Disclaimer: I obviously don't own this wonderful, thought-provoking series, GAINAX does. And I really shouldn't have to say this, but, don't read this until you've finished the series. There might be spoilers along the way.
Neon Genesis Evangelion:
Apocryphal Rhythms
Part1: Perception of Space/Melancholia
by ZERØ's Wings
R. Ayanami.
The rusted sign with its barely readable letters. A box containing a label that meant almost nothing to her.
Her room was another box.
Rei Ayanami III saw boxes everywhere. Her mind sorted life as a geometric equation. There were variables and radicals and variations, and she found them easier to ignore or work around then to intercept and dissect. She narrowed everything to a single line that she could measure. Then she would walk across that line with foresight and confidence. Her life was dedicated to catching up with her prescience.
Rei's pills were kept in a box too. They were bitter pills that replaced a bitter tasting liquid. The pills kept Rei lithe and graceful, physically beautiful. She didn't connect them with the fact that she had developed late-night insomnia, awoken by horrible pains in her stomach. The pills also kept her sterile. Barren. She didn't know this, but she wouldn't have objected to it either.
Rei swallowed her pills with the water from a beaker on her desk. As she put the beaker down, she noticed something: Commander Ikari's glasses. His eyes, the windows to his soul: they were kept in a neat little box too. She took them out of their case and held them delicately at first. Then, anger rose up in her as she thought of all the contradictions in her Commander. All the lies, all the deception. What was the truth? What am I? She noticed that she had been clutching the glasses so tightly, that she had almost broken the turtle-shell frames. Rei decided not to waste the effort, but she found she was crying again anyway. Why do I cry? She thought. It just wastes energy and keeps me from thinking. What purpose does it serve?
Rei put the glasses back and walked to the bathroom. There was a pile of bloody bandages in the sink. She passed them; wiping foreign-feeling tears from her eyes, and sat down on the toilet with a mournful expression. Rei cracked each knuckle on her right hand. They made popping sounds like rolling thunderclaps.
Rei opened her hand and stared at it again, her eyes narrowing to vermilion slits. "I'm getting old," she whispered.
"Old hag," Rei blurted suddenly. She crinkled up her short nose until it was nearly swallowed in her pale face. "No use for you, now."
She shivered, remembering the cold LCL dripping from her body. She had walked out and found Dr. Naoko Akagi standing over the dead Rei I. The doctor was sobbing uncontrollably. Rei II knelt down and cradled her alter ego like a porcelain doll, and she began to cry as well.
With a feral scream, the newly awakened Rei expanded her AT field. She took this fiery brilliance that engulfed her soul, and struck the doctor with the same divine force that rained brimstone upon Sodom and Gomorrah. Dr. Akagi plummeted down silently; her arms open wide. She embraced the metal bulkhead that enclosed Melchior's hard drive like a lover, and her body was mashed horribly in return by the unforgiving steel.
Rei quickly closed the outstretched hand, shutting away the memory. A wave of discomfort hit at the base of her spine and carried itself up toward her brain. She thought she would vomit at first, and brought a hand to her mouth, then the pain invaded her mind and she bit into the flesh of her palm. It kept her from disturbing her neighbors with that awful screaming.
Rei got off the toilet, flushed, and washed her hands.
*****
Commander Gendo Ikari and Rei Ayamani III were in the main elevator of Central Dogma, descending into the abyss through a double-helix shaft. Rei stood perfectly still; an albino obelisk. Commander Ikari took his hands out of his pockets and made tight, tense fists.
"Sir?" Rei asked uncertainly.
"Yes Rei, what is it?" Commander Ikari's somber expression finally broke. He looked at her compassionately, his roughly hewn, angular face softening for just a moment.
"I noticed something the other day…" Rei said slowly. "I don't have a pulse. Am I dead?" Gendo chuckled. It was an odd, wispy noise. Rei frowned.
"No, my child," he said, caressing her chin with a gloved hand. "You are very much alive," Gendo continued, "You simply do not have a heart beating in your breast. Your circulatory system is controlled by a super-solenoid organ. When we recovered the fourth angel's core, Dr. Akagi found that it controlled the angel's blood pressure and circulation. She experimented with the applications of this in the instrumentality project, and your current body is the result." His hand receded from her slowly. She had come to hate his touch. He made her feel like a possession.
"Am I an angel?" Rei asked fearfully, almost as a whisper.
"In a word, no. However, calling you human is also an oversimplification. You are unique, and you were created with a single purpose it mind."
Rei nodded, her mind swimming with uncertainties. She carried some worth to Gendo, but she would always be an implement of his, first and foremost. She was an extension of him; he loved and cherished her as he did any part of him. She was an extension of his right hand, a lock for the key.
"Your S2 organ holds your essence. It holds memory of experiences that constitute you, Rei. It also makes it easier for us to transfer your soul to another vessel."
"Yes, the dummy system. I'm the third one."
"And the last. But you won't die again. Your AT field has matured. You will soon discard it, join Lillith, and begin to draw humanity to its ultimate existence."
"Commander Ikari," she whispered. "Please explain to me, how am I not an angel?" If I were, Ikari's son would have to kill me. She felt a lead weight drop to the bottom of her stomach. Kaoru. Would I die in the same manner as you? She imagined her head tumbling into a sea of LCL, and was nearly sick from the thought.
"In truth, Rei, every person is what we have identified as an 'angel.' Humanity, or Lillum, is the Final Angel."
"So no one will be required to kill me?"
Gendo laughed at this, disturbing Rei further. She was the only living person to have ever heard him do so. "Very soon," he said, pushing his new glasses up on the bridge of his nose, "the distinction between life and death will lose all its meaning."
*****
Commander Ikari looked away as Rei dutifully stripped off her plug suit. She shivered as she climbed into her private synchronization plug in the depths of central dogma. The opening of the tube was vacuum-locked with a sharp hiss, and she smiled at the Commander when he turned around again. While he began working at a console beside the tube, Rei closed her eyes, waiting for the plug to fill up with LCL so she could breathe again. As she stood there, naked, cold, and slowly suffocating, she began humming the opening piano bars of "Fur Elise."
Finally, the LCL bled into the tube and filled it up. She willingly took the liquid into her mouth and nostrils, despite its acrid, coppery taste. Rei closed her eyes and imagined being on a hill overlooking the sparkling city and the serene moon, and lying back peacefully in a blanket of wildflowers. Just as she had surrendered to the delicious tranquility of it all, black clouds twisted up around the pale blue moon, covering it as they cast a shadow over her pallid face. Those clouds smelled like murder. They were full of pain. She could see them burgeoning under the weight of some evil, poisonous content, and they released it suddenly with violent tails of lightning.
Rei was suddenly immersed in a layer of orange bubbles, signaling the release of the vacuum lock. She crept out of the tube on shaky feet. Gendo held out a towel and she wrapped it around herself.
"Your bio-fusion rate has dropped six percent," he said, frowning uncertainly.
"I'm sorry, sir," Rei said, her blue-tinged hair hanging down over her eyes in sopping bristles.
"Yes," he sighed, "it is disappointing." Disappointing. She recoiled from the word as though it had bitten her.
"I will improve," Rei said, resolute and confident.
"You must. It is imperative that Lillith does not reject you when the chosen day comes. The third impact is almost completely triggered by mental forces. It takes a well-rounded, emotionally stable being to interact with an angel effectively."
"Yes sir," she answered quickly. Well-rounded? Emotionally stable? Aren't I those things already? she wondered.
Gendo was quiet for a moment, searching for the most correct choice of words. At last he said, with some apprehension: "Take a day off, Rei. Do something that you truly enjoy." He gave her a crumb of a smile, a brief, insignificant stroke; then stepped on his private elevator to Terminal Dogma. As she put dried off and put her plug suit back on, Rei pondered the Commander's words. She supposed they were meant to bring her comfort, but they succeeded only in confusing her further.
End Part 1Author's Note: Please review my fic if you happen to read it. It's my first attempt at an Eva story. The next part will focus on both Shinji and Rei, along with more character analysis. So please, tell me if you liked this part, thought it sucked, or was something in between.