A/N: Soooooo, I am back! And I would like to thank: sparrowsvixon90, Kaitlyn Rose, dionne dance, xfoundmyselfinwonderlandx, Gary the Snail x3, XantheXV, TinkerbellxO and Leyshla Gisel. Thank you for your comments!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Libertine.

Chapter 37

"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."
― Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

If only she could reach that book. There was something in there. It seemed like paper, but not quite. It was a bit thicker than parchment paper. The corner was slightly wrinkled and she could see the hint of a smudge. She leaned up on her tiptoes and smiled when she felt nothing but the gentle swell of her stomach weighing her down. No cramp, no faint pain; nothing. She could finally move with more ease.

She dug her toes in the lush carpet and raised her chin, her eyes half closing as she tried to focus on the large, leather-bound volume.

"Bloody hell." She swore as she reached out, but couldn't quite close her fingers around the book. Letting out a frustrating sigh, she placed her hands on her hips and gazed about the room. The study was quiet and tidy. The latter an obvious sign of Rochester's long absence from his favorite quarters. The drapes were pulled back, revealing the side of the quiet cobblestone path that led to the main road connecting the house with the busy market. Having the curtains pulled back was a luxury that she allowed herself only during nights. It was the only time of the day she was sure that no one could spot her lurking in the Earl's home.

Pulling her gaze away from the window, she glanced at the top shelf again, gently tapping her stomach. If she could get that chair up against the shelves, she could surely reach the book. But would it hold her weight? It looked a bit shabby. Stifling a groan, she looked around.

Her lips twitched as she eyed the Earl's large armchair by the desk. Her eyes narrowed and she moved towards it with purpose. She had never experienced boredom before in her life and the last thing she cared about was the Earl's precious chair. She had done everything that her condition allowed. She had read every book in the house. That was the last one that was still unexplored and there was a reason he had tucked it so high up in his library.

She grabbed it with both hands and just as she started dragging it towards the shelves, she heard the sound of a carriage pulling in the driveway. She froze and looked at the door, listening for Alcock.

Abandoning the chair, she rushed to the window. Wincing, she extinguished the candles, veiling the study in darkness. Returning to the window, she pressed her face against the glass, trying to steal a look at the driveway. The only thing she could see was the bulky end of the coach. Cursing softly, she pushed back and tiptoed to the door. Opening it slightly, she tilted her head, attempting to listen to any voices. She heard none. Only the sound of the front door clicking broke the eerie quietness. Then silence.

She shut the door, frowning as the telltale sound of the coach pulling away rang in the night.

"What in heavens?" she whispered as she headed for the chair, this time to sit down.

Her backside hadn't touched the seat when she heard the thudding of footsteps. She nearly yelped when the door was slammed opened.

Her eyes widened and her breath faltered. "What-…"

"Get your arse out of that chair!" Alcock was wheezing. He was holding a thick cloak in his hands.

Alexandra blinked. "What?"

"Get up." He stormed inside the room, his eyes roaming the grounds. "Put this on." He threw the cloak at her and her heart fell to her stomach.

"Why?"

Alcock's eyes found hers in the semi-darkness. "We need to get moving. It's not safe here."

Alexandra was up before he could draw another breath. "What do you mean?"

He leaned down and only then did she notice that he held his dirty boots in his hands.

"There's been word. The house will soon be filled with visitors." He groaned as he struggled with the shoes.

"Visitors? What kind of visitors?" His urgency spurred her on and she tucked the cloak around her, tying the laces at the front so it wouldn't fall off her shoulders.

He looked up, his mouth curled up. "Royal ones."

"What? The King's daughter would never come and live here. What about her quarters at the court? Surely…" She let her words trail off as he started moving towards her.

He rushed for the desk and grabbed the Earl's letter opener. He tucked it in his belt and when Alexandra stared he rolled his eyes.

"Protection."

"Protection against what?" She trailed after him when he walked out of the study and started for the stairs that led to the kitchen.

"Wait!" she grabbed his arm, breathing heavily. She was slow and could barely make it a few steps without getting out of breath.

"We're wasting time." He was impatient now. He was serious about this.

Still, she tried to reason with him. "He would never allow anyone to come here. He-…"

"What don't you understand?" he cut her off. "Word was sent that they are coming here for the new theatre season. Such bollocks. She is just curious what's in here. We need to go. I have the horse in the back."

"I can't ride on a horse." She quaked with unease, resisting the urge to cling to her stomach.

"You have no other choice. If the wife finds you here, it's off with your head." He paused. "His as well once they see your round belly."

She blinked rapidly, her hands clenching and unclenching by her sides as she bit hard down on her lip.

"Who sent word? Him?"

"Lady Anne. Now, come on!" Her hand was clasped and he started dragging her with him, but she couldn't go. Not empty handed.

"Wait, wait!" she dug her heels and he groaned.

"What now?"

"I have no shoes on!" she protested and he eyed her bare feet.

"Bugger."

Releasing her, she stepped back and headed for the bedchamber. She found her shoes by the vanity. Slipping them on, her eyes searched for the bundle of cotton that she had assembled a few days back. Not finding it on the bed or the chairs, she started panicking.

"No, no." she mumbled as she started looking around. She checked under the bed, the drawers and even the double closet. Nothing.

In her haste, she bumped her backside against the nightstand and winced. Something fell to the floor with an audible clang and she looked down. She paused.

Swallowing, she leaned down as best as she could, reached out with her left hand and closed her fingers around the fallen earrings. Slipping them inside her pocket, she kept looking.

"Alcock!" she nearly screeched and he cursed as a loud bang echoed in the house.

"Bloody hell, woman! Get the fuck down. Now!"

"I can't find them!" she yelled as she came to lean by the door.

"Wha'?"

"I cannot find them!" she called again, her hands shaking.

"Get down or I'll come and get you!"

Furious that he ignored her words, she started for the stairs, her hand squeezing the wooden banister as she made her way downstairs.

"They were on my bed. I left them there!"

He seemed bored and waved a hand towards her direction.

"Bloody hell, calm yourself. What are you shouting for anyway?"

"You know what. The-…."

"They are already loaded on the horse." He cut her off and she paused, her eyes widening.

"Pardon?"

"Aye. Couldn't possibly have a baby with no baby clothes, eh? Especially when it took you so much time making the damn things." He headed for the kitchen.

Alexandra stared at him in wonder.

"Are you coming?"

Smiling despite herself, she followed after him.

"What about my things in the Earl's room?" She whispered as he closed and locked the kitchen door.

He chuckled. "I doubt anyone would notice your single and only dress, Alex."

She swallowed hard and eyed the black stallion by the yard.

"Why didn't he contact you?"

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "I suppose he couldn't. Woodstock has been surrounded by the King's guards since Mary got back."

Alexandra fumbled with her cloak. Woodstock. She actually missed Woodstock.

"He promised he'd be back in two weeks…It's been over a month." Her murmur didn't go unnoticed, but Alcock decided not to dwell much on the subject.

"We need to go. Get to the horse."

Alexandra gulped. "Um, I don't think..."

"I'll help you." He walked over to the dark stallion and patted its behind. The baby's bundle of clothes was strapped on the saddle.

Alexandra took a step back. "I can't."

"You can. I'll hoist you up and you can sit like a woman." He smirked as he gestured her to come forward with his hands.

Alexandra took a hesitant step towards him.

"Like a woman? Is that you being condescending?" she asked with a raised eyebrow and he frowned.

"Eh?"

"Nothing. Don't drop me." She warned with a pointed finger and he rubbed his hands together as if to prepare himself.

He didn't drop her. In fact, he surprised her with his strength.

She raised both eyebrows down at him and he shrugged.

"No one's better at carrying people around than me," he paused, "Drunk or otherwise."

She couldn't help but laugh as he hoisted himself up behind her.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The Bull and Mouth inn was busy. Alexandra could hear the commotion from downstairs as she sat on the bed, huddled underneath the covers. She busied herself with listening to the horses' hooves as they came and went.

The room was warm enough. The fireplace was lit and the flames strong. She yawned and eyed the closed door. She still hadn't put the latch on. Her feet moved underneath the sheets and her brain told her to go and put the bolt on. She didn't want to risk sleeping with the door wide open for midnight visitors; especially when she was alone and could barely move around.

She gulped at the thought of someone thrusting a knife under her chin…She sat up and prayed that Alcock wouldn't get too drunk to notice anything odd. As soon as she made that thought, she snorted. What was she talking about? He was probably enjoying himself downstairs after so much time with just her for company. And he had a right to do that. She was not his responsibility. He was just helping out of loyalty…and probably because he had no other choice.

Shaking her head, she pursed her lips and eyed the fireplace. Actually, she was no one's responsibility. Her actions were her own. So were the repercussions.

Second thoughts? She glanced down at her stomach. She smiled.

Not really.

She needed to move off her arse and bolt the door. Pulling her shift down her thighs, she moved the covers out of the way and swung her legs off the mattress. Her gaze caught the dirty hem of her dress and she grimaced. She needed to get that clean in the morning. Her shoes as well. They were smudged with mud from the short walk from the stables to the inn.

A noise from outside the door made her pause. There were footsteps approaching and some laughter. She swallowed hard, cursing for not locking sooner. Now she was too tense to even move. She hoped that the footsteps would carry on down the hall, but they didn't. In fact, they stopped right outside the room. It couldn't be Alcock yet. It was only an hour since he had left her alone. Just an hour.

Bolt the door. Don't forget it. This is not the house, Alex.

"Idiot." She palmed her forehead when the door creaked open.

Her eyes widened and she rushed to get on her feet. She yelped when her foot got twisted in the sheet hanging from the side of the bed. She fell onto the cot on her back. The air was knocked out of her and her hands went to her abdomen.

"Hell!" she hissed, but her attention was quickly caught by the figure standing by the door.

She paused. It sure as hell wasn't Alcock. She frowned at the sight of the hooded silhouette. She saw his hands first because they were the only thing visible. They were smudged black, but she would recognize those fingers anywhere. Long and elegant. Her eyes widened and she sat up. He seemed like he was looking at her, but she couldn't really tell since his features were covered.

One of his hands shot out and he clasped the door, slowly closing it and bolting it.

He let out a sharp breath and then he reached up and pushed the hood down. Brown eyes stared right back at her and her heartbeat escalated despite her huge relief.

"Hello, Alexandra." His voice, deep and husky, washed over her like sunshine.

He ran a hand through his already tousled curls and then moved forward, unclasping his long worn cloak. His shirt underneath was his own and it was clean, yet it was wrinkled as if he had worn it a lot.

"You should have bolted the door." His tone was scolding her.

She knew she was staring like an idiotic chit, but she couldn't help it. His lips twitched and his eyes wrinkled at the corners. He was amused as he threw the cloak to the floor and walked over to her side of the bed.

"You didn't knock." She managed to choke out at last and he smirked. His eyes left her face and darted to the bedside table. She knew what he was looking at; her earrings.

His eyes danced with tiny flames as he looked back down at her. "Did you miss me?"

She blinked up at him and her brain worked long enough for her to give a tiny nod.

He laughed then and his hand reached out. He hooked it at the back of her neck, threading his fingers in her hair. His free hand clasped her arm and he pulled her up by her rich locks. Her hands danced by her sides with the sudden movement, but when he pulled her mouth to his, they locked around his abdomen. His warm breath teased the seam of her lips and then his soft mouth was there. She shuddered and let her lips fall open for him. He groaned as she pressed close to him and bit down on her lip. She hissed and he released her. He pushed her on the bed on her back and she panted for breath as he loomed above her for a moment. He briefly straddled her legs and then stretched out on the bed next to her, on his side. She tried to turn towards him, but his hand on her stomach stopped her short.

"Stay still." He murmured sharply and then he leaned down to reconnect their lips. His tongue and breath scorched the inside of her mouth and she clutched his wrist, squeezing it tightly as his fingers moved to cradle her lower belly. His right hand stopped supporting his head and sank into her hair instead. Grabbing fistfuls of it, he pulled her up further into the kiss.

Something breaking in the distance caused him to break the kiss. He glared at the door and his lip curled.

Her fingers stroked his forearm, slipping beneath his sleeve. He looked back down at her, his mouth a straight, tight line.

"Are you comfortable?" his eyes roamed her form, "What do you need?"

She swallowed. "Is everything alright? Where have you been?" she took his hand and when she threaded her fingers through his he let her.

"I asked you a question. Answer me." he squeezed her fingers and stared at her.

"Only if you answer mine."

He pursed his mouth in aggravation. "I've been busy."

"I can see that."

His eyes narrowed. "Stop pestering me. Not you as well." He took his hand back, freeing it from her hold.

"You look tired." She muttered as she sat up on her elbows. She could go no farther up with her belly in the way.

"I'm fine." He stood up from the bed and her face fell completely. He searched his cloak and when he stood up he held a flask in his hand. Her eyes became slits.

"Really? Why are you drinking then?"

His lopsided sneer was mocking. "Remind me of a time when I am not drinking, Alexandra."

"Is it Lady Mary?" she asked hesitantly as he took a sip from the flask. He took his time in swallowing it and when he did, he gestured towards her.

"If I didn't know you and your…pathetic gentle sentiments, I'd say that you don't care much about the fact that this Lady is my wife. Do you plan on sitting with her for tea next? Perhaps ask her opinion on baby clothes. Lace or linen?" He sneered some more.

"I don't give a rat's arse about her."

Alexandra frowned. "That's not true."

He rolled his eyes and she licked her lips. "What have you been doing? Have you been writing?"

He took another sip. "Some." He ground out and she smiled.

"Charles has been staying in Woodstock with us. She insisted." His voice was low.

"Oh."

He looked at her. "I am not letting him anywhere near her. Things have become worse. Especially while I've been gone."

"Gone? What about Charles?"

He leaned against the fireplace. "He's sleeping in the next room."

Alexandra sat up completely. "Alone?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I am not that much of a bastard." He hissed and then groaned. "He has a governess. My mother insisted on it."

"That's good."

"Is it?" His eyes fell on her and she frowned. "He likes you. He's been asking questions…" He worked his jaw in grinding motions. "Mary's been suspicious about it."

"Oh no." she breathed and he grunted.

"I don't care. Not really. But if this goes public…" he chuckled, "Let me just say that losing Woodstock would be the least of my punishments... I am being watched."

"I know." She whispered, "Why did your mother warn us? Why did she let us know of Mary's arrival?"

He raised the flask and studied it. "She is not stupid. You're not either. Think."

She blinked, her mouth opening and closing. "You planned this? And she agreed to help?"

He tilted his head to the side as he regarded her. "Good girl. Of course she did. Like I said, she is not a fool." He threw the flask on top of the cloak and approached the bed again.

"Your hair's longer." She said as she studied him.

He chuckled and took a seat next to her. He reached out and touched a lock of her hair. He trailed his fingertips along its length until they reached the top of her backside.

"Yours as well." He splayed his fingers on her lower back and brushed her cheek with his nose. "I've brought you some things. Clothes, books…" his lips touched her temple and she shivered. "There are more back in Woodstock." He trailed his mouth down her neck.

"I don't think I shall ever return there." She whispered as his hand closed around her neck in a gentle but firm hold.

"Then you don't really know me, pet." He pulled her closer and maneuvered her until her back was pressed to his side. He started pulling her down on the bed with him. He locked his mouth on the side of her neck, his tongue flicking the skin as his fingertips danced over and then below the neckline of her shift. Her eyes drifted closed and she pressed herself into the palm of his hand, her breath coming out faster as his mouth moved wetly to the juncture of her neck and shoulder. A calloused fingertip stroked over the underside of her breast and she arched her back, pressing her body against his front. His chest heaved as her backside rubbed up against his growing arousal and his teeth bit teasingly into the soft skin of her neck. She gasped and let out small laugh. He grinned against her skin, removing his hand from her breast to trail it down her thigh. He bunched up her shift, closing his fist around the fabric before pulling it up over her thighs.

"What happened to your hands?" she murmured as his teeth nibbled on her jaw.

He groaned as her hand latched onto his waist and pulled him forward, pressing him further into her softness.

"Ink." His response was delayed as his knee parted her legs and his hand trailed down the inside of her thigh. She smiled and turned her head so she could look at him. His mouth parted in a heavy groan as his fingers moved beneath her undergarments and found her. Biting her lip, she let her legs fall further apart and moved to kiss him as best as she could from her awkward position. She found the corner of his mouth and he leaned forward to accommodate her. A jerk of his hand, a ripping sound and then nothing stood between his touch and and her soft flesh. Parting her legs further he moved forward, touching her firmly and fast before slowing down to tease her with feathery touches. His breeches were next and she gently shook her head.

"You know I-…"

"I know." He responded heavily as he slipped his free hand down between their bodies to grasp himself. "Be quiet." He murmured as he covered her lips with his own and gripped her thigh tightly, squeezing it before slipping his fingers upwards again. She sighed into his mouth and closed her eyes as she basked in the urgency of his touch.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

She woke up to gentle conversation. She stretched her hands and once she found the other side of the bed empty, she blinked her eyes open. It was overcast but there was some faint light falling into the room from the small window. The smell of tea and freshly baked bread reached her nostrils and her stomach growled in response. She flushed when the talking ceased and slowly raised her head from the pillow, clutching the covers to her chest.

Rochester was standing by the door in his breeches and shirt and he was staring at her with mirth written all over his features. A petite, but old woman was standing in front of him, just under the threshold. She wore a white cap and a strict dark blue dress. Its buttons reached her chin and Alexandra frowned. That was the governess? Dear God. Poor child.

"My Lord?"

The Earl blinked and looked away from Alexandra, frowning as if to wake himself up.

"Like I said, Mrs. Bertram. You are staying. I am sure you want Charles to be comfortable."

The woman lifted her chin. "Hunting makes him comfortable?" Her eyes flickered to Alexandra who flushed and pressed her head firmly on the pillow, glad that she was on her side.

"Does it make you uncomfortable? Or perhaps your wage is a little too heavy for your flimsy pocket?"

Alexandra knew that tone of voice. He was furious.

She heard the governess gulp audibly and nearly smiled.

"No…I…I beg your pardon, my Lord. Whatever pleases you."

Rochester leaned down towards her; uncomfortably close. "Just make sure it keeps your mouth shut. Hmm?"

A nod and he sneered. "Now be gone. It's time to break the fast, is it not?"

"Yes, my Lord. Um, I shall be glad to as long as your servant releases the young master."

Laughter and footsteps rang down the corridor and Rochester attempted to close the door gap, but it was pointless. The child was too perceptive and as soon as he spotted a glimpse of chocolate hair, he gasped and tapped Alcock's head, commanding him to let him down from his shoulders.

"It's her!"

The manservant groaned as he let the child down and rubbed his head. Rochester glared at him.

"Me Lord?"

"Oh shut up. Just take her away." He shut the door on their faces and turned to look at his son.

Alexandra had no other choice but to sit up and open her arms for the child. Over the boy's light hair, she locked eyes with Rochester. It could be easy to mistake his odd stare for fondness. She smiled, but he didn't return it. She tightened her arms around Charles, settling him against her rounded stomach snugly. John turned away and directed his gaze outside the window, his brow furrowed. There was something wrong. Something that he wasn't telling her…But what was it?

End of chapter 37

Author's note: Thank you for reading. Any idea what he might be hiding? Comments and thoughts are always welcome.

*As far as I know the Bull and Mouth was an actual coaching inn near the London Wall. One of the many.*

Until next time.

Xxx Lina