Kids, by now you probably know that your Uncle Barney is a man of many secrets. Little did we know however, just how dangerous some of them were. It all started when…

"And let me tell you, this was one smoking hot brunette- she had tatas the size of-"

"Barney, would you please? It's too early for this." Lily complained, looking up from nursing a cup of coffee. It was four thirty-two in the morning, and they had spent the entire night at the bar, and not by choice.

"Lily, this is a good story-" Barney protested.

"Does it end with you getting laid?" Robin probed, the only one at ease with being awake; this was normal hours for her.

"Uh, duh." Barney replied, rolling his eyes, "How else would it end?"

"Barney- how are you so awake, I, I-" Marshall yawned, "I can barely keep my eyes open."

"Yea seriously Barney- they've kept us here since eight o'clock, how are you doing it?" Ted asked head in his hands in an effort to support his achy head.

"Uh, I'm awesome. That's how." Barney replied grinning ear to ear all while thinking, 3 packs of caffeine pills, "Now, that blonde detective chick- what do you think? Should I try to get her to give me my Miranda Rights? Eh? Eh?" Barney looked from one tired friend to another, but none of them moved. They were too tired. Laaame. Seriously, he could keep going all night- er day, its after midnight.

"Barney, seriously, shouldn't you be more concerned?" Lily pressed, "I mean, if I were you I'd be freaking out right now,"

Now Kids, I should probably explain to you just what was going on. See at exactly 10:36 that night a dead body had been found in McLaren's men's room. It belonged to a blonde haired, roughly 30 year old man named Barry and Barry had been beaten to death and left in the men's room. But that's not all, because the week before that a 28 year old named Benny had been found dead two blocks away, he was also blonde and he'd also been to McLarens a few times. And then the week before him a guy named Berny, who was blonde, 32 and had been to McLarens twice was found dead in an alleyway. It was pretty easy to see the pattern.

"Worried? Why would I be worried, Lily, look at me," Barney paused for dramatic affect before continuing, "I'm awesome. No deranged wackjob is going to come within twelve feet of the Barnacle so you can stop your worrying,"

"Really? That's quite fascinating, Beckett- don't you think that that's fascinating?" An unfamiliar voice piped in, a voice at least that was unfamiliar to the rest of the gang; Barney knew it all too well. No. Slowly he turned his head to see the face of the speaker; knowing all to well what he was about to face.

"More than you would believe Castle," The attractive blonde detective he'd been eyeing earlier said sarcastically. Castle…?

"Well, I guess it's our turn to be interviewed; this won't take long will it? I have work in an hour." Robin asked.

"Well, it depends on how long is too long Miss…?" 'Castle' said smarmily, offering her his hand, making Barney feel sick to the stomach.

"Scherbatsky. Robin Scherbatsky." Robin replied taking it.

"Ah, the little angel on Come on, get up New York?" 'Castle asked in a tone that made Barney's heart beat at a thousand miles a minute. Oh no he didn't.

"Yes! You've seen it?" Robin asked, in her usual excited tone whenever she learned that she was talking to one of her 200 or so viewers.

"Of course I have, after a long nights writing I go and turn on the TV and there you are telling me to come on, and get up!" Oh what a cad, Barney thought to himself, clenching his grip harder and harder on his scotch glass. What is he doing here? And what gives him the nerve?

"Oh my God! Your Rick Castle!" Marshall cut in suddenly, "You're the author of Heat Wave!" Rick Castle? Seriously? Now that was a fake name if he ever heard one. Although if he's an author… he vaguely remembered seeing 'Heat Wave' in lily and Marshalls apartment; it looked like your basic detective smut novel, nothing too special.

"A man of fine taste I see, Robin, have you ever graced the pages of my works with your fine eyes..?" 'Rick Castle' asked, leaning down towards her on the table. Get away from her you…you…

"Well actually-" Robin began, only to be cut off by the blonde detective, what was her name… Beckett?

"That's enough Castle. We have a case here, remember?"

"Oh but Beckett I was making friends-"

"Friends that she by no means can make later!" Barney shouted suddenly, finally snapping. Everyone turned and stared at him in surprise, 'Castle' include. Every instinct in him told him to run away as far as possible, possibly to some tiny town in Oregon or something and change his name to something inane, like Mike; there were thousands of Mikes. As Mike he could run a small, seemly little magic shop, bang the odd magicians assistant and…stop wearing suits. Ok, no, that wasn't happening. Oh god, everyone was still staring.

"Stop looking at me!" He squeaked, sinking down beneath the table.

"Ooooookay." Beckett said raising a brow at Barney before continuing, "I'm guessing you guys already know; there's been a murder."

"And it's our turn to be interviewed." Ted filled in, completely unfazed by Barney's odd behavior.

"You got it. Right, who'd like to go first? The sooner we get this over with the sooner you all can go home"

the gang exchanged glances, all waiting to see who would speak first. The fact of the matter was that they all wanted to go home, and so they all wanted to go first. Finally Lily sighed and said, "Robin. You go ahead, you have work in like an hour."

"Oh no, I couldn't- you guys need your rest," Robin protested, though Barney knew better: she was playing them, she really wanted to go first. But he couldn't let her. He couldn't let that…man…alone with her ever. And he had to get out of there. Fast. If he recognized him... but he couldn't abandon Robin to him… ugh! Why did dating make things so much more complicated? I have a whole other neck to save. So who do I save?

"I- I- I'll go detective," Barney piped up, hands clutching the scotch glass harder yet. Robin shot him an irritated 'I have work!' glance that he knew he'd be getting Hell for later. Oh well. She'd just have to deal, like she did with his playboy collection.

"Really? And what's your reason for wanting to get this hooorrribbblllee ordeal over so quickly then Mr…?" Castle asked. Christ! He knows! I can't let him know that I'm scared.. Gulping, Barney looked Castle in the eye and replied in as firm a manner as possible. Now what he wanted to say was: "Oh you know, work, chicks to hammmerrr, that sort of thing."

Only instead it came out like: "Oh…um…" And then scotch glass exploded from his gripping it so hard, bits of glass digging into his hand.

"Barney! Oh my god! Are you ok?" Robin demanded, and instantly his heart fell. Not only did 'Castle' know his name now, but Robin had been the first to react; she obviously was into him.

"Fine. I'm fine." He murmured, getting to his feet. "Where are we doing this interview?"

"Are you sure? You should probably get that looked at," Detective Beckett said skeptically.

"It's fine! Now get me out of here- I mean," He shook his head for a second before saying in a chirper manner, "Let's get to that interview!"

The interview itself was pretty inane. Mostly just 'did you know any of the three dead guys,' and 'where were you when dead guy number 3 died?' Laammme. All through hit he kept on glancing back at the booth where his friends were still sitting; and where 'Castle' was still cattily chatting up Robin. I should have killed you when I had the chance... he thought angrily.

"Sorry, what? The last thing you said to Barry was that you should have killed him?" Beckett gawked. Oh god, did I say that out loud?

"Sorry! No, that's, that's not what I meant. I was remembering something from that one crime show….what was it…. CSI. Yea. Love it." He grinned awkwardly at her. Doomed.

"Right…" Beckett said looking at him with a wary eye, "right well, we're all done here but if you remember anything else-" Before she could finish her sentence he had already run out the door.

"Is it just me or was Barney acting really weird?" Marshall commented as Robin headed up to be interviewed, Castle following close behind.

"Yea- yea he was, and it was right after that Castle guy showed up." Ted agreed thoughtfully.

"Weird."

Closing the door of his apartment and quadruple locking it, Barney sank to the floor. Oh…God. No. No..no…no…no… I left all that behind. I was done with fieldwork, done with it. For the last seven years I haven't put on the coat… haven't worn the goggles. Haven't 'suited up' in that sense. Sure, there had been a few lapses; it wasn't something you could just get away from. But still. It was supposed to be over. Done. He'd transferred from the field based job out in California to the desk job at Altrucell in New York, sure, the league had been disappointed. It wasn't everyday that an up and coming and new villain hit the streets, but he needed… space. So he'd gone back to being Barney, gone back to NY and did terrible, terrible things from behind the desk (some with women) of a truly evil corporation.

Altrucell wasn't just a money-grabbing monopolizing company of evil; it was a front for the Evil league of Evil. Most, if not all of the high-ups were recognized villains in the League. Barney included. Because see, Barney wasn't just Barney Stinson; and he wasn't 'Billy' either; that ship had sailed, no, he was Doctor Horrible. And tonight? Well, tonight he was going to suit-up once again, tonight was going to be horri…. wait for it… ble.

Authors note:

Just finished watching all of HIMYM on Netflix and got thinking about how Barney and Billy are soooooo much the same person that this happened.

Stay tuned for updates cause its gonna be legen.. wait for it….dary!

Also, how am I at being in charrie? :3