Cold Tears

by Tempest35

It was an exhausting quest but they fulfilled it: the destruction of Nirvana and the elimination of the Oracion Seis dark guild. To his credit, Natsu also had the distinguished honor of being the one who defeated Zero, the ommicidal Master of the Oracion Seis. It was an incredible battle, one that would surely be the talk of the entire Magic world. Everyone could feel the waves of power that the Fire Dragon Slayer unleashed against the monstrous Zero. Erza, for her part, was very proud of the fact that her little pink-haired flame eater had reached such a plateau of power. And yet, she was dreading the moment when she saw him again, however, it was to be expected. The two most important men in her life, between whom had just a few months before traded blows in a near life-or-death battle, had worked together to bring down Nirvana. She secretly hoped that Natsu was over his fury with Jellal but hearing about his reaction in finding him and trying to hunt him down was less than reassuring. Natsu never held a grudge - she had never seen him do so outside the petty squabbles he got into with Gray, Elfman, and a few others back at the guild. His meeting with Jellal was something that she did not want to happen, and yet... it was all for naught.

The Magic Council arrived to take away not only the members of the Oracion Seis, but Jellal as well. Despite the logical part of her brain that said that even though he had amnesia, that it was no excuse for the atrocities that he had committed. Even so, her heart told her to believe in him - that he still had good within him. She was close, so very, very close to leaping at the Council forces in an effort to free him, but she didn't - she just couldn't. She shivered as a cool wind blew through and she wrapped her arms around herself for a bit of warmth and in doing so, she remembered something that had become ingrained within her psyche during the past 8 years. A rueful smile graced her features as she sat, her back to the stone wall that served as her only companion during the last hour or so.

Natsu…he did was she wanted to do. The sight of him throwing himself against the forces of the Council to free Jellal - for her sake and hers alone. She felt a tug at her heart at his selflessness. It was so like him – to put the feelings of his friends and comrades before his well-being. She shouldn't be so surprised, she practically raised him to be like the way he was now. Were it not for her heart being stuck on Jellal, maybe Natsu could have become more to her than what he currently was… Why she didn't see him like that...? She gave a little chuckle. It wasn't the first time she tried to think of Natsu as a potential boyfriend but too many things were at work against it.

She wiped her eyes as she pushed herself to her feet. She shook her head; what was she thinking? There was no way that Natsu saw her like that. Even if she did entertain the thought of being with him in that way from periodically she kept that hidden from everyone. In the end, Natsu was family to her and she to him. No, he was more than 'family' – her Fairy Tail guildmates were her family. Natsu and Gray were…more. They were a part of her that she could not think of living without. She'd sooner cut off her limbs than be without them. She mentally prepared herself to rejoin her comrades, thankful that they had given her time to alone to recompose herself. She turned and looked out over the small valley, a wistful smile on her face as she remembered Jellal's expression as he was led away.

"Farewell, Jellal. My love…"

With that, she turned back to the path and began to retrace her steps to rejoin the others.

Lucy sat next to the fire, her knees pulled up to her chest, her eyes dully watching the flames dance before her. There was no joy in her tonight despite surviving such a dangerous mission. Erza, the woman that she looked up too as a big sister, was in an unbelievable amount of pain. Losing the man that she loved like this must have been such a blow to the normally strong and infallible Titania. There was none among the group that did not feel bad for her. It was why there were all here, giving Erza time to herself to grieve. She was concerned especially for her two teammates Natsu and Gray. The three of them were arguably the most tight-knit group in all of Fairy Tail and even though they included her in on the team, she still sometimes felt as though they were their own little family unit and that she was intruding. They never made her feel that way intentionally though and she knew that they'd deny ever doing such a thing as to make her feel left out by them.

She glanced over Gray who was leaning against a tree, arms crossed and a serious expression on his face. He had stood like that for a good while now but she could see that occasionally he would ball his hands into fists before releasing them after a few breaths. Gray easily picked up on the reason for Erza's distress and was the one to tell everyone to give her some space. Amazingly enough, both he and Natsu pretty much kept to themselves as they waited, not bothering to talk, much less fight as they usually did. While Lucy knew that Gray figured out what was wrong intellectually, she really couldn't say the same for Natsu but his almost lethargic behavior was a tell-tale sign than he knew something was wrong with Erza and that it was a private matter. A perpetual frown marred his normally lively face and even though Lucy had asked earlier about Jellal, Natsu didn't reply at all. In fact, his frown had deepened, startling Lucy a bit before he got up and left the circle of their comrades.

"Just leave him alone, Lucy," Gray said not unkindly. "If Natsu's still mad at the guy, it's for a good reason."

"But if he doesn't remember what he did," Lucy began but Gray just shook his head.

"Even so, it happened. It's not that I feel bad for the guy, I don't even know him. I feel worse for Erza." He sighed and ran a hand through is hair. "It's really complicated and you know by now Natsu doesn't do 'complicated'."

Lucy nodded in resignation. Sometimes she was envious of Natsu's lack of thought processes in regards to certain things, but she knew that he must have been feeling something. Everyone knew that Natsu had defeated Jellal back during the Tower of Heaven incident and that they all came very close to dying due to the Etherion blast. What Natsu didn't know was that Erza had confided in Lucy about some of the details of the fight that she was awake for – the uncharacteristic rage that Natsu had shown towards Jellal and her thoughts that Jellal had been the one to guide Etherion into the heavens instead of her. What she never got was Natsu's side of the story and he never told anyone what had transpired, leaving it to Erza's explanations to satisfy any curious soul. But his reaction to Jellal… Even if you took into account the affects of the Nirvana magic at work, there was something else behind the scenes…something deeper than anyone thought to look.

The leaves rustled and for a moment, everyone's hackles raised up. Only Jura kept his poise but his eyes had darted to the disturbance. A moment later, Erza emerged from the bushes.

"It's me," she said in a soft voice, walking out into the open. She glanced at everyone one in turn before bowing. "I apologize for keeping everyone here on my account."

"Geez, it's not something you gotta apologize for, Erza," Gray was the first to speak. "None of us were gonna go anywhere without ya."

Lucy smiled and nodded in agreement, along with the majority of the Light Team that had set up camp.

"Erza-san did so much for us," Hibiki gave a little bow in her direction, "It would shame not only the pride of Blue Pegasus, but my own, to have left ahead of you."

"Thank you," Erza's smile was grateful but Lucy could tell that most of it did not reach her eyes. She glanced around. "Where's Natsu?"

'There it is again, always concerned about Natsu more than anything', Lucy thought.

"Dunno. The flame-head just walked off without a word to anyone, as usual," Gray scoffed. He failed to see Erza's eyes narrow slightly at the revelation. "I'm sure he'll be back once he gets hungry."

"It's okay, I'll go get him," she turned and began to walk back into the brush.

"H-hey wait a minute! We don't even know where we went! Erza!" Lucy was puzzled. Even if they had known each other for so long, how could she possibly know where he was?

"I'll be fine. He's not as difficult to find as you may think," the red-haired mage reassured her as she disappeared back into the forest. Turning her head on a slow swivel, she closed her eyes and concentrated. While Natsu had his nose to track down his prey, Erza had other means. The all-too-familiar pulse of his magic was easy to pick up, especially as much as they had been around each other. Even Makarov commented on how uncanny it was for her to pick out Natsu as easily as she could. "I never did explain that's how I always found him at 'Hide-n-Seek'," she smiled fondly. Soon she had a direction and began to walk towards it, his magic flaring in her senses like the beacon of hope and warmth for her soul that he was.

WHUMP!

The dull shock of flesh and bone upon stone resounded in the cool air.

WHUMP!

'Dammit all…'

WHUMP!

'Dammit! Dammit!'

Natsu slammed both fists against the rock, the hackles on the back of his neck standing straight. He hated seeing her like this! Erza wasn't supposed to be all weepy and sad over some guy who had done so much against her – against them all. People were dead because of him! Good people! People who never had a chance! Even though he had accepted the fact that Jellal might have forgotten his evil deeds and that he genuinely wanted to help Natsu back there, he knew that he'd never like the guy. What made him even more upset is that he really didn't know why.

Bah, that wasn't true, he knew why… With him around, there was a chance that Erza would 'change'. Not like change her hairstyle, or her clothes, or even how she acted. He didn't know how she would change, but he knew that she would, and it scared him. Because…Erza loved that man.

Natsu casually let his head impact the rock he was standing in front of. The short-lived flash of pain did nothing to ease the furious racing of his heart. Was he … jealous…?

No, he couldn't be! Erza was his comrade, one of his best friends! To be that possessive of her would be … wrong. But still, he'd rather lock her away than to let her get anywhere near him. But apparently, she had done the same to him – keeping the fact that she was with Jellal this entire time while he was getting beaten up by Zero… He'd fought for Erza, bled for Erza, and would die for Erza – all against that man Jellal and yet, Erza loved him. Why?

"Dammit it all!" Natsu yelled, the frustrations of his mind finally spilling over. "I just don't get it!"

"Don't get what, Natsu?" To his right, Erza appeared, holding a branch that she moved as she emerged from the bushes. "What has you out here yelling at such a late hour?"

"Erza…" Natsu cringed, imaging that she was upset and had come to 'collect' him but something in her voice carried no hint of annoyance, just curiosity. He tilted his head. "…should you even be up? You were hurt pretty bad."

Erza noticed that he had ignored her question completely – something he didn't normally do. She beheld the fist-sized indentations along the rock and her concern grew. "I'm fine," she answered automatically. "I wasn't hurt any more than you were."

"You know what I mean," Natsu replied, his voice lowered to a softer yet more intense tone, one that Erza was not as familiar with but had heard on occasion when the two of them were alone. It was the same tone that he had used when dragging her out of the Tower of Heaven's lacrima, declaring that he would hand her over to no one… She gripped her left arm at the elbow, her face softening at the memory…

"I'll … be fine," she smiled, a real one this time. 'You're always with me, so I'll be fine, Natsu.'

Natsu averted his eyes. "Ah…I see."

'Liar', Natsu thought even as he spoke, his right hand, hidden by his waist, balled into a fist. 'I know you better than that.'

"You didn't answer my question, Natsu," Erza reminded him gently, stepping closer. "What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking." It was a crisp reply but the tone bothered Erza.

"About?" She prodded, growing slightly annoyed at his sudden dodging.

He looked right at her for a moment, his eyes bright with some unnamed emotion. "You," he said finally.

Erza's eyes widened, feeling a blush come over her cheeks. For some reason, the way he said it touched her deeply, like a gentle, reassuring caress. "Natsu…"

He turned his back to her, as if to avoid her gaze. She didn't want that but she didn't feel right with approaching him just yet.

"Natsu, may I ask you a question?" When he made no move to reply, she continued. "Why did you fight to keep Jellal here with us?" 'With me?'

The pink-haired young man huffed out a quick breath. "He helped me in my fight against Zero. I owed him that much."

Erza narrowed her eyes. Of all of the boneheaded things he could have said…"That was stupid Natsu! What if the Council arrested you too?! You can't not think about these things!" Did she really sound so worried…?

Natsu gritted his teeth, his face out of Erza's sight. "It's not like I didn't think about it," he grimaced. "Besides, it wouldn't have mattered – we spend nights locked up already as it is."

"This was different! Our property damage and light medical fees are nothing compared to what he was arrested for! You could have been set up as an accomplice and locked away for as long as he will be!" 'I can't lose the both of you! Not at the same time!'

He lied again – he had to. "He helped me against Zero – He deserved a chance to redeem himself." Natsu didn't know if he could stomach the very words coming out of his mouth for long, but he also didn't want to deal with Erza right now. Not with his own brain so out of whack.

"But you…hated him," Erza could plainly recall the rage with which Natsu had battled Jellal with. It wasn't like his usual rages that got him fired up at opponents, this one was personal because of just one reason – it had involved her. Her eyes widened with a small self-realization but Natsu didn't give her much time to dwell on it.

"Yeah I did. He made you cry. Whenever you think about him, he makes you want to cry, doesn't he?" With that, Natsu turned to look at her with the most complicated expression she'd ever seen on Natsu's young face. Sadness…anger…resignation…self-loathing… These things she had rarely seen on Natsu's face, much less altogether but the most prevalent one among them made her heart ache just to see it on his face. Pain, it was the best word she could describe, the internal sort of pain that one felt that people could see but only so very few could ever hope to ease. A pain that Erza felt she mirrored on her own face after Jellal had been led away. The pain of coming so close to having something so important to you, only to lose it right through your fingertips.

"…Na…tsu…"

"C'mon, it's late, everyone should be worried about us…" He put a hand on her shoulder as he walked past and Erza froze. Not in fear of her life or his, but of loss. Of losing a part of Natsu Dragneel that she had come to love and rely upon. She didn't know why but she felt more alone than ever. Jellal's arrest by the Council she could handle in time…Natsu was there for her, her Fairy Tail family was there. But now…

Natsu's hand was cold.

She turned to look at his back as he walked back towards the camp, his shoulders slouched despite the obvious effort to walk upright. Suddenly it hit her as to why she was feeling this way and the realization served to only increase her innate fear as her body shivered suddenly but it wasn't due to the air's temperature. "Natsu," her tiny voice came out like a sob but she didn't care. She felt as small and as alone as the day she left that accursed island all those years ago.

"Erza…"

To her surprise, he stopped just before he stepped into the woods. He was still facing forward, his hands balled into fists but the air around him was changing. Did he happen to hear her…?

"C'mon, let's go back…to Fairy Tail. With everyone." He turned his head enough to glance back at her before looking straight ahead again.

Her arms wrapped around him as she fell against his back, clutching him tightly. "Natsu…don't you leave me too…" She couldn't help her tears, the thought of losing him as well was too much for her to even think about. Her head rested against his as her body trembled. "Please...not you too..."

Natsu felt himself trembling for a different reason. Here he was, after all of his hatred of the man for making Erza cry. Now he was the one at fault. She was already suffering enough and he'd be damned if he made her cry like this. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and inclined his head forward before slamming it back against Erza's.

"What…was that for," she winced, about two seconds from choking him on impulse. He didn't put much force into it but it surprised the hell out of her.

Natsu was never one to think for too long on anything – if he had to take longer than a few seconds to think about something, it was too convoluted to be thinking about in the first place. Saying what he knew was right and what he felt at the time was his policy so he did just that. "Idiot, I'm not leaving you."

That got her attention as he turned around to face her as she removed her arms from around him. "No matter where we are, if we're in each others hearts, in our thoughts, then we've never left you." No carefree grin, no loud and boisterous declaration, just a simple reassurance. "That's what a guild is for, that is what we are for right?"

The sheer simplicity of his words only made them more poignant to her. After several long moments, a smile broke onto her face in relief even as she began to wipe her eyes. "Saying such grown-up things… You're finally showing your mature side, Natsu." Her heart felt so much lighter now that it wasn't enveloped in that icy loneliness.

"Yeah yeah, whatever," he rolled his eyes as he turned away from her. "Hey, are they cooking meat!?"

She watched him take a few strides, admiring the man that he was growing up to be, and proud of the fact that she had a hand in raising him this far. But as in all things, he taught her something too – something that she would not forget any time soon or ever again. "Thank you…Natsu. Thank you." She turned away for a moment to glance behind them before following him into the underbrush. If she had not looked back, she would have seen him brush his arm against his face for a brief moment, cold moisture streaking along the skin.

8 DEC 2016 : Ah hah! I've done it. I've finally got around to updating this. It's a bit more complete but like all my stories, I'll probably come back in a week and fluff it out a bit more.

You all can thank a fanficcer by the name of YAXON for getting me to come back to this. They wrote out 'Natsu's Choice' and I just happened to read his thoughts at the end and he referenced this very fic. Of course, I was already aware from the reviews that this felt very incomplete but at the time, I didn't have the patience or the way to close it out in a satisfactory manner. Hopefully this will do it.

Fairy Tail is winding down now people. Shipping is as dangerous as ever in these waters so stay frosty!