Guns, Champagne and Xanax

Part 3: Reception

The band plays, singers croon and the champagne has been flowing for long enough that dance floor is halfway full - mostly with rhythm-challenged geniuses and few demi-gods.

The bridesmaids and groomsmen sit around a large circular table, with the exception of Bruce and Darcy, who, against all odds, have hit it off beautifully and are currently swaying on the dance floor. Darcy's eyes sparkle with mischief and pleasure, while Bruce looks down at the little brunette in his arms as though he's still not quite sure she's real. Tony glowers at the couple over his martini.

"Bro's before taser happy co-eds, Tony." Clint's voice is soft, but serious.

Tony tries to look innocent, failing horribly. "Whatever do you mean?"

Natasha looks at him levelly. "He means do NOT cock-block your lab partner just because you're afraid he might get a life and spend a couple less hours nerding out with you."

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about... But you've got to admit, they're not really a good fit, even if she does have a great rack. Do you think I could convince Pepper to give a threesome a try? I'm sure Bruce won't mind if I go introduce-"

Natasha smiles, her voice honey-sweet. "Remember not-so-long ago when you asked me to stop injecting you with unknown substances and doing horrible things to you…"

"Ah, the good old 'Is this martini dirty enough for you' days." His voice is dreamy with the recollection.

The smile flattens and the honey turns to ice. "If you attempt to disrupt those two, I promise, this time I will tranq you and sell your kidney." Tony starts to laugh, then freezes as she pushes the heel of her shoe into the meat of his inner thigh under the tablecloth, he can feel the syringe through the tux. "I swear, Tony, you will end up, drugged, bleeding, and propped up against the blue dumpster three blocks from here where no one will find you for the next 48 hours."

Tony expression shifts from horror to arousal, terror, and then suddenly becoming unnaturally solemn. "You're never going to try and seduce me again, are you?" His voice is tinged sorrow.

"If I wanted a volatile, powerful man, who could be mistaken for my father, I'd be fucking Fury."

Out of corner of his eye, Clint sees Maria Hill do a spit take directly into Nick Fury's face. The director wipes champagne off his eye patch with remarkable aplomb. Clint shakes his head and wonders when Maria picked up lip reading. The archer rises and holds out a hand to his partner. "Stop torturing Tony for a few minutes, Tash." He pulls the redhead out onto the dance floor and she shoots Tony one last warning glance.

As if Tony's ego couldn't get any more bruised, a familiar blonde appears from the crowd. He tries to look elsewhere, but it's hard, mostly because the fetching reporter is showing a mile of leg... and, well, that's the only reason his eyes need to be glued to her thighs.

"Tony!" He smiles deprecatingly, trying to come up with a graceful exit.

She brushes past him and places herself directly in front of Steve Rogers. "Why don't you introduce me to your friend?"

Tony let's out a fake sneeze. "Aaahstarfucker."

The reporter glares at Tony, then shifts an adoring gaze up at the taller man. Steve shyly puts out his hand, but she takes it and hugs him instead. "Thank you for everything you've done for New York and its citizens." She gestures towards the dance floor. "Come on Captain, dance with me."

Steve hesitates for a fraction of a second, and she takes this for ascent, grabbing his hand and pulling him forcefully to the floor, wrapping herself around him like lithe python. Steve's eyes franticly search out Clint and Natasha, pleading. The blonde molds herself to his body, he looks to the duo, eyes clearly saying 'help me!'

Natasha restrains a sigh as she realizes the problem; Steve doesn't know how to dance and is too embarrassed to break away, not wanting to leave her stranded on the dance floor.

"Hey Cap, sorry to interrupt, but you promised Tasha the next dance, remember?"

Clint has taken pity on him. The archer pulls the blonde away, gently, offering to introduce her to Nick Fury, the power behind the Avengers. The lure is too much for the reporter to refuse, and they approach the director's table together.

Natasha smiles holds out a hand, Steve takes it and holds on for dear life. She pretends not to notice the trembling of his hand as she guides him onto the dance floor, next mission, cure Steve Rogers of chorophobia.

TBC…

Next Chapter – in which our heroes must face their fears, including, but not limited to:

Angrophobia - Fear of anger or of becoming angry

Atomosophobia- Fear of atomic explosions

Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks

Chorophobia- Fear of dancing

Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.

Hygrophobia- Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture.

Ichthyophobia- Fear of fish.

Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.

Novercaphobia- Fear of your step-mother.

Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love.

Scotomaphobia- Fear of blindness in visual field

Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words.

Somniphobia- Fear of sleep.

Suriphobia- Fear of mice.