Titel: There's A Fine Line Between Hate And Love
Author: Blondezilla90
Rating: M (sexual content, language)
Spoilers: up to 4x03 Makeover
Summary: He's standing at her door and neither of them are really sure what was happening. One minute they were screaming, the next she was sitting curled up on a toilet seat, crying her eyes out.

A/N: This is for my bestie Mona, the most fabulous girl you will ever meet. Also, all mistakes are mine since I didn't consult my beta.

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Finn stopped breathing. His eyes were fixated on that guy in his girlfriend and step brother's loft. He noticed the surroundings, the blanket and pillow on the floor, the half empty glasses of what appeared to be cider and fucking Moon River playing in the background. His insides twisted and he swallowed hard.

"Well that's awkward." Brody mumbled and fumbled with his phone.

"I'll see you later," he said politely to Rachel as Finn pushed the door open wider. Brody slipped out and quickly ran, while Finn clenched his jaw. His eyes roamed the entire room and his nose noticed the slight smell of smoke.

"Finn." Rachel finally said, her eyes wide as saucers while he ignored her. His eyes kept wandering and suddenly stopped. He noticed the white wall and he felt his heart break in literally two. It was gone.

"What do you think?" Rachel asked as she stepped back from the wall, her hips on her head while she slightly turned towards Kurt. On the wall was Finn's name, a green and yellow heart around it. "Am I being too obvious?"

"He hasn't called you, because he loves you. Not because he has forgotten about you. Your freedom is a gift he gave you, accept it," Kurt replied as he dunked the brush into the paint.

"I know, it's just, so much freedom all at once that it starts to feel like severe loneliness." Rachel sighed as she leaned against the lamp, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

After Kurt had headed out to cake themselves cake and Brody stopped by, Rachel was sitting on the ground, watching the heart on the wall. She missed Finn, so terribly. She understood his intentions, but it didn't change the fact she was lonely, even with Kurt there. He could never replace her boyfriend. A sigh escaped her and at the very same moment Kurt looked over to her from his bed.

He couldn't stand to see his best friend miserable, so he fished for his phone and aimed at the heart on the wall, snapping a picture. He debated his action for a while, staring at the menu on his phone. Soon his finger glided over messages and he quickly typed one into his phone, scrolling through his contacts to find his step brothers.

Meanwhile in Lima, Finn was sitting on his bed, his eyes staring at the picture of himself and Rachel on the wall. He played with the hem of his shirt and he sighed. He missed his girlfriend. He wanted to see her so bad, tell her all about what happened and about everything he wanted. He still waited for the sign that would tell him, whether the decision he had made last summer was actually right or wrong.

The very same moment his phone buzzed and he slid his finger over the screen, his heart literally stopping. On his screen he saw the back of Rachel's head, but his eyes quickly wandered over to the heart on the wall. He squinted his eyes and zoomed in on it, reading his name. His heart skipped a beat and he scrolled down, reading the message attached to it.

You could stop the hurt.

That was all it said. Finn bit his lip. Was really that miserable without him? Would she be happy to see him? He had to find out. Quickly he leaned over and grabbed his mac, opening safari to look up flights to New York. He booked the first one he found and grinned brightly, getting out of his bed to head downstairs into the kitchen.

"Hey Mom, by any chance, do you have Kurt's address in New York?" he asked as he moved over to her. His mother nodded her head and pointed towards the fridge. Finn quickly snapped a picture of it and tucked his phone back into his pocket, leaning over to kiss his mother's cheek.

"Thank you."

"Finn what are you doing here?" Rachel whispered with a weak voice. That seemed to pull him out of his thoughts and his eyes refocused on her, anger and hurt washing over him.

"I…I came here to see you….to…to talk to you, but I guess that was a terrible idea." He ranted and dropped his bag to the ground. Rachel simply stared at him, her mouth agape. She didn't know what to do or say. She was overwhelmed with the situation. The silence hung thickly over them and both had struggled to breathe. It was than Finn noticed the changes in Rachel. There were blonde streaks in her wavey, brown curls. Her make-up was thicker and more than usual and her lips were slightly swollen, her cheeks flushed. Her clothing was different and Finn felt like a completely different person was standing in front of him.

"Come inside." Rachel finally muttered and stepped aside, but Finn didn't budge.

"I should go," he replied and leaned down to grab his bag, but Rachel stopped him and touched his arm, holding onto it rather tightly.

"Don't. We need to talk," she whispered with a quivering voice and Finn stood up straight, staring down at his girlfriend. Or ex girlfriend?

"There's nothing to talk about. I see you are busy sexing it up with others guys. Sorry I interrupted," he finally spat out and glared at her. Rachel flinched back as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Don't Finn. Please," she whispered with a broken voice. Finn laughed humorlessly and shrugged his shoulder.

"What? Isn't it true? Didn't I just interrupt you getting your fuck on with that…. that…" He felt the rage flowing through his body and his nostrils flared up when he came to the full realization about what just had happened.

"I wasn't. Finn. Please," she choked out and Finn's anger seemed to get fueled even more by every tear she shed.

"Oh yeah? I figured New York would change, but I didn't expect it for you to turn you in a slut," He finally yelled out and Rachel flinched at his words.

"EXCUSE ME? What?!" she shrieked and Finn's face hardened even more.

"Well look at yourself, look at the way you dress. That is not Rachel Berry. The Rachel Berry I know wouldn't just fuck some random guy," he yelled at her. The very same moment a slap echoed and Rachel stared at him with pure hatred, her hand stinging from connecting with his cheek.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that. Don't. You are the one who left me, who set me free. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY ME," she screamed and clenched her fist to hit him in the chest. Finn just stared at her and ignored the burn in his face.

"Oh yeah? And that gives you the opportunity to just fuck with other guys?" His voice was full of anger and Rachel smacked him again with her fist.

"Fuck you. YOU LEFT. You left to join the army, you left me behind. You sent me to New York and set me free, do you expect me to just sit around and fucking be miserable?" She whimpered and Finn bit his lip really hard. He felt a stab in his heart.

"You know why I did it. You know why. I can't believe you," he pressed through gritted teeth and Rachel felt her heart being torn apart.

"No I don't know why. All I know is that you sent me off to NYADA on my own. You never called me, you never returned my texts. You completely left me alone." Tears streamed down her face and Finn's heart crumbled. He saw the hurt in her eyes. It broke him.

"I had to do it, Rachel. I couldn't let you be hung up over me when I couldn't be there for you. Every time I was so close to just fuck it all over and screw it over to be with you. I fought with myself over and over again, missing you every damn second, but I guess you got over it pretty quickly, considering you were almost fucking that dude on your floor." Rachel gasped at his words and another slap echoed through the room. Both of them gasped at the sound and it was than Finn grabbed both of her wrists.

"Stop fucking slapping me." He roared and Rachel stared up at him. His eyes were wide open, his pupils dilated, his breathing ragged. He inched closer to her and tightened his grip slightly, causing Rachel to wince. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came from her. Before she knew it his mouth connected with hers. His tongue slipped over her mouth and forced her lips apart, their tongues colliding, fighting for dominance.

A tiny moan escaped Rachel and she groaned when he spun them around to press her into the wall. He kept kissing her, almost bruising her lips in the process, but neither of them cared. They channeled their anger in passion and soon he let go over her arms, so she wrapped then around his neck. His hand traveled over her body and he roughly groped her breast over the shirt she was wearing.

"Did he touch you like this?" He rasped out while he pulled away from Rachel to fill his lung with oxygen. She was panting and looked at him in rage.

"What?" She spat out and Finn shoved her shirt and bra out of the way, his thumb and pointer finger trapping her nipple to pinch it. Rachel shrieked and looked at him, her jaw dropping.

"Did he fucking touch your boobs," he roared and leaned down to capture her nipple between his lips to slightly bite it, sucking really hard. Rachel groaned at the contact and let her head fall backwards against the wall.

"No…no….," she rasped out and closed her arms around his head. He kept licking and sucking on her breast until it was red and raw, moving over to the next to give it the same treatment.

"What did you do with him?" He mumbled against her boob and bit it when she whimpered, ignoring whatever he said.

"Answer me." He said and moved up to look into her eyes. The tip of her nose brushed against his and his hands were massaging her boobs, causing Rachel to whimper even more.

"He…we…kissed," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Like this?" Whatever answer she had for him was swallowed when his lips pressed to hers in a passionate kiss. Her entire body was shaking and her panties grew wetter than ever before. Kissing Brody was nothing compared to Finn. Whenever Finn kissed her she could feel it from her tip of her toes all the way up to the ends of her hair. Her entire body caught on fire and she couldn't stop the passion to rush through her body.

"No…," she mumbled through ragged breathing. He stared at her swollen lips and smiled at her wickedly. He was determined to make her forget about the donkey face that was here not even 30 minutes ago.

"Did you want to fuck him?" His voice is serious and Rachel's eyes grew wide as her head shook no. The same moment his hand slid down her body and into her panties, cupping her womanhood. He couldn't stop the groan that escaped him when he felt her wetness coat his entire hand, dripping through his fingers.

"Did he make you feel like this? Make you this wet?" Rachel shook her head no quickly and whimpered as his finger brushed her clit, her legs parting for him enough so he was able to slip a finger into her body.

"Only you," she croaked out between moans and Finn smirked at her. No one was allowed to touch her aside from him and he would make sure it would stay that way.

"Only I get your pussy. It's all mine," he whispered into her ear and bit her ear lobe, his finger wiggling around in her body. Rachel moaned and stared at him.

"Yes." Was the simple answer and Finn groaned. He pulled his hand out of her panties and licked his hand clean, while taking her hand to lead her towards the bed. Rachel's legs shook she thought she was going to drop to the ground at any minute. She couldn't quite grasp what was happening. A few minutes ago the two of them yelled at each other, insulting each other, but now he was literally about to fuck her.

"Finn please," she whispered, but he ignored her and pushed her on the bed.

"What? Am I not good enough for you? Do you rather want the donkey face's dick?" He roared, clearly still angry at her. Something in her body snapped and she glared at him.

"His name is Brody." She was aware it would piss him off even more, the more surprised she was when he literally ripped off her clothing, leaving her in only her panties.

"Well Brody can kiss my fucking ass." His voice was sharp and low and Rachel shuddered a little. She watched him as he undressed himself as well, noticing the bulge in his boxers.

"He's more of a man you'll ever be," she said, which caused Finn to look at her face. She noticed the flicker in his eyes and he smirked.

"But I'll be the only fucking man who will ever pound your fucking pussy," he yelled at her and grabbed her arms to pin them over her head, rolling on top of her.

"Oh yeah?" She challenged him, but Finn wouldn't have it. One of his hands slipped between them and between her legs, shoving the thong she was wearing aside. Rachel's muscles twitched in anticipation and she moaned when two of his fingers slipped into her body, immediately moving in and out of her.

"Try me," he mumbled and closed his mouth over hers in a passionate kiss. Rachel's body felt like goo, her mind foggy with lust. She couldn't control herself anymore, her body or emotions. She was incredibly angry at Finn, but at the same time she just wanted him between her thighs, making the ache for him go away.

"Stop teasing me and show me," she rasped out and arched her back when his fingers slip out to rub her clit.

"Do you want me?" He hissed against her lips and brushed his tongue over hers. Rachel nodded her head and groaned loudly, her hips frantically moving against his hand.

"Fuck me." Rachel finally said and Finn felt like he was going to explode. In one quick motion his boxers and her panties where flying through the studio, while he positioned himself between her legs and shoved himself into her body. Rachel cried out loudly and he let go of her arms. Her hands clawed into his shoulders and she scratched him hard as he started to pump into her repeatedly. Their eyes connected and Rachel noticed the anger and hate, but also the pleasure and want in them. She was aware that the only sounds were their bodies moving against each other, their ragged breathing in perfect synch with their movements.

Neither of them spoke and Finn stared at her face. Her eyes were huge and practically black, which fueled his anger. He just wanted to punish her, but somehow he lost himself in the situation. Despite everything he was in love with her and he missed her body and everything. He hadn't been prepared to meet a completely different person. A moan escaped her as Finn gave her a particular hard thrust, causing Rachel to arch her back. He couldn't stand to see her face anymore. He pulled away and groaned at the loss, quickly flipping her over.

"Finn what….," she questioned and he just shushed her, pulling her on all fours. Without any care he slipped back into her body and started to move frantically. He needed to get over with this. He needed release.

"Shit," he groaned and looked at her sweaty back, her hair sticking to it. He noticed the blonde and he bit his lip as he trusted even harder. Rachel was moaning and panting, her fingers between her legs to rub her clit. Soon Finn felt the familiar pull in his lower body and his mouth formed into an O shape. He let go and thrusted deep into her body, stilling his movement as his cock twitched and he emptied himself into her.

"Fucking hell," he panted and pulled out of her, falling down on the bed next to her, his breathing hard while his body twitched. Sweat was dripping down his body and he didn't dare to move another muscle. Rachel remained in the position she was in, on all fours. Suddenly she was aware of what just happened and her eyes filled with tears. She started to flat out sob. She broke completely down. Finn watched her as she scrambled around and tried to grab the sheet on her bed, his heart breaking.

"Rachel," he said as he rolled over to touch her, but she flinched away and stared at him.

"Don't fucking touch me," she spat out and wrapped the sheet around her body. More tears streamed down her face and she quickly ran towards the bathroom, slipping inside. Finn watched her go and he felt like punching himself. He was such a fucking idiot. He sighed. He grabbed his boxers and slipped them on while he walked over to the bathroom. He knocked.

No Answer.

"Rachel please." He whispered and dropped his forehead against the door. All he got as a response was her sobbing.

"Rachel. I beg you. Please. Come out." His voice sounded desperate, but Rachel flat out ignored him. She sat curled up on the toilet set and cried into her sheet, her body trembling with exhaustion.

"I am sorry Rachel. I didn't mean what I said. I just….I don't know what happened," Finn said as he turned and slid down his body into sitting position. Tears burnt the back of his eyes, but he ignored the sting.

"I am a jerk. I came here to make it all right. To tell you that letting you got to New York alone was the biggest mistake of my life. Kurt sent me the picture of the heart you drew on the wall and I thought there was still hope for us, but then I come here, knock on the door and you are on a date with that Brody dude." His voice cracked as tears trickled down his face, trying to fight the lump in his throat.

"That felt like a slap in the face. You were there, a whole new version of yourself, kissing some other guy. My heart broke into pieces that very second." He let go completely now and didn't even bother to wipe away his tears, his voice laced with sadness.

"Rachel please. I love you so fucking much. Please come out and talk to me." He cried and a tiny sob escaped him. He buried his face in her hands and finally he heard the door click and open. Her mascara was covering her cheeks and her eyes and lips were swollen, her nose red while snot tickled down her upper lip.

"You broke me," she whispered and Finn got up from the ground.

"You basically left me hanging in the air and for the longest time I was alone. Miserable. I didn't know whether we were a couple or broken up, I wasn't sure what to do. Than Brody came into my life and he gave me what I desperately craved from you. He made me feel wanted, he gave me attention. Why should I feel guilty over kissing him, when I don't even get one response from you, trying to clear the air?" She whispered as she made her way back to her bed. Finn watched her and drew in a deep breath.

"I know. I am sorry," he choked out and wiped his face. Rachel watched him, her face full of hurt.

"It's not fair what you did to me. It's not fair how you treated me and it's not fair for you to be mad at me. You set me free and then completely left me alone. What was I supposed to do?" Her voice is quivering and Finn felt his heart break all over again. He finally came to realize what damage he had done once again.

"Rachel I love you with every fiber of my being. I was and still am ready to marry you, to spend the rest of my life with you. You're the love of my life, my soul mate. That is why I let you go, that is why I told you to follow your dreams. Fact is: I am not good enough for you. You're so much better than me, so much better than anyone around you. You're a star Rachel and you deserve to shine. Shine as bright as Broadway by night. I knew if you deferred your application for a year, that I'd hold you back. I couldn't let that happen." His voice was low, but honest and Rachel nodded her head, taking everything in.

"Why do you always act on what are you thinking is best for us? I am still my own person, I can make my decisions alone. Finn, I was ready to marry you, despite everything. You still don't get it. I think you never will. My dream was always to be on Broadway, yes, but that's not all I want. For the longest time I wanted you by my side while you pursued your own dreams," she sighed and inched closer to him, her hand cupping his cheek.

"And now?" His voice is low and Rachel gently brushed her finger over his cheek, pulling him down closer to press a lip to his lips.

"I still want you, I still want to be your fiancée, whether we'll marry tomorrow or in ten years. I want to know, even if you won't be here, that you'll be mine and I am yours and no one is going to come between us." Finn looked down as his eyes softened and he smiled a little.

"I love you Rachel, but you changed, I changed. There's a lot to talk about." He whispered and she nodded her head.

"I know that, but I want to sort it out, because I love you too. I want to be with you and only you." A new set of tears filled her eyes and slowly made their way down her cheeks, but Finn cupped them both with his hands and brushed his thumbs repeatedly over her face to wipe them away. Slowly he bend down to press his lips against hers in the sweetest, most gentle way and she puckered her own to kiss him back. Her body shivered and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close to her body.

"So tell me, why aren't you wearing an army uniform?"

THE END