Repulsion

Still in my undershirt, I didn't bother to take it off. I just got in the tub.
I'm under the water, can feel the ripples dancing over me, can feel the cool water on my heated skin. I can't stop thinking about him.

I want him.

All of him even if I have to force him over my bed and rip all his clothes off, even if he's whining and telling me to stop because I know damn well that I'm not gonna stop and I won't stop until I get what I want.

I saw him down the street, yeah. I had to contain myself.

He was with that man. The one he chose over me.

The one he cheated on me with.

That man doesn't deserve him.

I deserve him.

I deserve to do anything and everything to him.

He's still mine. He always was.

And I'm gonna take back what's rightfully mine whether he likes it or not.

That's right.

He'll see what I mean when the time comes.

But why the fuck doesn't he choose me!
The little cunt, he's just teasing me.
And he's using some other fucking man other than me.

What does that Bastard have that I don't?

The bitch I want looks happy. Fuck. But what do I care?

He doesn't even care about me.

How do I even begin to reason with myself?
I don't believe it. I don't believe myself.
When I could have any one I wanted, anyone I pleased, instead I went chasing after the one little whore that denied my wants, my needs.

I'll show him.

I will make him FEEL.

And I'll make him feel so hard that he won't be able to comprehend. I won't even have to tell him, he'll just know that all this rage I've built up inside began the very moment I caught him cheating on me.

I remember it so fucking clearly it makes me want to punch more walls.

He was in a motel a few miles away. A cheap piece of shit that was easy to find.

I drove there so fast it felt like I had tunnel vision, the anger, the fury, it was eating me up inside.

When I walked into the entrance I pulled the key off the hook with so much force the whole fucking board rattled. I didn't give a shit about the owner there, he just looked at me like I was gonna kill him too. And then I was back in my car, driving even faster, reversing so close to the room he was staying in.

Shoving the key into the lock, I literally ripped the door off of its hinges.

The look on his face.

He didn't expect that to happen. He didn't think I'd catch him behind my back.
And then there was screaming.
We were screaming at each other so hard that it felt like the throbbing vein in the side of my neck was gonna explode.

I lost it.

I couldn't handle lookin' at him with another man in the same bed as him.
It made me want to murder the bastard he was sleeping with.
But it made me want to hurt him so much. To grab him by the throat and choke him, break him in half. Split him in fucking two.

I want to destroy him.

Give it to him so hard he breaks, he cries, he yells out fucking rape.
Ah, Ichigo.
My Ichigo.
He better sit right by that bastard's side and hope I never get my hands on him ever again.

I come up from under the water with a massive gasp for breath, pushing my teal hair away from my face, splashing water all over my bathroom floor.
Stepping out of the tub and ripping off my drenched shirt with frustration I throw it to the tiles below.

I can't get over him.

Out at night, I'm drinking in a pub, trying to forget my sorrows.

Trying to forget him.

I'm on my third drink when he walks in.
He doesn't even see me, doesn't realise I'm there. The little strawberry's all alone.

No man beside him.

Bad choice for him looks like the demons led him in.
And that's good. That's great. I will have my way with him.

I look away, keep sipping on my drink.
He's having a drink too, hasn't looked at me once.

My throats constricting and the cup between my fingers feels like it's gonna shatter from all the pressure I'm holding it with.
My hands are in fists, knuckles going white. I just want him out of my fucking sight.

But no, not until I get him alone. Not until I kidnap his arse and take him home, fuck him so hard he's bleeding and he can't walk and he's begging me to let him live, to let him go.

I'm gonna abuse, bite and eat him raw.

I scoff, imagining all the nasty shit I'm going to do to him.
And soon it's all going to happen, it's all going to be REAL.

Here's my chance; he's getting up from his seat, orange hair vibrant under the lights.
In a split second I'm out of my chair too, following him from behind.
He is so oblivious it makes me want to laugh. To throw my head back and genuinely laugh at him.
My little Ichi is out of the pub and so am I.

I grab him from behind, a hand over his mouth to stop him from screaming.
I turn him around and look right into his brown syrupy eyes. They're wide with fear from the plain sight of me. I'm grinning wide like a psychopath.
He should have known better than to think everything was alright, should have thought twice before going out alone. Did he seriously think he was free from me?
And now he's struggling, trying to break free. I'm pulling him away, dragging him all the way to the dark alley I left my car in. I shouldn't be driving, not when I've been drinking. But fuck it.

If I die, I'll take him down with me.

I open up the boot and force him in, a little scarin' before I truly begin what I'm really going to do to him. And before I close the boot, our eyes lock in the darkness and he shudders.

"Gr-imm-jow"

I hate him.

He repulses me.

I want to kill him with my very own hands.

At first I thought of taking him somewhere far away.

Over the border, maybe.

And just kill him, watch the life leave his eyes and watch him as he wither's and shakes until he is succumbed by death. Then I would find my revolver and kill myself.
But no, I didn't do that. I didn't do any of that.

That would be too easy.

What I have in mind is far better. It's just utterly insane. It's better than death and he'll remember it, even when he's with that man.
Instead I take him to my house. Park the car in my garage and get out. I pop the boot open with a smirk, and he opens his eyes.
Big brown orbs are shining in front of me, clear stains down his cheeks.

He's been crying.

I can feel the sadist in me. And can see the devil on my shoulder grinning at me.
Pulling him out of the trunk and throwing him onto the ground mercilessly, I say with malice.

"Remember me?"

"Fuck you! Let me go!" He shouts. Silly boy, does he even realise what I have in store for him?

I grab him by the hair and drag him all the way through my house.
"Remember this place?" I yell, voice gruff.
He doesn't say a word, not a peep in sight.
I'm dragging him up the stairs, twisting my fingers in his hair here and there.

"Do you know what I'm gonna do to ya?" I fling him onto my bed. The sheets are tangled and spent from the morning I woke up.

"You know what my boyfriend's gonna do to you!" Ichigo screams as if placing a threat.

I grit my teeth, growl from my throat like a wild animal. How dare he mention that man in my house, in my bed?He's still the same, stubborn as ever. I haven't forgotten.

But now I wonder. Has he forgotten just how harsh I used to be?

I'm on him, ripping his coat off of his lithe body. I'm pulling his shirt and even when he's struggling, trying to fight back; I get it over his head. He's screaming now and I can't help back backhand him with such force his whole cheek turns a crimson red. A loud gasp leaves his lips as he looks up at me, a frown on his face. He's trying to compose himself, trying to keep a straight face but he's failing.
I yank at his pants, pulling them clean off. His underwear is half off from when I took his pants.
His hand grabs at the sides of them but I grab his underwear so quick and snag it off.

He's naked.

Exposed.

And there's no escape for him, not even if he tried.
But he never learns. He's trying again.
The little shit is trying to get away.

Why is he still trying to run from me?

Grabbing onto his wrists I put them over his head and lean down so close to his face that my lips are brushing over his ear.

"You can't run away from demons, Ichigo. Especially when that demon is me,"

I sneer flipping him onto his stomach in one quick move. I'm gonna take him from behind. Pound into that sweet little hole like the beast I am, like it's nothing.
It's going to be a long night. But I'm going to keep going until I am done. Until I get my satisfaction.

I will break him, rip him apart and eathis heart.

Make him wish he never met me.

I'm pulling my pants off, fuck taking my top off.
I'll let him know just how much he means to me.

But he doesn't mean a thing.

Not. A. Single. Thing. Because he lost the love I once had for him.

Now he is just repulsive.

The urge to sink my teeth deep into layers of his skin takes control, steers me to feel the itching in my gums, to feel my sharp canines against my tongue. I bite him so hard he yelps, pushing weekly at my chest to make me let go. Blood leaks from his wound like water, thick and wet and delicious.
I'm not going to give him pleasure; the only thing he'll receive from me will be pain and lots of it too.

My fingers are etched into his hair again, pulling his head up harshly to be rewarded by a sharp cry.
I make him face me, straight down to my hard throbbing cock and force his dirty mouth onto me.
He's making muffled noises, trying to say something but being interrupted by my dick.
The vibrations go all the way up my spine and down again. I'm pushing myself down as far as I can go, and he gags around me.

It's sick. It's disgusting. And if he throws up, it'll probably turn me on more.

I pull out of his mouth with a loud pop and watch him fall backwards against the bed.
He's grabbing his neck with his hands and coughing.

Just the sight of him.

But I'm not done. Not yet.
I crawl over him, grab his long slender tanned legs and throw them over my shoulders.
I'm spitting at his hole and pushing my fingers in without a second thought.
He gasps at the sudden intrusion, glaring at me like he has a choice.

"You're disgusting, you're repulsive. I fucking hate you! You monster!"

I grip onto his legs before they slip off my shoulders. I'm so mad. So fucking angry at him.

"I disgust you? You find me repulsive?" I scream at him, relishing my fury, my rage.

I have no resentment. I want to see him suffer, just like he made me.

No warning, no lube, no nothing.

I push the tip of my cock into his arse, a hoarse cry coming out of his mouth. I don't give him time to adjust or get comfortable. I start a rough rocking rhythm, pumping into him with so much force.

There's wetness inside, I can feel it. But that doesn't stop me.
His sweet cries are bouncing off my walls, echoing in my ears. Gripping my sheets below him in knuckles and thrusting his head from side to side. Ichi's breathing erratic and loud sobs racking over his body. I wonder if he makes sounds like this when he's not with me, when I'm not doing this to him. I'm still thrusting into him with the same speed, my balls slapping against his arse and the aroma of sweat filling my room. His gotten smaller, I realise as I start racking my nails down his stomach and all over his thighs. He's shaking so hard I push my hand onto his shoulder to support us somehow.

That man doesn't know how to take care of him. Not the way I do.

I find myself staring at his hipbones jutting out. For a moment I stop, lean down a bit and bite onto his bone. His skin tastes like strawberries and chocolate as I lap my tongue over his body.

He's watching me with eyes half lidded with lust, gazing at me, begging me silently.
I look down at his straining cock, hard and longing to be touched.
And without a word I grab onto him and tug harshly, making him arch his back and moan like the whore he is.

Even after inflicting so much pain, I feel like this is not enough.

This is never enough.

I flip him onto his stomach, getting him in position for what I intended to do. This time I'm not going to look at his face. I grip onto his hips and dig my nails in.
He hisses and tells me to stop.

Yeah, right.

I'm in him again, pounding into him mercilessly. Fuck it. Fuck this, this time I'm going to really hurt him. My hand snakes it's way over his chest and I pinch his nipple hard.

"Gah, Stop!"

Ichi cries out loudly but I keep going, I'm not stopping, not for anything in the world.
I pull out, grab him harshly and turn him onto his back again. I'm looking at him, but he's not looking at me. He's looking off to the side.

Tsk, I'll teach him.

I push myself into him again and he's writhing against me, mouth open ajar, sweat running down his brow and sounds running out of his mouth like the string of saliva coming down from the side and running down his chin.
My mouth is on his and I'm kissing him with all I've got. My tongue does twists against his as he accepts me and kisses me back.
I stop kissing him and pull away from his mouth. I'm panting thrusting harder, deeper.
I can feel the bottom of my stomach churning, sensations of heat flooding my every being.

I'm close.

With a few last thrusts, my hands find their way around his neck, gripping hard.
I'm choking him, earning so much noise.
With a grunt, I'm cumming in him so much, I don't remember the last time I came so hard.
And his close too, he comes with a strangled sound.

I didn't even touch him.

The masochist, I made him come by choking him.

I'm exhausted, barely breathing right. I fall onto him and we're both breathing so hard. But I'm gathering myself, and I push myself up away from his body.
Looking down on him, he's looking straight back at me, into my eyes.
Tears are leaking from his eyes and down his cheeks as he cries.

"I'm sorry." He whispers so I can just hear him.

Ichi's shuddering for more breaths, and now I can be sure I really broke him. I really gave him my all.

"Forgive me?"

I don't say anything. I look away from him and leave him on my bed.
He's fallen asleep and now I don't know if he's better off dead.

I wait until morning.

After a shower, lying in my bathtub, one of my legs is thrown over the edge. I can feel my brows furrow in thought, I'm staring at my mirror.
It brings back the memories, the one's I tried so hard to forget.

For some reason, we used to spend so much time in here.

My eyes start to sting and my throat constricts.

I feel like I can't breathe.

I think I'm sick.

I steady myself, gun in my mouth.

I'm still in the bathtub and the water is running under me.

Before I pull the trigger so many thoughts flood my mind.

I push them away but now my emotions are eating me up inside.
They're eating me alive; I can hear the echoes of the laughs from the demons by my side.

He finds me disgusting. He finds me repulsive. I have a good heart, but I am a monster.

I pull the trigger without a doubt.

My own heart killed me.