A/N: I do not own Supernatural.

Friendly reminder that I fucking love Papa Winchester and just used him as a villain because he is delicious and sexy. This is an AU fic, and in no way reflects my opinion on John Winchester. I love him to pieces.

Warnings: Abuse, blood. Underage smex. blah blah blah.

o0~`He is Loved`~0o

When Dean entered the hotel room, Castiel was collapsed on the ground. He was naked, a sliver of light that shined in from the covered window highlighted the bruise across his cheekbone. Dean swallowed thickly, eyes trailing over Castiel's pale body. The bruises on his hips were unmistakable, so was the come beginning to dry on the back of his thighs.

"Cas-" Dean called. Blue eyes flickered open, and the young man sat up with a grimace. Uncaring of his nudity, he shakily tried to stand, only falling back to the dingy stained carpet. Dean moved across the room, picking him up.

"Dad?" Dean asked, voice tight with anger. Castiel didn't answer, just moved to sit on the bed.

"Can you get me some water, Dean?" Castiel asked, voice hoarse from withheld screams. Dean nodded, moving to find a cup before going into the bathroom to fill it. When he came back into the room, Castiel was gone.

Sam had taken off. Not that Dean could blame him, their family was fucked. Castiel was their adopted brother, or at least that's what John said. He had sort of shown up on their doorstep when Dean was a kid, he never really remembered his life before Cas. The beatings were just a part of Winchester life, Dean and Sam had both experienced them as kids. But when Cas came, it seemed that he took the brunt of John Winchester's wrath. But the sex, Dean didn't even want to know when that started. Dean had found out about it when he was seventeen, and Castiel had been fifteen. Dean had woken up in the middle of the night in some seedy hotel room. Cas wasn't in the bed with him, which was always the case when Sam had run away to Bobby's again which was becoming more and more frequent. But when Dean had woken up that night, Cas had been in the bed with John Winchester, gasping slightly as the older man pushed into him.

"You're almost eighteen." Dean mumbled, pushing some eggs in front of Cas. The boy ignored him, looking out the window. The bruise on his cheek was a violent eggplant purple, making his eyes look more violet than their usual sky blue. The cafe was quiet, the overweight waitress poured Dean another cup of coffee before meandering away.

"We can ..."

"I'm not leaving him." Castiel said tightly, like he always did when the idea was suggested. Dean dug his nails into his palms. It began sprinkling outside, strangely dark despite it being morning.

"He left." Dean murmurs after a long stretch of silence. Castiel huddles closer into the leather jacket, the one that belonged to John.

"I'll find him." Castiel says, sure.

Dean hums quietly in the Impala. Castiel is silent beside him. Despite them growing up as brothers, it had always been John and Castiel, and Sam and Dean. John had always treated his sons as soldiers, giving them orders. But Cas, Cas he had something fucked up and twisted with. They were codependent, Castiel loved him, and John loved that Castiel loved him. He had almost created a rivalry between the three boys so that Castiel would always be his. Even though Dean had always been envious, he'd always been fascinated with Cas. Watching the strange, small boy eager to do anything John needed. Caring for him, always obedient and John taking full advantage. It had created a burning jealousy in the pit of Dean's stomach for years.

"He's probably headed east." Castiel had said slowly, barely glancing at Dean. Cas didn't know how to drive, never really learned. John had kept him dependent on him. It made Dean sick.

"West, man. He's trailing the vamps."

"He would do the opposite of what you expect." Castiel explains, and Dean knows he's right. So he takes a right and heads east, because that's were Cas wants to go.

Dean rolls over, glancing at the sleeping form in the bed across the room. Getting up he stares down at Castiel. He's so young and beautiful. He looks even younger than Sammy, which makes Dean feel nauseous. Dean reaches out, brushing his fingertips over Castiel's cheekbone. The bruise is faded at the edges now, a pale purple that matches Castiel's eyelids. Castiel wakes up, watching him without a word as he caresses his face.

"Dean?" Cas asks, small pale hand sliding up to capture his own. Their fingers interlock and Dean slides into the bed beside him, taking the thing he craves. He's had him so many times, but somehow he's always wanting more. Cas rolls immediately to his stomach, the way John likes it.

"No, face me." Dean says, moving between his legs. Cas is soft and warm, and he trembles when Dean slides into him. His breath hitches and he moves in slow desperate motions, eyes shining with tears.

"Don't cry, not tonight." Dean begs. So Cas hides his face in Dean's shoulder. When they come, Dean pretends that Cas gasps his name instead of his fathers.

"Hello?" Dean yawns, rubbing his eyes as he answers the phone.

"Dean, what's up?" Sam asks.

"I told you to call me the second you get to Bobby's." The relief in Dean's voice in almost tangible.

"Sorry, I've been kinda busy. School and all. Bobby let me get school supplies!" Sam said, nearly ecstatic. At sixteen he was barely beginning his growth spurt. Late bloomer, like Dean himself.

"You liking school?" Dean asks, flushing when Cas shifts against his chest. He slowly peels the younger man off and lays him back beneath the covers. Struggling to pull on some jeans, Dean makes his way outside.

"Yeah, it's good. Dad hasn't called either, so that's awesome." Dean can hear the smile in Sam's voice. Sometimes John would call and demand for Sam back, but he probably wouldn't this time. Or at least Dean hoped.

"Yeah, he-uh. He took off."

"He's gone?" Sam asks, shocked.

"Yeah, me and Cas are looking for him." Dean mutters, and Sam snorts.

"Why don't you and Castiel just go off by yourselves. Dad shouldn't ... Dad shouldn't be around Castiel. It's not good, Dean." Sam says, voice small.

"I know Sammy, but you know how he is. Cas won't leave Dad." Dean murmurs, scrubbing his hand over his face in exasperation as he leans his head back against the cool glass window.

"And you won't leave Cas." Sam sighs.

Dean doesn't know why, but he and Cas don't talk much. Dean's first kiss was with Cas when they were ten, before any of this shit started. But even then, it had been off. Cas had been stiff, he had flinched and then kissed back. They were both boys, and if John had found out he would have skinned them. So Dean didn't try anything again, until that night when he saw Cas with John. The next night he had confronted Cas, and then took him. But they never talked, not really.

"What's your favorite color?" Dean asks, turning down the radio. Cas's small shoulders bunch a little.

"Excuse me?" Cas scowls, looking at him in confusion.

"You're favorite color, what is it? Mine's black."

"Black is the absence of color." Castiel informs, his arms wrapped around him in their usual protective way. Like if he holds himself tight enough, he can keep the bad things at bay.

"Alright smart ass, just tell me." Dean says, rolling his eyes. When Castiel glances at him, with a small almost cute smile Dean forgets about everything for a moment. It's just him and Cas in the Impala, with a thousand miles ahead of them, and nothing to lose.

"Green." Castiel answers, and Dean feels like he might actually explode from all the mushy crap welling inside of him until he remembers that green his also his dad's favorite color.

They park on the side of the road, a plastic bag of crap food between them from a few miles back.

"You haven't eaten in two days, you need some grub." Dean grunts, handing Cas a deli sandwich he had the guy whip up at the last pit stop. He pulls out his own hoagie and starts shoving it in his mouth.

"Is there a blanket in the back, I feel cold." Castiel says instead. Eyes gliding past Dean in a way that makes him hurt all over, because that's how it's always been. Cas will sometimes look at Sam with endearment, and than he will stare at John with damn near worship. But Dean, Dean is nothing. Cas' eyes just touch his before gliding away with boredom, like he doesn't even exist and it fucking hurts. So Dean pushes him down, knocking the food to the floor, and pushes Cas onto the seat. Smashing their mouths together until their is blood, and grinding down until Cas is erect, and arching up.

"Look at me." Dean means to say it as a demand, because that seems to be the only damn thing the broken boy responds to. But it's not, Dean's begging. But Cas does, he looks at him, but it's blank, like he's looking through him. Dean is the one who hides his face in Castiel's shoulder now.

Dean wants to hug Cas, to hold him. But the boy sits a good foot away from him on the hood, lips still swollen from the rough kissing. Dean goes to the trunk and gets the blanket, draping it over his shoulders before leaning back and staring at the stars. Cas had always liked astronomy, so Dean had started mapping stars with Sammy just in case Cas ever asked him where a star was in the sky.

"Are you cold?" Dean asks.

"Always." Cas answers and they don't talk for the rest of the night, because Dean makes a choking noise and covers his face because he hates that fact so fucking much, and Cas is so fucking sad and he can't do a damn thing to change it. So they don't talk about it, they sit there until Cas's head starts drooping then they go into the car and sleep for a few hours until getting back on the road.

When they find John, he is drunk. Dean can't get two words in until John is pushing Cas into the hotel room, and locking the door behind them. Dean sleeps in the Impala.

"Where's Sam?" John asks the next day, eyes red rimmed. He glances at the hotel room.

"Staying at Bobby's." Dean mutters, and doesn't mention that he's been their for months and this is the first time that John's asked about him.

"Hmm." John says, pulling a flask from his back pocket and taking a swig. Dean can smell sex on him, the dry sweat, the spunk. It makes his want to vomit all over the cracked cement.

"Why'd you follow me?" John asks.

"Cas." Dean says in way of answer, and John nods a small brittle smile on his lips before he wraps them around the flask.

"Are you leaving us again?" Dean asks. John shakes his head.

"I'm taking Cas with me." John heads back to the motel. Dean sits at the Impala for half an hour before the words set in and he heads out.

Dean starts hunting on his own for a few months. He misses Sam, he misses his Dad, but most of all he misses Cas. He partners up with a gay hunter named Matt, and they fuck. He had black hair and blue eyes, and he loves Dean. He takes care of him. He nags at him to eat healthier, and it kind of reminds him of Sammy, and he is quiet and studious like Cas. But he isn't either so the constant reminder almost makes it worse. He finally breaks it off, and ends up fucking a grizzly older guy named Benny, who is smooth and sexy. But Benny turns out to be a vamp, and even though Dean lets him start sucking on him after they have sex it's too much and Dean would rather be just friends. So Dean is eventually alone when Cas calls him.

"Dean."

"Castiel." The name spills from him in a breath, because for so many months he'd been trying to forget. To push everything 'Castiel' related down to the very bottom of his heart. But it's all bubbling over now and he bites his lip so hard it bleeds.

"He left me again." Cas says not even sad, just empty. Dean nods, knowing that Cas is talking about his father and he probably should he disgusted, but he's just relived. Maybe even grateful, because somehow he thinks maybe he is Castiel's second choice and that's fucked up but it makes him happier than it should.

"Where are you?" Dean breaths, because there isn't much else he can do. He squeezes the phone so hard it cracks, but he can still hear Cas.

"Hotel 6, in Alamosa Colorodo. Right off the interstate." Cas says. Dean smiles because of course Castiel would be in the same state as him, and he almost laughs at how ironic it is that the one thing he has been running from for the past few months is only twenty minutes away.

"I'll be there in a half an hour." Dean assures.

Castiel is in a pile of blood when Dean arrives. Dean takes him to the hospital, and Cas has to get sixteen stitches, and his wrist is broken and he has internal bleeding from being kicked in the stomach.

"You said he was mugged?" The doctor asks. Dean nods, and they don't ask anymore questions. His name is Castiel Winchester so Dean is allowed to stay in his hospital room. When the guest hours are up, Dean hides in the room, until the nurses leaves and then crawls back into bed.

"You're staying with me?" Cas asks, dazed from the medicine.

"Always."

When Cas is finally free from the hospital, they head back on the road.

"I've got enough cash were we can rent out a spot for a couple of weeks, let you heal up a bit." Dean says, helping Cas into the passenger seat.

"I need to find John." Castiel says. Dean flinches like he's been struck across the face, and his eyes burn.

"He damn near killed you! You where half dead when I found you, and you want to go and look for him? What the hell is wrong with you, huh? You get off on this kind of shit, Cas? Are you fucking stupid?" Dean is screaming, and people are looking at them. Castiel isn't embarrassed though, he looks away from Dean, like he isn't even there. Curling into himself. Dean tries not to cry and scream more.

"I love him." He answers lowly, so low that Dean almost doesn't even hear him, but he does. It's the most painful three words he's ever heard, but he starts the car and heads south because that is where John should be heading.

It's like the cork in his bottle has been let off, because for years Dean's suffered in silence but now he is just spilling, brimming with stuff he needs to say.

"You think that the reason he keeps leaving you behind is because he doesn't want you anymore?" It's harsh, and it's mean, but it's nothing compared to how much Dean hurts and he wants Cas to flinch and cry and deny it. But Cas is so fucking sure when he shakes his head.

"John loves me." Cas is adamant and Dean wants to hit him, to make Cas see him. But he doesn't because than he would be just like John. But sometimes Dean thinks that if being just like John would mean he could have Cas than maybe it would be worth it.

Dean shoves Cas into the backseat, biting hard at his neck, and leaving big ugly bruises. He is rocking so hard against Castiel that the younger boy is grunting softly with each dry hump. The wrist that still has the cast on it is pinned above his head as Dean yanks down his jeans.

"These are mine." Dean notices the hole near the waistband.

"I wear all your hand me downs." Castiel says, brow furrowed. Dean had never realized, but Cas does. Cas wears all his clothes that he grew out of when he was a teenager, and Sam refused to wear. Dean doesn't know why but that makes him really fucking happy.

They have sex so often now, that Cas starts gasping.

"Dean, please-" In his raspy, choppy voice. Dean doesn't know why but hearing Cas call him by his name is damn near the most perfect thing he has ever heard.

"We need to find John." Is a lot less perfect and something Cas nags about daily. Sometimes Cas will run off, trying to find a bus or a taxi. But he never gets far and Dean will pick him up, and fuck him until he he keeps whispering his name in the back of the Impala, and until Dean's smell is seeped into his skin, and until Cas sees him. Until Cas sees only him.

"I'm gonna graduate soon." Sam says on the phone. Castiel smiles into the phone, blue eyes going soft.

"Tell me the date, I will be there." Cas says. Dean watches him. Cas likes Sam, always has. They were never really close, not like Dean and Sam were. Sam would never say he has two brothers, even though Castiel was raised sort of as their third brother.

"On the twenty first." Sam divulges, excited. He's graduating early. Dean and Sam won't tell Dad, and Dean hopes Cas won't either.

"Congratulations, Sam." Cas smiles. Dean presses his face into Cas's neck, listening to the low baritone of his voice as Cas finishes the conversation.

Castiel hasn't mention John in two weeks, which is monumental. Dean wakes up with a start when a slender, soft body is crawling on top of him.

"Dean?" Cas whispers hoarsely and Dean realizes he's been crying and he half sits up only for a hand on his chest to gently lead him back down to the pillows.

"What's wrong, Cas?" Dean asks, wrapping an arm around Castiel's neck and dragging him down for a quick reassuring kiss that this isn't a nightmare. One where Cas is hurt, broken and Dean can't do anything to stop it. The tears on Castiel's cheek are very hot, and very real. They burn into Dean's skin, like a brand.

"You love me, more than anything?" Castiel asks. Dean freezes, because Cas doesn't ask things like that. Cas barely fucking talks, he doesn't care about Dean, and he damn sure doesn't care about how he feels. So Dean is reeling, but he answers.

"I love you, more than anything." His voice shakes, and he's still trying to be fully awake but it's true and Cas let's out a sob that makes Dean's fingers jump, like he's been shocked. Dean pulls Cas down into a hug.

"You do love me, you'd never hurt me."

"Never."

"I want to choose you, but I'm scared. I'll be scorned." Cas's voice is trembling, along with his body. Dean pulls him under the covers, but he wants to be closer because he wants to understand.

"Scorned?" Dean asks.

"It's always been you." Cas says, and they don't fuck. They do something that is gentle, and loving and Dean doesn't know what to call it without sounding like a chick. But he loves it, and it's perfect. Cas doesn't once call him by his fathers name, and he tell Dean he loves him.

Dean thinks that maybe being an asshole is hereditary, because he takes after his dad. He shoves Cas into the wall, and even he can smell the alcohol on his breath.

"You're leaving me, again!" Dean is crying, but he's pretending it's sweat. Cas's wrists are so easy to pin against the wall, because he is small.

"I'm not, Dean." Cas assures, looking away from him. He doesn't know that that kills Dean, but it does. He slams Cas back against the wall, and blue eyes lock onto him and the relief nearly makes him melt.

"You don't love me." Dean pants, pressing his forehead against Castiel's.

"I always have." Castiel is calm, he kisses Dean and Dean's hold loosens on his wrists.

"My Dad-"

"It was a mistake. A huge mistake that I made. I thought- I thought he was you." Castiel murmurs, kissing him softly.

"I don't understand." Dean's drunk but the words that Cas are saying are important, or at least he thinks they are.

"I'm an angel. I was sent here to be the guardian of the righteous man, and I believed it was John Winchester, but it was you Dean. I spent years trying to to distance myself from you, because there was always something. But it was my own grace telling me, telling me that you were the one." Castiel is cradling his face.

"What?" Dean frowns, he feels dizzy and lightheaded.

"I knew, I knew it was you at first, but when I began falling I forgot. I fell because I loved you too much. But I knew I had to protect you, and I knew what your father would do to you if he did not have ... an outlet. So I allowed him to use me. But somehow along the way, I forgot Dean. I made a mistake and I forgot, but my powers were reawakened and I remembered everything. I remembered you."

"You're insane." Dean whispers, kissing him. Castiel smiles against his lips, sighing.

"Perhaps." Cas pulls him closer.