A/N I do not own Twilight

Leaving Renée

BPOV

I was only fourteen when I had my breakdown. I had been having terrifying, mind numbing nightmares for as long as I could remember. I just couldn't find my way out of the black depression that threatened to destroy me. Every night I woke up screaming. Every day it was like I wasn't even there. I would go about my life as normal as possible, but I didn't even feel human anymore. I felt like an empty shell. It wasn't long until I had started to self-harm as a release. I knew that i shouldn't, that in the long run hurting myself wasn't going to help me. All I knew was that for those few minutes of pain, I was in control of something. It was like me being sliced and burned was my way of punishing myself for not doing more to save my sister, for not protecting her or my mother from that monster who tore our lives apart. However no matter how much I believed that I was in control of my self-harming, in reality I had no idea what I was doing or how to stop.
Eventually my mother, Renée, had to have me institutionalized. I know it killed her to watch her youngest daughter fall apart, I didn't want to hurt her. I hated that I was hurting her. My mother had struggled with what happened too. Before that monster came into our lives my mother was always full of life, a little eccentric at times, but always happy. That day when everything fell apart, my mother changed too. Since that day, my mother has refused to touch her piano, she stopped singing around the house. I missed hearing her beautiful soft laughter.
It wasnt until the day my dad Charlie arrived in Phoenix that I realised just how much Renée had been struggling to cope with my depression. I came home from school one day to hear them arguing in the kitchen. They hadn't heard me enter the house so I just stood in the hallway listening to them.

"I can't do it Charlie! I can't send her away when she needs me the most!"

"You're not sending her a way Renée! She needs help, professional help!"

"Then send her to counselling. Just don't make me do this to her, please Charlie, I can't just lock my baby up, she's all I have left. There has to be another way, please."

"I'm sorry Renée, but if we don't do this we won't have a daughter left to save."

It didn't take me long to realise that they were talking about sending me away somewhere. I knew Renée had seen the cuts on my arms and legs, that she had seen the blood on my bed sheets and on my clothes, but I never thought she would make me leave. I had also not seen the effect my pain was having on my mother. As I entered the kitchen, ready to fight them, to swear that I wouldn't go, I looked at my mother and really saw her. I saw the dark bags under her eyes, how pale her skin looked, how limp her hair, how much weight she had lost in the last few months. I was shocked. How had I not seen the pain I had been putting my mother through? I needed my mother and loved my mother with all my heart and yet I had been blind to her pain. I ran into my mothers arms.

"I want to go Mum, I need to."

"Oh Bella darling, no you don't have to go. We'll find another way to help you."

"Renée.."

"No, Charlie! I will not send her away."

"Mum, please. I need to go. I can't keep doing this, I can't keep hurting you. Please, let me go."

"Oh Bella..."

That day, I packed a small bag and left with Charlie. I hated saying goodbye to my mother but I knew this was for the best. On the way to Forks, Charlie told me that I would be staying with him for one night before going to st. Augustine hospital in the morning. The hospital was only a few miles from Forks, and Charlie knew a doctor who was willing to have me refered for treatment.
It was late when we arrived at Forks so I went straight to bed. I knew Charlie was worried about me, but I didn't have the energy to stay awake. We said our good nights and I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Nightmares

dreaming

I looked around the room and immediately recognised my bedroom in Phoenix. It didn't take me long to realise that I was having a nightmare again. I had this nightmare countless times before. It never changed.

"NO! ELIZABETH!"

I ran from my room. I knew what i would find when I reached my sister's room, but I still ran. My mothers scream, which had haunted my dreams since the first time I heard it, was ringing in my ears. Before reaching the door of my sisters bedroom, I see my mother being flung out the bedroom door, colliding with the wall with a sickening crunch. I'm too numb to scream. I run to Renee's side, she's unconscious but breathing. I turn towards my sister's room. Standing over Elizabeth's lifeless body, I see the most remarkable and terrifying man with blood-red eyes, porcelain white skin and perfect long golden hair. I know I should be screaming, but I was frozen to the spot. I could see the blood on his grinning lips as he stared at me. He launches towards me and everything goes black.

end dream

I was screaming again. When I finally started to calm Charlie was sitting on my bed holding me.

"Shh Bella, Its OK now, you're OK. You're safe"

I'm trembling and sobbing. My bed-clothes are stuck to me with sweat. No matter how many times I have that nightmare, I always wake up terrified.
Charlie rocked me and held me close until I was calm again. When he was sure I was calm, he made me a cup of sweet tea and sat with me until morning. We didn't talk much but just knowing he was there helped me feel safer.