on my resignation as your liaison officer so that you can sign these papers..." Deeks explained as he shoved the file in Callen's hands.

With an exasperated sigh, Callen snatched the file away from the detective and flipped it open, scanning its pages...his dark expression morphing to one of confusion before the full impact of what he was seeing finally set in. He looked up at the detective, and then to his team, before turning back to Deeks, "These are transfer orders...for a new agent to my team...for you...! You're finally becoming an agent!"

Deeks just nodded his head emphatically, "that's why I asked Hetty for the time off...why I haven't been around...had to take care of all the paperwork..."

Callen rounded on his partner, light accusation in his tone, "You! You knew didn't you...and you let me worry all this time that he was quitting..."

Sam just chuckled at his partner's ire, holding up his hands in mock defense, while Deeks piped in cheekily, "what, you didn't tell him...wait, really...he was worried...ah, isn't that sweet...don't worry...I'm all yours now..."

Callen then turned to the man that was now the newest agent on his team, a slow, smug smile spreading across his face, "that's so very right, Agent Deeks...you're our little Probie now...and don't you ever forget it..."

The bullpen erupted in laughter as Deeks expression changed to exaggerated concern as he babbled, "...what...Probie...what do you mean, Probie...ah, come on Callen, I've been here for four years...I'm not a Probie...really, I'm not gonna have to run through the courtyard naked or learn some secret spy handshake...right..."

Callen just smiled smugly as he signed the files with a small flourish and handed them to Hetty, who commented, "He's all yours now..."

...NCIS LA...

a/n: hope that was a satisfactory ending...it was hard to get the Callen/Deeks scene at the beginning to flow, it's a little OOC and chatty for them, but hey, it's AU. The end scene was fun to write...I actually had the epilogue written weeks before I had the last two chapters written.