Hiiiiii! Guess who's back? A BREEZE OF HOPE! I am such a shitty author. I know I KNOW. And I am truly, truly sorry for being such a bad updater but my life has been absolute chaos to say the least. Hopefully, now everything is somewhat settled again and I will be able to write more consistently.

And because I know there is no amount of apologizing that would make up for my delay, I will shut up and leave you to read this. Now this chapter is a bit of a time jump from the last one, but I hope it's not too confusing.

Also, remember! Horizontal line means I'm switching POVs!

Enjoy :D

Chapter 10: Matters of the Heart

Eager hands run along my thighs. Their touch scorching my skin, the fingertips leaving my skin ablaze as they travel across my stomach. His inviting lips land on the side of my neck, sucking at my pulse point. In a way only he knows, he kisses me. My body is limp beneath him, awaiting his assault all too willingly, a mixture of anticipation and fear lacing my thoughts.

How can I surrender so easily? my mind screams.

My body, however, is too caught up in the way he holds onto my hips to care, arms wrapping around his neck, fingers burying themselves in his dirty blonde curls. He kisses his way up the column of my neck, drawing out the torture. My lips tingle with suppressed sighs, begging for the taste of his. But he pulls away faster than I can pull him back to me.

I open my mouth to protest, but he silences me with a thrust of his hips. And into me he is buried. It is sharp and painful and uncomfortable.

I gasp, eyes flying opened, wanting to reprimand his sharp movements, but not the stormy blue orbs meet me, instead Tyler's face with a scowl plastered across it greets me.

"No" is all I can whisper, tears prickling my eyes as his hips repeatedly jerk forward, implanting an unwanted intrusion into me.

And when his lips slam onto mine, they are all but wanted.

. . .

The darkened room is suffocating. The breaths I draw seem nothing but useless shallow gasps trying and miserably failing, to give me back my lost composure. You would think that I would get used to this nightmare. It's been haunting me ever since I drifted to sleep in the hospital. I know not what brought it on, nor do I want to delve into what it is trying to convey or what kind of message my mind wants to send.

It is too frightening, the feeling of helplessness hovers over me like a dark cloud again. It is too painful. I can feel my body aching with the shadow memory of Tyler forcing himself into me.

I shudder.

Wanting nothing more than to escape my thoughts, I rise to my feet as fast as my still healing body allows me. Every move aches, and I do not know whether it is a fathom feeling that my mind created or something is truly wrong with the healing process, but every day seems to hurt more than the last.

Shaking my head, I pull on my robe, covering my long-sleeved pajamas. I do not want to think about why I have left the short-shorts and tank top pajamas a long time ago, and why I cannot bounce back to them.

. . .

"Nice PJs, love" Nik's teasing voice greets me as I step out of the bathroom.

"You're not allowed to comment on my outfits" I snap at him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I mean it, Caroline" he smiles, his eyes holding the mischievous glint that I've become too accustomed to "They are quite... sexy" he huskily whispers the last word.

I scoff, hoping that somehow this would hide the crimson shade my cheeks have taken "That's the concussion talking"

"Doubt it" he winks with a smirk that makes my insides turn into liquid.

"Go to sleep, Nik" I roll my eyes with a barely contained smile.

. . .

The muttering of the three siblings intensifies into obvious bickering between Kol and Rebekah as I step out of the bedroom.

"Bekah, you don't have to be mean" Kol says with a pout that is only appropriate for six-year-olds "I'm letting you stay in my house! The least you can do is let me have some pancakes"

"I told you these are for Caroline. If you want some more you can make your own" Rebekah snaps back "Besides, weren't you supposed to be at your lady friend's house?" she raises an eyebrow at him.

He shrugs "I said I would be spending the night with her, not have breakfast there. That might give the wrong impression".

"That you might actually like her?" Rebekah asks with disbelief.

"Precisely" Kol grins childishly.

"Well, you are definitely not getting any more pancakes now" Rebekah shoots with a fake smile.

"But Bekah" Kol whines, giving her his best puppy-eyes look.

"But Kol" she mocks.

I can hear Nik rolling his eyes at them even though he has his back turned to me.

"Why don't we let Nik decide?" Kol says, his eyes alight with trouble.

"Leave me out of this one, Kol" Nik interjects quickly.

"Since when did you become such a bore, Nik?" Kol whines, slumping in his seat.

Nik sighs. Turning around, his eyes catch mine. It is only then that the three siblings become aware of my presence. He opens and shuts his mouth several times before giving up and dropping his eyes to the floor.

"Morning, sunshine" Kol is the one to break the silence with a grin "Can I please have your share of pancakes?"

"Kol" Rebekah scolds, smacking the back of his head "Where are your manners?"

He grunts "What? I asked politely!"

I chuckle, shaking my head "It's OK, Bex, he can have my share" advancing forward into the kitchen, my only target is the coffee machine that Nik is currently occupying. Whether he is trying to avoid me or is simply uninterested in the whole ordeal, I cannot tell.

"Don't encourage him, Caroline!" Rebekah huffs, sounding every bit like a frustrated mother.

It's my turn to roll my eyes at her "I'm not feeling like breakfast anyways, why let the pancakes go to waste?"

Abruptly, Nik turns around, offering me a mug with his outstretched hand. It seems that his sudden movement halts whatever response Rebekah wanted to shoot back at me. For a moment, I do nothing but stare at him, dumbfound as if his intention is unclear. He stares back at me, his own words faltering.

We have not had a single interaction ever since his cringe-worthy outburst back at the hospital. He lurked in the background as we left the hospital and boarded the plane to London, his presence continuous but his eyes not meeting mine, and his lips not uttering a single word to me. And, frankly, I am nothing but glad for his behavior. The last thing I need now is Niklaus Mikaelson trying to be my knight on shinning armor and pretending to want to save me.

"Milk, no sugar, right?" he asks at last, breaking the silence that I've let linger between us.

"Yes" I clear my throat, taking the mug from him "Thank you". The fact that he remembers how I take my coffee is odd to say the least, but I pretend that it is the most normal thing in the world for the sake of my sanity.

He nods "You should really eat something. The doctor was insistent in her advice that you should stay healthy." he mutters, his eyes boring into mine.

I avert my gaze from his, uncomfortable by his intense gaze. There is a pull at my heart, a tug on its strings when I look at him. He evokes such unwanted feelings from me, contradicting and conflicting ones. Often, I do not know whether I want to shun him out of my life or to throw myself in his arms and never let him go. A keen sense of nostalgia for the days of our playful banter and flirtatious friendliness takes over me, and I want to rebuild the bridge that was broken, to try as hard as I can to retrieve what is lost. And I want to destroy all my ties to that past, too, a sense of desperate need to bury it all behind lingering in my mind. My desires battle, and I know not what to do other than watch one side win over the other.

"Nik is right, Caroline" Rebekah's gentle voice breaks through my thoughts "You need to eat if you are intending to recover any time soon"

"Yes, Carebear" Kol interjects casually, his nickname sending me back to a forgotten past "You need food. You love food. Food is great" he smirks "Your words not mine" he wiggles his eyebrows. Oh dear lord how much he resembles Nik sometimes.

I smile widely, ignoring how foreign it feels to genuinely smile.

"OK" I relent, clearly outnumbered.

And it is like I've awakened a sleeping cell of bees. As I sit down on the chair opposite Kol's, the three siblings scramble around the kitchen. You would think that they are preparing a feast rather than a simple breakfast for me. Kol is digging through the fridge, retrieving butter, jam and cheese then muttering how he needs to go groceries shopping before popping his head to look at me,

"If you want, I have left over pasta from last night" he suggests.

"No thank you" I stutter.

Rebekah sets down a dish with pancakes stacked over it in front of me, and Nik slides a plate of bacon and eggs towards me.

"Thanks" I murmur, not used to the attention.

"Anytime, darling" Kol grins.

"But that's too much food. You can have some of the pancakes, Kol" I hesitantly begin, wanting them to join me rather than hover making sure that I have everything within reach.

"Excellent" he claps his hands. He retrieves a plate, pulls two of the piled four pancakes into it and sits back in his place with a grin still plastered across his face. He immediately starts shoving the food into his mouth.

"Kol! Stop acting like an uncivilized prick!" Rebekah scolds again as she slides into a seat, sipping from her coffee and spreading butter on a toast.

"Come on, Bekah!" Kol says through a mouthful of pancakes that are practically drowning in maple syrup "You're turning into a bore just like Elijah!"

Childishly, Rebekah answers by sticking her tongue out at him. I chuckle as Kol doubles over with laughter "There's my sister!" he exclaims "Obviously, it is Nik who is turning into an Elijah" he teases.

From the corner of my eye, I see him leaning against the counter with a mug of his own in his hand, a ghost of a smile splayed across his handsome face. I have to bite my tongue to suppress the sudden urge I have to invite him to sit down with us.

"I've simply turned into an old man. I can't keep up with you anymore" he smirks, shrugging.

"Well, come on, old man" Rebekah speaks "You haven't eaten anything in two days, too" he opens his mouth to protest but she cuts him off "this is not open for debate, Nik. Get your ass over here!"

"Yes mother" Nik firmly answers, earning an eye roll from Rebekah and a chuckle from Kol.

And for the briefest of moments, it feels like no time has passed at all.

But time did pass, Caroline. Don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

I somberly take a sip from my bitter coffee.

I want to hold her. I want to embrace her. I want her to lay all her troubles on me. I want to feel her relaxing, to see the stiffness of her body turning into its tranquil, care-free posture again. And most of all, I want to erase that broken look from the once radiant eyes.

There was a time in my life when I believed that I will never care for anyone enough to want to sacrifice my time and effort to see them smile again. Until Caroline came along. There is always this unexplainable urge I feel to see her smile. In any way and no matter what. This new look that she is wearing now, the look of helplessness, of brokenness, only intensifies this urge I have. Someone like her, someone so radiant, so beautiful like her is not supposed to suffer such pain.

Only people like myself deserve this kind of agony.

And to think that you have gotten over your self-loathing, Klaus. I ignore my brain as it scoffs.

I watch her nibbling on her food from the corner of my eye. Her eyes are distant as she sips from her coffee. Her moves are slow as she picks up her fork, place it on her plate, then gives up and puts it back on the table. She is unaware of my lingering gaze, unaware of Kol and Rebekah's bickering, unaware of anything other than whatever dark thoughts her mind is dictating her.

For a moment there, before we sat down to breakfast, she seemed far more recipient of our jokes. She even cracked a genuine smile, albeit a small one compared to the one that used to light up the entire room, but something was there. And foolishly I've thought for a moment that her road to recovery can be easier than anticipated.

"So, Nik" Rebekah clears her throat, noting the way my moves halted and my own mind drifted elsewhere "How's Johnny?"

That seems to pique Caroline's interest, she looks up from her barely touched food, her eyes expectant as they bore to the side of my face.

"Yes, how's that little bugger?" Kol asks with a grin. It is beyond me how he manages to grin like a fool all the time and over everything. "Is he as handsome as his favorite uncle?"

"If you think that the uncle who barely sees him is his favorite you're sorely mistaken" I scoff.

"But we Skype all the time!" Kol puts a hand to his chest, seeming truly offended.

"It is nothing compared to the uncle who shares his mother's bed and acts like his father on daily basis" I spit through clenched jaw.

"Nik!" Rebekah squeaks out, her tone scolding.

I see Caroline frowning as I glance in her direction quickly.

"Come on, Bekah, Elijah and Tatia's marriage is no secret" I sigh.

"Wait, what?" Caroline exclaims. This time, her gaze truly burns a hole in my face "Elijah and Tatia are married?"

"Ah, you've missed so many great details, Carebear!" Kol is almost bouncing in his seat. Caroline's eyes shift to him, waiting for him to expand.

"Ignore Kol" Rebekah interjects "he likes to create drama"

"Yes, of course, he does" I mock "the drama isn't already there. Kol makes it up all on his own" my scorn seems to infuriate Rebekah all the more.

"Nik this is neither the time nor place to talk about this" Rebekah says calmly. The look in her eyes, however, is screaming at me "What the hell are you doing?" it says "Have you lost your bloody mind?" it screams.

I sigh, immediately feeling guilty at my momentary outburst "Yes, you are right. It is not"

I begin to rise from my chair when Caroline's small hand clamps down on my forearm. An angry fire in her eyes as she glares at me.

"Screw that!" she scowls, halting my movements with the sharp tone that I haven't realized I missed so much "Tell me what happened!"

I stare back at her, slumping back into my seat. There is warmth spreading from where her palm is still pressed against my bare skin. I try with all my might to ignore how good it feels to have her touching me again, yet my efforts fail, for I cannot think of anything other than the nimble fingers clasping around my forearm. I have missed her so much, far too much.

The silence lingers. For a second or a day, I cannot tell. Until, at last, her eyes widen in disbelief and her hand retracts away from mine. I miss the feeling instantly.

"I'm sorry" she murmurs, a hint of fear in the blue sea that haunted my dreams years ago and that shall linger in my heart for many years to come.

Can she possibly be afraid of me?.

"Caroline" I begin but she has already scrambled to her feet, practically pouncing out of the room and taking shelter in the bathroom. How did I frighten her?

Remember your outburst in the hospital? my brain mocks. And I wish with every fiber of my being that I can shut it off.

. . .

The silence is almost deafening. Caroline has tentatively left the bathroom only to retract in the bedroom. She does not look in our direction, nor mutter a single breath before closing the door behind her. And we sit in endless silence in the living room.

As I fasten the shoelace of my shoes, ready to bolt out of the apartment myself, I feel Rebekah's glare on my back.

"Bekah, I can roast a turkey with your glare" I huff, turning around to face her "out with it, little sister"

"You're a real asshole, Nik" Rebekah begins. Kol, from his position in front of the TV frowns and turns towards us.

"Well, don't let anything stop you" I coldly reply, raising my eyebrows at her expectantly.

"You can't control your bloody temper around her?" Rebekah hisses, coming closer to me so that Caroline wouldn't be able to catch the conversation.

"I'm so sorry sister that I do not excel self-control like yourself, or that I am bothered by the fact that my brother plays the father for my son and I am reduced to the goddamned favorite uncle!" I snap back at her, my jaw clenching painfully as I try to leash my rage.

"Oh please, Nik, you delude yourself with this story so you wouldn't have to face Elijah" Rebekah snaps back, crossing her arms over her chest. There is fury burning off of her face "Johnny adores you for heaven's sake!"

"No thanks to you in this matter" I spit out.

"Besides, this is not even my point" Rebekah ignores me "Don't you dare hurt Caroline"

"Hurt Caroline?" my eyebrows shoot up "Do I look like a bloody caveman to you Rebekah?" indignation laces my voice. I need to leave this apartment, right this instant.

"Yes!" She exclaims.

"I have no intention of hurting Caroline!" I shout, unable to control my voice, uncaring that Caroline might hear me "And if you think for one second that I mean her any harm, then you do not know me at all, sister" I practically spit out.

"Then you would back off!" she yells back "Don't you dare act like her knight on shinning armor. She is vulnerable and does not need your emotional manipulation. She does not need you taking advantage of her like you did the first time!"

I blink back the hurt, swallowing the rising bile of disgust in my throat. It is like a physical blow with every single accusation that drips from my sister's mouth. How can she seem to have all the faith of the world in me one second then conclude that I am the scum of the earth the next is beyond me. Perhaps I am unworthy of any kind of support.

"Is that what you think happened the first time around?" I whisper "Is that what you think I'm doing now?"

She swallows, her eyes shifting to the floor only to snap back to mine defiantly.

"You really think that low of me, don't you, sister?".

Seconds of heavy silence stretch onto endless minutes. The words falter in her throat, and the breath catches in mine.

"Oh bugger off, Rebekah" Kol interjects, rising to his feet angrily and striding towards me "You just get extra sensitive by Nik's reaction to Tatia and Elijah's predicament because you were the one who encouraged 'Lijah in the first place to marry Tatia. So how about you leave Nik and his miseries alone and go find someone else to punish instead." Kol huffs.

"That's not-" Rebekah starts, stunned by Kol's fury.

"Save it for someone who cares, Bekah" he coldly cuts her off "Let's get out of here, Nik".

As astonished as Rebekah by Kol's behavior, I silently follow him out of the apartment.

. . .

"Don't you think it's a little early for us to start drinking?" I ask Kol as we slide in the bar's stools.

"Of course not, Nik!" he grins, bouncing back to his overly-excited, overly-amused self "You just had a fallout with your favorite sibling and the love of your life is going through the toughest phase anyone can experience. You have all the reason in the world to get drunk before 12!"

"And I'm much more fun when I'm drunk?" I smirk, knowing his unspoken reason far too well.

"That too" his grin widens as he claps a hand on my shoulder.

I do not know how we manage to do it, but within half an hour we have worked our way through half a bottle of cheap scotch. Kol is in joyous mood, laughing with the only group of girls who are in the bar at such an early hour, while I down one drink after another as though my life depends on it. My thoughts are not yet completely hazy, but the more I think of what awaits me back at Kol's apartment, the more desperate I am to drown in the bottle of bad liquor.

A few drinks later and my brother seems to have lost interest in the three giggling girls. He turns back towards me, sipping from his drink silently before he speaks,

"What ails your mind, Nik?" he asks, slurring a little on his words.

"I am not used to you being the level-headed advisor" I answer him, my tongue heavy as I try to focus. It is then that I decide to stop drinking if I am to stop myself from doing anything foolish.

"You say that like I've never done anything remotely mature in my life" Kol protests, offended.

"Well, you haven't" I reply.

He tilts his head from side to side thoughtfully before shrugging "I am ready to do so now!"

"You already know what's on my mind, Kol" I sigh, rubbing my face agitatedly.

"That, I know" he begins seriously, giving up on his drink "and as much as I hate to admit it but I do agree with Rebekah"

"What is that supposed to mean?" I snap, glaring at him.

"You should stay away from Caroline" he clarifies.

"Oh please, Kol, don't tell me that you thi-" I start, the building-up offenses starting to truly bother me.

"No, no, it's not her I'm looking out for" he cuts me off with a wave of his hand, before he meets my eyes again all hints of playfulness gone "It is you who I'm worried about"

I frown, my anger subsiding into confusion "What do you mean?"

He sighs exasperatedly "You're in love with her, Nik, truly, madly in love with her. It is abundantly clear that you will do anything for her no matter what. And I know that you wouldn't do it for anything other than to make her happy. I know that you won't be asking for anything in return." his tone turns somber, avoiding my eyes as he continues "Of course it's not because you're a selfless unicorn, but because you love her. Because you've lovedher for so long. You've let her memory consume you for so long. But this should stop, brother"

"Kol, I cannot just walk away from her now. I can't leave her battling this war alone" I whisper.

"Caroline is battling a war against her demons, Nik. A war that you cannot help her with. You will only be burning yourself by holding on to the hope that she will get back to you" his voice is sympathetic as he lays a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"I am no fool, Kol, I know that she will not be recovering from this anytime soon" I murmur, my gaze latching onto the wooden bar before me.

"That is where your mistake comes, brother" Kol's voice drops into a mere whisper "The woman you loved will never recover. Because the woman you loved no longer exists. The woman you loved is never coming back"

"That's not true, Kol" I shake my head, looking back at his morose face "I saw a hint of her today. You were there, you saw her. You saw the old Caroline"

He, too, shakes his head "What I saw today is a ghost of the woman you love. What I saw today is a woman broken, battling her demons, battling for her life. What I saw today is you, desperately grasping onto straws that will only lead you to your fall down." he pauses, his eyes impossibly soft as he utters his next words "I'm not trying to protect her fragile heart, Nik. I'm trying to protect yours".

OK, so I know I'm a bad person, but can you please guys give me feedback on this one? I love hearing your thoughts, and, well, I was quite hesitant about this. Thank you

Till next time