I wrote this about eight months ago, and then completely forgot about it. So, now I'm posting it as my first fic, even though I think it kind of sucks (no pun intended). No worries, if I write anything else, it'll be better. And definitely lemony fresh, because I love lemons! Anyone else love lemons?!

"Will I ever see you again?" I looked at my recent ex-boyfriend and sighed.

"Doubt it," I said, continuing to pack for a few seconds before a pair of strong hands gripped my waist and spun me around.

Jace's arms went around my shoulders and held me tightly against his chest. Before I could stop it, his mouth slammed down on mine and all thoughts of resistance flew from my head at the familiarity of his lips, his chest under my fingers, his arms around me, and the way his body responded when we were so close. His muscles stiffened and relaxed as we moved backwards until my legs hit the bed, and he pushed me down without moving his mouth from mine. He rolled on top of me but I didn't feel any of his weight as I dug my nails into his back.

"Clary! Are you packed yet?" my mom yelled from downstairs and Jace rolled away.

"Crap," I muttered, standing up and running my fingers through my hair. "I asked you not to do that anymore," I said, turning towards the guy I'd been in love with for the past two years.

"You did nothing to stop me," he replied with a cocky smile. I sighed and let my gaze wander down his chest and the lines of his abs that showed slightly through his t-shirt. He shivered and stood up but I kept my eyes on his muscles as he walked towards me. "I'm going to miss that," he said and I finally looked up into his pretty golden eyes, the ones that stole my heart the first time I looked into them.

"Miss what?"

"The way I can physically feel it when you're looking at me," he said, pulling me against his chest again. I buried my head in his shoulder and smiled.

"I'm going to miss being able to look at you," I said. He'd understood when I told him I couldn't handle a long distance relationship, but I could tell it hurt him as much as it hurt me. "I love you, Jace, and I'm sorry it has to be this way." His arms constricted tighter around me until I could hardly pull a breath into my lungs.

"I love you so much, Clary. Please don't go."

I pulled out of his arms and turned away before the tears that were threatening to spill over got on his shirt. I continued folding my clothes and piling them into boxes while I worked on controlling my voice. "Um, well, you should, um, get going because I really need to pack," I said, my voice breaking.

"Oh shit, Clary, please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry," Jace said, putting his arms around my waist from behind and resting his chin on the top of my head. Unable to be contained any longer, the tears finally spilled onto my cheeks and I reached above me to touch his face. He leaned his head into my palm and I felt his sigh ruffling my hair. "I love you, baby," he said and I spun around in his arms.

"Love you, too," I mumbled, my tears soaking his chest. We stood there in silence for a few moments until I was able to stop crying. When I did, I tilted my head up and waited patiently for the best feeling in the world. Knowing what I wanted, Jace kissed me softly, and it felt like I was melting. Electric tingles shot through my veins and my heart started beating twice as fast as it usually did. Goose bumps covered my arms and I felt a shiver go from my neck all the way down my spine. I knew right then that Jace was the person I wanted to lose my virginity to, and I knew I only had till tomorrow afternoon to make it happen. It took me a lot of effort to pull away and I looked into his eyes again. "Look, I'm not leaving until tomorrow afternoon. Let me finish packing now and pick me up at midnight, okay?" I said. He nodded without hesitation even though I knew he had no idea what I was planning. I was sure he only thought I wanted to spend my last night here with my best friend become lover, which was true. I wanted to spend my last night with him in every way.

"I'll be here," he said and leaned down to kiss me once more before he left. I finished packing about two hours later and I looked at the clock. I sighed when I realized it was only ten thirty. To pass the time, I went through one of my boxes, where I found a forgotten, unworn short, pink lace lingerie dress that my friend had gotten for me when she first found out I'd managed to snag Jace. I wore a pink bra and matching panties under it, and I pulled on a pair of jeans and a baggy pull-over sweatshirt that was actually Jace's a long time ago over it. I knew my parents were already asleep because they were always in bed by nine thirty (they're really weird like that) so I crept into their room. I knew where they hid their condoms, and I found them easily enough, packed in a box full of things from the drawer of their night stand. I put two in my pocket just in case something happened to the first one, and I snuck back into my room. My hands were shaking in anxiousness as I sat down on my bed, and I clasped them together on my lap.

What if I was too inexperienced and Jace was disappointed? What if I messed something up? The minutes slowly ticked by as all my worries bounced around inside my skull. The thing that surprised me most was that I knew that I was going to do this, and the only thing I was anxious about was that I might not be good enough for Jace. Finally, my clock showed that it was eleven fifty and I climbed out my window and onto my roof, where I slid down the gutter as quietly as I could. I ran around the house to wait by the curb, becoming more and more nervous as the time for him to pick me up approached. The light from the street lamp glinted off of Jace's silver convertible as it pulled around the corner eight minutes later, and I put on my bravest face and climbed into the car.

~O.o.O~

"So, where do you want to go?" Jace asked. I was too shy to look at him so I stared at the windshield as the blood rushed into my face.

"Um, let's just go back to your house and watch a movie or something." Jace nodded, and a few minutes later we were pulling into the driveway of his apartment. He opened my door for me and took my hand, leading me down stairs to his house. He'd moved out of his parent's house when he was seventeen, and now he lives with his friend, Alec, in the huge garden apartment.

"Is your roommate home?" I asked, working at nonchalance. Jace obviously didn't hear anything weird in my voice because he shook his head and unlocked the door, pulling me inside. We went into his room and he put in a movie while I excused myself to go to the bathroom. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I pulled off the sweatshirt and my jeans and looked at myself in the mirror. I took the rubber band out of my hair and shook it so it fanned out around my shoulders. My cheeks were still pink from my blush, and I thought I looked pretty good in the lingerie, though it wouldn't have hurt if my boobs were just a little bigger. I leaned down and pulled the packages out of my jeans' pocket, slipping them under the strap of my bra so they were visible if I moved my dress.

Before I left the bathroom, I brushed my teeth with the toothbrush I always left at Jace's house and ran a comb through my hair a couple of times. I grabbed the door handle but I couldn't bring myself to twist it. "You okay?" Jace asked, his voice right outside the door.

"Yeah, I'll be in there in a minute. Just go wait in your room," I replied. I heard his footsteps moving away from the door and I took a few deep breaths before I opened it and walked down the hallway towards Jace's room, taking even more deep breaths on the way.

Jace was lying with his hands behind his head on his bed, watching the movie as he waited. He didn't even notice me until I daintily cleared my throat. He looked up at me and his eyes widened farther than I thought possible, and his jaw touched his chest. "W-what?" he stammered, sitting up quickly and crossing his legs. I didn't understand at first why he did it, but when I did, I blushed and giggled nervously. I couldn't meet his eyes again and I stared down at my feet, listening to the rustle of the blankets as he stood up off the bed and walked towards me. I felt his finger under my chin, and he tugged up my face so I had no choice but to look at him. "What's this about?" he asked and I could tell that it took him a lot of effort to look in my eyes rather than down at my body.

By means of answer, I stood on my toes, suddenly brave and more excited than nervous, and I threw my arms around his neck. I tugged his head down and kissed him hard, pressing my scantily clothed body against his. His body responded again and he kissed me back for a minute before he was able to control himself.

"Clary, what is going on?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow, Jace, and I've never felt more ready in my life." His expression turned to one of understanding and he stepped away from me.

"We don't have to do this because you're leaving. I want this to be what you really want, not something you feel you owe me."

"I don't feel I owe you anything, Jace. I'm in love with you and I want my first time to be with you. I'm ready right now and I did think it through," I said, dropping the strap of my dress so that he could see the aluminum packages and half of my breast. He stared at my bared skin for a second with wide eyes before he shook his head.

"Clary . . ." he started but he was silenced by my lips. I pushed him down onto his bed and climbed on top of him, straddling his waist so my torso was perpendicular with his jeans' zipper. I leaned forward and kissed him again as I moved my hips in a circle over his erection and he moaned against my lips. He pushed up my shoulders so I stopped kissing him but I kept my body moving against his, hoping he would cave eventually. "Clary, I can't do this to you. It's not f-." Another moan cut off his sentence but I was sure he still hadn't changed his mind. "It's not fair to you," he finished quickly, his breathless voice a little uncertain.

I was getting impatient so I increased the tempo of my movement against his jeans and pulled both straps of the dress and my bra down my arms until my entire chest was uncovered. He stared but his eyes still showed that he wasn't sure that this was the right thing to do. I exhaled angrily and grabbed his hand, pulling it up and pressing it against my boob. The movement of my hips or the fact that he was now touching my bare chest, or both, sent Jack over the edge. With a loud growl that started a wonderful ache between my legs, he threw me off of him and quickly rolled on top of me. His hands tore at my clothes as I tried to pull off his, and his mouth was rough against mine. My thoughts got lost in the heat of the moment and before I knew it, I was completely naked and Jace still had all of his clothes on. He tasted every inch of my neck down to my waist and the feeling of his lips against my skin was extremely arousing. Suddenly, the whole of his hand was cupped against the most private part of me. I squeaked in surprise and Jace's mouth covered mine again. "Mm," I moaned as he moved his fingers in circles between my legs, and I clenched my thighs around his hand. I undid the buttons on his shirt and pushed it off of his shoulders and he stopped what he'd been doing to me to pull it all the way off. He stood up and pulled the rest of his clothes off before he moved to lie on top of me again, but I pushed him away.

I climbed on top of him and kissed his chest before I moved down and lightly slid my tongue over his abs. He shuddered and attempted to pull me up to kiss him, but I kept moving down. His penis was larger than I expected, and I took his erection into my hand. I ran my tongue from the base to the tip before I wrapped my lips around it and moved my head up and down, adding a flick of my tongue to his head every few strokes. "Oh, Clary. Clary. Fuck!," he groaned. A few minutes later, after more groaning from Jace that sent delicious throbs between my legs, he pulled me off of him and climbed on top of me. He rolled the condom on without taking his eyes off of my body. I wrapped my legs around his waist and waited impatiently for him. "You sure?" he asked and I stared up at him in amazement.

"Have I done anything that would tell you that I'm not sure?" I asked, pulling him closer by tightening my legs around him. His erection was now pressed against my entrance, but he was still staring down at me.

"It's going to hurt if it's your first time," he muttered and I shrugged.

"Just hurry, Jace, I'm sure I'm ready. I can handle the pain." He grabbed a pillow and offered it to me, refusing to move until I clutched it to my chest. "Let's go, Jace! Please!" I yelled impatiently, the aching between my legs becoming uncomfortable. He sucked in a breath and pushed into me, and he was right; it hurt. I gasped and he immediately became motionless.

"I'm sorry, Clary! I'm so sorry!" he said but I shook my head breathlessly. I held up a finger and he paused for a few moments, holding himself inside of me. After a while, the pain began to fade to a slight burn.

"Keep going. It doesn't hurt anymore." With every moment that passed with my body getting used to his member stretching me, the pain dulled and was replaced by a wonderful feeling I didn't have words to describe. "I'm okay, Jace. Really." He slowly moved his hips back and then forward again, his expression still worried as he watched me. The pain continued to decrease in intensity until it was gone all together, and all I could feel was pleasure. "Oh," I said, pressing my hands against my chest. Jace seemed to realize I was telling the truth because he increased his speed and pressure until I moaned out his name as my first orgasm ever pulled me under.

"You okay?" he asked, slowing down slightly and giving me time to regain my strength.

"Oh, I'm better than okay!" Jace laughed and I pushed him away. He rolled onto his back and I climbed on top of him. "My turn," I murmured with a smile. I reached under me a held Jace's erection straight up, pushing myself down onto it. Both of us moaned when I started moving up and down, and Jace's hands grabbed my waist to help me. Similar sounds of immense pleasure were bursting out of both of our throats until he let out a hoarse shout. I felt it as he exploded into me, arching his back up off the bed with his release. I rolled off of him and we both laid in silence, breathing hard. I looked at the clock and was extremely surprise to see it was almost two a.m.

"Damn, Clary," Jace murmured, still breathing in ragged gasps.

"Mm," I agreed, rolling onto my side and putting my head on his bare chest. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I sighed. "I hope you don't consider this being me taking advantage of you."

"Why would I think that?" he asked, sliding his fingers up and down my spine. I shivered and snuggled closer to him.

"Because . . . I still don't think I can handle a long distance relationship, Jace. I'm so in love with you but it won't work out if I can't see you every day." My vision was becoming blurred by unexpected tears but I blinked them back so I could finish what I wanted to say. "You're perfect in every way, Jace, and it's going to kill me to lose you. But I can't think of any way we can fix this." His hand had stopped moving on my back and his chest was moving up and down with his shallow gasps.

Suddenly and without warning, Jace was on top of me again, propping himself up on his arms and staring down into my eyes. He searched my expression for a minute while I was shocked motionless from his swiftness. "Clary." His voice was angry but I could hear some pain behind it. I couldn't hold in the tears anymore when I saw the same pain reflected at me in his eyes, so I cried as we stared at each other. Then, pain won out in his expression and a single tear streaked down his cheek. My heart broke and I tried squirming out from under him.

"I shouldn't have come. We shouldn't have done this. I've ruined everything," I sobbed, trying to move away. Jace's hand clamped down onto my shoulder to stop me from going anywhere. "I'm so sorry, Jace. I'm so, so sorry." I fought against his hands so he pressed his body against the length of mine, using his weight to stop me. It wasn't painful but I still tried to make him get off of me.

"Clary, baby, stop." His voice was firm and I stopped moving, closing my eyes so I wouldn't have to see the pain in his. "I'm not mad," he said but I shook my head. I didn't believe that he wasn't angry at me because I certainly would have been. "Please, Clary. I'm not mad at you. I just don't want to lose you." I squeezed my eyes tighter and tried to ignore his words: they weren't making this any easier. "Please, Clary," he repeated. "Look at me."

"I can't, Jace, I can't. It hurts too much."

"What hurts too much? Looking at me?"

"No! Knowing that I hurt you by doing this, knowing that I can't do anything to make this right, knowing that I've ruined the amazing thing we had together. That's what hurts me." Jace didn't say anything for so long that I chanced peaking at him without opening my eyes all the way. He was staring down at me with an impatient frown, so I sighed and opened them all the way. "I'm so sorry," I said, looking up at him.

"Clary, stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong!" he said but I shook my head again.

"I did everything wrong. You deserve so much better than me. Maybe it's for the best that I'm leaving tomorrow. You'll be happier and I won't be able to hurt you anymore!" My voice had risen in pitch with my sobs and Jace wiped the tears off my cheek.

"I can't be happy without you, Clary," he said and I cried harder.

"Yes, you can. You have to, because there's nothing I can do to make my parents let me stay. And if you're not happy, then I will never, ever forgive myself. You're too good for me."

"You got that backwards," he said, looking away.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He rolled away and sat up so his back was to me, bowing his head slightly. He was silent for a few minutes but I waited, wondering what he was thinking.

"Clary, the first time I saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. Then, you smiled at me and from then on I could never get you out of my head. You became the best friend I'd ever had," he said, finally turning to look at me. His expression was determined when he continued. "I fell in love with you about two months before we started going out, but I didn't think I had a chance! You're beautiful, you're funny, you're smart, are you're so kind. You're everything, Clary, and I thought you were way out of my league. Then, that day we were hanging out, I decided I was going to tell you that we couldn't be friends because I wanted so much more than that. But then, you kissed me. Just out of the blue, you kissed me! I was so shocked that I couldn't even kiss you back. And when you apologized and jumped out of the car and ran, I couldn't believe how stupid I was for not telling you right then and there how much I loved you. Luckily, I caught up to you before you got inside and I finally manned up and kissed you, and things were great. I'm so in love with you, Clary, and that won't ever change."

I moved to sit next to him, but he looked away again. I waited patiently until he was able to look back at me before I threw myself at him. His eyes widened as I pushed his shoulders down with my hands but I didn't give him time to ask what I was doing. I pressed my lips against his roughly and I dragged my hands down his chest, all the way down to his manhood. His body jerked when I took it into my hand and started playing with him, and his hand went to the back of my head to hold my mouth against his. Our lips moved perfectly together, and I knew that was how I always wanted it to be, just me and Jace. He rolled onto me and before I even knew what was happening, he jammed himself inside me and I moaned against his lips. He moved his hips fast and hard, and I was screaming sooner than I had the first time. This time, Jace knew that I wasn't in pain so he kept going, maintaining his amazing pace and pressure without lifting his mouth from mine. He didn't slow down for again until after I'd climaxed two more times, and he groaned and rolled onto his side without pulling out of me.

We laid on our sides, staring at each other for what felt like hours as we fought to catch our breath. His golden eyes held mine and I couldn't have looked away if I had wanted to. "I love you, Jonathan Christopher Wayland, and I always will," I whispered, pushing myself closer to his warmth. His arms tightened around me and I pressed my lips against his shoulder.

"I love you, too, Clarissa Fray." And for the last time in my life, I fell asleep in the arms of the man of my dreams.