A/N: Shortest one-shot ever, but I felt like writing Kendall/James. I never did, so this is a first! There's some angst, some comfort and some deep thoughts from Kendall at 6 A.M. This happened to a friend of mine and his girlfriend, except for the angst part. But the situation seemed to fit for this story. Anyways, I hope you will like it and don't forget to review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, sadly. Because it wouldn't be a show for kids.

Apartment 2J. December 26th, 2012. Kendall's POV.

I felt cold. Yes, this wasn't a first, but I still felt it. It made me numb. The cold made me numb. A small voice in my head was telling me that I was better off alone, but I couldn't just leave him here. I couldn't just dump him like a used rag. He was more then that.

I love him with all my heart, I really do. But sometimes, I feel like he doesn't love me back. Whenever I'm with him, he's cold and distant. I want him to smile at me and hug me like he means it. I want him to kiss me with passion. I want him to hold my hand and proudly show to the world that I am his. But lately, all I get are fake-smiles. Forced hugs and kisses. No hand-holding.

I talked about it with Logan. He said that maybe my boyfriend and I were slowly growing apart. When he told me that, I simply got up from the couch and I walked to our room, shutting the door behind me and I didn't talk to him afterwards. I just said that I didn't want to hear anything about him.

But I thought about it. Maybe Logan was right. Maybe we were growing apart. But I can't drop him. I can't let him go because I love him. And deep down, I know he loves me too. Well, I think he does. He should.

A few months ago, he was depressed. He felt like he didn't belong in this world. One night, I found him in the bathroom and he was about to cut himself. I simply took the blade away and held him. The whole night, we were just sitting on the bathroom floor, his head was leaning against my shoulder and I was just holding him. For around a month or so, he was always by my side, never wanting to be apart from me. Then, we started dating. And two months after, here we are.

It's 6 A.M, and it's cold in the apartment, even though we're in Los Angeles. There's no snow outside, even though it's winter. But it's still cold. Sometimes, I miss the times when it was snowing. Logan, Carlos, James and I used to go outside, have snowball fights, try to catch snowflakes, we would play hockey… It was good times.

I let out a sigh and got out of bed, throwing on some clothes that seemed to match in the dark. I didn't want to wake up Logan by opening the lights, so I simply went with that. A pair of skinny jeans that looked black and a green plaid shirt. That would do it.

I walked out my room and closed the door quietly before walking into the kitchen. I took an apple but quickly put it back when I heard something that sounded like a muffled sob coming from the bathroom.

I tried to open the door. Locked.

I knocked. No answer.

I heard another muffled sob and I knocked again.

"Go away." He said. I waited, saying nothing. He finally unlocked the door ten minutes afterwards and I walked in, closing the door behind me.

"I know I promised I wouldn't do it again, but I couldn't help it…" He whispered. I sat on the cold bathroom floor and leaned back against the wall, and he sat next to me. I took out the first aid kit from under the sink and I cleaned his bloody wrist, by finally wrapping it up.

"Just try, okay? For me?" I said. He nodded before leaning his head against my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around him, leaving the first aid kit on the floor.

One day, James Diamond would be the end of me.