Title: And When My Compass Can't Find North (I See You Shining From Afar; Guide Me Home)
Category: Thor/The Avengers
Genre: Drama/Romance/Humor
Ship: Darcy/Bruce
Chapter Rating: Teen
Overall Rating: NC-17
Prompt: Challenge #5 – Pre-Thor/AU Darcy Lewis Week Challenge
Warning(s): Coarse Language, Sexual Situations, Violence, Attempted Rape
Word Count: 9,422
Summary: [AU] Darcy Lewis has always had trouble finding direction in her life and college leaves her with more questions than answers. When an opportunity to travel to South Asia to teach English to underprivileged kids springs up, she decides it could be just what she needs to figure out her purpose in life. While her soul-searching is bringing up great results, the mysterious doctor she meets, on the run from American authorities, might just heal her soul in another way.

And When My Compass Can't Find North (I See You Shining From Afar; Guide Me Home)
-Novel-

III.

The return to work was exactly what Darcy thought she needed.

Actually getting there was a whole other ball game.

The problem with shutting herself up in the apartment was that the outside world seemed a lot scarier than maybe it actually was. Although, given her recent run-in with it, she had to say it was definitely rocking the scary scale pretty hard.

She made it to the stairs before she started panicking, and somehow the mustard yellow walls were not helping things.

"Puke. They look like puke. Are the walls puking right now?" she wondered hysterically.

Susan blinked at her. "No, they pretty much always look like that…"

"I can't breathe!" She waved her hands in her face. "Can you breathe?" She clawed at her throat. "Where is the air?"

"Okay… I'm not really good in these kinds of situations…" Susan started backing up, her eyes wide. "I'm just…" She pointed behind her. "I'm gonna go get Rani or something, okay?"

"What? No! You can't leave me! I'm suffocating!"

"Uh, since you're talking, I think your lungs are working just fine…" She waved her hands and backed up further. "Look, I'll get Rani and you just, I dunno, curl up into a little ball, okay? People do that, right?"

Darcy blinked at her. "What?"

But Susan was gone, racing down the hallway toward the apartment.

Darcy struggled to figure out what to do. Her chest was still heaving, her stomach was twisted into knots, her palms were sweaty, and she felt like she might just add to the pukey walls with a little vomit of her own. But they seemed to be closing in on her, feeling like they were hugging against her body despite not actually moving at all.

Whether it was panic that did it or some reserve of strength she didn't even know she had, she ran down the stairs to the main floor and right out of the building, gulping in air. Tears stung her eyes and overflowed, dribbling down her cheeks. She whirled, her head moving to and fro, eyes searching. For what, she wasn't sure. Maybe the men she knew to be dead. Maybe another attacker to come at her. All she knew was she was outside and she had nothing, no barrier, between her and the rest of the world.

Her knees shook and she closed her eyes, counting, one to ten in Bengali. Over and over again. She just breathed, in and out through her nose, and counted.

When a hand touched her back, she cried out, swinging her arm back. But it was Rani and she managed to duck in time, as if she'd expected it. She gathered Darcy in close and stroked her hair. "Shh, shh, I have you. The Rani has got you."

"I c-couldn't br-breathe…" she cried, clutching at her. "W-Walls were puki-i-ing…" She sniffled, burying her face at Rani's shoulder and just breathing, focusing on the spicy smell she associated with her.

It was a few minutes, when her crying had subsided, that Rani asked her, "Do you want to come inside?"

Darcy didn't move, didn't answer. She thought about the kids and she thought about what had happened. She thought about Rani's story, that her father had told her hiding would let the world become ugly. But the stress, the anxiety that was still inside her, begged for her to run away, bury her head in her pillow, find safety in the apartment.

"Hey, I know I'm not the best at talking it out, but… I'll be with you," Susan reminded. "I won't leave your side again, I promise. I'll even hold your hand, if you want!" She shrugged. "You were like, one more snarky joke away from being my latest lady crush anyway."

Despite what had happened, Darcy rolled her eyes. She gathered herself and stood up, rubbing at her face. "I can do this…" She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I have to do this."

Rani rubbed her hands up and down Darcy's arms and then gave her a proud nod. She pressed a hand to Darcy's heart meaningfully. "Be beautiful, sweet girl."

Darcy gave her a watery smile and then held a hand out to Susan. "C'mon you, I'm not letting you get away this time."

Their fingers knotted together and Darcy squeezed, letting some of her panic show.

Rani waved at them as she moved back toward the building. "You will be okay," she assured. She banged her fist against her chest and reminded her, "You are strong."

Darcy nodded back at her, trying to take her word for truth and make her own brain accept it as such.

The walk to the school was filled with her looking over her shoulder, searching, suspicious of every person that walked by, that looked at her.

She wanted to be more okay with it. She wanted to be over it. She wanted it to just be some thing that happened in the past that she never had to bring up, but it felt like it was trying to consume her. Making its way into things that she didn't want it to touch.

When the school was in sight, her heart flipped. She sped up her footsteps, eager to get inside, recognizing safety in it like a giant, blinking arrow was pointing down from above it to guide her. Her heart was banging against her chest and she felt flushed and light-headed until she was finally inside, under the cover of the roof, surrounded by the same four cement walls that had been her haven; that had provided her with the comfort of knowing who she was and what she was meant to do.

"Miss Darcy!" the cry rang up as the kids noticed her and it wasn't long before they were collected around her feet, eager and hopeful.

A hand found hers and squeezed tightly.

Darcy found Anala staring up at her with wide eyes. "I thought you went home," she said sadly.

She paused, staring down at the little girl. At the reason she was out late, who she abandoned common sense in favor of. And she didn't feel anger; she didn't feel anything but relief at seeing someone who she loved as dearly as she did Anala. She squeezed her fingers and smiled at her, letting her eyes wander the school. "I am home," she told her simply.

Anala grinned up at her, relieved.

Darcy gave an oof! as suddenly Bimal knocked into her, wrapping his arms around her leg.

Leela, pushing past her brother, waved a hand, and told her, "I have so many stories to tell you, Miss. Can I, please?"

She laughed. "Two, Leela," she said. "Choose wisely!"

Leela eagerly spun her tales, with Upa adding a much tamer and more realistic version for each of what had happened while Darcy had been away. Which she was glad for, because Darcy thought it probably would've sucked if the moon really had fallen from the sky and crushed the school, especially since in Leela's version, Upa was the only one inside. Seriously, she wondered what Leela's deal was that she had so many stories in which Upa was the victim. Her brother took it in stride though, oddly enough. Having no siblings of her own, Darcy couldn't say if it was normal behavior or not.

There was something healing about having all her kids around her. Something that reminded her of all the good in the world and how it overshadowed the bad. She wasn't fixed, and even just looking outside made her skin crawl, but she thought the steps she'd taken, leaving the apartment and getting to the school despite how terrified she'd been, it was a good start.

She spent the rest of the day focusing solely on the bright faces of the children and listening to them tell her about how they missed her, what they did while she was away, and she was, of course, never allowed to leave. Darcy bit back the tears that stung her eyes and promised that she would stay with them as long as she could.

But for the first time since she arrived in Calcutta, the idea of leaving didn't make her stomach knot. Instead, the idea of staying was what made her feel sick to her stomach.

And she hated that she felt that way.

…

The closer the school day came to ending, the more Darcy could feel the itch of panic beneath her skin.

While Susan had promised to stay close, one of the volunteer coordinators asked for her help at another school and Darcy had obligingly told her to go. That had been earlier in the morning though, while she still had hours before she had to worry about getting home. Susan had promised she would do everything she could to get back in time to walk back to the apartment with her, but Darcy couldn't help but feel like she was being more trouble than needed.

When the kids started breaking up to go home, she bit her tongue to keep from asking them to stay awhile longer with her. Eventually, the school emptied out, some of them going home, others following volunteer personnel to the small housing unit set up for many, if they wanted, to sleep in, making sure they were safe and warm. Some of the kids didn't take them up on it though, choosing instead to find their own way. It was that which made Darcy feel even more like she was being a baby. These were little kids and they lived their lives constantly aware of their surroundings, unsure if they'd go hungry or even live through the night, and she couldn't walk home to her nice, safe, warm apartment where she had a full meal waiting for her.

But each time she walked to the door and peered outside, it seemed like the world stretched too far, making the trek back to Rani and Basu's look like a journey she wasn't sure she'd survive. She started hyperventilating and eventually dropped down to sit against a wall, burying her face in her knees, her arms hugged around them.

She tried counting again.

Ek, dui, tin, char, pach, choi, shat, aat, noi, dosh.

She tried focusing on her breathing, but it seemed like nothing was quite working.

She knew she had to get up.

She knew she had to get home.

And worse, she knew that if she didn't do it soon, eventually the sun would go down and then the chances of her leaving…

She squeezed her arms around her legs even tighter.

"Darcy?"

It was not Susan, but she lifted her head, her brow furrowed. "Bruce?"

He was staring down at her, and she realized with a sniffle that at some point she'd started crying again.

He stepped further into the school, letting the door close behind him, and watched her searchingly, as if picking up cues from her body language about what he could and couldn't do. Very slowly, he knelt down so they were at eye-level. "Hey," he murmured before, and she would never forget it for the rest of her life, doing that awful, ridiculous wave she'd taught him.

It produced the startled laugh out of her that she was pretty sure he was going for.

He ducked his head as he smiled and stared up at her from the top of his eyes. "How was school?" he asked, before taking a seat, bending his legs and resting his elbows on his knees.

Darcy stared at him, silently appreciating that he wasn't making a huge deal out of finding her crying on the floor of her school. She rubbed at her nose with the back of her hand. "Good…" She smiled slowly. "They're all so smart… They learn so fast and they're such cool little people, y'know?" She bit her lip. "Like Bimal?" She shook her head. "He's so quiet that I never really think he gets it, but when he talks… Man, it's like he— He just absorbs all of it and he picks it up like—" She snapped her fingers. "And Leela?" She laughed. "She might have some issues with her little brother and she might possibly be a pathological liar in the making, but she is so clever and she tells the funniest stories… At least, the ones where her brother actually lives are funny." She rolled her eyes. "And then there's Samaresh, who is always so proud and so eager to help everyone else. And Anala and Sunil and Upa, they're all so smart and funny and they do these amazing things every day…"

"You really love them," he said gently, watching her face.

"Seriously, what's not to love?" She shook her head, scrubbing at her face. "You remember when I told you that the reason I quit my degree in education was because of some kid checking out my rack?"

He nodded.

"It's a world apart… The kids that I met here, the kids that show up every day, I look at them and I know that they want to learn. And I'm just… I'm Miss Darcy to them. It's like… There's respect and love and admiration, but it's friendly and warm and I don't… I feel like when I'm here, I'm making a difference. And back in the States, I just felt… Lost and alone and like it didn't matter what I did, I'd never be enough."

"For who?"

Her throat tightened. "My mom…" her voice went out on a crack. "Myself."

He nodded slowly and picked at a thread on his khaki pants. "But you feel more secure here?"

She smiled sadly. "I found myself. I found that person that was just, hiding out in me, y'know? Like all that time, I was this person, I just didn't know how to access her and… And then it all went sideways and I don't…" She closed her eyes as they burned. "I keep thinking they're around the corner and they're going to grab me and I c-can't… breathe…" She licked her lips as a few tears dribbled down and caught on them. "And I know they're dead. I know they won't— they can't come after me. But I just… I feel like they took something from me and I don't know how to get it back."

She could hear as he shuffled closer, clothes dragging and rustling before his crossed legs were at the edge of her toes. He covered her forearms with his hands, loosely, his thumbs stroked slowly. "So let's say you could… Maybe if you knew self defense…"

She laughed cynically. "Where am I going to learn that? Do they even have that here?"

He was quiet for a moment before finally telling her, "I've studied a number of different forms of martial arts… Mostly to relieve stress, but there are a number of benefits; physically, emotionally, mentally, that kind of thing."

"Plus, in your case, it probably helps you get away if somebody figures out who you are and tries to bring you in," she mentioned, raising her head to look at him.

Bruce's eyes turned off and he gave a derisive laugh under his breath. "Let's just say those who've tried have had negative results."

"So you'd teach me how to kick ass…?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He sighed. "It's not just about teaching you how to hurt someone if they want to hurt you…" He shook his head. "You're anxious, right? Scared to leave the house or…" He looked around. "The school?"

She nodded, and then rolled her eyes at herself, feeling embarrassed.

"Hey, what happened to you…? Darcy…" He squeezed her arm. "That was scary and awful and you have every right to be freaked out."

She could feel her eyes brimming again.

"You just want control back and I want to help you get it."

She smiled softly then. "You just can't quit helping people, can you?" She wiped at her face with the back of her arm, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve. "Who's helping you out, Doc?"

His eyes dropped. "Relationships are difficult to manage when you're in a situation like mine."

Darcy turned her legs down to mimic the crossed position of his and then stretched her arms, grabbing up his hands and squeezing them. "Well, since you're offering to be my Mr. Miyagi, I think we can safely say we've crossed over into friendship by now."

He looked up at her, his eyebrows arched slightly. "I don't think I've had a friend in a long time…" he admitted, before his face flushed as if he couldn't believe he admitted that and felt foolish for it.

She grinned. "Awesome, then you probably don't have anything to compare me to." She winked. "Just go with the flow and I guarantee I'll be the best friend ever."

He chuckled, but then paused, eyes falling, brow furrowed. Sighing, he shook his head. "Darcy, listen, there are probably things you need to know about me if you're going to let me help you…"

Darcy squeezed his hands a little tighter. "Hey, I already told you, whatever you did or didn't do or whatever reason the US government has for chasing you down… Not my business."

"That was different," he argued. "We hardly knew each other. If you're going to be spending more time with me—"

"If you're teaching me self-defense, I plan on spending every second I'm not sleeping, eating, or teaching with you," she interrupted.

He stared at her a long second. "I'm not always a good person."

"I can think of three times you were an awesome person and those are just the times I witnessed… I've got countless others of people all over Calcutta talking about how you helped them or their kids…" She stared searchingly at him. "Just, answer me one thing, okay?"

He nodded, giving her his full, unwavering attention.

She met it with her own. "Do you really wanna scare me off?"

He stared at her a long moment, took a deep breath, and then, very honestly, he shook his head.

She half-smiled. "So don't." With a shrug, she squeezed his fingers. "Now, you wanna walk me home?"

"It'd be my pleasure." He stood from the floor and pulled her up with him.

She released his hands so she could hook her arm with one of his, resting in the crook of his elbow, before leaning into his side.

He paused at the physical contact and looked down at uncertainly. He seemed hesitant but he didn't let it stop him and he didn't let her go.

As they left the building, she looked up at him, "So how badass am I going to be after you teach me all this?"

He chuckled under his breath. "I'm not promising Lara Croft, if that's what you're suggesting."

"Oh, buddy…" She rubbed his bicep. "We need to update your pop culture references…"

At his frown, she bit her lip to hide her smile.

"Hey, don't worry about it. You teach me how to ninja and I'll update you on what's cool… Or at least what was cool when I left the States, so…" She patted his chest, admittedly taking a moment to enjoy how solid it was under her hand. "You'll still be six months behind, but hey, progress right?"

He smiled at her, eyebrows hiked with amusement. "Deal."

The walk back to the apartment was nice. Darcy couldn't say she didn't still look over her shoulder or flinch at every noise, but there was something calming about having Bruce there. "I'm not really this skittish," she told him.

"I know."

"I just… I don't want you to think I'm some like, wilting flower or something." She snorted. "Trust me, before this, reckless was my middle name… I mean, I got a little better at not going out at night, at least not here, 'cause Rani and Basu both told me I should be careful. Foreign country, right? I don't know what's out there. And hey, American news doesn't exactly shine a flattering light on foreign countries. Half the time, people are getting kidnapped. They don't exactly cover that awesome vacation experience you had where nothing went wrong and you just met a lot of really awesome people and had a great time…"

"Do you always ramble?" he wondered.

She paused, turning to look at him. "It's pretty common," she admitted with a shrug.

"The silent breathing exercises we're gonna do are not going to be your favorite," he mused.

Her head fell back as she laughed. She squeezed his arm. "Well I'll try not to break your calm, Doc, but no promises."

He watched her from the corner of his eyes. "Maybe having someone around to test my limits won't be the worst thing."

She stared back at him. "Services offered."

His lips twitched and he looked away.

The sun was setting when they reached her building.

"Do you want me to walk you up?" he wondered.

Darcy kicked the dirt and thought of the pukey walls of the stairwell. "I should probably get used to doing it on my own, right?" She shrugged. "You're not always going to be here to talk me out of my hysterical breakdowns…"

"No… But I'm here now." He tucked his hands in the pockets of his pants. "I offered to help, Darcy."

"And you are." She reached over and socked him in the shoulder. "Look, me and you, we'll start that deep-breathing, ultra-calm stuff tomorrow… Or bounce right into the ass-kicking stuff, I'm not partial." She shrugged. "But I've still gotta take a few steps without anybody around to keep me from nose-diving, right?" She raised an eyebrow. "I'm not saying it's my best idea, there's a good chance Rani will find me crying on the stairs about pukey-walls again, but… I have to try."

He nodded slowly. "You're stronger than you think you are…"

"Maybe." She pivoted on her foot to face her building. "Or crazy… Eh, probably crazier."

He chuckled to himself. "Could be both."

She winked at him over her shoulder.

"Tomorrow," he said. "I'll meet you outside the school."

"Okay." She started toward the building, but paused, turned back to see he was still waiting, watching, making sure she got inside despite there only being twenty feet between her and the building door. "Hey Bruce…?"

"Yeah?"

She swallowed tightly. "Thank you," she said sincerely. "I know you probably weren't expecting all this…" She snorted. "Neither was I, but…" She ducked her eyes. "It means a lot, that you're doing this."

He shuffled his feet, not sure what to say, before finally murmuring, "You're welcome… I guess."

She smiled, letting her gaze meet his. "One of these days I'm not going to make you so nervous."

He said, very confidently, "I highly doubt that."

Darcy felt her heart jump in her chest and bit her lip. "See ya tomorrow, Doc!" She waved at him before turning and walking into her building.

She felt a little floaty as she walked inside, even if some part of her brain questioned whether she might be reading into it too much. She raced up the stairs, partly so she wouldn't pay too much attention to the color of the walls or that suffocating feeling, partly just because she wanted to be safe inside her apartment, and partly too because she was feeling giddy and excited and the promise that there would be some relief, that she might be able to find her strength again in the self-defense that he'd be teaching her, made her want to share it with Basu and Rani.

When she walked into the apartment, Rani gave a long sigh of relief. "You are home," she said, wringing her hands. "It was getting dark."

Darcy closed the door behind her before crossing the room and hugging Rani tight. "I'm going to be stronger," she promised. "The strongest!"

Rani cradled her, rubbing her back. "You already are," she murmured soothingly.

Darcy wasn't so sure, but she vowed to herself that she would be.

She would find her safety again and she wouldn't ever let anyone take it from her.

…

Susan apologized no less than six times from when she got home later that night until the next morning on the walk to the school.

It was a little harder to speak freely about what happened and what the problem was with the kids, who now knew she was back to work and so collected outside the building to walk with her, listening to everything they said.

"Seriously, it's okay…" she told a still super apologetic and awkwardly fidgeting Susan. "It was probably better anyway."

Susan frowned. "Rani said you didn't get back until almost dark and you were all flushed. She said you ran into the apartment!"

"Okay, well, that was kind of less freaked out and more… excited…" she admitted, chewing her lip.

"Excited?" She shook her head slowly. "I don't get it. Yesterday morning you were having a meltdown and talking about vomity walls like you were tripping out or something, so what exactly happened between then and getting home?"

Darcy looked down at Bimal, wrapped around her leg, and ruffled his hair for something to pay attention to. "Well, I was hanging out at the school after everyone left, because… of reasons."

Susan winced.

"And a familiar, fluffy face showed up, so…" She shrugged.

Slowly, Susan turned to look at her, eyes wide and mouth ajar. "Your doctor came to see you? Oh my god!" she exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Uh, 'cause you wouldn't stop apologizing long enough to get a word in edgewise?" She shrugged. "Anyway, I was excited 'cause Bruce said he could teach me some self-defense so, y'know, maybe I wouldn't be so anxious and stuff… He said there's these breathing techniques I can do too, that'll stop me from panicking so much and that if I know how to kick butt maybe I won't be so jumpy."

"So it's just gonna be you and Doctor Fluffy, hanging out in close quarters, doing deep-breathing while he guides you into fight positions…" She smirked. "Interesting."

Darcy rolled her eyes, but she could feel her skin flush, and not just from the regular too-hot heat that blanketed them. "He's helping me. Try not to turn this into some weird fanfiction piece in your head."

Susan stuck her tongue out at her. "Whatever, you know I can't write."

She snorted. "Doesn't stop you."

"If there weren't children around, I'd have something a lot ruder to say to that…" She lifted her nose up into the air, "But there is so I'm just going to tell you that you suck and I hate you."

"Miss Susan!" various kids cried out, looking at her with wide eyes.

"Hate is a bad word," Bimal told her solemnly.

"Yeah Sue, really," Darcy told her.

"Uh…" She looked around at all the kids and shrugged. "You're right guys, sorry. I was just… I shouldn't have said that. My apologies."

"Tell Miss Darcy you do not hate her. You must love, not hate," one of the older girls, nearly eleven, Baharati, told her.

"I don't hate you, Darce, I love you," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Apology accepted," she said teasingly, smile spreading her lips. "All right, guys, let's work on our numbers. Where were we when I left last week?"

"Eighty-three, Miss," Syed told her.

"Thank you. Syed, my handsome dude, you can start us from there, okay?"

He nodded. "Eighty-four."

"Eighty-five!" Anala exclaimed cheerfully.

"Eighty-six," Moti piped up from behind her.

"Eighty-seven," said his brother, Shishir.

And so it went until they reached the school and they all filed inside.

Darcy spotted Leela with a smile and braced herself for another story. A knowing and resigned Upa followed her. She tried not to be amused, but it was a fruitless effort.

Especially when poor, defenseless Upa was sadly killed by a stray star that was lonely in the sky and so fell to the earth to join the children in their games.

…

As the school emptied out once more, Darcy found herself pacing, eagerly checking the time and the doorway, waiting on the handsome face of her favorite doctor.

She was starting to wonder if he wasn't coming when nearly an hour later she was still left standing in the same school, completely alone. Panic made her heart race as she thought about walking home, alone.

But then, out of breath and sweating slightly, Bruce came through the door, waving a hand and pausing to catch his breath, leaning against a wall.

"Sorry… Patient… Tried to… hurry…"

"It's cool." She smiled. "Just glad I didn't get stood up."

His eyebrows hiked. "No!" He waved his hands and stood upright. "I'd never… I mean I wouldn't…" His feet shuffled and he licked his lips. "I had a patient that I needed to see, I didn't know that it was take this long, I… I planned to be here earlier so you we could go right after, but—"

"Bruce, you don't need to explain," she assured. "You're here, your patient is okay, at least I hope…"

He nodded quickly.

"Great. Then… We can go?"

"Uh yeah, sure, just…" He fiddled with his hands. "The place that I'm staying, it isn't… It's not really like Basu and Rani's…"

"It's got four walls and a roof?"

He nodded.

"Then I'm good." She walked toward him. "We just need a place to practice, right? It's not like I'm moving in." She winked at him.

He stared at her, eyes a little wide. "I just… I don't get company very often…" His eyes darted away as he admitted, "I cleaned up, but… There's only so much I could do…"

Darcy reached for him, hooking their arms like she did before. She wasn't sure why, she thought after what happened that it should probably be the other way around, but she liked having physical contact with certain people, it grounded her. And somehow, this fluffy, adorable scientist had made it onto her shortlist. "C'mon, why don't you show me before assuming I won't like it?"

He looked at her dubiously. "I just want you to be prepared."

"Not expecting the lap of luxury here…"

He sighed, but finally, resignedly, started for the door. He held it open for her to walk through and waited as she locked up.

She'd already warned Rani and Basu that she would be home late, assuring them that she would be okay and not to worry. Basu hadn't been so sure, but Rani, understanding her need for independence after what happened, gave her a quick nod and wished her well.

The walk to Bruce's house took a different direction than that to hers.

He lived on the outskirts, set apart from the busy and crowded streets of Calcutta. It wasn't quite the slums, where garbage and refuge had collected, surrounding the tightly stuck together huts. Instead, it was a shack of a house, leaning precariously to one side, made of boards and pipes, tied together with rope and draped in old, but thick, strong fabric. When she got inside, the door squealed and snapped as it closed behind her; she noticed there were a number of locks on the door, despite the fact that she thought a good stiff wind would probably take it off.

The floors were made of old, worn wood boards but dirt had collected about an inch thick.

"I, uh, didn't have time to sweep…" he admitted, rubbing at the back of his neck, seeing where she was looking.

A few of the windows were open, but he crossed to pull the fabric off the rest of them to let in more natural light.

"I get the feeling you like it dark, Doc."

He stilled, glancing back at her. "Default setting, I guess."

There was an old, sturdy table set up by his kitchen, of which an old stove, a small fridge, and a grimy sink sat.

His table only had one chair, she noticed.

For that matter, he had a stack of books next to his one, worn armchair. And a single cot with threadbare blankets tossed over it.

"How long have you been here?" she wondered, feeling lonely just looking at it.

He tied off the last of the three windows he opened and rubbed his hands on his pants. "Uh, a few months, I guess."

"And this is all your stuff…?" She looked around her. His books were well loved; the edges frayed, the bindings cracked, but she wondered if it was from him using them or it was just the condition he got them in. There was a piece of paper with a child's drawing on it that he kept on his fridge with a magnet. She imagined it was of the 'thanks for saving my life, shadow creature' variety.

He fidgeted. "I don't take much with me when I move," he admitted, before moving around, fussing over things. Making his bed, putting the chair under the table, readjusting the candles he had set up for when it got dark.

"No electricity?"

"I don't really… own this place…" he admitted. "One of the families I helped out, they said it was abandoned, but the water still works and the roof has kept up…"

Darcy stared pointedly at the two rusted pots he had on the floor. "Just how well is that roof keeping up?"

"Well, it rains sometimes…" he muttered sheepishly.

She raised her head to look at him, looking so awkward, pulling at the cuffs of his… Was he wearing a suit? Since she'd met him he'd been wearing loose t-shirts and khaki pants, the usual fair, but now he was wearing a pale purple, button-up, dress shirt and a suit jacket that looked almost green, clashing terribly, she thought, with his brown slacks. She hadn't noticed it before, maybe too focused on how late he was and how nervous he'd been to show her his house.

"You look snazzy, Doc," she told him, smiling.

He looked down at himself and cleared his throat. "Oh, uh…" He smoothed out the side of his jacket. "This old thing?" he joked.

She laughed sincerely and walked toward him.

He stumbled back two steps and she raised an eyebrow.

"Breathing techniques?" she asked.

"Right. Right…" He nodded, looked around, and then promptly moved to the center of the room. He shrugged his jacket off and laid it over his armchair before rolling the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows. She watched his hands as they moved; like the rest of him, they were tanned, with long fingers and wide, callused palms.

He waved at her to join him before he took a seat, crossing his legs like he did before. "We're just going to focus on breathing today, okay?" He eyed her, looking almost wary.

Darcy followed him, eyeing the dirty floor briefly before shrugging and taking a seat across from him. She wrapped a hand around her ankle as she tucked it under her knee. "You say so, sensei."

His mouth curled in a faint smile that he quickly stifled. "I was thinking, if you were interested, when you get used to the breathing, we could try yoga," he told her. "It's good for reflexes, flexibility, and it reduces stress."

"Not to mention, were in India, where it originated, right?"

He grinned, nodding. "That too."

"Okay, so, deep-breathing, yoga, and self-defense." She wiggled her eyebrows at him. "Sounds like me and you are going to be spending a lot of time together…."

He stared back at her a long second before clearing his throat. "All right, so, close your eyes… Do you know what a body scan is?"

She wiggled around to get comfortable, closed her eyes, and answered, "Start from my toes and make my way up, check out how each and every inch of me is feeling, block out noise, focus on my breathing, right?"

"Yes."

"Awesome… We tried this once before my philosophy class, but then Kenny Andrews started talking about what silence meant and, well, trust me, it wasn't silent…"

He hummed.

Darcy took the cue for what it was and shut up. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before starting at her toes, focusing all of her mental focus on them. They tingled, she noticed. She didn't know why and she briefly wondered if she was cutting off her blood supply, sitting the way she was, but then tried to get back on track.

She moved up to the arch of her foot and then the heel, and up, up, she went, examining each part of her body for feeling. Her knees ached a little bit and her butt wasn't appreciating the hard floor. The small of her back gave a twinge, unhappy with the way she was sitting, but she'd always had crap posture so she wasn't surprised.

Her stomach felt a little empty and she briefly wondered what Rani was making for dinner and if she'd put some away for Darcy to have later. She shook her head, telling herself to focus!

She was seeing how her shoulders and neck felt when a cool breeze came in through the windows and made her shiver. She felt her skin break out in goosebumps and clenched her hands in reply. It ruffled her hair and for a moment that was all she could focus on; the air sifting through every individual strand of her hair. It made her think of him and his dark, curly hair, with the grey edging in at his temples. Her lips curved in a smile.

She tried to focus again but all she could think about was running her fingers through his hair and how he was just a few feet away and she wondered if the breeze was tickling the back of his neck, or maybe the hair on his arms.

She cracked an eye open because she was helpless to it, but she was surprised to find he was already staring at her, his eyes round, eyebrows hiked. She opened her other eye and she just blinked at him.

"What?" she said, looking down at herself. "Am I doing it wrong?"

She could feel strands of her hair gently brushing the side of her face and sliding over her neck.

"No." He swallowed tightly, his eyes moving from her neck to her cheek and then searching her eyes.

"You all right?" She reached over and touched his hand which was gripping his knee tight. "You look a little tense, Doc, I thought this was supposed to relieve stress…?" she joked.

"I don't usually do it with beautiful women." He paused. "That… came out wrong."

She frowned. "The beautiful woman part or the doing it part…?"

He cleared his throat. "Uh, the second part."

Her lips tipped wryly. "No wonder you're tense."

His mouth twitched.

"So who's up for some downward dog?" she suggested grinning.

He let out a choked noise.

"No? Too soon?" She winked. "Too forward?"

He raised an eyebrow, letting his smile work its way forward. "Not if you were planning on following through."

Darcy felt a warm thrum run through her. "Innuendo knows no rules!"

He chuckled lowly. "Well, for the time-being, I think downward dog will have to stay off the menu."

"So there's a possibility of it in the future…?" Her eyes narrowed at him, lips curved in a smirk.

He dropped his eyes and cleared his throat. "Darcy…"

She rolled her eyes, knowing that tone of voice all too well. "Please don't give me a speech or lecture or a mixture of the two…"

He stared at her gently. "I'm not the kind of person you want to tie yourself to…"

"Well, you're not proving it very well." She sat forward, propping her chin in her hand. "Look, I offered friendship and you took it." She pointed at him. "No take-backs!" She shrugged. "So we'll wade through the friendly part for awhile, with me growing more and more likeable by the day, before I eventually convince you that dating me wouldn't be the worst mistake of your life."

He bit his lip. "It's not that you would be a mistake… It's that I would." He raised his eyes to stare at her, something dark and tortured there. "When I said I wasn't a good person, I meant it."

"You said you sometimes weren't… Which, y'know, might've been a slip, but I get the feeling that there's something else there. And anyway, like I told you, somebody who helps people like you do, or who warns people off so you don't hurt them with all your on-the-run angst, I don't know, it doesn't really jive with the bad person thing you're trying to sell!"

"It's hard to explain," he said, scrubbing a hand down his face in frustration. "And you didn't want me to, if I remember correctly."

"I think you think telling me means I'll turn tail and run, so I'm just avoiding it entirely and enjoying what we've got going now," she admitted with a shrug.

"Darcy, I'm wanted by the American government," he reminded, his voice raising. "This isn't something small; it won't go away because you have a crush on me!"

She glared. "Don't label my feelings, all right? Last I checked, you were a scientist, not a psychologist, even if you are changing capes wherever you like, playing doctor to make up for whatever you did."

He ground his teeth, turning his eyes to the side. "This was a mistake," he muttered. "This situation is volatile."

"Why?" She shook her head. "Arguing happens, even between friends. It's natural."

"And some people don't handle conflict well…" He laughed under his breath, cynical. "I'm one of those people."

She stared at him. "Bruce, how do you feel when you're with me?"

He paused, turning his eyes to stare at her from the corner.

"When I first saw you, after you saved Sunil…" She shook her head. "Something changed. Something, I dunno, in the air or—or in me, but something changed. I don't…" She snorted. "I'm reckless, but I don't usually chase strange doctors through the slums of Calcutta."

"He was your student, you were worried about him," he tried to dismiss. "From where you were standing, it probably seemed like I was doing something selfless…"

"Weren't you?" She raised an eyebrow. "I get that you're on the run and I called it when I said you were doing this to make up for something you did, but… Just, for a second, erase all of it… Rewind it, go back to the start, to before whatever you did even happened…" She paused, as if letting him do that. "If you knew Sunil was sick, would you help him?"

"I wouldn't have been in Calcutta if I hadn't—"

"Don't play the semantics game with me, Doc," she interrupted, rolling her eyes. "Just answer the question… You hear about Sunil, you know he's sick, you can help, what do you do?"

His brow furrowed as he stared at the ground. "I was a workaholic; you couldn't get me to pull my attention away from what I was doing… I… Maybe I would've sent someone else in, I don't know…"

"You're the only person. Nobody else. You have the resources. What. Do. You. Do?"

He looked up at her. "I save him."

"Right." She nodded. "Look, I'm not saying whatever you did wasn't wrong… It had to be wrong or you wouldn't be beating yourself up over it… But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means you made some mistakes and something inside you wants to fix those mistakes… So you help people and hide out in this tiny little shack and you tell yourself that you deserve it…" She shrugged. "And then somebody offers friendship and yeah, maybe something more, eventually… But you're still knee deep in regret and the past that you're pushing away something that could be really awesome." She stared searchingly at him. "I can't fix you. I know that!" She shook her head. "But I'm a little broken too and I like how I feel when I'm around you and I just…" She threw a hand up. "I want to enjoy that. I want to have that."

He swallowed tightly. "The big picture is so much more complicated than that and I have to think about it…" He shook his head slowly. "Every day, I have to be prepared for that and if I bring you in…"

She half-smiled. "Friendship, Bruce… Downward dog is off the table for now, okay? So it's just you and me and a little shack that may or may not survive the night…"

He cracked a smile. "It's sturdier than it looks."

She snorted. "It'd have to be."

He sighed. "I really like you Darcy."

She shrugged, offering a somewhat sad smile "What's not to like?"

He just stared at her, looking like something he wanted had been taken away before he'd ever had it. She knew that feeling.

"So? Breathing, right?" She plopped back, bringing her hand in and turning them over, pressing her forefinger and thumb together. "Can I hum…?" Not bothering to wait for a reply, she did it anyway. "Ommm…"

He snickered.

Feelings put aside, they focused on breathing techniques, with him teaching her a few that would help with panic attacks.

It was an hour later, the sun set, that he walked her back to her apartment.

She didn't bother asking or even thinking about it much, she just reached over and took his hand as they passed the school, swinging it between them. "Same time tomorrow?" She bumped his shoulder with hers. "Or, y'know, maybe earlier since you were an hour late?"

He nodded. "I'll try my best to be on time."

"Cool."

They walked in silence for a few minutes and she wondered if he knew he was tracing one of her fingers with his thumb, circling the knuckle.

She turned to look at him before blurting, "When I was fifteen, I had a crush on my biology teacher."

He raised an eyebrow over at her, slightly surprise, either by the sudden conversation or the subject, she wasn't sure.

"He was kind of young, super new, really handsome, wore a pocket protector and the same tie every day…" She shrugged. "And every day I'd go to Biology, excited for him to look at me… I'd get butterflies and sweaty palms and I'd fail tests just so I could ask him for help…" She rolled her eyes. "Total lame stuff." She sighed. "Like writing our names together in my binder and telling myself it'd be like Never Been Kissed, only I wasn't really an adult or undercover and I hid my dorky side way better…"

"What happened?"

"I was a teenager, I moved on. Found somebody else to crush on." She shrugged. "And he was just another name that went on my happy week-long marriage list of boys I liked and then didn't."

"Week-long marriage," he repeated.

"Yeah, you ever like someone so much, like it's so intense, that you just kind of get lost in this weird fantasy world in your head and you guys are married and grow old together and everything's just roses and rainbows?"

He nodded slowly. "Sure."

"Lasts about a week and then you realize it's built on a fantasy." She shrugged. "There's the butterfly foundation, all superficial stuff; he's pretty, you're a bag of hormones. Then there's the do-anything-to-get-his-attention phase. You spend it doing lame stuff like dropping things or hinting or wearing those clothes that are gonna get anybody's attention, not always the good kind either. And then there's a week where you're totally convinced that you're soul mates. But later, when you look back, and totally cringe at how lame you were, you kind of pick it apart and go, 'Wow, only ever talked to him about biology… or gave him that piece of gum or bonded over how homework sucks.' It's not deep, is what I'm saying." She rolled her eyes. "It's surface stuff. Hormonal. Call it pheromones or being horny or whatever, but… Those things, those feelings, they're gone in a flash and somebody else just moves in and takes up residence as your current crush for a little while, repetitive cycle style."

He hummed, watching her.

"My last crush was on the sixty year old dude who traveled world-wide volunteering…" She see-sawed her hand back and forth. "Not so much physical as just kind of 'want to be you' feelings… Like this dude knew what he wanted to do and he just did it… He traveled the world and he saved people and he didn't care what he got in return. And here I am, just this college drop-out that couldn't find herself, so I got sucked in by a volunteer troupe and took off across the world. Now, did it work out? Totally!" Her eyes widened for emphasis. "But I'm hiding out here and I know it… Eventually, I gotta go back to the States…"

"When's eventually?" he wondered.

She shrugged. "I dunno, like, a month and a half from now."

She felt the subtle change in his grip, his hand faintly squeezing around hers.

"That's four weeks longer than the marriage period for a crush," he murmured.

She looked up at him, grinning. "That stage totally passed with you already…"

He tipped his head.

"You were the handsome, mysterious, life-saving stranger…" she said dramatically, fluttering a hand to her chest.

He smiled, letting out a light-hearted laugh. His eyebrow quirked. "And now?"

"Now you're Bruce…" She stared up at him. "A fluffy scientist with the weight of the world on his shoulders and an unhealthy fear of beautiful women."

He cracked a smile.

She came to a stop, her building behind her, and she turned to face him, gripping the sides of his dark green coat in her hands. "Every time I got scared, when I was at school and I didn't know what I wanted out of life, I just ran… I ran from education to philosophy to poli sci and then I ran here… But when I got here, I was happy!" She smiled brightly. "I finally found my place…" Her face fell. "Then those guys, they came out of nowhere and they screwed it up, and my first instinct was to run away, to go home… First to Rani and Basu's and then later, I just wanted to hop a plane and go back to the States…"

"But you didn't…"

"Maybe I'm growing up… Or maybe my fear wasn't as strong as how much I love it here, love who I am when I'm here…" She shook her head. "But running's off the plate…" She shook her head decisively. "Which is why you're teaching me self-defense and why I'm sticking around here as long as I can and why I'm not going to leave you alone when you keep trying to push me away…" She stared up at him. "I will take a leaf out of your book and start stalking you, all right?"

He smiled slowly but it faded fast. "I just want you to be safe… From me."

"Yeah, well, maybe it's time I save myself…" She tugged on his jacket. "You've saved me enough; I think I can take it from here."

He shook his head, resigned. "I'm not good. I—"

She cut him off with her lips.

Maybe it was foolhardy, reckless, completely irrationally stupid, but she leaned up onto the tips of her toes and she pulled down on his jacket to bring him forward, covering his lips with her own, the stubble of his chin scraping hers. His mouth was warm, lips parted, and she snuck her tongue in past his defenses and flicked the back of his teeth, the roof of his mouth, dragged it against his tongue, slow and deliberate.

He groaned, and then his hands were on her waist, fingers flexing, squeezing, and his mouth was pressing back against hers, his tongue joining in. There was something possessive, even harsh, about the way he kissed her. Like he hadn't done it in so long that he needed to absorb every second so he could remember it for however long he would go deprived of it next time.

Darcy buried her fingers in his hair, smiling against his mouth; his hair was dusty, a little too long, but soft, and it tickled her palms.

She turned her head and met his scraping mouth, their teeth gnashing, and she felt his hands slide up her back, gripping at her shirt, needy. She felt like everything he did, from chasing her lips as they slanted to stroking his hands up and down her back, her shirt riding up enough that he could lay his palm flat against the small of her back, his thumb rubbing back and forth, it was all done by a man who never expected to do it again, never expected to feel those same things again. And she didn't know why, she didn't understand yet why it was he kept himself at such a distance. But she didn't like it. She wanted to show him that he could do it again; that he could kiss her and touch her and it wouldn't backfire.

But since she'd just assaulted him with her mouth, she didn't imagine he was going to believe her. Her making the grand gesture just showed she wanted him, which he already knew. It was his issues that were keeping them from taking things anywhere. He had to be the one to take the leap.

She nipped at his bottom lip before she let go, pulling back slowly, her tongue reaching out to soothe her bite.

When she stepped back, his hands were raised in the air, as if still holding her or maybe reaching for her, wanting to draw her back in. His chest was heaving, and his eyes were closed.

She wiped at the corner of his mouth with her thumb, swallowing tightly when he leaned into her touch. "No running," she said softly. "See ya tomorrow?"

He opened his eyes, stared at her rather dazed, his brows furrowed, and nodded.

She grinned, turning on her heel, and starting toward her building.

"Darcy?"

His voice was thick, raspy.

She looked at him over her shoulder.

"I won't be late," he promised.

Her smile softened.

She thought that was as close as she was going to get to a commitment that he wouldn't push her away over the kiss as she was going to get.

"It's a date," she replied, winking before she stepped inside.

She sighed to herself as the door closed behind her and climbed the stairs, her fingers pressed to her still buzzing lips.

She hardly noticed the pukey walls this time.

When she walked into the apartment, Rani looked up. "Darcy, girl, I put the dinner away for you."

"Oh, thanks," she murmured, still lost in the memory of his fingers moving over her back, his hips pressed hard against hers, the solid frame of his body molded to hers. "I'll, uh, grab it in a minute…" She slipped off her shoes and started toward her bedroom.

"You were out with the doctor?" Basu asked, from where he was going over some figures at the table. He rubbed a hand under his glasses at his tired, weary eyes.

"Yeah." She nodded. "He, uh…" She couldn't help her smile. "He's helping me learn some basic self-defense."

Basu stared at her a long second and she swore he could read what happened on her face, which only made her skin flush. "He is a good man," was all he said before turning back to his books.

Darcy squeezed his shoulder as she walked past him, silently agreeing.

The problem was, Bruce didn't see it their way.

She didn't know how, and she was pretty sure even her amazing kissing skills couldn't accomplish it, but she was going to show him that he was a better person than he thought he was. It was the least she could do. And, well, kissing him along the way to reinforce it couldn't hurt, right?

[Next: Part IV.]