JJ pulls the chair next to Reid's bed, it breaks her heart to see him like this knowing that he never should have been there at all.

'Spence' she says rubbing his hand, the bandages around his wrists making her want to be sick, the quiet beeping of his pulse confirm he's alive but she struggles believe it, his face so peaceful. It's the most relaxed she has seen him in weeks. She turns his arm over and sees the cuts and scars, lonely tears roll down her cheeks.

'JJ?' He whispers as he wakes up, 'I can smell you' he says with a smile his eye not yet open. She lets out this faint burst of joy to hear his voice again. 'Why am I still here, am I dead?'

'Spence, your not dead, and don't you ever do this to us again. We love you! And I could live without you. We found you in the bath' ... 'Morgan and I, we came to check on you, you hadn't been yourself. Spence what did you think you would get from this? All of this?.' By the way your body looked you have been hurting for such a long time, we could have helped you Spence. These cuts won't help you feel better, your family will, they don't last and you know I understand that.' 'I told you I cut in college but I told you it wouldn't make much of a difference for long.'

'I know I could talk to you all but I couldn't, I just couldn't get the words out, I couldn't make you see. Everything just got too much and today, it just seemed that the pain would never end, the longer I went on lying the more pain I created for myself, the more I felt myself made sense to me anymore.

JJ sat and took in his words, she kissed his hand and slid her hand down his arm over the cuts and scars. He winced as she did. 'You know you're not alone, and never have to be again. Spence look at me.' He met her red puffy eyes with his. 'I won't ask you not to cut again because that will only make it harder, but I want you to phone me first, see if it helps. I don't want you to think you can speak to me, what would little Henry do without his Uncle Spence'

He smiled as she stood up and kissed his head, 'I'll call, I promise'

Will was next to come in, 'hey there' he said patting him on the shoulder, 'it's good to have you back, I won't talk long but I just wanted you to know, we're here for you' pointing to himself and JJ who stood in the doorway. 'Just, you know call if you need anything, wouldn't be the same without you' with that he turned and left with JJ.

Reid could help but feel like in his attempt to save them from him, he had only failed no made everything worse. How could he even screw that up.

'Hey pretty boy' Morgan walked in and sat where JJ had, 'how's things going kid?'

Reid look at the sheets 'I've been better I guess'

'Hey Reid look at me man, I'm not goin to bite' he said with a smile

It was obvious to Reid that he had been crying 'Morgan I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen I just felt like I let you all down, like I'd become a burden.'

'Reid, I'll let you know when your any of those. And your not. We read the the letter' Reid flinched he realised that was only meant to be read after he was gone. 'You know all that stuff in your letter is bull, I mean come on man. You mean the world to us, all of us. You're not a monster, and I know you feel like this cant be fixed but half the battle is done, we know now, we can help you feel better'

With that he got up and ruffled Reid's hair, turned and left.

Garcia came next while Morgan waited outside for her. 'Hey superman, I know your not feeling well but you know this job is a lot more than than it may seem, I'm here if you need me and if we have to have 100 movie nights to make you better again ill make sure to bring the popcorn.' Reid smiled for the first time in a long time ' there he is, told ya we'd get him back' she smiled. ' she held his arm, 'this may have been your only way on your own, but not with the rest off us, you make me worry like that again and so help me ill kick your butt myself, I know it's hard being low but it's never the end'

She gave him a big hug and kiss and left. Reid almost felt like he mattered again, he knew it would be hard to feel better but he also knew it wasn't impossible. He would never recover from it but he could learn to manage it and hopefully one day control it again.

Emily snook in the room while Reid was in thought. 'Hey Reid, I'm not staying long but I'm glad your okay. Just next time you feel low don't stop yourself from coming to the theatre, you missed a great show' Reid was glad she had change the topic, it's why he love Emily so much, they shared the great joy in nerding out together.

'Thanks Emily, I heard it had really good critics.' He looked at her with a little smile, he knew it didn't look so dark anymore and he was glad they knew.

'Right' she said placing her hands on the bed and getting up 'I bet be off or Sergio is going to have taken all the room in the bed'

As he watched her leave he saw Hotch staring through the glass at him arms folded and talking to Rossi.

'Dave what are we going to do?' He said before they entered. 'Well just let him know we are here for him, and you know we're going to have to talk about him coming back to work.'

Hotch sighed, 'I'm going to his apartment on the way home and I'm going to clean it up before he gets home and take those thing out of his bathroom and bin them.'... 'I can't let him do this again, I made a promise to Gideon that I would look after him.' ... 'And now this' 'I knew something was wrong I should have pushed him' Rossi patted him on the back 'it's not your fault, none of us did anything but we are here now, and it's now that counts'

They both walked into the room and sat in the empty chairs. 'How are you Spencer, you know if you want to you can come stay with me for a while when you get out.' Rossi watched for any sign of doing this again, but all he could profile was sadness. Hotch watched from a distance as they talked. 'Thanks Rossi, I think I'll be okay, but I'm glad to have the offer.' Reid look down, he sounded so solemn. 'Reid' Hotch said as he stepped forwards 'we will need to talk about this but now is not the time, I want you to take as much time as you need, I've called Gideon and he's going to come back and stay with you for a while.' Reid felt like someone had hit him in the stomach he had let Gideon down so much. Hotch could see it in his face 'Reid you know, you did what you could to survive, it's not a great way of coping and I don't think I would use it, but people can't judge you for this. You have had so much to deal with, and this team loves and needs you. You are not alone. And I'm going to go back to your apartment and get rid of you razor, I know there are other ways but I just think it would be best just to get rid of it' he smiled, the first time Reid had seen him out of action mode in a while, but he hadn't been out with the team in such a long time.

Reid look across and thanked them both, it had been the first time in a long time he felt that he could look at them. Rossi look at the cuts and scars on the young mans body, he was so broken so young. He leaned forward and placed his hand on his fore arm, 'we are here if you need us, but we will have to let you rest now it's been a long night.' Reid looked towards the clock 2:47am looked back at the two men and smiled 'Thanks for being there for me, and I'll make sure I talk to you guys if things get this bad again.'

Rossi and Hotch headed for the door closing it behind them, they knew that it wasn't over it would take a long time for the young man to feel okay again but this time they would be there. Hotch nodded towards Rossi as he watched him leave, he then spoke to the nurse 'thank you nurse, we're all done you can continue now' the nurse tapped him on the shoulder with a sympathetic look 'thank you agent Hotchner' he turned to leave, but his night wasn't over as he headed back to Reid's place to clean up the mess.

Reid watched Hotch walk past and the nurse come in she put a sedative in his IV and left. He had a long road but it wasn't over yet, in ways he looked forward to seeing Gideon again but he also knew that he had to fix himself again all over again. He slowly slipped into a sleep that would give him the rest he needed.