Part 1

Childhood has its secrets and its mysteries; but who can tell or who can explain them.
- Max Muller

Chapter 1

FBI Academy
Quantico, VA
09/21/05
9:00 am EST

Spencer

"They're calling him the Seattle Strangler, four victims in four months." Spencer Reid strode down the hall next to his mentor, his long legs easily keeping up the pace. "He keeps them alive seven days. The handle serves as a crank."

"Allowing him to control the rate of suffocation." Gideon observed.

"To prolong it?"

"To enjoy it." Spencer swallowed as Gideon continued. Eleven months on the job and it still struck him how depraved humanity could be. "Seattle's hit a wall?"

"Physical evidence is nonexistent, there are no tangible leads."

"And now another girl is missing." Jason opened the door to his office, allowing Spencer to follow. He watched as Gideon looked over the initial report. "I'll look the file over; I'll get some thoughts to you ASAP."

"You're going to be with us in Seattle ASAP." Aaron Hotchner said as he came in the door with Derek Morgan right behind him. Morgan gave Gideon a picture of the current victim, twenty-three year old Heather Woodland. "Before she left for lunch she downloaded and e-mail with a time delay virus attached." Hotch continued. "The killer's virus wiped her hard drive and left this on the screen." He handed Gideon another picture.

Gideon looked, looked up at Hotch, and moved to one of the pictures on his wall. "For heaven's sake catch me before I kill more. I cannot control myself." He read, quoting William Heirens, The Lipstick Killer.

"He never keeps them for more than seven days." Hotch pointed out. "Which means we have less than thirty-six hours to find her."

"They want you back in the saddle." Morgan added. "You ready?"

"Looks like medical leave is over, boss." Here we go again, Spencer thought. I just hope Gideon's ready. I hope I am too.

"Sure they want me?" Gideon asked.

Hotch nodded. "The order came from the Director."

Spencer watched as Jason Gideon took a deep breath and shouldered his armor once again. "Then we better get started."

M -

I'm sorry; I didn't mean to miss our anniversary. I hope these ribbons make up for it. They were dyed using a shibori technique from Japan, pleated before dying so the dye settled unevenly and artistically in the fabric. I've never seen this design before and so had to buy you a length of each color. I can't wait to see how they look against your hair.

My reason for being late is that we went back into the field again.

They thought that the victim had only hours and they were right so they called Gideon in. Of course I went with him, how better to learn? But I always feel so dammed behind when I'm out in the field, like I'm lost somehow or missing the point of the joke. I don't get the nuances and it baffles and frustrates me. We went out to talk to the victim's brother and he asked if I was a genius. I tried to explain to him that there's really no such thing, there's just natural speed reading and excellent memory and hard work, but it kind of fell apart. He was looking at me like I was a zoo exhibit. His dog didn't like me much either.

Gideon is still working off his understandable case of PTSD after the Bale case and there was such a quick deadline on this one that he wasn't able to advise me. He did all right though, but you can tell that Bale and The Footpath Killer are lingering with him.

Morgan doesn't understand, of course, and he spent all his spare mental energy trying to triangulate with me or Hotch against Gideon. His lack of trust is a huge issue. I want to tell him that if he doesn't trust Gideon then either work it out internally, confront Gideon or transfer, but stop the triangulation, it's juvenile and manipulative and annoying as hell. It really makes me wonder about his personal background, I remember being like that when I got to the House, a couple of years of therapy helped immensely. Granted the Bureau also seems to be concerned with Gideon's performance, but that's not really our problem. We need to work with him or not, not play these silly emotional games. It's unfortunate because Morgan is probably one of the most trustworthy men I know, but it's hard to work with him sometimes because he doesn't reciprocate. If I can't win over him then I can't win over any of them.

And Hotch quite literally cut me loose. I even tried subtly reminding him by asking him if he remembered why Gideon always refers to me as Dr. Reid, as his wife is pregnant and with that and Gideon and the case he has a lot on his mind. He got it, but then his reaction clearly said that he wasn't responding deliberately. After six months assisting Gideon at the academy it's probably sink or swim time in his mind. I just don't know that I can adequately swim in this very different world.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe I should have stayed in academia for another two years. I could be back in the House with you and Thom, or at least on campus. We could be doing groundbreaking work together. We could be exploring Mars together, or working toward that goal. And we could be spending our evenings together, the way a family should.

But your father and the state won't allow us to be together. And there's no reason to sit there and collect degrees when I could be doing something much more useful with the time I have. We saved a woman's life today. As difficult as it was for me personally, professional it went extremely well. We saved her life and who knows how many other lives.

I just wish it didn't come at the expense of a personal life. I miss you. I miss you and Thom and the House and having people around to talk to at the end of the day. And you, god I miss the both of you so very badly.

Think of me tonight, in your bed before you sleep. I'll be thinking of you.

239 days.

I love you.

S

1425 Hillcrest Ave
Pasadena, CA
09/26/05
6:00 am PST

Milly

Millicent Bennett woke slightly before her alarm clock. As she did every morning she stretched a little, debated hitting the snooze button and decided it wasn't worth it, not with the morning sun already shining through the window. She got up, made her bed, and headed to the bathroom, losing her pajamas along the way. She came back out in a simple swimsuit, towel around her waist, and sunscreen to keep the famed LA sun off her pale skin even that early in the morning, and headed downstairs.

Down in the kitchen Marta, the housekeeper, was already getting the morning underway. "Buenos días Milly. Espero que hayas dormido bien."

Milly smiled in reply. Marta spoke fluent English of course; the Spanish was for the benefit of another member of the house and had become a habit. "Buenos días . Dormí muy bien, gracias. ¿Cómo estás hoy?"

"Me siento muy bien esta mañana. Desayuno en una hora."

"Gracias Marta." An hour was ample time. She headed out the back door, stopping in the mudroom to grab a swim cap. A few moments later and she was in the pool. She did enough laps to make a mile, and at the end of it she was soundly awake and ready to start her morning. She headed back in and upstairs to shower and then change before heading back down to breakfast. She dressed for work, a flower sprigged skirt and an ivory cotton blouse then carefully unbraided her curls, trying to fuss with them as little as possible so they wouldn't frizz, and then tied her hair back from her temples with a length of silk ribbon, one delicately pleated and shaded from grass to olive green. She made sure everything was in her bag, stepped into her loafers and then headed down the back stairs and settled into her seat at the bar just as Marta was setting out a plate of eggs, sausage, whole grain toast and fruit next to her milk. "Gracias Marta. Buenos días Esteban." She said as her breakfast companion appeared in the doorway.

"Do we have to this early?" Stephen "Stevie" Bennett had the same thick, curly-to-frizzy ginger-carrot hair as his sister and father, the same brown eyes as his mother, and the long, gangly body, broken voice, braces and deep love of sleep of a thirteen year old boy. He climbed up next to his sister, slouched over the plate Marta put in front of him, and yawned deeply. "Thank you, Marta. I don't see why we have to learn Spanish AND French?"

"French because Dad came from Europe and it matters to him, Spanish because you live in California. Besides, they're both Latinate languages, Spanish shouldn't be that hard etant donné que vous avez déjà parler couramment le français."

"Mords-moi" He replied. "Not all of us are geniuses."

"Don't need to be, lots of people speak more than one or two languages. Besides, it could be worse. Latinam discere poteram." Milly grinned as her brother covered his ears at the threat of having to learn Latin on top of it all. "Oh stop and finish your breakfast."

He stopped and resumed eating. "Where are Mom and Dad anyway?"

"Your father had to go in early today." Marta informed him. "And your mother is still in bed."

"Not a surprise." Milly muttered. She smiled reassuringly at her brother. "I'll take you to school today."

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Some dialogue taken from Criminal Minds Episode 01x01 "Extreme Aggressor". No copyright infringement intended.

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Note: This story is set very, very early in the series, meaning Gideon and Elle instead of Rossi and Emily.

It is more or less AU, but the cases are accurate to 01x06 "The Fox".

Rated "M" for language and mature themes. This is a Reid/OC story with some "slash". Also, it looks like there will be some cut scenes rated MA that I will publish on LiveJournal when the story is finished.

I'm putting up the first chapter now, so people can subscribe, but I don't plan to really start updating quickly until I get much further into the thing to be certain that I don't have to go back and tweak anything. Expect things to really get going sometime next week.