That weird, tight, itchy feeling in her chest had moved on to breathlessness and a weird, tight, itchy feeling in her throat. At first she'd put it down to the emotional rollercoaster of the past few days, but then her nose started running, and it was getting harder and harder to keep going and think clearly. And she had to think clearly now.
She sat on her living room floor, surrounded by tissues, half-drunk glasses of water, files, reports, and her own handwritten notes on Post-its in every color of the rainbow. Overwhelmed. This entire week had been overwhelming.
A cool hand slid around her forehead. She closed her eyes, and leaned into it.
"Go to bed."
"I will."
His voice dropped an octave. "Now, Kate."
Even feeling as she was, that tone had an effect she was so happy to have finally given herself permission to enjoy. "I will. I just need to finish this."
She heard him sigh, and walk away. A minute later, he was back.
"Open up."
She did, and a thermometer slid in. She kept on working. If she stopped, she wouldn't start again. She hadn't even noticed he'd taken the thermometer out until he held it between her and the page. She squinted at the tiny bars. "Is that accurate?"
"Yes." His voice warmed. "Unless you'd like me to take it in a more accurate way."
"Maybe later."
He bent down, took her hand, and tugged. "Go to bed. I'll make it worth your while."
She stayed where she was. "I'm going."
He kept hold of her hand. "How many times have you read the same sentence and still not taken it in?"
"A… few."
"A few hundred?"
Before she could reply, he tugged more insistently.
"I'm not letting go."
She smiled up at him. "Promise?"
His expression softened. "Promise." He squeezed her hand. "Now will you please let me take care of you?"
Let me take care of you - how long had it been since someone had said that to her? She swallowed the lump in her throat, nodded, and let him pull her up.
"Go and get in. I'll be there in a minute."
Getting pyjamas on and teeth brushed took a lot more effort than it should have, but at last she was able to turn back the covers and lie down on the cool, clean sheets that Richard Castle had put on for her.
She turned the light off, stuffed some tissues up her nose, lay down to wait, and immediately fell asleep.
***
"Kate," a voice said softly, as though it had been saying it a while before she'd heard.
She opened her eyes, making out his shape beside her in the dim light. His hand rested lightly on hers. "Hey."
"Hey, yourself. I could hear your breathing from the living room. I've come to give you some VapoRub."
He turned the covers down. She felt as though she was in a dream as he began undoing her pyjama buttons. Their eyes met as he exposed her chest. She reached for his arm, and held onto it.
"Rick," she whispered.
"Tell me," he said.
"I love you."
"I love you too. So much. But… there's a but, isn't there?"
"I hurt."
His hand covered her bruised ribs; no pressure, just a warm presence. "I know. I'm sorry."
"I quit my job," she said, wonderingly.
He smiled slightly. "Yes."
"Do you think that's a good thing?"
He paused. "I would be lying if I didn't say part of me was hugely relieved. Another part hates that the city has lost such a dedicated, caring detective. Do you think it's a good thing?"
She couldn't formulate a cogent argument right now, so went entirely with her gut. "No."
He nodded. Before the silence became too charged, he grinned. "I love that you feel comfortable enough around me to let me see you like this."
Even as like what? was forming in her mind, she realized – the tissues were still firmly lodged up her nose. She yanked them out and began to turn away in embarrassment.
He laughed, and held her in place with one hand on her shoulder. "Let's see what we can do to make you more comfortable."
He unscrewed the jar of VapoRub and began smoothing it over her chest and neck. It felt incredibly good just to lie there and be taken care of. To know that he was still here for her; that he loved her enough to give her a second, and third, and fourth chance.
His touch was confident but careful, and she couldn't help but drift back to how he'd used his hands the other night. Her nose ran again, and she grabbed a fresh handful of Kleenex to stuff up there.
He pressed his hand to her forehead. "You couldn't have had your crisis somewhere dry?"
"What can I say, I was drawn to the pathetic fallacy."
He raised an eyebrow. "That's right, seduce me with your sexy literary devices."
Actually, that wasn't a bad idea. She let her hand skim over his thigh, pressing a little harder as she reached his crotch, smiling as he caught his breath, and carried on up to his belt buckle. When she began tugging on it, he covered her hand with his, stilling it.
"Kate. You're tired, and you're sick. And I need to finish giving you this VapoRub."
"I'd like you to give me something else."
"Kate."
"Please. It'll help me sleep." When he looked deeply skeptical, she added, "Please?"
He gave a short laugh. "Okay. Fine. But it'll have to be modified on account of your injuries and sickness. And you are getting this VapoRub first."
She grinned. "Deal."
"Turn over."
"Oh, Mr Castle."
He laughed. "You had no compunction about turning the other cheek, as it were, the other night." He helped her onto her stomach, and pushed her pyjama jacket up over her shoulder blades before applying the sticky stuff all up and down her back. He took care to get it all over, and threw in a blissful massage while he was at it. He knew that her lungs were a weak point since inhaling all that river water a few months before, and she needed to be careful to keep her airways clear. She loved that he knew her well enough to give her what she needed, even when she didn't know what that was.
He leaned down and whispered in her ear. "When I get back, I want you face down, pants off, legs spread. Got it?"
She stopped breathing altogether, and nodded. God. He was good at this.
By the time he returned to sit on the bed, a little lower down than before, she'd fulfilled her side of the deal. Her head felt hot and blurry, and the dim light and late hour lent a dreamlike quality. His hand stroked down her back.
"Okay, Kate," he said, his voice soft but commanding. "I want you to take a nice deep breath, and relax."
"You still have your clothes on," she said, foggily.
"Yes, I do. I'm running the show tonight, so don't you worry about me. Take a deep breath."
She tried to obey as Castle - Castle - parted her buttocks without hesitation or shame, and inserted a well-lubed thermometer. She moaned and squirmed, and felt herself grow wet.
"All right?" he asked quietly. "Shall I check for myself?"
She nodded, and spread her legs wider, into a new, cool spot on the sheets. He gently grasped the thermometer to hold it in place, while his other hand dipped down to slide his fingers in deep. She gasped, and instinctively began to fuck herself on them. His husky, indrawn breath spurred her on.
The thermometer in her ass twisted, was almost withdrawn only to be reinserted deeper time and again, until her movements became more frantic, and he slipped the instrument from her. She moaned in frustration, pushing back against nothing, and protested louder still when he pulled his fingers out.
"Up on your hands and knees," he said, and she obeyed instantly.
"Does this position hurt?" he said.
"No worse than any other. Just fuck me, Castle," she panted.
"As you wish, my lady." He moved behind her and a little to the side so that she could brace herself against him. His warm fingers slid back in without warning, relentlessly bringing her to a peak as he thrust hard and fast, deep and shallow, in and out. He supported her with a strong arm under her chest, cupping her breast. Sometimes she liked it rough.
She was so close; the only sounds in the room their harsh breaths and the obscene, wet squelch of her arousal on his fingers as he pumped them in and out furiously. "Castle," she keened, so very close, but tiring fast.
"Stop for a second," he said, holding her still and changing his position slightly. She keened softly in frustration. Suddenly his slippery finger pressed against her asshole and pushed all the way in, overcoming her last shred of resistance with fullness, friction, and an incredible invasiveness. She came with a broken cry, bucking wildly against his hands. Finally, she collapsed to the mattress and he followed her down, his fingers still fluttering deep within her, gradually slowing.
She put her head down on the cool sheet and closed her eyes, still processing the level of intimacy they'd achieved in such a short time. Although, really, it wasn't so short. They'd been building to this for years.
He slowly removed his fingers from her body, and kissed the back of her neck. She felt him get up and leave the room. Water ran in the bathroom, and a few minutes later he returned with a washcloth.
He urged her legs apart again, and gently cleaned her up, ignoring her embarrassed squirms. None of the others she'd been with had taken the trouble to do that.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"My pleasure," he said. "Was that what you needed?"
She smiled. "It was amazing. You're amazing." And then she realized. "But what about you?"
He looked somewhat bashful for a man who'd just had a finger up her ass. "I, ah… took care of it."
"Oh, no, I could – "
He smiled, and shook his head. "No, Kate, you can't. Not tonight. Tonight was just for you."
"But I want to – "
He pressed a finger to her lips. "No. Really. I appreciate the offer, but you need to take these," he reached for a couple of pills and some water from the bedside table, "and go to sleep now."
She took the pills and as she put the first one in her mouth, she blinked. "Oh, my God." The tissues were still up her nose. Maybe that was just as well.
He grinned. "The lesser of two evils."
She had to agree.
"Did you like the thermometer?" he said. "I know it's a little kinky, but…"
She felt her face flush and knew it wasn't the fever. "Yeah. I did."
"It felt like you did."
"I'll give you points for creativity." And then she thought. "That wasn't the thermometer you used earlier – "
He laughed. "No! It was a different one, I promise."
"Okay." She swallowed down the second pill, and let him put her pyjama pants back on. He perched beside her and began buttoning up her pyjama jacket. She smiled up at him. "It's almost as sexy when you put my clothes on as when you take them off."
He grinned, and disappeared into the bathroom. When he came back, he was in a navy t-shirt and plaid flannel pants. He got in and snuggled close, sliding his arm under her head so that she could curl up against him. She closed her eyes, sated, content, and exhausted. The cold couldn't dim the joy of having him in her bed.
It was quiet, and they lay there listening to the rain on the window.
Suddenly he loosed a violent sneeze, and they both groaned.
"I'm sorry," she said, pathetically.
"Well, I guess I asked for it."
She rubbed a soothing hand on his chest. "Don't worry, Rick. It just means I'll have an opportunity to pay you back."
End.