It.. hurts..

Ie.. mitsu..

Pain..

Darkness, that was all she saw. No.. There was something.. Something else...

"Sa.. da.."

".. -san.."

"Sawada-san!"

Her eyelids fluttered open. Darkness was fading away. Noise was filling her ears.

The clicking of shoes against the grounds, the yells for patient, nurses, doctors, anyone, to make way and the smooth sound of the patient bed moving across the room.

But that wasn't what she was paying attention to. Rather, it was the pulsing in her stomach, the painful throbbing in her abdomen and the emptiness in her heart that seemed to send her into a frenzy of panic.

"I-Ie... mitsu.." she whispered out, forcing herself to breath. It felt as though she might suffocate to death had she not done so.

"Sawada-san!" the nurse exclaimed, a relieved smile tugging at her lips. The nurse leaned down and dabbed a little napkin at her temples, wiping the sweat away. She was reassuring her gently, as though having much practise with other pregnant woman already.

But Nana didn't care. She didn't want her reassurance. She wanted her husband. Her handsome, cool and caring husband.

"W-where.." Nana choked out, blinking tears away at the pain. It hurt so badly. She yearned for nothing but the presence of Sawada Iemitsu. He was the only one who would be able to take the pain away.

Understanding her intentions, the nurse quickly placed a hand on her arm, "Don't worry, Sawada-san. We're contacting your husband now. He should be arriving anytime soon."

Nana's eyes widened and all of a sudden, it didn't seem so scary anymore. A soft smile graced her lips at the thought of having her husband by her side for their first born.

Yes, their firstborn. Sawada Tsunayoshi.. Their little miracle.

Her thoughts were broken when another nurse rushed towards the one next to her, seemingly in panic as she whispered in her ear urgently.

Fear rose through her heart once again as she watched. The widening of the eyes, the shocked gasp and the disbelieving expression, they all seemed to put her on the edge.

It seemed unnatural then, as the nurse turned towards her with a forced smile and patted her gently on the arm, "D-don't worry, it'll all be fine."

And then she knew. Iemitsu wasn't going to come.

He wasn't coming. Not even for their child.

For the first time in her life, anger began to bubble through her chest for that man. She'd endured it all. The all too often trips away from home. The reckless and illogical excuses he used. The habit of drinking till he was knocked out. Because she loved him. And she thought he loved her too.

Wedding anniversaries, birthdays, he'd missed such things non-too-commonly. But this was outrageous!

Tsunayoshi was someone they had been looking forward to. He'd whispered promises to her, as they chose his name, to be by his side during the miraculous event when he would finally join them in this beautiful world.

And yet.. he was too busy? To be by the side of his wife and welcome the entrance of his son into the world?!

Her heart was shattering. The wrenching pain was killing her. She felt tired all of a sudden.

She was at lost. Throughout most of her life, she'd been led by that man into his unrealistic fantasies of romance. And without him, she felt like a newborn animal without its parent. She didn't know what to do anymore.

It wasn't pain. Neither was it panic. It was just empty.

It was as though her ability to feel was taken away all of a sudden.

She watched blindly as it all happened. As the doctor encouraged her to breath, as the nurse kept a comforting hand on her arm and cheered her on, and as the heart rate monitor beeped on.

She felt like an audience. She wasn't Sawada Nana. She was just someone watching it all happen. This woman, this sad, pitiful woman. The one that gave up her own parents to follow that man. It had been her dream to find a prince. And she did. But the prince was a selfish prince. She had a husband, but she was alike to that of a woman whom had none.

She felt her heart going out for this person. If she was there, she would have hugged her, and told her that it was all alright. That despite the fact that she knew this woman was going to spend her whole life in a small house, waiting for a man to return home with no sparks in her life, she still wanted to help her feel better.

Until she realised that she wasn't an audience at all. And this.. this woman, was her.

At that very moment, a sharp cry pierced through the air.

There was happy cheers around the room. The doctor was explaining something to her with a happy smile. Something that she just couldn't seem to hear. The nurse approached her with a wide grin as she placed a bundle in her arms.

She glanced down slowly, willing her neck to move. Her dull, empty eyes met a pair of wide, brown doe eyes. And then it happened.

The very moment she looked into his eyes, she could see it all. Tsunayoshi would experience taking his first steps, having his first birthday, his first Parent's Day. And among all of that, there would be no father. Just her, and the child.

One day, he would be crying, and asking her why he had no father when all his friends did. And she would have no reply to that.

A choked sob rose to her throat as she placed a shaky hand on the child's cheek, "T-tsuna.."

The infant tilted his head curiously. As though being able to tell that his mother was sad, he gurgled and beamed cutely, waving his tiny hands at her, as though trying to comfort her.

Nana quickly moved her hand to cover her mouth as another sob came up. She sniffed, hiccuped, before bursting out in wailings. All the while, she kept her cheeks pressed against her child's, whispering the same words over and over again to him as she sobbed, "I'm sorry, Tsuna.. I'm so sorry.."

By her side, the nurses and doctors smiled, mistaking her cries for tears of joy.

That was the first time she wished that she had never met that man.

It was at 2.03 am, 14th of October, when Tsunayoshi was born. He was perfect. I knew at first sight that he was going to be a kind, gentle and caring boy one day. That was also the very day I decided that I was going to give him all my love and focus on raising him up. You had lost your place in this family, Iemitsu. And you would never find it back.

~ Fin

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Raita