A/N: Guys. Guys. GUYS. Lucas Till played Guy Next Door in Taylor Swift's video for You Belong With Me. I just found this out (shut up. I know I'm late.) And ohmygod, I was trying to get my sleep cycle back together for my return to school (which I am not pleased about, btw) and I couldn't sleep and then this just occurred to me and I crackficced. Not even sorry.

(Also, I know I know, Taylor Swift and this song in particular enforce the Madonna/Whore complex and that's bad and the whole she is always the victim issue…but guys Havok dated Taylor Swift. I probably shouldn't find it this so entertaining.)

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men and I don't own Taylor Swift. Or whoever produces her music.

Contrary to popular stereotype, Hank and Alex have not known each other since they met when the nurses put their bassinets next to each other in the hospital and didn't grow up playing in each other's backyards and didn't hit puberty together, and didn't thus discover that they had more than brotherly feelings.

They actually met when Hank moved to the neighborhood in freshman year, and they instantly disliked each other with great intensity.

This was solved in part two months into their relationship, when Hank's Dad sat him down and gently explain that even though moving was tough, that didn't give Hank an excuse to constantly bait the guy next door, and that if Hank stopped making snide comments Alex would stop insulting him and peace would be preserved in the neighborhood. It was solved in the other part by Alex's Father informing Alex that the kid next door wasn't actually the spawn of Satan and if Alex didn't stop it with the immature behavior this would escalate into a family feud and they would probably find their grandchildren dead in a tomb together.

So Hank offered to tutor Alex and Alex offered Hank a piece of cake and they became friends.

And then, two weeks after that, Hank spoiled everything by falling madly in love with Alex.

Well, no. It took Hank two weeks to fall madly in lust with Alex because Alex has this annoying tendency to wear sweatshirts without sleeves (even in October when everyone else is wearing proper jackets). And their rooms had windows facing each other, so Hank accidentally got to see Alex totally shirtless and he has abs.

However, as the months went by and Alex proved to be encouraging and willing to accompany Hank to chess club and really nice when wasn't being an asshole, Hank found himself falling in actual love.

Which sucked. Because Alex has a girlfriend, named Lorna, who is a cheerleader, and who is not only really, really, hot (or so Hank assumes. He's gay. But his Aunt, the bisexual, claims that Lorna is hot, and Hank takes her word for it.), but is really popular, whereas Hank is socially awkward and wears really big glasses.

But, to move to present day, where Hank is in his room studying because doing incredibly well on tests is basically Hank's calling, Alex is pacing in the other room, waving his hands and ranting into his phone.

Well, well, well. It looks like Alex is having another argument with his girlfriend. Excellent.

Then Hank remembers that his Dad has given him five million lectures on tolerance and not taking pleasure in the pain of others, and if he hears Hank cackling in here he'll drag Hank into the kitchen and make him study there, so he puts aside his advanced chemistry books and drags out a sketchpad.

There he writes, in large block letters: You okay?

(This whole system sketchpad was, for the record, Alex's idea. Alex's Dad got sick of Alex running up his phone bill by texting Hank, and told him he'd take his cellphone away if he didn't quit it, so Alex had the bright idea of buying them both huge sketchpads where they could write out their texts instead of using phones. Hank thinks they could have rigged up a bunch of systems that would be easier, but Alex pointed out that his Dad is an engineer and would disable them all and claims that this is cooler anyway.)

Alex glances across to see Hank waving the paper. He grabs his own and scribbles back: Tired of drama.

Hank responds with "Sorry!" plus an emoticon, just because Alex thinks emoticons are funny. He also has to school his face into a frown instead of laughing wildly at the idea of Alex breaking up with Lorna.

Alex shrugs, and it's adorable. Hank, overcome by the sheer fact that Alex's face is appealing and Alex is awesome, decides to make a sweeping emotional declaration, without actually saying the words because Hank stutters when he tries to make sweeping emotional declarations, and confess his feelings to Alex.

It is perhaps a sign that Hank isn't as smart as he thinks he is.

No sooner has I love you been written out than Hank looks up and sees that Alex is gone, and the curtains are drawn. He sighs and lets his courage seep away.

But he does save the paper, so that maybe he can make the declaration some other time, when Alex isn't probably drawing his curtains shut so he can think about angry sex with his girlfriend.

Hank, in his daily life, is in a continual fight against three things: people who aren't as smart as he is and think that being dumb makes them cool, not popping a boner while watching Alex being skins at shirts v. skins football practices, and his own total uncoordination.

The first two are lost battles (though Hank is certain he will be the one who wins the war), but his failing limbs are still somewhat under his control, and one needs a certain dignity to be able to pull off things like Nobel prizes and Copley medals and such. Hank is more than certain that his brains will get him to the nominations, but if someone on the award committee happens to notice him tripping over his own feet or failing to catch stuff, it will no doubt undermine his genius. And all the prestigious awards will go to other scientists. And Hank simply cannot accept that.

Therefore, Hank does his best to preserve dignity in public, by not doing any sports, not running anywhere, and, most importantly, not dancing.

But sometimes, circumstances dictate that Hank must dance. Circumstances like him getting the last key to the gate in Doomed, snatching it from under the nose of Sean (his questing buddy and rival in multiplayer), and winning the game.

After that smashing victory, Hank just has to dance. And if his version of dancing is walking like a chicken and air guitaring while jumping on his bed, well that's just evidence of why he doesn't dance in public.

It does not cross his mind that Alex is watching (like a stalker) from the crack in his curtains and silently cracking up.

The simple fact of it is that Hank and Alex get on really well. Case in point: Hank's Dad has kicked him out of the house with a claim that he needs to get some fresh air (Hank tried to understand that he opened a window and that that makes the air perfectly fresh, but his Dad refuses to listen to reason), and now Hank is wandering the neighborhood seeking a place to rest. Mainly, he wants a place to rest so he can get back to studying - he snuck a book out with him, which probably isn't what hid Dad wanted, but whatever.

Alex, who in a moment of total destiny, has also been kicked out of his house (Alex's Father apparently told Alex he was getting moldy in front of his game console), calls him a rebel. Hank's response is to kick him, and is quite ready to swear that Alex's grin in that moment is enough to literally power the entire town.

That's an idea. Hank could probably get his first Nobel if he figured out a way to bottle the sunlight radiating from the smiles of cute teenage boys. He decides not to share this particular thought with Alex, because while Alex knows Hank is gay (and funny story there - Alex was on his bed having himself a long rant about the incompetence of the guy whose job is to keep him from being tackling during football games, when Hank, who was sitting at the computer typing up an essay while listening to Alex, cause he's a genius and he can multitask like that, commented that the guy wasn't even cute, and Alex sort of blinked and asked if Hank was just speaking objectively or what, and Hank blurted out that he was gay and Alex told him that his Dad was gay and that if Hank started to date his Dad he would kill them both and Hank cracked up and told him that his Dad wasn't even Hank's type and then they had a long talk wherein Hank managed through great skill not to mention that his type was blonde pretty boy quarterbacks), he is not aware that Hank has a crush on him that actually rivals the crush Hank had on Orlando Bloom (because hot damn, Legolas) when he was thirteen.

Alex then goes into a long ramble about how he had a weird nightmare about not being able to catch a football at their big game next week and how that dream actually segued into a dream about emo cowboys. Hank helpfully informs him that while he has not himself ever seen Brokeback mountain (Hank prefers bbc documentaries) that was probably what Alex was channeling. Alex rolls his eyes and calls Hank a lame ass excuse for a psychologist, Hank points out that his Dad is like, the king of psychologists and offers to get the personality disorders he is 100% sure Alex possesses classified, and Alex threatens to key Hank's car.

It's a good talk. So good that Hank mostly doesn't stare at Alex's butt whenever he moves (those jeans shouldn't still be appealing, since they're worn out and Alex has been literally wearing them forever, but they are and it's one of those things that defies logic.)

And of course, Lorna spoils it by driving up in her stupidly shiny red convertible, and whose parents buy them a freaking convertible? Hank's Dad makes boatloads of money geniusing all over his patients, and he would never ask for a car that fancy, and Alex's Father is a super duper engineer who builds massive bridges and he'd laugh in Alex's face if Alex ever asked for a car that expensive, but somehow stupid Lorna can afford one.

…It's possible that Hank finds himself entirely irrational reasons to dislike this girl.

Because she is in fact Alex's girlfriend and that means Alex has obligations, Alex waves Hank goodbye and goes off with her. And Hank could swear that Lorna gives him a smirk when she draws Alex in for a long, overly drawn out kiss. For the record, Hank has actually had boyfriends (in futile attempts to not be in love with Alex) and none of them ever felt the need to make out with him a car in broad daylight while his friends watched awkwardly from a bench.

Then they drive away to have heterosexual adventures, and Hank drowns his sorrow in isotopes and ice cream.

Hank doesn't even want to go to these stupid football games. He doesn't like football. He understands how it works, mostly - people run up and down the field and do touchdowns and wear funny looking uniforms - and he's hung out with Alex during professional games often enough that he understands the rest of the logistics, but he doesn't like it at all. In fact, going to the game is an exercise in misery, since it's cold and Hank is wearing a Star Trek t shirt. (In a fit of teenage contrariness, he refused to wear the scarf and gloves his Dad tried to press on him. He regrets that now.)

What he most doesn't understand is cheerleaders. Lorna is there, wearing what is honestly one of the shortest skirts Hank has ever seen, and she isn't even shivering. Maybe it's because she's at the forefront of the cheerleaders and is actually jumping up and down instead of huddling on the bleachers behind the band (Mainly because Sean is in the band. He plays a mean saxophone when he isn't battling goblins, and he provides emotional support to Hank while being smug about the cozy band uniforms), but she seems perfectly comfortable with the temperature.

Once the people around him start cheering, Hank stops contemplating the woes of his life and actually focuses back on the game. Alex is bolting down the field (he can actually recognize Alex by his ass in the football uniform, and Hank isn't sure whether to feel pathetic or proud) and dodging the other's teams players and whoa, Alex just caught the ball and made a touchdown.

Judging by the way everyone else on the bleachers is flipping out and people are mobbing Alex, that was important. According to Sean, once he stops screaming at the top of his lungs and assaulting other band geeks who are also screaming, at a lower volume, Alex just caught the winning pass and their school just some sort of championship and if Hank will excuse him, he's going to go ask out Angel Salvadore while she's high from post-game euphoria and probably won't turn him down out of hand.

Hank, willing to be overjoyed for Alex's sake (the fact that this means the chess club's upcoming dominance at States will be totally overlooked shows Hank's selflessness), joins the others on the bleachers in screaming and jumping up and down.

He isn't even looking at Lorna until he sees that she's making out with someone who isn't Alex.

That skank.

Hank is just about ready to stomp down there and give her a piece of his mind when Alex (somehow he got down from the shoulders of his teammates) stalks over and demands an explanation. Thanks to the general screamings of the crowd Hank has no idea what actually gets said, but it ends with Alex throwing his arms in the air and Lorna going off with the football player whose name Hank doesn't know.

Hank isn't even happy because he feels so bad for Alex. Life isn't fair.

Despite cheating and winning passes and Hank creaming everyone else at his chess tournament (his Dad taught him well. Even though his Dad still destroys Hank whenever they play, he's at least willing to explain to Hank what he did wrong), life goes on.

On meaning on to the time of the dance. Hank, who generally doesn't take particular notice of dances - he knows that if he had a date, they'd be welcome and all, but he usually doesn't have a date and tonight is no exception - is in his room studying when he notices that Alex is tuxedoed up (looking more good looking in that vest than should be humanly possible. And also he apparently took Hank's advice to heart and wore a bow tie, thanks to Hank's continual insistence that bow ties are cool) and looking at him.

Hank cocks his head in a questioning manner, and Alex reaches for the sketchpad.

You going tonight? Alex asks.

No, studying. Hank replies, shrugging. Sean offered to get together a group of band friends and have Hank come along as part of the group, but Sean is also going with Angel and the last thing Hank wants is to intrude on Sean's burgeoning relationship.

Wish you were! Alex looks sort of sad, but slings his jacket over his shoulder and leaves his house to attend, as is his duty as current school star.

Hank resigns himself to a night spent studying.

Or…

He glances over at the piece of paper he's been saving.

Or…

He remembers that as of last driving test, he does own a pair of contacts.

Or…

And Hank even owns that nice tux his Aunt bought him (because he is not going to wear a cardigan under his robes when he gives his Valedictorian speech. Hank rather thinks his Aunt views him as a way to correct all the things she's thus failed to correct in his Dad).

An idea forms.

Hank, whatever he may have to say about cheerleaders, has to be impressed at the way they've managed to transform the gym from crappy place that smells like b.o. to magical wonderland of silverly light.

It's probable that they've performed this miracle before but Hank just hasn't been there to see it. He does get a glimpse of Sean doing a double take from where he's slow dancing with Angel, and Angel poking him and making a hand gesture that looks like a demand for cash.

The number of mutters Hank hears along the lines of "Who is that?" "That's Hank McCoy without glasses moron, get your vision checked he doesn't actually look that different" is a bit disconcerting.

But he does eventually find Alex talking to Lorna and looking grumpy. It's actually really entertaining how his expression goes from wishing he wasn't there to holy shit. Hank takes that as an encouraging sign and takes his stupid sheet of paper out from his jacket. He unfolds it.

(Somewhere, he hears a person mutter "I fucking knew it" and suspects that it's Mr. Darwin, their aptly named biology teacher.)

Alex responds by taking out a paper he has in his jacket that also says I Love You and Hank feels slightly silly for not figuring this out before, because in retrospect, Alex would not attend meetings of the chess club without severe emotional investment in the captain.

They smile at each other like love struck idiots for a second. And then Alex pulls Hank into a dance and Hank gets to bend his head down and kiss him like he's wanted to do for literally two and a half years and life no longer sucks.

"Dude, what happened to your glasses?" Alex asks, once they're situated on the dance floor where Alex is helping Hank just sort of sway in place so he doesn't elbow the people around them.

"I ditched them for contacts. You know, go for the big effect."

"I liked your glasses." Alex looks pouty. "They make you look all handsome and smart."

"Oh thank God, you have no idea how much these contacts are irritating me." Hank says in supreme relief, and he takes the glasses he also had stored in a pocket and puts them on and spends the rest of the night proving that people with glasses can have a perfectly lovely time at parties.

(Incidentally, this forced Alex's Father to get over his slight antisocial tendencies and have the "My Son is Boning Your Son" talk with Hank's Dad, which led to Hank's Dad finally getting to do as he had been secretly wishing to for several years and hit on Alex's Father. This resulted in much making out like randy teenagers on the couch while their sons were on dates, and much cracking up the parts of Sean and Angel, who were in fact placing bets on all of the relationships in the school in a shameless display of evil.)

A/N: Lorna was apparently Alex's girlfriend in comics, so she cameod. I just couldn't put any of the X-Girls into such a one dimensional role because I really like them all. I don't have anything against Lorna either though…oh well. The character of "the skank" wasn't really explored in Taylor's video anyway.

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