Disclaimer: All HP characters belong to J.K Rowling, and all BTVS belong to Joss Whedon, I do not make any money from this, and I own nothing..at all...

Prologue

We are all caught in times terrible rhythms. Born from one void we surrender unto another. In between our steps fall into that well trodden pattern. We grow, we reproduce, we decay, and we die. The same patterns performed by interchangeable pieces. The things we learn, the people who touch our lives, the brave and the vain, the honest and the cowardly, the craven and the kind we lose it all in the end. Yet what is it that we really lose? Despite the entanglements of memory, the past is gone forever; it will not come this way again. The future rushes ever onwards, ever elusive, evaporating as we reach out to grasp it. All we will ever have, all we will ever lose is this moment, this present, this eternal now. There is nothing else.

As a child loneliness was my only constant; books my only companions. I threw myself into each new tale with such abandon because I wanted to lose myself in that maze of words. I was always disappointed when the story finished and I had to find the way back to myself again. Back to a world that doesn't understand me filled with people who fear difference and punish it when they see it… Plain Jane, Brainy Janey.

When I was eleven, I thought I had been present with the perfect escape. My life had become a story, a fairytale. It began with a woman who could have stepped from the pages of one of my tales; a witch. She told me I was different special and she brought a letter which invited me to attend a school where that difference would be accepted and appreciated: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. At first the reality of unicorns, of werewolves, of magic itself distracted me but the loneliness soon began to gnaw at me again. I tried, I really did. I told myself if only I could show them, make them see… I drove myself harder than anyone as if that would win me friends. But even amongst the different I was a freak, ignored, mocked, tortured in ways big and small. Then I was saved from trolls by my Storybook Knights: Harry and Ron. Ron unpromising beginning a tentative friendship grew until we were The Gryffindor Three, The Golden Trio, incomparable, indefatigable, inseparable.

But I should have remembered how all fairytales end. Not with those comforting disneyfied lies, but with the stuff of blood-soaked nightmares. Cedric's death in our fourth year made me realize all connections can be severed, all knights can be defeated, anyone can meet their match. This new war with Voldemort was going to kill most of us. It wasn't just about Harry; it was about ALL of us. Every Muggle, every squib, every magical person. I wouldn't live to see my twentieth birthday. I wouldn't marry, nor have children. I would never see how my story ended.

I lived my life in constant terror. Everything could be ripped away from me every moment of every day. The mind has a tremendous capacity to cope. It was all too easy to become accustomed to the terror, until it felt familiar and familiarity breed complacency. With attention focused on Harry it was all too easy to delude myself that my family and I were safe.

They attacked my home on the Christmas Eve of my sixth year. Voldemort and his Deatheaters had been unsettlingly quiet. I wanted one day with my family one day to forget about the war. So I ignored the tension in the air, the instinct to run…

I wasn't sure what woke me to be honest, but when I did awaken, the room was filled with an oppressive, pregnant silence. The lack of sound was in itself unnerving. My mum snored, light snores that I could hear if I strained, but I couldn't hear anything…and it was cold, chills chasing up my arms and every hair on end. I couldn't breath, I was so afraid. It caught in my throat, drowning me in a sea of sadness and it was hard to think, to feel anything but that paralyzing fear… The knob turned, slowly, like in a horror movie and I grabbed for my wand bringing it up, but my hand shook…I couldn't still it, couldn't focus. My mother stood in the open doorway, but there was a masked figure with her. My eyes widened, I wanted to fire a spell but the words froze on my lips. My mother's body dropped to the floor, beautiful brown eyes staring up at nothing… My heart clenched, it was hard to breathe.

Sound rushed back with an agonizing pop, I could hear my father screaming, begging, and everything was too loud. I wanted to move and I couldn't and even blinking felt like a small eternity. My wand was raised but I couldn't even form the words to fire the spell. Too slow. The robed figure stepped towards me, my wand moved. Too slow.

I could only see my mum's beautiful brown eyes and hear my father screaming. And then blackness swept over me.

2 days later

DECEMBER 26

"What do you mean she's gone?" Ronald Weasley asked, disbelief lacing his words, his face too pale. Hermione Granger, by turns annoying and adorable but undeniably vivacious, always reminding you she was there. How could she be gone?!

"Kingsley was at the house, Ron, "mum whispered her eyes bloodshot from crying. I was numb. Why would anyone go after her?!

"Did they look for her?" it was nearly yelled. Ginny glared at me, putting a soothing hand on mum's arm. Her eyes were rimmed red from crying.

"Aurors are out tracing spells at this moment, her parents-she wasn't in the house Ron." I glanced at Harry whose face was blank; I think he was in shock.

"Do you think she's dead?" he asked voice hollow.

"They would have put her body on display; they'd want us to know." Ginny cut in, her face was too pale "She has to be alive; they must want something from her." It didn't seem likely, but I wanted to believe her words more than anything.

"Why would they take her instead of killing her?" This from George, I shot him a glare.

"Would you rather she be dead?"

"That's not-"George started angrily.

"-what he meant!" Fred finished defending his twin. I stood angrily, pushing my chair back.

"Why are we just sitting here we need to find her!"

"I'm afraid all we can do is wait for the Aurors to finish their search, we don't' even know where to start." Dad whispered, I looked around at their pale faces not believing my ears.

"You're just going to sit here while she's out there being tortured?!"

"You don't know-"

"They hell I don't!" I flung my arms up in the air, "She's Muggleborn! Harry's best chum, you think they took her to have a tea party?!" No one said anything; I shook my head, "That's what I thought."

I was burning, skin blistering, aching, and hurting.

Dying.

He stood over me, anger a touchable thing, his grey eyes were heavy with it. I coughed, wheezing in pain, I couldn't get enough air in my lungs to get a steady breath. Avery was watching me, eyes alert, interested. He licked his lips when I winced as one of the blisters on my arm burst. My flesh was seared, blistering and bleeding; my vision was white with pain.

What do you know?

I blinked up at the ceiling my heart squeezing, blood running cold and stomach turning. There was a smell, thick and heavy, crawling down my throat.

Burning

The pain was so much I couldn't even draw breath to scream, to beg to plead.

Dying

The Death Eater made a sound, aggravation, he aimed his wand at me, a silent spell and the damage was gone. My skin whole and perfect, but my bones ached, my throat raw...

Who is in the Order?

"I don't know."

Crucio

"Do you feel like talking yet?" I glared at Lucius Malfoy, wiping at my bleeding lip, the right side of my face was numb.

"I don't know where the Headquarters are!" the words were hissed, defiant. My hair was plastered to my head, the strands weighed down with water. An invisible forced slammed into my body, my head hit the stone floor, stars appearing in my vision.

"I know you do Mudblood!" Another spell hit me in the chest, my back arched, hands clawing at the floor as thousands of tiny sparks traveled through my body it felt like tiny needles were dancing all over my insides.

"What is Harry Potter after?" a different question, but one I would no sooner answer.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I spit blood on the floor and he made a disgusted sound.

"You're lying; we know Dumbledore was searching for something. He and Harry know what it is. Which means you must know what it is because that blasted boy can't figure anything out himself!" the words were screamed into my face, I glared harder.

"Crucio!" Pain bowed my spine tearing a scream from my throat; liquid fire replaced the blood in my veins, burning through my body at a quick pace. My heart skipped a beat, my breath caught in my throat as I clawed at the ground in agony.

"Tell me what they are looking for!" Lucius grabbed a hand full of my hair, jerking my head into an odd angle that forced another cry from my throat, when I didn't answer he released me, I closed my eyes sucking in a breath when another current of water hit me in the face, drowning me. He kept the water on me as I choked and clawed at the floor, my lungs screaming for air.

"Avery has been waiting to play with you all night, I will give him to you if you don't' answer my questions right this instant!"

I coughed violently, not bothering to sit up. "I'm not going to tell you anything…"

"Let me have her Malfoy, just for an hour." Avery sounded eager; I glanced at the taller Death Eater. His dark eyes were shinning with anticipation, hands almost lovingly caressing his wand. I didn't want him to touch me…

The elder Malfoy raised a brown a smirk playing on his lips, "What have you in mind?"

"Maybe she needs a more direct approach, eh?" he came towards me all smirks and swaying hips. When he reached out to touch me I recoiled. "Not bad looking for a Mudblood." his long fingers captured my chin forcing me to look at him. "You'll scream for me won't you pet?"

I swallowed hard, fear tightening in my belly, "Don't you dare touch me."

The words were whispered but firm. He laughed, other hand shooting out to grab my thigh, he pulled and I fell back wards as his hand cupped me. Tears rushed to my eyes and I angrily raked my nails down his face.

"Stupid Death Eater!" I wriggled and clawed, he had to move his hand to grab mine. I spit at him and his eyes went comically wide. A laugh bubbled up from my throat; hands were rough on my wrist.

"Leave us Lucius."

My laughter died, and soon gave way to tears.

January 1st

"What is your name?" Dolohov asked with a sinister smile, I glared at him even as I answered.

"Hermione Jane Granger." The dark haired Wizard chuckled to himself, casually leaning a hip against the chair I was tied to. It had only been a week, not even, but it felt as if I'd been with them for much longer. We were in the dungeon still…the light dim, even with torches on the wall.

"Tell me…pet…how are you feeling?"

I rolled my eyes, even as the truth was forced from my lips, "Like hell."

"Did you not enjoy Avery's affections?" Lucius asked sweetly.

"No…" the word was whispered, anger boiling up from deep inside me.

"Do you know what the Order is planning?"

"No." I answered, the Order did not keep us school children in Order business, I had nothing on the Order. Lucius and Dolohov looked a little surprised, but he quickly carried on.

"Who is in the Order?"

"MM-" I pursed my lips shut, the truth held on the tip of my tongue. The Death Eater in front of me smiled.

"Who is in the Order?" I shook my head, to afraid to open my mouth at all.

"Who-Is-In-The-Order?" he asked, punctuating each word. When I shook my head again, he backhanded me roughly. I cried out in pain, head snapping painfully. "Give them to me now!"

I inhaled sharply, "The cat that is human but not, the same faced people with two names-Ah!"

The slap came again, he spat at me, "I do not need Riddles! Give me names!"

"M—"I bit my tongue, hard. The pain helped to clear my head. Lucius cursed, grabbing a hand full of my hair in a tight grip.

"What is Potter hiding?!" Dolohov snapped, the truth was lodged in my throat, ready to spill from my lips. I clamped down hard on my tongue; I would not give them away.

"What is it Granger?" the words were whispered next to my ear, I opened my mouth, "Vo-" I clamped down hard again, biting my tongue. I tasted the coppery taste of blood, tears burned my eyes.

"Why don't you just give up Mudblood?" he asked, I dropped my head, my body shaking.

"What is he hiding?" Lucius was in my face, arms gripping the back of my chair. I opened my mouth, the truth so terribly close to spilling out.

"Hocr-"my mouth shut with a snap, I gagged as blood filled my mouth.

I'd bit my tongue in half.