I don't want to be Batman.

Five years ago Dick had admitted to that. But that was after a simulated alien invasion. This was a real invasion with most of the Justice League gone. There were hard decisions that Dick had to make, that he did make.

I don't want to be Batman.

But he was. Asking his best friends to return to the super hero life? Faking one of their deaths while making the other pretend to mourn? Having Artemis and Kaldur in the middle of the light operation? Having now four of his team mates captured? And finally blowing up the Mountain?

There was no doubt he was Batman.

He finally met with the remainder of the team and informed them of the plan. They were dismissed for some well needed rest and Dick went with Tim to the mansion. He'd been stay there since Bruce left to keep an eye on things. He missed Blüdhaven, but he had to help make it look like Batman was still around. He would go out with Tim in the Cowl to give the impression of Batman.

It was scary how well he played Batman.

Tonight he just needed to take a breather. He sat down in his old room, Bruce had made new rooms for Jason and Tim out of respect, and sighed for the first time.

I remember when I started the team. I was having so much fun I couldn't stop laughing.

Well, there was no laughing now. Sure, he'd smile occasionally, but it never seemed to reach his eyes. After his argument with Bruce, leaving, Jason, and his break up with Zatanna he didn't really have much to enjoy.

"There you are." Came a knock at his door.

"Oh, hey Barbra." Dick said as he saw one of his oldest friends at his door.

"How are you doing?" She asked and Dick was surprised.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean how are you doing with everything?" She asked. "It's been a crazy few years. Has anyone asked you before now?"

"I guess not." He mused. She sat on his bed next to him and glared.

"That's not an answer."

"I'm… surviving." Dick answered as honestly as he could.

"Well, yeah." Barbra said. "But really. You've become the leader of the team, watched Artemis die, have Wally mad at you, the mountain blowing up, and four missing team members. How are you?"

Dick looked at her and wished he could tell her. He wished he could let out his frustration, his fears, his worries, and his hope. But he couldn't.

"As fine as I can." He finally answered. He saw Barbra look at him with a strange look before she frowned.

"Which is code for horrible." He didn't realize how close she was until this moment. He got a sudden urge, and he acted on it for some stupid reason. He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips before pulling back.

They stared at each other, understanding. They were both hurt, scared, and confused. A little comfort in each other's arms would be a sweet release from the long day they just had.

Their lips met again, this time in a heated passion. Demanding, seeking, and powerful they lost themselves in the sensation. Dick started to kiss her jaw down to her neck where he felt her jump at a particular spot.

"Dick, what are we doing?" She asked with a shaky voice. He brought his lips to her mouth again.

"I don't know." He said as he pulled away. She started to kiss his neck now and nipped at his collar bone as he spoke. She broke away and looked hurt.

"This was a bad idea." She said, standing up. He stood up as well and held her hand. "Look, I like you Dick. More than a friend. I don't know when those feelings started but I realized it a few months ago." Dick was speechless and she continued. "I know your reputation in both Gotham and Blüdhaven."

"Barbra, you would never be one of those girls to me." Dick said. "You've always been one of my best friends and I didn't want to ruin it. I still don't. Those girls? They were to blow off the steam of hero work because I didn't want to even think of ruining are friendship. I've actually really wanted to kiss you for a while."

Dick hated that he couldn't tell her some things, so telling her this truth felt amazing.

"I still don't know." She admitted. "We both know what dating between heroes does."

"Exactly, and I don't want anything to happen between us to ruin this." He sighed. "Look, we can't be anything until I can be 100% honest with you."

"Since when are you not completely honest?" She asked a little surprised. That through him off guard.

"Look, there are things I can't tell you, important things, but they aren't just my secrets." He said slowly.

"I understand." She said. But he shook his head.

"I hope you will, one day." He sighed as he placed a kiss to her forehead. "But I can tell you that I don't want to risk us fighting when it comes out. Until then, can you stay my best friend."

"I won't wait forever Dick." She admitted. "And I won't if you keep seeing other girls."

"I couldn't if I wanted to now that I know how you feel." He smiled.

"Ok." Barbra said. "I won't wait forever, but I will for a little while."

"Thank you." Dick smiled sadly. "I have to go grab the cowl." And he walked out on the last good thing that would happen for a while. At least he had something to look forward to.

I don't want to be Batman.