Feel free to skip forward until the line break if you don't want to read my very tangential A/N. Seriously, do so.

Merlin series 5 has finally begun again! And who's just watched episode 1 after squealing incomprehensibly about the aforementioned episode one that's just come on TV? Me, that's who! I thought, in the spirit of Merlin awesomeness and hyperactive fangirling, I should write an on-the-go Merlin series 5 episodes reviews! I might not be able to do this for every episode, every weekend, but I will damn well try my best! In the name of Merlin-induced delirium. All week I've been literally jumping up and down with excitement whenever Merlin's been mentioned. And I mean literally. One of my friends has to keep telling me to stop moving, and it's hard!

This episode has been watched by yours truly (Enzonia 'Called it!'), and my two friends, who commented on it as we watched it. And I decreed that they shalt be known by their (badly chosen by me, or themselves) nicknames Ro and El. Mostly because I'm way too lazy to type out their full names all the time (come on, it's an extra 3 letters each! That way too much of my precious time!) They'll have some of their comments on here (but not every episode), as well as making me laugh at topless Gwaine. Yes, topless Gwaine is in this episode. Yes, I may have almost fallen off the sofa when he turned up. And topless Percival too. I think the TV people might have read my mind and seen what I wanted to happen.

Anyway! On with the reviewing! Cue tense changing randomly between present and past! And random singing and tangents! (The name of this summary/review fic is about my ability to go off on Tangents. Hence, Tangential! That's my middle name! Well, technically my middle name is evil and annoying, not to mention sucky, but I'm talking metaphorically. See I just went off on a tangent there! These are normally followed with 'Anyway'.

Anyway...

On with the summary!

Preparations for Merlin checklist, time to fill it out. A large supply of chocolate biscuits provided by El? Check. Way too many Pringles? Check. A completed Merlinathon in the hours beforehand? Check, check and double check. Preparations complete. All three of us settled down in front of the TV, as the introduction began to play…

And yes, we might have spoken along with the Dragon, word for word.

'In a land of myth, and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name, MERLIN!'

'HUAH!'

'Huah' is the technical name for the sound the TV makes as the camera zooms in on Merlin as the Dragon speaks the last bit. it is technical name, I am not lying. Deal with it.

Merlin's running! And shouting! With dramatic music! I wasn't really paying that much attention at this point, as I was still bouncing up and down on my seat after the intro. I was more than slightly hyperactive. I managed to calm down in time for Merlin to meet Arthur. Mostly.

Cue Banter.. And Irony as Arthur asks whether there's anything Merlin can do. Oh oblivious Arthur… *shakes head*. And Gwen's got a dress that isn't some shade of pastel. The art's people have finally gone off pastel it seems. Maybe it's out of fashion. And Gwen's got a maid! At this point I was pointing at the TV and jumping up and down shouting 'POTENTIAL LOVE INTEREST! POTENTIAL LOVE INTEREST!' until El told me to calm down and be quiet.

Gwaine! Who doesn't like him? If anyone said 'me' just then, then you suck. Gwaine rules. And Leon the invincible knight. And Percival. And Elyan. Basically all the knights. And Merlin. Oh, snow! It's snowing! Where is that supposed to be? Wales? England? (that is where I assume Camelot is, but it doesn't snow like that much.) And if it's snowing, Gwaine might not take his top off… :(. Ah well, at least Gwaine's good.

ARTHUR – There has been no word from them since.

ME – NOOOOOOOO! You can't take Gwaine! Not Gwaine! Take Gaius instead! In fact, take Gaius as well! Just take Gaius! Please! Save me from his eyebrows!

Ooooooh! Awesome tower in the snow. And PERCIVAL. Hang on, there's creepy music playing in the background, along with ambient wind sounds, and Arthur just said there hasn't been word from them. That can't be good. Something's going to leap out at them…

Cue Growl.

CALLED IT!

And they're running. Anyone else think that the red capes are a bad thing? They really stick out in the snow. Just chuck it off Gwaine! But he doesn't, he draws out his sword with a CHWING sound (another technical name for the sound), and IT'S THE WOLF FROM THE TRAILER! And yes, I did say that out loud, pointing at the TV again. So Gwaine's going to kill a wolf. No wonder they're extinct in the UK, Gwaine killed them all. Meh, Gwaine can take a wolf. And it cuts back to Arthur.

ARTHUR – It is as if they had vanished from the face of the earth.

So Gwaine's not going to win that fight against the wolf, is he?

*Sigh*

Cut to Wolf howling next to Gwaine, who's lying prone in the snow. Someone just kicked him over, wearing a black dress. Bet it's Morgana. She wears a lot of black. It's like her constant smirking in Series 3. She's like "LOOK AT ME! I'M SOOOOOOOO EVIL! I KEEP SMIRKING AND WEARING BLACK! MWHAHAHA!" Yes Morgana, you're evil, we get it.

And it's Morgana. (Called it!), Poor Gwaine.

~~Tangential!~~

CUE MERLIN INTRO SONG!

Yes, we did all hum along to it. Is it just me, or does it look slightly different? I'm not actually sure if it is different though, anyone know?

Dahdahdah DAH, dah dadada, dah dadada, dah dah dah DADADA!

Who understood my written ending to the Merlin theme tune? I don't think I did.

~~Tangential!~~

Oh, the wolves are back, and Morgana's…

Morgana's on a sleigh?

Is she Father Christmas now? The sleigh just rides past the camera, and all my brain can do is start (mentally) singing 'Jingle Bells'. What an awesome version of Merlin that'd be. They should really do a Merlin Musical. What songs would they do?

Dashing through the snow,
On a two wolf open sleigh,
Over snow she goes,
Smirking all the way!

SMIRKY GUY, SMIRKY GIRL!
Smirking all the way!
Oh what fun it is to smirk!
In a castle, or a sleigh!

Anyway, back to actual Merlin. Smirking guy is in the castle. Smirking. Oh, pan down to Gwaine. AND HE BETTER NOT BE DEAD MORGANA, OR I'LL FIND A WAY TO TELEPORT INTO TV, AND I'LL PUNCH YOU! Morgana's looking for something. A key of something. Bet it's evil. It's normally evil. Or maybe it's good, but it can be twisted to do evil, like the cup of life.

Gwaine's come in! The room's become 200% more awesome. And Morgana just hit Gwaine. If looks could kill, Morgana would be dead now. If looks could kill, everyone in Camelot during series 3 would be dead.

Morgana glares at another servant. Servant drops down dead.

UTHER – Not another one! That's the third on this week! Any idea what's causing this?

Morgana whistles nonchalantly.

Anyway, Morgana wants Gwaine to find something. Probably the key. Maybe it's her car key. I once lost my house keys and had to wait outside my house for 4 hours in the rain until my parents came back from work. I repeat, it rained. No wonder she's looking for her key. PAN DOWN! (Lots of panning this series). Oh, miners! How bad is it that I subconsciously started singing 'Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go!' under my breath? Instead of caring about the men doing the mining. Hang on one second…

They're all topless. Wow, Morgana made all the muscly men work topless. That says… a lot.

More panning down, and more dwarf miners. Wow, Minecraft multiplayer server. Morgana and Smirking guy are in Minecraft castle. Cool.

BLACKNESS!

~~Tangential!~~

Elyan (AND LEON! :D) are looking at a map with Arthur and Gwen (and Merlin. It really goes without saying though.) Discussing stuff. The Camera switches from Elyan to Gwen, to Arthur, to Elyan, to Gaius.

Gaius…

Cue me, El and Ro bursting out into laughter at Gaius' hair. What the hell? That's just… no. Just no. And his eyebrows are still there, preparing to do the weird eyebrowy thing they do. And back to Merlin! He looks upset (probably because Gwaine's missing, and Gwaine's just… epic!). Oh! Call back to 'His Father's son'! Queen Annis! Leon says that Annis would let them pass, and Leon's never wrong. Or dead.

Merlin opens the door and… walks into Potential Love Interest. Cue me to shout 'POTENTIAL LOVE INTEREST!' again, causing El and Ro to shout at me again. Anyone else reminded of Nimueh/Cara from 'Poisoned Chalice'? Merlin helped her pick up stuff too. Merlin just has a habit of walking into people carrying stuff. He helps her pick up plums (I think? Why's she carrying plums anyway). And Arthur has to be a clotpole and call for Merlin when he's having a romantic moment. Seriously Arthur, didn't you hear me shout 'POTENTIAL LOVE INTEREST' at the TV? Let Merlin stay with her! If I can't have him, at least let someone be with him, he needs a Potential love interest this series!

Nope, Merlin gets called again and has to leave, passing her a plum(?). Arthur's a prat. (Guess who's stealing Merlin's insults? Yup, me! I'm a Lexikleptomaniac. It's a real thing. Probably.)

~~Tangential!~~

Horsey time! Yay!

MERLIN – Do you really think Gwaine and Percival could still be alive?

Heck yeah! I was promised topless Gwaine! They're fine!

ARTHUR – If it was you who'd disappeared, Merlin, I wouldn't bother.

Sure Arthur. That's why you rode out looking for him in 'Servants of Two Masters', and gave him a hug even though he was covered in mud. Of course you wouldn't ride out and look for Merlin. I totally believe you.

~~Tangential!~~

Cue topless men! YES, TOPLESS GWAINE AND PERCIVAL! With pickaxes, and according to topless Gwaine and Percival, Morgana has made them look for a key.

"I think they're looking for Diamonds, so they can improve their pick's durability to 1562!" I said. But nobody responded. Apparently you can't make Minecraft references when you're the only one out of your friends who plays the game Minecraft. They're underneath Minecraft castle, so they should know what they're looking for. Or they'll just end up with Lapis and huge volumes of Coal. 64 bits. Humph.

They stop talking as some men buckets on their heads walk past. I think they're Saxons (somewhere on the Merlin site said that the Saxons were supposed to making an appearance this season, so maybe the Bucket Men are Saxons!)

~~Tangential!~~

Cut back to Horsies! Fun fact of the day! I'm allergic to horses. Ooh, dramatic/creepy music. They're going to get attacked by something or find something, aren't they? That's not going to end well. It never ends well when dramatic/creepy music plays. That's a rule of life. If you hear string music playing eerily, run away screaming. That's why I got chucked out of my school Orchestra! Cue sending some knights off on their own (never split up. That never works)

ELYAN – There's something you need to see!

Called it! Well mostly, I thought someone was going to attack them, but creepy thing that Arthur needs to see is close enough. Probably.

And it's a camp, which I think looks like a Druid camp. But I did just see 'The Nightmare Begins' so I've got druid camps on the brain. There's a Druid that Ro keeps calling 'Cool Druid', and I have no idea which Druid it's supposed to be. She pointed him out in 'The Nightmare Begins' (The guy who runs with Mordred and Morgana), and pointed out that he was 'hot'. I pointed out that hot and cool are antonyms, so she should rechristen him 'Hot Druid'. She didn't though, and she still insists on calling Morgause, 'Mongoose', and Aithusa 'Cute Baby Dragon', despite me constantly telling her that that she's Aithusa!

Anyway.

It's way too quiet, so something's going to jump out, or grab Arthur/Merlin, to make us all jump. That happens a lot when there's no music. Too much music = bad, no music = bad.

Sadly, this doesn't happen, though there is a weird whisper of 'Emrys', and so Merlin goes off into the cave after the sound. This does not go down well with us Merlinaphiles.

"Sure, just go into the creepy cave, that'll end well" I said.

"And he doesn't bother telling any of the knights where he's going either" El pointed out. "Go after the guy who knows your Druid name. That's fine"

But he ignores us. People in TV always ignore me, and then they die. Idiots.

"IT'S THE GUY FROM THE TRAILER!" I shouted again, jabbing my finger at the TV at the Creepy Chap by the water pool.

He looks dead, but he speaks to Merlin in the Trailer, so he can't be dead, can he? And then he grabs Merlin's hand, causing El to jump. I didn't jump, nooo way. *shifty eyes*. Also, someone jumped out at Merlin. *looks up 6 paragraphs

CALLED IT!

Creepy chap talks to Merlin (quoting the Trailer which I've seen way too much. I got into my Merlinathon about a week before this episode, so I watched the trailer several times.)

ME AND CREEPY CHAP – The Prophets speak of Arthur's bane. You would do well to fear it, for it stalks him, like a ghost in the night.

Cue odd looks from Ro and El. Creepy Chap keeps on being creepy, and chats to Merlin a bit, about Arthur's fate. Then he dies. What killed him? Did he just die for no reason? He just died for plot convenience, didn't he? To pass on a final message to Merlin! I have to think of a name for that illness. Hmm Convenientitus, maybe? Anyone got any better ideas? Ooh! Merlin's looking into the water and it's red. That's probably not good. No, wait, really not good. He's looking into the future and we all know how well that worked out the last couple of times he did that. Brilliantly. He keeps looking though, even though it won't end well, and we all know it. He'll end up causing the future to happen, whilst trying to stop it.

*sigh*

Dead body wearing Camelot red, and Arthur, as well as NEW Mordred. (Now with 50% more facial hair!). And he starts fighting Arthur. Arthur falls to the ground, and Mordred looks sour. Maybe he swallowed a lemon. A combustible lemon. Merlin is drawn out by Arthur. Arthur being oblivious (as usual) doesn't seem to notice that Merlin has seen the future, and Arthur die. Though he does see that Merlin's upset, but blames it on Creepy Chap's dead body.

~~Tangential!~~

Merlin looks sad and angsty, not sleeping. He's doing some Pensive-Staring at the sky. It's sort of understandable, as he's just seen his best-friend die in the future. So he gets up and uses his 'epic dragon voice'

"Dragony Time!" I said happily, as the Dragon and Merlin talk on a cliff. Wow, new meeting place! It's better than the field that's in view of Camelot. I always wondered how nobody saw it fly there. People are all as oblivious as Arthur…

Merlin has a nice chat with the Dragon about whether the battle will happen, and why the 'Vates' (Creepy Chap?) showed him the future. My guess is that they thought Merlin wasn't having enough 'Pensive-Staring'. A Pensive Stare a day keeps the doctor away! Anything will keep the doctor away, if aimed properly...

~~Tangential!~~

More horsies! Then Annis! I've missed her! Her throne room's a lot stone-ier than Camelot's. Talking of Camelot… Cut back to Gwen eating food! Or not eating it, she's worried. Aw, she's being so nice to Potential Love Interest! Giving her the food and chatting to her.

GWEN – Do you have someone you worry about?

Potential Love Interest nods.

ME – Noooooooo! You're MERLIN'S Potential Love Interest! You can't have anyone else! No! NO!

It better be her brother or dad or someone, and the person she's worrying about is not someone she's romantically involved in!

~~Tangential!~~

Cut back to another feast! Arthur and Annis are talking about some serious stuff, as well as how Gwaine and Percival might still be alive (and topless, though they don't mention it). They talk about the Saxons (Called it! Sort of. Well, I read it off the internet, I don't think it counts as a 'Called it!' moment though.) and how they suck in general (not exact words.) Merlin stands by and fills Arthur's goblet. Arthur never seems to get drunk in Merlin though.

ANNIS – I think it's time for some entertainment. I would love to see your fool perform!

First thought – What do you mean, 'your fool?'

Second thought – DON'T CALL MERLIN A FOOL! HE IS AWESOME!

So Merlin has to show some skills. He got skills. Just most of them are hidden. Also, Merlin agrees with me, he says 'I'm not a fool' to Arthur. Though he did make it way too easy for Arthur to retort with 'That's debatable'.

Almost at the same time, me, El and Ro all start to talk about what Merlin will do.

"He's going to magic and pretend it isn't magic!"

"Maybe he'll juggle or trip over or something while doing it!"

Most of us think he'll do magic of some kind, and we're right! Called it! (Does it count when someone else says it first?). He does his 'Eye-Magic-Flash', before he then pulls out eggs and… Juggles. Called it?

Hang on? What was his 'Eye-Magic-Flash' for in the first place? Did he do it to help him Juggle or something? I really don't know, but what I do know, is that Arthur's face during all of this is epic! It's all like "What the hell? Merlin's the clumsiest person ever? How come I never knew he could Juggle?"

"Did the spell cause the eggs to gravitate towards his hands or something?" El asked curiously, as the scene changed to Merlin staring pensively into a fire. Sad music plays. Arthur asks Merlin about his juggling skills (because Merlin's clumsy. We all know it.) I feel he's feeling slightly guilty about the fact that he never knew that Merlin could juggle after… *quick mental maths* about 10 years? Arthur then asks what's wrong (pensive fire-staring, remember?). Cue quiet 'aws' from us Merlinaphiles. He does care! Merlin voices his concerns about going to Ismere. (Minecraft castle). Ignored by Arthur (honestly, if Arthur listened to Merlin every time Merlin says they shouldn't do something, life would be a lot easier. Arthur then chucks wood at him. (Don't ask why.)

More pensive fire staring.

~~Tangential!~~

Potential Love Interest is leaving Camelot, as Gwen watches from the window. Creepy/Eerie music is playing, and this conversation is going on among the Merlinaphiles.

"Hang on, no-one leaves Camelot at night, unless they're evil…" El said.

"No! She can't be evil! She's Potential Love Interest! Maybe evil guys have kidnapped her brother or something!" I said desperately as she walks further into the forest.

"She looks too scared to be evil!" I pointed out, as PLI (Potential Love Interest) is frightened by a raven. She walks towards a creepy guy.

"Hang on, is that Morgana's person?" Ro asks, as the camera reveals his face. It's Smirking Guy, and he puts a knife to PLI's face. This might mean she's not evil, right? She tells Smirking Guy about them going through Annis' land to get to Camelot, as Smirking Guy turns to leave. He stops and turns to PLI.

SMIRKING GUY – I hope they haven't ill-treated you.

ME – What! No! That means that he cares about PLI! So PLI's evil! I'll have to change her name now!

PLI (For the moment being) – They've been good to me, Father.

Father? What sort of father uses their own daughter as a spy? Not a good one, that's what sort…

~~Tangential!~~

Smirking Guy rides on a Horse (sneeze machine), cut to Camelot knights riding on horses, through trees. Seriously, the red really stands out in the green forest. I pointed this out to Ro and El.

"They should really change their colour to Green"

"Or Grey" El said, maybe thinking of the snow-scene that surrounds Minecraft castle. Anything's better than than red though.

~~Tangential!~~

Cut to Gwen again, who's talking to Evil Potential Love Interest. EPLI. Gwen confronts her about her leaving the city, though writes it off as EPLI seeing a man in the forest, with romantic stuff happening. EPLI smiles and leaves.

~~Tangential!~~

CUT TO SNOW-SCENE!

What I said about anything being better than red? Not in snow. Smirking Guy's black cape (because he has to wear black because TEE HEE HEE, HE'S SOOO EVIl!111!1) stands out like a turd on a supermarket floor. He rides towards Minecraft castle in the distance, where he talks to Morgana about where Arthur and his knights are. Morgana says another line from the trailer.

MORGANA – Prepare for battle.

ME – SHE SAID THAT IN THE TRAILER!

El and Ro gave me looks, as I smiled happily at the TV. Every time I see something from any of the trailers, I will point it out. To the annoyance of all near me.

~~Tangential!~~

Cut to Merlin again, who's involved in more Pensive-Staring. (3rd time this episode.) Arthur comes over again to talk to him, while the knights chat in the background. Bet half of them will be dead soon, because those red-capes are like red-shirts in Star-Trek. They die easily. Arthur asks what's wrong again. Aw. Merlin should just say that the Druid guy showed him a vision of him being killed by NEW Mordred, and that's why he's worried. He doesn't have to mention the whole 'Merlin-has-magic' thingy either! Staring occurs. Arthur leaves, and Merlin follows, as sad music plays.

SUDDENLY, DRAMATIC MUSIC CUTS IN! Morgana is followed by Bucket Men (Saxons). Cut to Red-Capes (Knights) in a fog-covered valley. A horse whines and they all draw out swords. They camped in a valley. Without anyone on guard duty. Idiots. That's why the Red-Capes are synonymous with Red Shirts. And now the Bucket Men are surrounding them and coming to fight them. And then Morgana appears. And all hell breaks loose as everyone 'makes a tactical retreat'. Epic sword stuff occurs, and Leon (My second favourite knight!) does some awesome stuff, but he's approached by Smirking Guy.

"No! Leon! Run away! You can't fight Smirking Guy! He's the antagonist, and it's only 30 minutes into the episode! You won't kill him!" I shouted. Sadly, he did not heed my advice. Suddenly, I realised something. "Actually, do fight him! You're Leon the never dead! You don't do dying!"

"It's because he drank from the cup of life!" Ro said. I'm not actually sure if this is right. I think he survived weird stuff before, but this might explain it. Any ideas about Leon's invincibility? I think he's a Time-Lord. Anyway.

Smirking Guy beats Leon.

Called it!

And Arthur sees. Being a noble sort of person, he runs over to stop Smirking Guy killing Leon. Arthur has this cool slow-mo sequence where he takes out 1,2,3,4,5! Bucket Men, before being hit on the head with a mace.

"MERLIN!" we yelled "Save him! Get him!"

And Merlin does (Called it?), picking him up and walking away from the battle. He puts him down, and uses magic awesomeness (Eye-Magic-Flash) to make a snake scare some horses away. He then carries Arthur away. Soon, Arthur wakes to see Merlin's (gorgeous) face. Merlin has to tell Arthur about the battle. Merlin tells Arthur that he saved him. Arthur's reaction is thus:

ARTHUR – You saved me?

MERLIN – Yes. And I can juggle. I keep telling you, I have many talents.

Do I detect a note of bitterness there? I thought I heard some when Merlin mentioned the juggling. Poor Merlin, Arthur thinks he useless sometimes, doesn't he. Don't worry Merlin, me and the Merlinaphiles love ya! It's literally in the name. Merlinaphiles. Merlin-Philes. Merlin Lovers. It's literally literal! He helps Arthur up, and they start to walk away.

~~Tangential!~~

Cut to the Minecraft Tunnels under Minecraft castle. The camera pans across sleeping men, to… topless Gwaine and Percival. Asleep next to each other.

And the Fandom Rejoiced.

By that, I mean that I'm sure than several Gwaine/Percival slash fics will be on this website within a few seconds. I pointed out (not that I needed to) that Gwaine was topless, again.

El started to snigger, before singing "TOPLESS GWAINE!" to the tune of 'Chocolate Rain'. Now whenever I see topless Gwaine that song will play in my head. Gwaine turns and sees blue flickery light in the tunnel off where they're sleeping. They have to pretend to be asleep again as the Bucket Men pass, but Gwaine looks at the light again. Bet it's aliens.

~~Tangential!~~

Cut back to Merlin and Arthur. Merlin wants to go back to Camelot. Arthur disagrees. Arthur gets his way, and Merlin loses his temper slightly, and actually shouts at Arthur! Wow! That's not normal for Merlin. He just calls Arthur a prat (though he hasn't this episode. Sadly.)

~~Tangential!~~

Cut again, (a lot of cutting is getting done here. So many 'Tangential's are written in the centre of this page!) Epic music as Leon (Told you he couldn't die!) and Elyan arrive back, telling Gwen and Gaius about the attack. They have to tell Gwen that Arthur and Merlin were lost. (While I snigger at Gaius' hair. I hardly heard that scene, I was too focused on his hair. It still makes me giggly now.)

GWEN – Someone betrayed us!

Not again! Seriously? After Morgana and Agravaine and so many more people have betrayed Camelot? Why do people keep doing that!

"They should really do background checks on servants" El said pensively. That is true. How many episodes of Merlin could have been averted if they'd simply checked whether someone was who they said they were?

Not to mention how many would have been averted if Arthur had listened to Merlin!

~~Tangential!~~

Arthur and Merlin lying asleep next to each other. Really not helping on the Merlin/Arthur front. Simply adding to the slash fics on the website. I like Canon couples. I don't mind slash if it's Canon. I like fics that are Canon. There needs to be a word for that. Maybe Canon-ballers. I am a Canonballer. Anyway, Merlin tells Arthur that Creepy Chap told him that Arthur was in danger.

Looks up many, many paragraphs. Called it!

Merlin says they should go back. Arthur ignores him. As usual.

*Sigh*

Arthur says some epic lines about beliefs, and then!

TRAILER QUOTING TIME!

ARTHUR – I swear I'm-

ME AND ARTHUR – going to rescue my men, or die trying.

ME AND MERLIN – And I swear I will protect you, or die at your side.

Arthur smiles and sleeps. Merlin lies back and sleeps. Looking pensive.

~~Tangential!~~

GWAINE LIFTING ROCKS! "Topless Gwaine!" I sing (under my breath, but still pretty loudly. I don't really do quietly) Yes, he's still topless. The BBC knows how to appeal to us Merlinaphiles. He sees the flickery light again, and goes to investigate. Can I take a moment to say that Gwaine looks awesome without his top on? Good. We were all thinking that. He peers around corners and hears a snake (?) hiss. That's not good. Snakes are never good on Merlin (Formorrah ring any bells?). Gwaine keeps on going, because Gwaine is awesome. And topless.

He keeps on going around the corner, and is grabbed by some Bucket Men, and knocked to the ground. They started kicking him, because they suck. I really thought Percival was going to appear and murder them for hurting Gwaine, but he doesn't. Sad. I wish I had the ability to transport myself into TV programs so I could knee those Bucket Men in the groin. Hard.

~~Tangential!~~

SLEEPING MERLIN AND ARTHUR!

Arthur has his elbow in Merlin's ear for some reason. Don't ask why. Arthur hears people overhead, and stops Merlin from talking. Morgana appears. And mutters darkly about the two of them, who are (coincidentally) nearby. They ride past, and there's a timeskip, so now Merlin and Arthur are walking (and complaining in the former's case). Merlin talks about food! And then, as if by magic! (Don't tell Uther I said that!) two rabbits appear in front of him. Because Merlin can be an idiot sometimes, he doesn't question the fact that someone killed rabbits and left them out for someone else to find. I thought you were the brighter side of the coin Merlin!

Suddenly, I recognise this as a scene from the trailer, and sigh loudly. Merlin touches the rabbit, and Arthur dives for him. And they're caught in a net together.

Honestly, they have a sword! Can't they just cut their way out of it?

*Facepalm*.

~~Tangential!~~

Gwen again, and EPLI is being brought in before her. Gwen's wearing red now. Cool. Anyway, Gwen questions EPLI, and realises that EPLI is the traitor (background checks, seriously!). Gwen looks more than slightly peeved, and actually shouts at EPLI for a bit. Gwen shouts at EPLI a bit.

Gwen then sentences her to death. Elyan gives her a look which just says "What?". Gwen is nice! She doesn't do death-sentences! In 'To Kill a King' she wouldn't let her dad's murderer die! Prediction: Elyan will talk to her, and Gwen will overthrow the death sentence, Then EPLI, will become PLI once more. EPLI is dragged off, and Gwen looks peeved.

~~Tangential!~~

Back to the net at night. They seem to be trying to get at the sword (Called it!), and due to general Merlin clumsiness, the sword falls out of the net. Arthur seems less than happy about this.

ARTHUR – MERLIN! GOD!

Couldn't one of them climb up the rope thingy, and then get out? Or is it impossible or something? I wouldn't really know

Merlin and Arthur blame each other for the sword-losing. The net swings from side to side. I want a swing like that. One of the rabbits has vanished, which means that it's probably squished between Merlin and Arthur. Joy. Squished dead rabbit. Lovely.

~~Tangential!~~

"Topless Gwaine!" I sang again, as the aforementioned Topless Gwaine appears, unconscious on the floor. There are shadows moving around him, and he looks injured.

"Aithusa!" I said happily "She's going to heal him!"

Weird, glowly hands appear. Didn't call it. What's the opposite of 'Call'? Send? Sended it? The camera turns to reveal…

The Alien from Indiana Jones?

Wait a second…

*Scrolls up quite a bit*

Called it? Apparently my sarcasm can predict the future…

Aliens. It's all Aliens. THE GUYS WITH THE TIN FOIL HATS WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG!

~~Tangential!~~

Cut back to swingy net with squished rabbit. The net falls (morning!). Scottish bandits appear, and Arthur is without his sword. They are probably going to kill him. Except they can't, because it's the first episode in a series. So poopy face to you Scottish bandits! Arthur asks for Merlin to be released (aw…).

Shockingly, they let him go, but Merlin won't stand for it.

MERLIN – If you're going to kill him, you'll have to kill me first.

The Merlin Whump! Alarm in my head just got set off then. I blame it on fanfiction. Whenever that line is uttered in any fanfiction, it isn't good. They turn to him with the sword.

"STOP!" Someone yells.

I turned briefly to Ro and El, half-expecting the yell to come from someone who'd forgotten that Merlin is fiction (sadly). But no, it's NEW Mordred. Slow zoom in on Merlin's face. Merlin looks less than happy, and Scottish Bandits walk away. Mordred helps Arthur up, and talks to him, telling him that Arthur saved his life. And Merlin says 'Mordred'. People looks at him.

MORDRED – Hello Arthur.

'HUAH!'

'MERLIN'

Next time time! Wow, that episode seemed so short! Or maybe I was just over-excited about Merlin, so I was expecting longer. It was still epic though.

Anyway…

Next time, there's a hissy snake sound. Maybe it's the Alien's spaceship? Then, cut to Minecraft castle, panning up (again) from what might be Merlin and Arthur's heads. Then Merlin and Mordred talking. Then, Merlin talking to Gaius (I recognise his stupid hair). That means that Merlin does get back to Camelot. Yay.

Tied up Arthur punching Smirking dude. That's good. I think I can see tied up Merlin in the background too. Merlin leaping across a snowy crevasse (near Minecraft castle?) And running. And horsies. (FROM THE SERIES 5 TRAILER!). More fighting, Morgana sending someone flying (temper tantrum. She has anger issues!). Percival (still topless) with a sword.

AITHUSA!

(Called it!)

But she's evil :( and shooting fire at Merlin and Arthur. Aw. She's too cute to be evil!

More fire

CREDITS!

Wow. That was epic.

Total 'Called it!' moments: 12.

Total 'Aw' moments: 4.

Predictions for next episode: Gwaine will continue to be topless ("Topless Gwaine!"), EPLI will be redeemed, or not killed. Merlin will be sad over Aithusa. Gwaine and Percival will escape (Topless), and fight Bucket Men in Minecraft castle. Then Mordred will join them, and they'll all go home and laugh at Gaius' haircut behind his back. Merlin will get hugged at some point. Smirking Guy will die.

See ya next week! Hopefully more "Topless Gwaine" (I'm humming 'Chocolate rain' constantly now, thanks El.) Merlin Magic, Minecraft Castle, EPLI/PLI, Smirking Guy, Random Singing, ALIENS! Gaius' awful haircut (did nobody tell him how awful it was? Bet they were all laughing at him behind his back…) and aw! Moments.