Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Glee; it all belongs to 20th Century Fox, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, et al. I write these stories purely for enjoyment; no copyright infringement is intended. The songs, of course, are not mine either, and all due credit goes to the wonderful writers and performers of those songs. In this chapter, the dialogue from "Silly Love Songs" belongs to the Glee writers, and not to me.

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed – I was overwhelmed by the response and the encouragement. Notice the date in this chapter – we have a flashback. This is where it all starts to become different from canon. As always, thank you to WickedForGood13.

Begin Again – Chapter 2

February 12, 2011

Blaine flipped through the clothing hangers absently, using the rack of coats as an excuse to hide and point Jeremiah out to Kurt. "That's him. The blond one folding sweaters."

Kurt tried to absorb what he was seeing. Jeremiah was tall, blond, blue-eyed, older, and not at all the type of person he would have pictured for Blaine. He tried to ignore the insistent voice in his head that was pointing out he had always pictured himself with Blaine, had always pictured the two of them together, and that Blaine simply could not be doing this. While Mercedes and Rachel had argued that he should come to the GAP Attack to "scope out the competition," he was really here as a best friend. If Jeremiah made Blaine happy, then that was far more important than his own romantic feelings for Blaine. He was not about to lose Blaine's friendship over emotions he couldn't help, ones that were clearly not returned.

While his internal monologue flew on, the part of Kurt's brain that was still aware of the conversation prompted him to respond. "Hmm. I can see the appeal. That's quite a head of hair."

His voice was dry, slightly teasing, but Blaine was too dreamy-eyed to take offense, and Kurt pushed away the ache in his chest at the thought that Blaine would never look at him that way.

"His name's Jeremiah. If he and I got married, the GAP would give me a fifty percent discount."

Kurt's eyebrows went up at that. Blaine was completely, utterly smitten with this boy, and while it might be a little ridiculous, it was also kind of endearing.

In the next second, though, Blaine let out a breath and his nervousness took over. "This is insane; I don't know what I'm doing. We haven't even really gone out on a date – we – we shouldn't do this."

It was really endearing. Watching Blaine ramble out of sheer nervousness might be one of the most adorable things Kurt had ever seen – but he wasn't going to let Blaine run away from this, not after convincing himself to do it and corralling the Warblers into his plan. Kurt caught Blaine by the shoulders as the lead singer started to walk away, turning him around and patting him reassuringly.

"Okay, come on, come on, man up. You're amazing. He's going to love you," Kurt said firmly, hoping that the degree to which he thought Blaine was amazing wasn't given away by his tone. He gave Blaine a little push toward his opening position, and he saw Blaine shake himself before signaling Wes. Kurt took his place among the other Warblers as they all started the background for "When I Get You Alone."

It was a brilliant performance, Kurt had to admit that. The arrangement was excellent, and Blaine was projecting even more showmanship than usual, flirting with Jeremiah as he followed the blond manager around the store. The customers also seemed to enjoy it – most of their faces were amused and happy.

Jeremiah, though – Kurt couldn't read him. While he seemed flattered by Blaine's attention, smiling at him periodically during the song, he also looked profoundly uncomfortable, glancing around the store and at his manager with apprehension.

Honestly, Kurt had no idea how this was going to turn out.

If Jeremiah hurt Blaine, Kurt was never going to forgive him.

As Blaine slid across the floor on the closing note, holding socks and grinning at Jeremiah, the story erupted into applause. Kurt saw David give Wes a thumbs up, and the Head Councilman gave a quick bow, then signaled to the other Warblers that they should go.

Kurt glanced back over to Blaine and Jeremiah. The manager's cheeks were pink, but he was smiling and speaking to Blaine, which was probably a good sign.

Blaine turned toward the door, straightening his jacket, and a relived expression spread over his face as he caught sight of Kurt. Kurt held out Blaine's pea coat and scarf for him, and Blaine took them, looping the scarf around his neck and shrugging into his coat as they headed toward the mall exit.

"Soooo . . . ?" Kurt finally prompted him playfully, nervousness and dread warring in his stomach as he waited to find out what had happened.

"I think it's going to be fine," Blaine said with a smile, but Kurt saw the anxiety lingering in his eyes. "He said thank you for the song and asked if we could talk. He has a break in a few minutes."

Kurt hummed in sympathy, the protectiveness he had felt earlier flaring up again. How could anyone turn down this sweet, compassionate boy in front of him? If Jeremiah did, he was crazy, and he was going to know it, because Kurt wasn't going to let him walk away. Kurt placed a hand on Blaine's arm as they left the mall.

"Do you want me to wait with you?" he asked. If this went badly, he didn't want Blaine to be alone afterward – and if it didn't, if it went well, Kurt could rejoin the other Warblers for the trip back to Dalton.

"Would you?" Blaine said gratefully. "It would be awful just sitting here by myself."

The two boys sat on a bench just a few feet away from the doors, and Kurt tried to break the tension by bringing Blaine back to the performance. "You were incredible in there," he said with a smile.

"Thank you," Blaine said bashfully, looking down as he grinned. "It's a good arrangement, isn't it? The guys love doing it because it shows off our a cappella skills so well."

"It does," Kurt agreed. Whether or not it was appropriate for Valentine's Day was a different question, but Kurt wasn't about to bring that up.

Blaine glanced nervously toward the doors, hoping to see Jeremiah, but the assistant manager was nowhere to be seen. The minutes ticked by, and Kurt could see Blaine's nervousness increasing with every minute. Blaine propped his elbows on his knees, cradling his head in his hands, and the rambling started again.

"I really just did that, I really just serenaded an older guy with 'When I Get You Alone'! I wanted it to be fun and – and hopefully sweet, but what if Jeremiah thinks it was too much?" Blaine looked up at Kurt, his expression anxious, and Kurt wanted more than anything to hug him. "Was it too much?"

Kurt simply looked at him, raising his eyebrows, because no matter how much he loved Blaine, he wasn't going to lie to him about his own opinion. It could very well have been too much. Blaine read his expression and his own face crumbled. He jumped up, unable to contain his nerves any longer.

"It was too much."

Just at that moment, Jeremiah emerged from the mall, wrapped up in his own coat and hoodie, and Blaine moved toward him, stopping as he realized he had no idea what kind of reception he would be given.

"Jeremiah, hey!" Blaine said cheerfully, but with trepidation under his smile.

"Hey," Jeremiah responded, stopping a couple of feet away from Blaine. He looked at the younger boy with an expression that was somewhere between amused and exasperated, and Kurt found himself holding his breath. He knew Blaine must be doing the same.

"Subtlety isn't exactly your strong suit, is it?" Jeremiah asked, his lips twitching in spite of his efforts to keep a straight face.

Blaine looked at his shoes, clearly unsure whether he was being reprimanded or not. "Not so much," he murmured.

Jeremiah snorted. "I just got fired."

Blaine did look up at that, his eyes wide with chagrin, and Jeremiah saw the look. He shook his head, but amusement was still clearly his primary reaction. "You can't just bust a groove in the middle of somebody else's workplace."

"But they loved it!" Blaine protested.

"Well, my boss didn't. No one here knows I'm gay," Jeremiah said bluntly, although he didn't seem exceptionally angry.

Kurt couldn't help it; the words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them. "Can I be honest? Just with the hair, I think they do."

Both boys looked over at him, and Jeremiah rolled his eyes. Blaine was unable to repress a small smile, but he shook his head minutely at Kurt, mouthing, Not helping.

Blaine turned back to Jeremiah, contrition filling his features. "Jeremiah, I'm so sorry. I just assumed that you were out to your coworkers, and I should know better. I never would have serenaded you if I had realized –"

"I know, Blaine," Jeremiah said with a sigh. "And honestly, I was tired of hiding, but I've been working here since I was sixteen. I liked it, and I liked my coworkers, even if my manager was more than a bit homophobic. There are plenty of other clothing chains, though, and I'm a junior manager now. I can find other work; you've probably just accelerated the inevitable."

Blaine's eyes lit up a bit at that, hope slowly starting to fill his features, and Kurt's heart broke a little more as he saw Blaine's expression. He was so beautiful.

"Does that mean you don't hate me?" Blaine asked Jeremiah tentatively.

Jeremiah smiled a real smile this time, reaching out and taking Blaine's hand. "No, I don't hate you. You're awfully cute, even if you did get me fired."

Blaine blushed, but he couldn't suppress his grin, or his slight bounce on the balls of his feet. "So you'll go out with me?"

Jeremiah grinned back, a slight laugh escaping his lips as he looked at Blaine. "Yes, I'll go out with you." He reached out and took Blaine's other hand, his expression sobering as he spoke more seriously. "We have to have some rules here, though, Blaine. You're underage, and I know you haven't really done this before, so we'll go slow, okay? Just see how things go."

"Yeah," Blaine responded softly, appreciation washing over his features. "Thanks."

Jeremiah nodded, his expression brightening again as he ran his thumbs over Blaine's knuckles. "Do you want to grab some coffee, since I no longer have a workplace?"

"Sure. I'll even buy, to make up for getting you fired," Blaine said with a laugh. "I'm here with the Warblers, but I did bring my car. As long as everyone has a ride, coffee would be wonderful," Blaine answered.

Kurt stood up, hoisting his bag over his shoulder. "It should be fine, Blaine. I can tell Wes, and I know that some of the guys had empty seats in their cars. We'll manage." He mustered a smile for both Blaine and Jeremiah's benefit, trying to appear completely natural.

"Thanks for telling the other guys, Kurt," Jeremiah said kindly.

"You're welcome," Kurt said. "I'll see you later, Blaine."

"Of course," Blaine said. Jeremiah turned and walked back toward the mall, and Blaine started to follow him, but at the last minute he stopped and looked back at Kurt, fear and excitement mixed together on his face.

You'll be fine, Kurt said silently, giving him a reassuring look. Go.

Blaine nodded, squaring his shoulders in determination before disappearing into the mall. Kurt had to compose himself in the same way before returning to the Warblers, though for completely different reasons; he took several deep breaths and brushed down his clothes, schooling his features and ruthlessly suppressing the tears that were threatening to fall.

He would not cry in front of the Warblers. He would not. They couldn't know how much he cared for Blaine or how hurt he was; he didn't want their pity.

When he returned to where they had all parked their cars in the mall parking lot, he found the guys leaning against their cars, laughing and joking, patiently waiting for him.

"No Blaine?" Wes called with raised brows as Kurt came into view.

""No Blaine," Kurt confirmed, smiling what felt like the falsest smile he had ever produced. "Mission accomplished."

The boys cheered, whooping and exchanging high-fives as Kurt reached them.

"We're going to have to rearrange the seating to get back to school," he said. "Blaine's getting coffee with Jeremiah."

"Doesn't Jeremiah have a shift to finish?" Wes asked, his brow furrowing.

"Not anymore," Kurt said. "He was fired for our singing, apparently."

Wes and David began to laugh. "Blackmail!" they crowed, exchanging another high five. They both burst into laughter, along with half the other Warblers, and Kurt was grateful for the distraction.

"The number of seats shouldn't be a problem," David said, quickly doing a headcount to make sure everyone was back. "Kurt, why don't you go with Nick and Jeff; they had a spare seat. Trent, come with Wes and me. It was just the three of you in Blaine's car, right?"

Kurt nodded, and the boys cheerfully dispersed, chattering excitedly at the success of their mission.

On the way back to Dalton, Nick and Jeff didn't seem to notice Kurt's subdued mood, which he could only be grateful for. They were absorbed in their usual amusing banter, and Kurt threw in a comment or two of his own just to keep up appearances, wishing all the time that the car ride would go faster. Trying to pretend he was fine was becoming more exhausting by the minute.

When they pulled into Dalton's parking lot, Kurt had to forcibly keep himself from bolting to his room. He strolled into the building with Nick and Jeff, David and Wes, opening the door to his room with his key, and he didn't notice when Jeff gesticulated rapidly to the other three boys, inclining his head toward Kurt's room and then shooing them away.

Kurt set his bag on the desk and began unwinding the scarf from around his neck, jumping a foot when Jeff's voice spoke from the doorway.

"Are you okay?"

"Jeff! Don't do that!" he exclaimed, turning around to glare at the blond.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you," Jeff apologized. "Do you want to talk?" he asked, his eyes far too sympathetic for Kurt's liking.

"Talk about what?" Kurt said casually, swallowing around the lump in his throat as he took his coat off and pulled his history text from his bag.

"Kurt," Jeff said softly, walking into the room. "Come on. I know you aren't okay – we know that you aren't. Blaine is close to all of us, but you're our friend too. We just want you to have someone to talk to if you need it."

"What is there to talk about?" Kurt said, still determinedly casual even though there were tears stinging his eyes. "We did what we went to do. Blaine is happy; that's good. That's what matters."

"How about the fact that you worship the ground Blaine walks on, and you just helped him serenade another guy?" Jeff said, still softly, and the knife in Kurt's chest twisted.

"I'd hardly be a good friend if I didn't," he said tightly. He could feel his composure cracking, and Jeff's kindness was only making him fall apart faster. He drew a ragged breath. "Jeremiah is – he seems nice, and Blaine likes him, and if that's what he wants, if that's what makes him happy, then I'm happy too. Blaine can't help what he does or doesn't feel, and I won't lose his friendship over this, Jeff. I can't. Only – can you keep the other Warblers away for tonight? I need – I need some time by myself with this. Please," he pleaded.

Jeff's heart ached at the expression on Kurt's face; the countertenor was on the verge of tears. Jeff knew Kurt didn't want to break down in front of him, so he nodded quickly.

"Of course I will. If you need someone to talk to, though, Kurt, I'm here if you want. Nick, too," he offered.

"Thank you," Kurt said gratefully. "I really appreciate it. I'll – I'll see you in the morning."

Jeff nodded again and slipped out the door, letting it click shut behind him. The minute he knew he was alone, Kurt sank to the bed, finally allowing the tears to flow down his cheeks. His shoulders shook with sobs, and he curled himself around one of his pillows, trying to find an anchor against the pain in his heart and body.

Kurt had thought Blaine was breathtaking from the moment he turned around on the stairs in the Dalton rotunda, but in the ensuing weeks, as Blaine had rapidly become the closest friend Kurt had ever had, closer even than any of his girls from McKinley, he had cherished the hope that their friendship could be something more, that this gorgeous and talented boy just might care for him. Blaine made him feel safe, made him feel loved, made him happy. He tried to create that same safe space for Blaine – and he did, he was fairly certain – but Blaine didn't want him.

Blaine didn't want him.

Kurt fought the physical impulse to be sick. He had though life was cruel when Dave Karofsky made his existence at school a terrifying misery, but it was nothing to the realization that he was in love with his best friend, and his best friend was in love with someone else. If Blaine wasn't yet, he soon would be, if the way he looked at Jeremiah was any indication.

It was a long time before Kurt cried himself out, and he had never been more grateful for Dalton's thick walls.

Blaine knew he might not be the most observant individual in the world, but he wasn't stupid. Something was wrong with Kurt.

Ever since Valentine's Day, Kurt had been . . . off. It had only been a couple of weeks, and between school and his newly budding relationship with Jeremiah, Blaine hadn't seen Kurt as much as usual, but he could tell that something wasn't right with his friend. Kurt still smiled when they saw each other, they still shared one of the leather couches at Warblers' rehearsal, and Kurt still talked with him about anything and everything. However, his smile never quite reached his eyes, and more than once Blaine had caught him flinching at their casual contact – an arm around the shoulders, a touch of the hands when they shared sheet music or passed each other coffee.

After everything that had happened to him at the Sadie Hawkins Dance, Blaine was all too good at coming up with nightmare scenarios, and anxiety ate at him over Kurt's behavior. Was there something he didn't know about? Was Karofsky bothering Kurt again? It would be just like Kurt to keep quiet about it and try to protect him.

He couldn't let Kurt get hurt again. Whatever was upsetting his friend, he was going to get to the bottom of it.

It wasn't until they went on one of their normal coffee excursions that Blaine had the chance to ask Kurt about it. They were standing in line at the Lima Bean, and Blaine had simply been making small talk, telling Kurt about his latest ideas for the Warblers and his last date with Jeremiah, but once again, he couldn't get Kurt to really smile. Finally, he nudged Kurt's shoulder with his own.

"What's going on?" he asked in concern, when Kurt looked over at him. "You aren't yourself, Kurt, and I know that we haven't seen each other a lot lately, but I can still tell that something isn't right."

Blaine stared into Kurt's eyes with his own, trying to read the sadness there, and simply waited. Kurt finally sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping, but his chin came up, almost as if he was walking into a disaster and was determined to do it with dignity.

It only made Blaine worry more.

"Here," Kurt said, reaching over and passing their coffees to Blaine as the barista completed their order. "Let's just –"

He took Blaine's elbow and propelled the two of them to a table that was slightly out of the way, toward the back of the shop and not in full view of everyone. It was one of their favorite spots. Blaine set the drinks on the table and put his messenger bag on the floor, while Kurt took off his own schoolbag and coat. Once they were both comfortably settled, coffees in hand, Blaine reached over the table and took Kurt's hand in his own, something he'd done more times than he could count since they met.

Kurt pulled his hand away as if it had been burned.

His cheeks flushed as Blaine stared at him, and he studied the table, apparently unable to meet Blaine's eyes.

"This is what I'm talking about," Blaine said quietly, concern in every line of his face. "Kurt, what's wrong? You've been withdrawn, even around me, and I've been so worried. Is it Karofsky? Is he somehow threatening you again, Kurt? Because if he is, you have to tell someone. You have to tell me, and tell the headmaster and your father. I don't ever want him near you again."

Kurt's face softened, and he finally looked up. "You've been worrying about Karofsky? Oh, Blaine."

"It seemed like the most logical conclusion," Blaine answered carefully.

Kurt shook his head. "Dave hasn't bothered me at all. I'm sure he's thrilled that I'm not at McKinley any more. I'm sorry you were worried about that – though it's very sweet of you to be so concerned."

"Of course I'm concerned, Kurt; he threatened to kill you," Blaine said fiercely. "If he had managed to keep it up somehow, the authorities would have to know."

"Thank you," Kurt said. "But I'm fine, at least when it comes to Karofsky."

"Then what's wrong?" Blaine pressed. He didn't try to touch Kurt again, even though his instincts were screaming at him to somehow comfort his friend. Kurt didn't answer right away, his eyes back on the table and his fingers tense around his coffee cup. Blaine could see the moment when he steeled himself for a second time, looking up with a set jaw and eyes that were painfully vulnerable.

"Okay, I'm just going to say this, because we've always been completely honest with each other," Kurt said nervously.

"Always," Blaine said immediately, trying to convey how sincerely he meant it. He treasured Kurt's trust because he knew it wasn't something that was lightly given, and he trusted Kurt implicitly.

"You and I, we – hang out, we sing flirty duets together, you know my coffee order - was I supposed to think that was nothing?" Kurt asked gently, his voice somehow apologetic and heartbreaking simultaneously.

Blaine's mind reeled. Was – was Kurt actually implying what he thought? "What do you mean?"

"I thought the guy that you wanted to ask out on Valentine's Day was me," Kurt said slowly. "I really," and he swallowed, clearly trying to get his voice under control, "I really wanted it to be me, Blaine."

Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing. Kurt – his best friend, this boy who had appeared out of nowhere and somehow created a place for himself in Blaine's life almost instantly – Kurt had feelings for him. Wanted him. Now that Kurt had said it, it all made sense – his mind immediately summoned a million instances of Kurt's sparkling eyes, of his beaming smile as he talked to Blaine or watched him in Warblers' rehearsal. How had he not seen this coming?

"Wow," Blaine exhaled shakily, sitting back. "I really am clueless."

Kurt's lips turned up just slightly at that, his eyes on Blaine but somehow distant, too – and Blaine realized that Kurt already knew what he would say, had already put walls around himself to protect his heart, probably ever since he had found out about Jeremiah –

Jeremiah. Oh, god. Kurt had been there, had helped Blaine, had talked him into that ridiculous performance, when he must have been dying inside watching Blaine sing to someone else. The realization hit Blaine with the force of a freight train, and his admiration for the boy sitting in front of him went up exponentially, even while his heart ached at the idea that he couldn't return Kurt's feelings.

"Kurt," Blaine breathed. "You – you helped me – and you –"

Blaine knew that he wasn't being coherent at all, but Kurt seemed to understand what he was referring to. He nodded, smiling that sad smile again.

"But – why?" Blaine asked, astonished. "Why would you help me? Why would you do that to yourself, when you – when you felt –"

Kurt's eyebrows went up at that, and some of the distance faded out of his eyes as he looked earnestly at Blaine. "You're my best friend, Blaine," he said tenderly. "I want you to be happy. More than anything in the world, I want that, and you deserve that. If I can help give you that, in any way, then of course I will."

Kurt's eyes were shining, and his voice was so incredibly loving (Blaine shied away from the word in his mind, but there really was no other way to describe it) that for just a minute, Blaine knew how Kurt might sound if he was allowed to express his feelings for Blaine every moment of every day. It was beautiful, and Blaine wanted to cry at the thought that he was hurting Kurt so much, in a way that he was helpless to prevent.

On impulse, he reached for Kurt's hand again, but Kurt pressed his lips into a line and shook his head, the wall in his eyes back up.

"I can't, Blaine," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I – I know that we've always been very open about touch, and that you're a very tactile person, but – I can't. Not for a little while, at least. Just – please. Touch is so important to me, and right now – it hurts. I wish I could say that it doesn't."

Blaine nodded, pulling his hand back and clasping his hands together on the table. It stung, having that boundary where there hadn't been one before, but he could understand it completely. Anything he could do to make this easier for Kurt would be a small sacrifice.

"Let me be really clear about something," he said intently, looking at Kurt with sincere, serious eyes. "I really, really care about you. You're my best friend too, Kurt, and I don't want to screw that up."

"I know," Kurt acknowledged solemnly. "You won't. I'll be all right, Blaine. Just give me some time." He took in Blaine's face, open and worried and anxious, and sighed, standing and motioning for Blaine to do the same. To Blaine's surprise, Kurt pulled him into a hug. He understood how enormous a gesture it was, given what Kurt had just confessed, and hugged him back tightly, trying to be reassuring.

"We'll be all right," Kurt said against Blaine's shoulder. "I'm always here, for whatever you need. I'm not going to disappear, Blaine. I promise."

"Me, too," Blaine murmured, his throat thick. How did Kurt know? Blaine couldn't recall ever directly mentioning either what happened at the Sadie Hawkins dance or his perpetually absent brother and parents, yet somehow Kurt understood that he was afraid of being left by the important people in his life.

Kurt released him, stepping back, and somehow managed to produce a true smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Now, go on. Get out of here. You have a boyfriend to go see, and I'll go do my homework so that I can help you with your French assignment later. Otherwise, Mme. Picolet will scold you because it's so atrocious."

Blaine grimaced. "Yes, she will. Thank goodness for your alarmingly perfect proficiency."

"One more reason to keep me around," Kurt teased, turning Blaine around and giving him a push between the shoulder blades. "I'll see you later."

Blaine put on his coat and picked up his bag, turning back for just a moment. "Kurt, thank you," he said softly. "For being honest. For caring. It – it means a lot."

Kurt's eyes were bright with emotion as he answered. "You matter, Blaine. Never forget that. You always matter to me."