The way your hair glistens in the moonlight, the casper feel of your skin against my sweaty, dirty undesirable body is like heaven. Your piercing ruby eyes light a fire in my soul, send my heart aflutter. I'm complete. Yet not. You don't know I exist. I'm just a phantom in your world. And how I wish you could see me. Maybe then I'd have the will to go on.

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I sat in the dark corner again today Papa. I thought the quiet would give me peace. But it's always too quiet. Too silent to bear. It's aching in my heart this silence. I try to listen to music but the constant loving lullabies just make me wish he was here. Yes he is still in my mind. Why did you ever have to introduce us? Why did you ever have to bring me all I ever wanted? The man of my dreams. And then you just took him away again. He turned out like all the others. Ignorant. Forgetting. Not wanting. But they never do. No one ever does. I'm not sure if you still know me. Your loving and ample son. The kid with the bear? Anything? Je suis désolé Papa, j'ai essayé.

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They'll find me in the morning. Not because they want to but because of the smell. I'm normally a very hygienic person but not much I can do about it now. I wish I could have seen your face when you were told. I had other obligations though. Papa remembered long enough to throw a funeral and act the part of the doting, distraught dad. England had a glimpse of old times though mostly sending me off to Papa because he favored Alfred more. Oh and let's not forget Alfred. Mistook my name for Michael in the obituary. Michael! That's how much I was loved. It's understandable now. Why I left.

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I watched you sleep last night. It was beautiful. Simply the way your chest cascaded up and down with the breath of life blew my mind. Heh blew my mind. Like that night. A year ago was it now? Yes a year to be missed. Yeah right missed for a minute then blown off for better things. I touched you cheek just to feel the heat. I'm so cold now even the snowy whispers of the highest mountain tops couldn't match it. Did you feel it? The chill of my lightest touch. Like feathers the others say. I wouldn't know though since all I felt is the hot, blazing pulse of your skin. I remember when my skin did that. When I heard the constant thumping of the heart. But I always blocked it out. Anything for silence. Well surely I'm silent now.

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Did you get my note? I tried to leave it where you'd see it. Someplace I knew you always go for. The beer shelf in your fridge. You seem to be drinking more these days. I've notice you stumble home drunk on more than one occasion. Is it because of her? I always knew she was wrong for you. Your personalities don't mix. You're too much brightness for her to handle. You cascade in a jubilant sunrise. I've always been drawn to you for that. I'm so lost in my own little world. So depressed of not being seen. But you, YOU, showed me what life could be. Too bad I forgot. Then maybe you would see, feel, want me, holding you as you cry yourself to sleep tonight.

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Please don't give up. You are loved. Don't just sit their sobbing, and drinking. And drinking. And sobbing. You have too much to offer this world. Please show me that smile again, laugh the way you used to. Be who you were when I desperately craved the ever glimpse of your wandering ruby orbs. People want you in this world. Why do you sob? If I could I would show you the love that still waves and crests in my heart. I would go to the ends of the earth to see that smile. To feel those arms around me, pink lips whispering sweet nothings to me. But I gave up on that. Yes I'm a hypocrite. But that doesn't mean I want my fate for you. Please.

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I saw you at the gate today. It took everything I had not to run to slap that pale skin of yours. Stupid man. You gave so much to the world. So many are crying in pain because of you. But I cant. The need to hug you. To say please remember me. To tell you of our life two years ago. Too remind you of when we watched Titanic. You were crying over Elizabeta and I just held you. Wishing you could feel me there with you. Or when we walked in the park. Your dogs were there and I did my best to keep the sun out of your eyes and the breeze gently flowing. For your peace. I didn't do any of that though. I waited till our eyes met and I realized, you had remembered. Those tears were for me. Those sleepless nights staring at the ceiling. And boy when you took me in your arms I could finally feel it. And you felt me. And I realized that in the end it was worth it. Worth the crying. The pining. The realization that sometimes it does all work out in the end. Till life do us part.