Relive or Regret

by Spirit of Eowyn

Katniss/Peeta time travel Beetee OC usual suspects. Catching Fire and Mockingjay spoilers rated PG. (May go up to a PG-13 eventually)

A/N: Sorry for not having a beta reader. All errors are my own. This starts off 21 years after the War, so that Katniss is a lot happier person and Peeta has rubbed off on her a bit.

Chapter One:

Katniss Everdeen regretted many things in her life. They filled her nightmares, and reared their disembodied heads when she thought she could put the past behind her. Unlike most people she could legitimately blame the death and torture of thousands upon her decisions.

Today the Doctors added Peeta's name to that list. Peeta was dying, and far too young. Those voices stole her breath from her.

If only she had... Her fault he was... Why couldn't she have...Traded places with... Realized sooner...

There was nothing they could do.

"Couldn't you just replace his heart." I bargained.

The doctor shrugged. "If it was just, that but in a few months it will be the liver, lymph, nerves, then the, well there is only so much more trauma... Any of these surgeries could easily kill him." The doctor turned to Peeta."I'm sorry." The nurse's eyes judged her.

Her husband tried to put on a brave face but she saw the cracks.

"I'm sorry." I said inadequately.

He shook his head but wouldn't meet her eyes.

39 was far too young.

When they arrived home they found that Beetee had written them a polite letter addressed to the Mellarks, letting them know he would be in 12 in a few days, with some exciting news.

When Beetee arrived, He looked all of his 74 years, thin wire glasses, metal braces attached to his legs, and his thin white hair stuck out like a dandelion seed. She hadn't seen him in over ten years. Really no one had. It was embarrassing, but his letter had surprised her, not because she didn't think he would ever visit, but because she had thought he was probably dead.

"Katniss." He greeted. "I thought you might be interested in my most recent invention, well discovery." and adjusted his glasses, as he hobbled towards their dark green sofa, large briefcase in hand, his assistant behind him.

Peeta offered him iced tea. Once they were settled across from each other , sweet tea in hand, Beetee became very excited.

"So what brings you here?" I asked.

" Well, you know, I've spent the last twenty years trying to reconcile temporal displacement with the Edward Lorenz's butterfly effect taking into account chaos and string theory-"

I glanced at Peeta to see if he followed anything Beetee was saying. He looked just as lost. Luckily his assistant interrupted.

"They're not scientists Bee, you'll have to explain in normal people terms."

Beetee looked offended. " They might have, after all the libraries are open to all with a curious mind now. It's not like-"

The woman who looked to be in her sixties shook her head, and the dark hair of her wig shifted out of place, revealing baldness underneath. She wore a fair amount of makeup with drawn on eyebrows,and was exceptionally pale. Her neck was scarred and the color was patchy. Her ear that was now exposed was twisted and looked like charred meat. Crispy and black. Her arms were covered in bandages and new skin.

"They have a life, children to raise.."She gestured with her right hand that was missing the ring finger to the toys at the far corner of the living room. Their six year old daughter was at school, and their three year old son was napping in his room. Otherwise Beetee would have a curious three year old using him and Binara as a jungle gym and demanding the attention of all the adults in the room.

"I wouldn't want to talk down to them." He objected.

The woman sighed and glanced with amusement at Katniss and that was when she recognized her. The years had not been kind, but this was the mentor of Beetee and Wiress for the Quarter Quell. They had run into each other over the years. The victor the year the Capitol had decided to drop the tributes in the radioactive ruins of one of the old cities. Most had died of radiation, and they hadn't repeated it because what was the fun of watching tributes die with their skills being meaningless and a disfigured victor?

"It's okay." Peeta intervened. " Simple is fine."

"Well,ok." Beetee frowned. His disappointment was comical.

"What he is trying to say is-"

"Let me! It's my discovery!" Beetee scowled at his companion. " Some would say that temporal displacemen-"

"Time travel." Binara translated.

We perked up at that. Seriously?

"Yes, is only possible with a mode of transport, such as a big blue box that appear here and goes then, but forward temporal travel is made impossible by the fact that it is created by the present and past, impossible to predict unless you were Wiress," He paused and gulped, then continued "while the former impossible by Noether's theorem, and the first law of thermodynamics-"

Katniss turned to Binara.

" There is this science law that matter, 'stuff"'can't be created or destroyed only its form changed, so you can't take something from one time period and move it to another creating matter that didn't exist then, so travel via a vehicle is not possible and, um." She turned to Beetee as if trying to remember the rest. "the future isn't set in stone so there is no way to know what would come, and it's easily changed by present actions and is therefore moot. "

I couldn't say that Binara's translation was much better but at least I knew all the words she used.

"Congratulations are in order." Peeta said, although I could tell he wasn't quite sure what for.

"Thank you!" Beetee beamed.

" Yes, Yes, we're brilliant." Binara lifted her glass in cheers.

"We're brilliant? I designed the machinery!" Beetee argued.

"And it was my knowledge of the human body that made it come on, get to the point." Binara huffed.

"Yes, well," Beetee became grave." With," Beetee paused " our discovery we want to make the world better. Save lives. However our method of travel can only work to transfer the mind of a person to another point in their past. So there is no one alive still who lived before the first rebellion, let alone one who could have prevented the games. Since you played a critical role in the revolution that took down Snow, we thought you could make the most difference. You could relive a day in your life and perhaps save thousands of lives."

He didn't say it, but he must of realized how my mistakes had cost those same lives.

"We'd considered Peeta, but that would be more hazardous,as he could end up reliving his torture in the Capitol. We can't control the exact date, so it would only be cruel." Binara said.

Peeta paled at the thought. His episodes were bad enough even now, the very idea of him reliving even one day, of losing him made my hands tremble. No, I wouldn't allow that. I thought I knew what they were implying. It was dangerous, but I could save Peeta from the torture and thus save his life now. I would face anything for that. Anything.

"Thank you for the offer, but my wife and I will have to think about this." Peeta said standing up.

"Of course," Beetee agreed, following suit.

"We'll be in town for the next few days at the Undersee Hotel." Binara called as they left.

As soon as Peeta closed the door, he turned to me furious. "You can't do it."

"Peeta!" I admonished."How can't I? I could save your family, mine, most of twelve. You."

Fear mixed with anger on his face.

"After all I've screwed up I could make it right." I argued.

He turned towards our son Bannick's room. "Or you could die. Leaving our children with no one." Peeta countered.

Using our kids was a low blow. When I was younger I would have believed him when he was trying to hide from me. "You don't think I'll die, so what is your real problem? What are you so afraid of?"

"Don't you like the life we've created together?" He brushed my cheek.

"How is that-"

"Given a chance, wouldn't you choose the one who isn't going to die on you?" He grimaced. "It only makes sense."

I hated that he still had insecure moments after all these years.

"I love you Peeta." I insisted.

"I'm not saying you don't. But in the past, given the choice between someone who is going to live a long life and one who can't-"

"It was always going to be you Peeta. Your sickness isn't making me regret choosing you." I wrapped my arms around him and listened to his still beating heart." This just means I might be able to keep you." My voice broke.

This was the first time we had discussed the doctor's news. We had made plans of what needed to be done. Practicalities. We hadn't told the children yet. It was only a matter of time until the news hit the capitol and every other district heard the gossip about one of their favorite war heros. We'd avoided watching the news just in case. I knew once I heard someone glibly comment on it, make a broken heart joke on air, or mention how sad they would be that Peeta who they didn't even really know was dying, that I would destroy our T.V.

Peeta sniffed loudly into my hair.

"Don't you want to stay with me?"

His face told me disdainfully that I knew the answer to that. But he said it anyways. "Always."

"I could change things: make sure they never get to hurt you. No more flashbacks-"

"Would you still have realized you loved me if I had come out of the Quell whole?" He whispered.

I hated that I didn't know. Before that I had taken him for granted. I had been so blind to my feelings as a teenager. Stupid. Oblivious. I'd never felt longing for Gale. Looking back, he had simply been the fair choice. My friend who hunted with me, my confidant wanted a family with me. If I was going to change my mind and marry anyone, shouldn't it be him? I didn't want to hurt him. Loving Peeta had been scarier and complicated.

"I could, write myself a letter saying you were the obvious choice."

Peeta smirked. "obviously."

"Or you know give younger you insider advice on how to break my walls down and seduce me."

Peeta laughed, a real belly laugh. "Be the best damn wingman a boy in love could have."

I poked his sides and grinned. "The most motivated and dedicated wingman for sure."

"Well, with a prize like this." He stood taller and flexed his bicep at me. " Who could blame you?" He ruined the image by exposing his false lower calf.

"Indeed." I smiled, and poked his chest. "Nice try, Mr. Mellark but you're not getting rid of me so easily. I know a superior trade when I see it."

Peeta snapped his fingers as if he had been caught."You always see right through me, Mrs. Mellark." We stood and held each other for a while, considering the possibilities now before us.

Then Bannack cried. Once he realized he was alone our baby boy always did. I hoped it wasn't another wet bed incident. It was Peeta's turn to clean up if it was. He was such a good father.

"So tomorrow?" I ask him.

"Tomorrow, we at least get all the facts. If your life is at risk though-" He warned.

I nodded. We had to try.