Uncanny Hawkeye

Chapter 1: Fanservice- Part 1

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics.

Somewhere in the New Jersey Pine Barrens-

Outside a cabin somewhere in the New Jersey Pine Barrens, a man was chopping wood. The man had discarded his shirt and his skin glistened with sweat from the combination of hard work and baking hot sun. The sweat had plastered his blond hair to his brow. He had quite the sculpted body. Not like one of those huge steroid-ridden fellows, but he was muscular enough.

Clint Barton was bored. He had been ever since he and his not-so-dead wife took some time off from the West Coast Avengers. Of course, he would never let his wife know. She would never let him hear the last of it.

Clint was about to throw down his axe and head onside for something to drink when he sensed that he wasn't alone. He wasn't a psychic and he didn't have anything fancy like Spider-Sense, in his long history in the hero business Clint had learned to keep his senses keen for incoming trouble. Whenever heroes took time off it inevitably led to villains dropping in and spoiling their fun. Bobbi usually called him paranoid for keeping an eye out for trouble, but he knew that she was just as guilty as him of keeping an eye out. You didn't become a veteran agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. without being prepared for anything.

Clint spun around, preparing to show whoever it was that had crept up on him that they had just made a huge mistake. He dropped his axe once he recognised the shoulder-length red hair and the black catsuit that was unzipped just enough to get a peak at a little bit of cleavage.

'Natasha? What the hell are you doing here? I could have cut your head off!'

Natasha Romanoff, aka the former Russian spy Black Widow, just looked back at the topless Hawkeye with an even gaze.

'I need your help, Clint.'

'Gee, never one to mess around with greetings are you?' Clint muttered to himself. It looked like his suspicions of something cropping up to spoil his time off were correct after all. 'I guess you'd better come in.'

Clint beckoned the new arrival into the cabin and closed the door behind them. It was a good thing that Bobbi was asleep. She would have hit the roof if she found out what was going on. They were supposed to be relaxing, but Clint never could just relax. He needed to get out there and start beating the bad guys again. He was about to ask why Natasha was there, when a stirring from the bedroom alerted him to the fact that his wife was awake. Clint cursed inwardly. Bobbi Morse had always been a light sleeper. Another part of her S.H.I.E.L.D. training.

'Honey, what's going on?' Bobbi asked sleepily, her hair all messed up and her decency kept by a bed sheet wrapped around her body, as she stepped out of the bedroom. Then she noticed the redheaded woman standing with her husband. 'What do you want Natasha?' Bobbi wasn't a jealous woman, but she was well aware of the Black Widow's reputation. There was hardly anybody in the superhero community that she hadn't slept with.

'There's not time to explain.' Natasha told the pair. 'We have to make a move.'

'Is it alright if I put on some clothes first?' Bobbi asked. 'I don't know about you, but I'm not one for running into battle naked.'

'Oh, I don't know…' Clint chuckled, flashing his wife a cheeky grin. 'I wouldn't mind seeing that.' That earned him a withering glare from his wife.

Later-

Luckily for the Bartons, they didn't have to walk to their destination (wherever that was). Natasha had brought along one of those flying cars that S.H.I.E.L.D. agents loved so much. She must have been doing freelance work for Nick Fury again and he provided her with transport.

During the journey Natasha had explained the situation and why they were in such a hurry. S.H.I.E.L.D. agents had been going missing and she suspected that there was a traitorous mole within the organisation. There always seemed to be some sort of traitor in S.H.I.E.L.D. Natasha felt that the Bartons were the only ones that she could trust. Besides, they were the nearest to the suspected site of the disappearances.

Natasha brought the car down for a landing some distance away from a huge white mansion. It looked to be modelled on the same sort of place where a fried chicken magnate might dwell.

'What, we're just going to walk up there and knock on the door?' Hawkeye asked, now clad in his familiar purple outfit. Luckily, Natasha had been kind enough to let the Bartons dress in suitable attire for the mission.

'We'd better take a look around the place.' Mockingbird recommended. 'Hopefully there's a secret entrance or something around the back.'

'Good idea.' Black Widow nodded in agreement. 'Everybody be careful, there's no telling what sort of trouble we might be in for.'

The heroic trio made their way around the back of the mansion. It took them quite some time, the mansion really was that big. There was an even bigger garden around the back of the mansion. The prying eyes of nosy neighbours were kept out by a thick string of trees around the perimeter. Then there was the great big fence. Such a thing was no trouble for Hawkeye, however. The heroic bowman took out a grappling hook arrow and let it fly. The arrow took off into the air and embedded itself in a tree on the other side of the fence. The climb over would be a piece of cake. There wasn't even any security cameras or barbed wire.

One-by-one the trio climbed up the rope and entered the per emesis of the mansion. Unfortunately, they didn't have time to celebrate their entry as the ground opened up beneath them, sending them plummeting down below.

The trio landed with a bump in some sort of darkened room. A blue glow began to illuminate the room when a big monitor screen flickered into life.

'Wow, am I glad to see you guys.' The redheaded figure wearing a terrible white suit with a horrific yellow and green polka dotted bowtie and a red carnation in the buttonhole grinned on the screen. Hawkeye instantly recognised the man from the Avengers' files. The man on the monitor was Arcade, a hitman who specialised in executing superheroes in deadly funhouses. 'I thought you'd never turn up. Give our guests a hand up will ya, 'Tasha?'

Black Widow grabbed the Bartons by the scruff of the neck and hefted them up to their feet. Arcade continued to grin from the monitor screen.

'Ain't it wonderful what people can do with robotics nowadays?'

TBC…

Next: Fanservice- Part 2

Will the Bartons be able to survive Arcade's deadly funhouse? If the Black Widow that lured them to Murderworld, then what happened to the real one? Tune in next time to find out!