"We are not doing this."

"What? Of course we are. Just turn on the camera-"

"No."

"Kuro-sama, you were the one who abandoned me here in this shop to go off gallivanting around town with Doumeki and managed to get him so drunk he couldn't bring you back. Now humor me. What are you wearing?"

"…You are not this needy."

"No, but I am this horny. Come on, are you touching yourself?"

"NO!"

"Well why not? I am. Don't be shy -"

"I AM NOT SHY!"

"You can't figure out how to use it, can you? It's the big blue-"

"I KNOW HOW TO USE IT-"

"You've never been very good with new technology."

"It's not new. It's not even technology!"

"That's not very nice, Kuro-sama. You could probably think of them as the height of technology, especially in this world. They're really beyond anything you'd find even in Piffle. Higher tech than your arm, even. And we all know how much trouble you had with that."

"I did not-"

"Don't be silly. Don't you remember the vibrator attachment?"

"It was not a vibrator you sick- IT WAS A NERVE STIMULATOR SO I DIDN'T LOSE CONTROL OF MY FINGERS-"

"Either way. It did the job."

"..."

"Kuro-rinta~?"

"What is it going to take to shut you up?"

"Picture. Now."

"Fine."

"It's the big blue-"

"I KNOW HOW TO DO IT. Come here you little…there. Happy?"

"Kuro-pon."

"What? It's working, isn't it?"

"Well not on me. You're not even naked."

"You're naked enough for us both. And put that away! IT'S WATCHING YOU."

"Oh for crying out loud Kuro-tan, she's sleeping. It's just-"

"It's weird and wrong. And if you don't knock it off, you're going to wake this one up."

"You're the one shouting, not me. How is this any more wrong than her translating all of your dirty talk on a semi-regular basis?"

"I…"

"Oooh, didn't think about that one, did you? I wonder if Mokona knew all those words beforehand or if she had to phone home for definitions. In fact, I wonder if Watanuki even knows half of the-"

"I am not getting naked in front of the black meat bun. I don't care if it's sleeping."

"But you'll talk about your thundering man hammer?"

"I NEVER CALLED IT THAT."

"Really? Too bad. It would be apt."

"…what."

"Hammers are very useful, you know. With all the pounding and whatnot. And when you get a nice, firm grip on the handle-"

"This isn't doing anything for me."

"No? How about this?"

"…"

"…Kuro-sama?"

"You woke it up…I'll…I'll call you on the landline."