this has...been done 4 months ago (no really. i changed it) and posted to tumblr but i've never posted it here. to those of you who are wondering, where the fuck are you, Sammy. i'm doing medicine so yeah. i barely have any time to sleep much less write xP and i end up going to bed at like 6-7PM most days (not today! :D - though my schedule changes every week) and then i do lecture notes and sleep. -le sigh- so here's something i wrote some time ago. right now, i'm working on re-writing most of the one-shots i have because i don't like them. i'm currently doing Bed of Fingernails, which is FTM Sebastian. :) so watch out for that.
also, i do not mean to offend anyone if i have. nothing here is intentionally offending and be warned for sickness...but that's it i think. other than language but we all swear like sailors so.
"It's kind of cold," Kurt laughed humourlessly, wrapping the scarf just a little bit tighter.
A certain silence lingered in the air. It was a silence too deafening for words. Two parallel worlds rested between cups of coffee, one of them was of Kurt Hummel, picturesque little brunette, and on the opposite side, in a paradigm shift of worlds and memory, laid Blaine Anderson, warm eyed ravenette with the same filter coffee that used to bind them together.
"Yeah," Blaine replied.
They were lovers, but also, strangers.
Kurt looked over into Blaine's eyes, a wave of emotionless void that held too little emotion, whereas before, they were a niche of too-much-emotions riddling silently like a mantra of love and affection.
So, Kurt sipped.
"This," Blaine began, voice now scratching with pain, eyes now glowering with that too-much-emotion, but Kurt wasn't sure if it was love, or if it was just the raging coldness that was now compelled to rest in Kurt's stomach as Blaine spoke, "isn't going to work out."
Kurt nodded his head.
A lapse into silence was not what they needed. They needed escape and escape was granted as Blaine finally allowed a humoured smile to reach his lips, as a look of pure bemusement finally reached that face.
"You remember when we used to sit here," Blaine spoke out, with glinting beautiful wistfulness crossing those eyes, 'and Sebastian used to come here and you'd fight for me?"
-Why aren't you fighting for me now?-
Kurt could vividly recall, as vague insults filled his head like cotton. Kurt smiled.
"We didn't lose Nationals," Kurt called out, voice abrasive. "But I lost you."
Blaine bit down his lower lip. "When?"
Kurt shrugged. "Does it really matter?" was Kurt's only response as Blaine nodded his head, and that was just it, as Blaine stirred in honey in his coffee for the first time since Kurt's known him, as he stood up, and they bowed towards each other like gentlemen do.
Kurt did not want to be a gentleman.
He wanted to scream at him and try to rekindle a love that was lost too long ago – he wanted to be a child and whine and be prissy, but there was some sort of pride that made him refuse to do that, not in front of anyone else at least, or himself.
A love lost because nobody fought for it. Just like that. Fallen out of love, no real reason, just like that.
Blaine left.
Kurt stayed and tapped against the plastic coffee lid. And then he fixed the thick, well-fitted sweater on him and then repeated. "It's kinda cold," to no-one in particular.
"How lovely."
Kurt turned to look at Sebastian standing there, smirk dignifying his face, and Kurt stared back, whilst the face sent his blood boiling and scorching with heat, he could not help but appreciate the fact that this did not change. This will never change.
"Sebastian," Kurt huffed out the name with a venomous coldness.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Oh, how intimidating, Hummel, my first given name."
Kurt glared coldly at him, but did not say a word. There were no words to describe the innate anger that came with just seeing Sebastian, as he let his finger play with the lid of the coffee cup. He did not need this, not right here, not right now.
"Blaine's out there. We broke up. You have never wanted a thing to do with me. It was all for Blaine. Now, leave me alone."
"Oh, come on, Hummel. This is much more fun-"Sebastian leaned in but Kurt graced him with a hand up in the air, telling him that this was the closet they'd get, inches away from each other's faces.
Sebastian pulled back slowly, as if there was something unsaid in the air that October afternoon.
Kurt turned to staring at the murky foam of coffee as he heard Sebastian stand up, the sounds emitting from the couch telling Kurt that he was to be left alone right now, Kurt brought the scarf closer again to ward off the too-cold air for the not-so-cold season and then Kurt felt something hit him. Thick fabric touched his face as Kurt looked down to see the Warbler blazer in his arms.
It smelled like cologne, coffee and cheap sex. The scent was nauseating.
By the time that Kurt had left, the blazer clung to his skin perfectly as he inhaled fumes of warmth, mocha and lingering nostalgia.
Fallen out of love, no real reason, just like that…
The lovely October air was a silent blessing.
The quaint little supermarket held too many colours and artificial flavourings that still remained too obscure for the likes of Kurt Hummel. Extraordinary offers laid on the shelf that he was currently peering at, and in moments, had he felt a warm hand gently holding on to his shoulder.
Kurt turned to look at Burt Hummel as Kurt's fingers grazed on a little green box of individualised mocha packets. Not quite low-fat, the industry was not quite as thoughtful of people keeping count of liquid calories.
Kurt sighed and looked at nutritional information of a dark purple box and pleased with the small fifty-calorie per cup serving, he threw it in the silvery shopping cart.
"You never change, do ya, kid?"
Kurt shook his head at his Father; as he looked down to see if the buttons of his shirt did not embarrassingly dislodge itself out of its place, before he turned to look at the amalgamation of nut butters beside the aisle.
"Some things don't change," Kurt shrugged, as he smiled back at his Father widely.
"First thing you do, back from New York after seven years, go grocery shopping," Burt pulled his hand in the air as if it was the most absurd thing he'd heard in his life.
"Well, considering I'm staying here for a while, I would like to make sure that I'm not pumped full of empty calories and cheesecake on the first day. Like you said, some things don't change and one of those things is my figure, hopefully." Kurt then decided on an almond nut butter, and turned to read the nutritional information.
"Not that!"
Kurt turned to hear a frantic voice, one of Rachel Berry in fact, as she pulled back the offending nut butter. "Kurt, I'm vegan. I eat this for protein. You should've asked me."
"Well, my dear," Kurt offered a raised eyebrow. "I didn't know you were still in fact stalking me."
"Did you get the invitation in the mail yet?" Rachel suddenly huffed, and then her eyes softened, as her mind filled in the words that were written in the letters.
"The wedding invitation? Yeah," Kurt nodded. "I'm his best man."
Rachel looked at Kurt with a fixated expression on her face. "Really?"
Kurt nodded at her and then placed a hand on the red handled cart, as Rachel looked at the nut butters in front of her, before standing on her tip-toes to reach one. Kurt helped her out, extending his air easily and picking said nut butter up, and then looked at the nutritional information. "Yes."
Rachel's eyes were full of so much sorrow for him he was going to puke.
"I'm okay with it," Kurt suddenly said. "Blaine deserves someone in his life."
His eyes were adamant, void of any emotion but glee for seeing those too-many-happy-emotions attack Blaine's eyes again, almost like nothing had changed. He wanted Blaine to be happy. Nothing really had changed.
"But it's Chandler. Mr Between the Sheets who was interested in you—"
"Blaine deserves to be happy," Kurt suddenly stated, cutting into her overdramatic flailing as Rachel's facial expression softened. Burt placed a hand on Kurt's shoulder and Kurt looked up to see the most proud facial expression that had ever crossed Burt's face up to this date.
Kurt's heart skipped a beat as he nodded towards the almond butter, placing it in the shopping cart.
"Kurt, are you—"
Kurt's eyes suddenly met with a small child, a chocolate-brown haired little boy with the most mesmerising dark brown eyes to this date, poking his head through the aisle. Kurt put a hand up in the air, indicating to Rachel that she should stop talking.
Rachel stopped and stared at wherever Kurt was staring at, - eyes meeting the frightful little boy that now refused to look at him.
"Hey," Rachel broke the silence. "Hey, where are your parents?"
The boy moved towards them and now Kurt could get the clear-cut colours of a Spiderman shirt, and faded jeans, as he moved slowly towards the foreign tall people.
Burt kneeled down to the small, short child's eye level. "Do you need any help, kid?"
The small boy nodded his head and then looked up at them. "I really, really need to know where they keep the medicine."
Kurt and Burt exchanged glances and Kurt nodded towards Burt, no words needed to be spoken as Rachel held the boy's hand to make sure he was alright.
"You don't buy medicine here. You buy it in the pharmacy," Rachel's voice was incredibly nauseatingly sweet. "Come on. my friend and I will take you."
"Dad, I-"Kurt turned to his Father whom nodded his head.
"Go on ahead. Take care of it. Make sure the kid's okay."
The boy slowly nodded his head. Rachel wondered if she could see it in his eyes too, that escapade of too-many-emotions, mostly hurt, and fear.
The pharmacy wasn't a stretch away as they escaped the supermarket and entered the mall halls. A scent of coffee and cinnamon rolls as they passed by Cinnabon.
Kurt noted the boy didn't even register the fact that he smelt anything sugary sweet, eyes determined fixated as no humour showed through those eyes.
The brown-haired boy walked over towards the pharmacy, picking up a simple cold and flu Panadol. The boy's hand went to his pockets, fumbling for money and loose change.
Rachel put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "I'll pay. Don't worry."
The brown-haired boy looked up at her with sad eyes. "Really?"
Kurt nodded his head towards the boy as Rachel placed the needed money for the Panadol, which the boy was now clutching protectively.
"Did you go all the way to the mall by yourself for medicine?" Rachel suddenly asked, voice full of natural Berry authority.
Kurt didn't even want to think about that, but his eyes had met with the boy's and he just knew. The boy nodded his head. "Yeah." His voice was soft. "I got a cab. I know how to right now."
Rachel bit her lower lip. "So, you know where your home is?"
"It's really close." The boy nodded his head again, not seeing anything wrong with running away from home. Kurt's stomach was burning with anger at the boys' ignorant parents for allowing such a thing to happen in the first place.
"Okay." Kurt said, trying not to yell at the innocent child.
Calling a cab was fairly easy, as calling Burt. Kurt let the October air chill his bones, as he let the brown-haired boy stare outside the doorway. He'd grown accustomed to sitting on Kurt's lap as Kurt and Rachel shared horrific glances at each other.
"Thank you."
Kurt looked at the boy with a quizzical expression and the brown-haired boy must've understood because he added on. "Daddy says that when people do good things for you, you say thank you."
Rachel nodded her head as Kurt stared into the boy's eyes.
By the time they dropped off towards the household, Kurt felt something burning at the pitch of his stomach at the grand mansion that lay before him. Kurt grabbed on the boy's hand tightly, as he peered in the grand gates. Rachel felt hesitant, and Kurt felt protective, taking the boy in his arms, and then noticing that he felt heavy in his arms.
"Key's inside the flower pot. I got Lilly to get them for me. She's like our maid," the brown-haired boy chirped as Rachel opened the door.
The scent was intoxicatingly pleasant when he walked in. It seemed like the picture perfect household, just not the best family, Kurt reckoned.
A blonde maid – that Kurt presumed was Lilly by her careless nature – was filing her nails, and then a brown-haired maid appeared into the room, with a set of wide rich brown eyes, and curly brown hair. "What did I tell you about leaving? Father is very upset with you."
When Kurt felt the boy shrink into his arms, Kurt's first sign was to look for any domestic abuse.
Then he realised there was no fear in the boy's eyes, just sadness, sadness for making his Father worried. "Come on." Now, the boy seemed more energetic. "I want to see him anyway."
"Courage," Kurt mumbled to himself, as Rachel shot him a sad look at Blaine's overused line, whilst the boy had ran upstairs.
Kurt and Rachel had thought to follow him.
Rachel was in fact furious. "I'm going to teach his Father something about leaving a boy to run around in a supermarket, potentially getting hurt or kidnapped and then made to bring medicine for himself—"
Kurt suddenly realised that the boy had felt slightly feverish in his arms in the cold October wind that seemed to stay with them like a silent curse.
Kurt stopped by the chambers, and then his eyes had met with broken green eyes, lying silently in his bedside. Kurt had never quite seen Sebastian Smythe looking so vulnerable.
"What did you do to my child, Hummel?"
"Returning him." Kurt snapped coldly.
Rachel finally exploded from the rage. "Sebastian, if you can't take care of children, you better not bother having any at all—"
Sebastian looked down at the boy before him whom was shuffling his feet awkwardly, as he pointed towards the medicine. Sebastian's eyes widened as realisation filled him.
"You need it," the boy suddenly said.
Kurt sat down on the beside suddenly, trying to understand the situation before him.
Sebastian nodded his head as he took the Panadol medication from the boy, causing him to suddenly jump up in the air in triumph. "Annie, take him."
The maid with the warm brown eyes and curly brown hair had been standing by the doorway and had taken the boy's hand.
"So this is it?" Kurt hissed after the boy left, watching Sebastian drop the medication from his hands. "You're letting your child be brought up by a bunch of maids whilst you sit here, wallowing in your own self-pity—?"
Sebastian put a finger to Kurt's lips.
"I still despise you," Sebastian muttered insignificantly under his breath. "All those years in New York and you're still the same prude bitch."
Kurt looked close to punching him when he just snapped. "Nothing ever changes with you, does it?"
Kurt stood up now, looking at Sebastian with angry eyes. "You don't deserve to have a child, Bas," he spat out dangerously.
"Well, they're taking him away anyway," Sebastian called out, snapping at him as he coughed, and this made Kurt flinch, because he wasn't expecting a multitude of viruses to escape Sebastian's throat.
Kurt's eyes hardened. "Good." Kurt then breathed out, and looked back at him. "Why?"
"I asked them to."
"Because," Rachel tried to think of reasons, and then called out the one that was battling in her mind, "he deserves a loving, caring family?"
"I love him, dammit," Sebastian furiously called out, now shaking with sweat. Kurt looked back at him as Sebastian stood up now, to stare back at Kurt.
"Then why aren't you fighting for him? Why didn't you run after him when he decides to run off to the damn supermarket instead of sitting on your ass—"
Sebastian cut him off with a dark look. "Like Blaine didn't fight for you two?"
Kurt suddenly stopped and stared back at him, as if he was snapping open old wounds right now, as he looked down at his feet before coming face-to-face with Sebastian. Sebastian didn't seem to mind it at all.
"That has nothing to do with this," Kurt calmly responded.
Sebastian moved in closer. "Leave."
"Sometimes you fall out of love, for no reason. At all." Kurt suddenly snapped back, bringing back all memories associated with Blaine and the coldness that was now making Kurt's bones chill like ice.
"But he fell out of love with you. You never ever fucking fell out of love with him," Sebastian retorted as Kurt looked down at Sebastian's feet. "He sent me an invitation too, you know. His wedding, with Chandler. Chandler is such a freaking bride."
Kurt looked at Sebastian with a cold expression. "My Dad was proud of me. I am taking it on like a mature adult—"
"—but you didn't change, Hummel. You're still the prissy teenager that didn't know what to do after his boyfriend broke off their stupid relationship. And just because you know how to mask it a little better, you—"
"Shut up, Sebastian!" Rachel suddenly called out. "Kurt is fine. He's accepted it that Chandler and Blaine are getting married. Why won't you?"
Sebastian broke out into a laugh. "Me? I wanted to get into Blaine's pants, which I did. He's nothing special, honey, but Hummel here is dying—"
"I want Blaine to be happy." Kurt snapped, with a brisk expression on his face.
"True," Sebastian shrugged. "But I can read you like a book, Hummel. You do want him to be happy, with you, not the freakin' guy he threatened to bash his head in for sending fucking flirty text messages to—"
Kurt had abruptly slammed his fists over towards the table, as he looked up at Sebastian. Rachel's eyes widened as a wave of tears suddenly burned down Kurt's eyes. The hot, fresh tears prickling in his eyes, and falling.
"Kurt?" Rachel called out with a soft expression on her face.
Kurt choked out a sob. "He's right." Kurt held his head in his hands as he sobbed. "Fucking bastard."
Sebastian's eyes remained hardened as Kurt turned with sudden fury burning in his eyes. "Happy? Happy, Sebastian? Happy?"
Sebastian grabbed onto Kurt's shoulders, and then pulled him close, crashing their lips together. Rachel's eyes widened as she stepped backwards, ending up on Sebastian's bedside, as Kurt looked back up at Sebastian with confused eyes.
"Yes, I'm happy! I'm happy, dammit. Happy that they're taking my kid away from me, and that I'm freaking dying of fucking leukaemia and my son decides to buy a pair of fever pills because it's gonna save me or whatever!" Sebastian called out afterwards, but there was nothing but silence as Kurt suddenly looked back up at him with horrified eyes.
Sebastian shut his eyes, as they burned with tears.
"Nothing ever changes, right?" Sebastian called out darkly.
A platinum blonde-haired maid suddenly tapped at Kurt's shoulder and Kurt pulled away from Sebastian slowly. Sebastian glared at him in the coldest manner, but it's lost its affect with those hot tears running down his eyes so adamantly and freely.
Rachel gripped tightly on Kurt's shoulder in comfort as they left.
"Do you want to go back and talk to him?" Rachel asked.
The brown-haired boy sat on the floorboards, holding a train in his hands as he looked up at Kurt. "Hey!"
Rachel smiled at the boy. "Hello, sweetie."
The boy cocked his head to one side. "He's a really good Daddy," he just said all of a sudden, causing Kurt to want to throw up, as he looked at the oblivious son. Of course, Sebastian wouldn't hospitalise himself, because his son would know something was dangerously wrong with his Father.
Kurt nodded his head. "Yeah," he said with a heavy heart, mind flashing back to Burt telling him that his Mother was gone to his sister's and won't be back for a while. "He really is."
Rachel's eyes had stared at Kurt's face as she looked at her text message. "We should go. Chandler's going insane about wedding preparations."
Kurt nodded.
"I'm sorry, Kurt," Rachel's voice was soft.
"Why?"
Rachel looked down at the boy whom was playing with the train in his hands. "Huh?"
"Kurt." The boy looked at him with strong eyes. "You called me by my name. Kurt. You said you were sorry."
Rachel looked at her friend's eyes as his eyes filled with tears as he shook his head. Rachel had followed Kurt as he practically ran out of the doorway and had called a cab.
"Taxi! Taxi!"
Rachel gripped onto Kurt's shoulder as Kurt shook and tears fell from his eyes. "He named his son after me."
"Kurt—"
"He named his son after me," Kurt's voice was adamant.
Rachel watched as Kurt got into the cab and she followed him in as she looked at him whilst he shook. Kurt suddenly wrapped his arms around Rachel as he sobbed his heart out. "He named his son after me." Kurt repeated once more as tears burned in his eyes.
"Kurt, honey, shhh…"
"Nothing ever changes, right?" Kurt spat out, as Rachel shushed him, stroking his hair.
"Shhh…."
Kurt could hear laughter. This was wrong.
Kurt looked down to see the small brown-haired boy that shared his name, as Kurt shuddered from the cold of the wedding reception hall.
"Mr Kurt," the boy called out and then grinned at the thought of sharing a name with anyone, as he pulled a thick coat towards him. "Daddy told me to give you this."
Kurt nodded his head and then picked up the coat from his hands.
"Always here to make sure I don't freeze to death," Kurt mumbled to himself.
"I'll take that."
Kurt turned to look at Sebastian whom was standing there, without a coat, in a thin suit, as Kurt had secured the red buttons of the thick grey coat over his body.
"I want you to take care of him."
Kurt looked up at Sebastian with a shocked expression. Kurt opened his mouth.
"I will not accept a no for an answer," Sebastian demanded and Kurt nodded his head, as he swallowed his throat.
"You might still live. Can still fight it," Kurt whispered under his breath so that the small boy can't hear him as he made his way towards Sebastian, clutching his leg.
"Fight it?" Sebastian laughed. "It's just like Blaine fighting for you."
"Or you fighting for me."
Sebastian's eyes suddenly snapped towards Kurt whom just shrugged at him. "You named him after me," he whispered.
"Fallen out of love, no real reason, just like that…" Sebastian called out, and then his eyes locked with Kurt's. "…fallen in love, no real reason, just like that…"
Kurt looked down at his feet.
"I still despise you." Sebastian whispered.
Kurt's eyes bubbled with tears as he nodded towards him as he walked away. He stopped and then had turned around, unbuttoning the coat and gracing it towards Sebastian's figure, buttoning the buttons himself, as Sebastian stared at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Thank you," Sebastian whispered.
"It's your coat," Kurt mumbled, but then his mind reeled as Sebastian left, picking up the small Kurt in his hands. Kurt bit down his lower lip, his heart racing as his mind hurt with numbness.
Kurt and Sebastian, strangers, but also lovers.
"Daddy says that when people do good things for you, you say thank you."
xo Peanut Butter/Sam