A/N: Standard disclaimer, no rights of ownership, etc. etc. If you like this story, make sure to check out its sequels. There are a whole crazy mess of them now. Also view the accompanying fanart at my website, www.vejiitasei.com.

You can view this story in its un-chaptered form at my website, also. I went back and broke it up into chapters because I was getting complaints that it was too long. Sorry if the chapter divisions seem awkward in places, or if some chapters seem too short or too long. That's what happens when you write a story without chapter divisions, and then later chop it up.

Reviews are welcome!!

Circumnavigation
by the Prime Minister

She remembered the first time she ever saw him. It was so long ago that she could hardly recall having a different opinion of him than she had at present, but there it was. When she had first laid eyes on him she immediately thought him suspicious, with those strange eyes and wiry hair, not to mention the covering over his face. He had seemed shifty and selfish, and his motives were unclear to her. His stony skin and ruthlessness had scared her somewhat for quite a while, but she could not help but admire his swordsmanship and skill with sorcery. In time, she came to know the softer sides of him and began to understand some of his pain. Of course, she realized that most of his loneliness was self-inflicted. He seemed to take his appearance on much harsher terms than most people and that pained her. She couldn't remember exactly when it happened, but over time she became aware that she actually liked the way he looked. His hair was such a lovely color and even his stone features blushed. His smile was like no other she had ever seen, and soon the mere sight of him was enough to make her heart leap in her chest. She realized she cared about him far more deeply than she had meant to, and she wished desperately to make things better for him, to help him.

It had been somewhat difficult at first, since he had obviously been a little taken with Lina, but then again, who wasn't taken with Lina? Amelia liked the sorceress quite a bit herself. She knew that somewhere, deep down, Lina cared for her in return. At any rate, it just seemed sort of natural at the time that Zel would like Lina. Lina and Zel had power and agility in common, as well as a savvy sense of how the world worked. It was Lina that held the power, Lina in whom everyone believed. However, over time, Zelgadis seemed to realize, as Amelia did, that no small portion of Lina's heart belonged to Gourry. She didn't figure that Zelgadis had been too terribly devastated. He seemed too distant from everything to be deeply bothered that Lina didn't return his feelings. There was also the possibility that Zel's feelings hadn't been too intense to begin with.

She wondered for the millionth time what Zel thought of her. He blushed when she touched him accidentally, and he had been very upset whenever she was badly wounded. That had to mean that they were more than just friends, didn't it? She could take their parting as a promise of something more, couldn't she? The way his hand had touched hers as he turned away from her, his cold fingers gently trailing across the surface of her skin, still sent shivers up her spine when she thought about it. It was sort of inevitable, she figured, that she would care about him the way she did. After all, they had been together through so much, helped each other countless times. Of course, when they had met she had been so young, but years had passed, and although she knew he tired of her unfailing optimism and obsession with justice, she hoped he had come to see the woman she had become.

A quick calculation revealed that she had, in fact, known him for several years. How many had it been? Almost five, by her reckoning. The business with Darkstar had been nearly a year ago, and now he was almost nineteen. She also hadn't seen Zel for almost a year.
Her mind's eye focused on the image of Zelgadis, his broad shoulders and narrow hips retreating as he walked out of the castle gates and into the wider world, away from her. He had stayed for a short while after accompanying her home, speaking to her seldom and looking at her even less often than that. Yet he had seen her home to her worried father and remained for a month or two, poring through the libraries and even accepting her help when she offered it. They often sat in the sun room off of her suite and chatted over tea, talking about life in general and what each of them wanted out of existence. She had been thrilled to discover that their interests coincided more often than not, although she wasn't certain he had realized it. Then one day he had decided he was not going to find the answer to his cure in the vast libraries of Seyruun. A sharp noise in the rooms down the hall from hers had brought her running, the sound of her feet pounding on the stone seeming ominous even to her own ears. She had thrown open the doors to see him bludgeoning his table into oblivion, screaming in mindless rage at the objects he was destroying.

she cried, and he turned bloodthirsty eyes upon her, chilling her to her very marrow. He was, at the moment, nothing but violence and ire given physical form. She thought that she had never fully realized the extent of his desperation until that moment when he stood in his room, staring at her like a caged animal. Fear caused her to recoil from him, and in that instant something in his face seemed to shatter. He had dropped the tattered remnants of the book he was holding and taken a step toward her. She flinched involuntarily and his face broke even further.

he rasped, holding his hands out halfway between them. I-I would never hurt you.

I know, she said, and realized that silent tears were rolling down her pink cheeks.

he repeated, dropping his hands before he came near her. I just can't live like this. I have to return to normal.

But it doesn't matter what you look like! she protested, her hands balling into fists at her sides. It can't change the way I feel about you?

His eyes glittered for a moment and his lips moved as if he would ask her something, but instead he lowered his head and sighed. It's not just about my freakish looks, he muttered.

You aren't freakish! she cried. You're beautiful!

His head shot up and he stared at her wide-eyed.

She swallowed her nerves and took a step closer, raising her hand and placing her fingertips on his cheek ever so lightly. No one else looks like you do. You're handsome, with the way your eyes flash and the color of your skin.

But you don't know what it's like to feel someone touch your body and know that you aren't warm, that your harsh skin can't properly return their touch.

Tears gathered in her eyes again and she resisted the urge to throw her arms around him and beg him not to leave her. You're right, I don't. But I understand more than you think, Zelgadis.

Is that so?

She scowled. Why did he always have to be difficult? Yes! Besides, you're stronger this way. Conventional weapons can't hurt you. I don't have to worry about you.

You shouldn't worry about me anyway, he grunted, turning his face away from her as she retracted her hand. She sighed and looked at the floor.

But why do you have to leave?

When she looked up again he was looking her straight at her. Because I don't ever want to see that look of fear on your face directed at me ever again, he said solemnly. Before she could reply he had moved closer to her, reaching up and touching her hair lightly. It was the most intimate moment they had ever shared. I leave tomorrow, he murmured.

For how long?

For however long it takes me to find a cure.

They had parted then, she retreating to her room and sobbing her eyes out. She must have fallen asleep at some point in time, for when she came to it was morning. Fear had gripped her chest as she realized he might have departed and she sprang from her bed. She dashed down the hall and saw that his room was perfectly in order, with none of his belongings anywhere to be seen. He had left already, then? Turning, she sprinted down the twisting hallways of the palace, making her way to the entrance. She rounded a corner and caught a glimpse of him walking toward the gate, a small pack slung over his shoulder and his hood up. Gathering her energy, she bounded down the walk to him, reaching out and grabbing his hand. He whirled in surprise, his startled eyes piercing her as she looked up at him. You can't leave without saying goodbye, she growled, hurt.

You can't blame me for trying, he replied roughly.

I can too, she countered. Promise me you'll come back.

If I find a cure I'll be sure to visit.

That's not good enough. Promise me, Zelgadis!

She pressed her lips into an angry line and scowled. Reaching down, she took one of her bracelets off and pressed it into his hand. You can borrow this, she had said, staring at his bluish fingers curled around the pink fabric. But I want it back. When you've found what you're looking for be sure to return it to me.

I'll never forgive you if you don't, she interrupted.

He had smiled then, his sharp features turning gentle as he looked down at her. Very well, he muttered. I shall bring this back to you when I'm finished with my journey.

She replied with a grin of her own, squeezing his hand gently before releasing him. Be safe, Mister Zelgadis, she whispered, fighting back tears.

I'll do my best, he murmured back, and withdrew his hand.

She had watched him walk away from her, and even at present she wished him back with her just as fiercely as she had the day he had left. Oh, where on earth could he be? Wasn't a year enough time for him to find what he was looking for and return to her? Wouldn't he ever come back?

She shook her head at her memories and sighed, retreating back into her chambers as the light of the setting sun filtered in through the curtains.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Xellos watched Amelia return inside as the sun began to drop below the horizon. He had heard her whisper Zelgadis' name to the wind and had a fairly clear idea what she was thinking about. A smile spread across his face and he chuckled to himself. Perhaps this mission would be easier than he anticipated.