Rule # 1: Never tell Starscream you like his high-heels. Ever.

(I did that once… and he took me for a joyride.)

(Worst. Flight. Ever.)

(And my stupid excuse for a guardian – who just so happens to be Knock Out, mind you – let him take me.)

(I came back with more bruises and scratches than the time I tried to take Knock Out's buffer.)

(Let's just say I'll be avoiding the fliers for a while.)

Rule # 2: If you run into Soundwave, don't tell him he'd make an excellent ninja.

(His deployers took it as an insult.)

(Ravage chased me into Breakdown and Knock Out's quarters.)

(Where Lazerbeak was waiting with a bucket of black paint mixed with glue.)

(And Rumble and Frenzy with one of my feather pillows that had been ripped in half.)

(Where they ever heard of the concept of 'tarring and feathering', I will never know.)

Rule # 3: Hardshell is not a bumblebee. Neither are any of the Insecticons.

(I pity the poor Vehicon who stepped in front of me at that exact moment.)

(Found out later that he only did it so as to make sure Knock Out didn't throw a hissy fit…)

(Apparently he's fond of his 'pet'.)

(I still had to hide in Knock Out and Breakdown's quarters until the next day to make sure no Insecticons were plotting my death.)

Rule # 4: Megatron is not a bucket-head.

(I didn't actually say that to our gracious Lord and Master - if I had, I wouldn't be here - but Dreadwing overheard it.)

(Never try running from a giant alien robot that can transform into a jet.)

(Not that I ran…)

(Much.)

Rule # 5: The song 'The Itsy Bitsy Spider' is now banned.

(Airachnid was not amused.)

(I ended up webbed to the ceiling and she wouldn't let anyone get me down.)

(I eventually did…)

(Thank Primus for Doctors with energon prods!)

Rule # 6: It's not Steve!

(Oh, the looks I got from the Vehicons!)

(I felt so bad… I mean, the poor mechs get thrown into battle and most of them don't even make it back alive…)

(Turns out they have individual names.)

(By the way, if you ever need help escaping from an angry Insecticon, ask for Shrike.)

Rule # 7: If you need to go shopping for clothes, do not take Knock Out.

(It's not that he has no sense of style… It's that he does.)

(He made me put on a number of dresses and skirts and silk tops.)

(I gave in to the tops.)

(Knock Out took that to mean that he could buy me the most extravagant outfits he could find…)

(And who knew Knock Out was good at applying makeup?)

(It's bad enough that my uncle used to put my makeup on for me, but having a sentient, giant being from a distant planet able to do it better than I can is just plain humiliating…)

Rule # 8: Do not pester Breakdown when he's trying to recharge.

(He will try to squish you. And he will feel no remorse for any injuries you sustain in dodging his servo, his hammer, and/or anything he throws at you.)

(Neither will Knock Out.)

(So… yeah, bad idea.)

Rule # 9: Dreadwing is not Megatron's pet turbofox, no matter how much he follows our Lord around.

(Yet another reason for me to avoid the fliers for a while…)

(I had to find a new hiding spot; apparently the First Lieutenant knew I always hid in Knock Out and Breakdown's quarters.)

(So off to find the squealer I went.)

Rule # 10: Be nice to the miners.

(They have very dangerous equipment.)

(It can kill you if you're not careful…)

(…Or if you tick off a miner. They don't really take well to being bothered when they're trying to work.)

(Now Knock Out has banned me from ever going into the energon mines again – even when I have a perfectly good reason to. He's an irritating, overprotective guardian, but I still love him.)

AN: Review to tell me what you think!

Next Chapter: Dealing with Airachnid. Feel free to send in any suggestions or requests on rules.

EDIT: Oh my Primus, I just realized there are eleven rules in this chapter! The original Rule # 10, which is about not kicking the console when you're mad, has been removed so I can put it into my next General Rules chapter - the thrid one, which hasn't been posted yet. I will edit this section when I have it where I want it to be, in chapter fourteen or fifteen, most likely.