Loneliness

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT. I make no profit from this story.

Author's Note: This story contains no slash/incest. I have an amazing beta reader who helped make this story what it is, and she deserves much of my gratitude and appreciation. I greatly enjoyed working on this chapter and look forward to sharing the rest of the story soon. Thank you for reading.

-oOo-

"Do you have to do that?"

Leo's eyes slipped open and he cast a curious glance over to the other turtle sitting across from him, "Sorry, is it bothering you?"

Donatello sighed as he reached up and rubbed his eyes, blinking a few times before he shook his head, "No, you just never used to hum before. It's kind of distracting."

"I'm not humming, I'm chanting. It's a new technique I've been working on; it's supposed to give me better concentration."

Leaning forward, Don rested his elbow on his knee as he propped his chin in his palm, tilting his head up as he continued to stare at Leo in earnest. The older turtle couldn't help but notice in the growing shadows of the evening sun just how deep the bags under Don's eyes had grown over the past few weeks. The weariness in Don's grin grew that much more apparent as he leaned forward to jab at his brother's knee, "If you concentrate any deeper you're going to meditate yourself into a coma, Leo."

The older turtle rolled his eyes, failing to completely hide his smile as he reached forward and gave Don's shoulder a gentle shove to bring him back to an upright position, "Whatever. Come on, you need to clear your mind."

As Don covered his mouth to stifle a yawn, Leo's hand darted forward to grab both of his wrists, firmly planting them down onto his lap. Don didn't resist, conditioned to Leo's obsession with self-improvement, "Close your eyes. Focus on your breathing."

"Stop holding my hands, Leo. It's weird."

"Concentrate."

"Alright, I am." Don fidgeted a bit before Leo finally released his hold on his brother's wrists. Don's eyes remained closed as he exhaled and straightened his posture.

Satisfied, Leo sat back, resuming his former position of deep meditation as he likewise closed his eyes and relaxed the tension in his neck and shoulders. Of his three brothers, Don was able to withstand his albeit sometimes trying daily meditative practices with the most vigor, though Leo was aware that even Don had his antsy days. And with the younger turtle's mind constantly zipping back and forth a mile a minute, seemingly filled with another new discovery or random tidbit of interesting, if not utterly useless, information, Leo was convinced Don required meditation just as much, if not more than either Raph or Mikey.

Don, however seemed to have a growing knack in fabricating ever craftier new excuses to remove himself from practice, and Leo was thankful when the younger turtle at least attempted to humor him.

Leo found that he had an easier time in accepting Don's resistance in achieving a restful mind, when he took to viewing Don's constant tinkering with his gadgets as a type of meditation. After all, when he worked, it was always alone, his mind engaged in something outside of himself, and the younger turtle always acted considerably mellower after emerging from his dark and tucked away workplace. Leo had an abrupt jolting realization it had become far too quiet.

"Donnie?"

Leo felt a sudden rising concern as he opened his eyes and glanced over at his sibling. Don had forgone his meditative position, and was staring blankly out before him. Hunched over, his hands hung from his knees. Leo hesitated, allowing his tone to soften to a murmur, "You okay?"

"Sure. Just thinking."

"About April?"

Leo winced the second the words left his mouth, his guilt worsened by the dark glare Don shot his way.

"I meant because her trip was extended." Leo knew he was terrible at back pedaling but he babbled on anyway. It felt better than nothing. "I know she's been gone awhile, but it's just for work. She'll….uh…she'll be back soon. I miss her too, Don. I didn't mean…I didn't ask because I'm trying to…"

Through the years, Don had revealed himself to have the useful, if not slightly alarming, penchant for the art of weaving rather convincing lies. As disturbing as this tendency was, it disturbed Leo even more to realize that Don hadn't even attempted to sound convincing as he gave a half-hearted, "Sure."

Leo couldn't hide his cringe as he glanced off to the side, searching for a way to salvage this, "You know, Raph and Mikey don't mean what they say half the time." Leo was painfully aware that if there was something he was worse at than back pedaling, it was comfort talking. He sort of wished he had discovered this lack of talent elsewhere. "They're only teasing. It's no big deal if-"

"I only told April that because I honestly thought we were going to die, Leo."

This time Leo listened to his better judgment and remained silent, giving a nod in response instead. He noticed as Don's hands twitched, almost curling into fists but stopped either from lack of conviction or lack of energy. It was difficult to tell which.

"Besides, I did mean it." He shot Leo a look as the older turtle opened his mouth, his words picking up speed, "Because I share with her the same platonic love I feel for you and Mikey and Raph. The same way I love Splinter. Like family."

A surge of embarrassment brought a wave of heat to Leo's face and he gave another nod. He was silent for a moment, studying the genuine frustration etched on his younger brother's face in regards to his supposed infatuation with their female human friend.

"I know Donnie," Leo said. It bothered him to realize it was the first time he actually did.

"I believe you."

"It's not my problem you guys have to turn it all into something it isn't." Don stretched his arms in front of him and stood up. Leo could still detect the underlying tone in his brother's voice, a warning to react with caution as he moved to stand up as well.

"What's so amusing about wanting to care for and include other people in our lives anyway?"

Leo pulled back, even as Don was already stepping away from him, "Nothing. No one ever said there was. You don't have to take it like that, we all care about April, and you know that."

The younger turtle stepped a few paces away from his brother before he stopped and looked around. Leo followed his gaze, and for a few minutes both turtles did nothing but admire in silence the glowing majesty of the rising sun as it stretched and shimmered across the jutting rooftops. It was a view they were often denied; especially from such an open and free perspective.

In the glow of the mounting sun, Leo noticed that Don was shivering.

"You know, I'm really honored it was me you choose to bring up here with you."

Don blinked out of his trance, turning back to look over at his older brother, who now stepped over to join him. They were only a few feet away from the edge of the six story rooftop, yet relatively hidden from view due to the chest high brick wall enclosing the area, "You are? I almost hadn't told you, I thought you would have been upset that I was even out here in the first place."

"While that may be true under most circumstances, I don't see you purposefully putting yourself in unnecessary danger by being reckless. I know you're smarter than that, Donnie." Leo cast his brother a grin, "Besides, this really is a nice spot; close enough to the docks to see the shore, but still away enough from the crowds. Makes sense why someone would have once used this spot as a canvas." He said, looking back over at the large mural of a black-coated marching band performing down the bustling city streets, which covered the long wall behind them. Don followed his glance, but said nothing.

"And ever since the theater shut down across the street it's been a chain reaction, not a lot of foot traffic around the block." Leo said with a shrug, looking back at Don, "It's not like we're sitting in Central Park or cruising the streets; unlike some turtles I might mention."

It was a relief to see Donnie smile again. Though, even Leo couldn't quite stomach the overly corny comparison of associating it with the sun climbing higher into the dewy sky.

So he thought of it as a relief and left it at that.

"Yeah well, we all have our own ways of finding new people to care for." Don said with a shrug as he continued to stare at the mural.

Leo frowned, "What?"

"You know, like when Raph spends hours out at night. And why Mikey still picks up the occasional party gig, despite his sworn oath to never bobble head again."

"I'm not following."

Don had remained quiet, as he seemed rather intent in keeping his eyes upon the rising wash of the morning light upon the mural. Leo followed Don's gaze and the sun's glow steadily crept its way up the individual painted faces of each member of the mural.

It amused him how, whoever had taken the doubtless numerous hours out of their life to create such a painstakingly detailed mural, had gone as far as taking care that not a single member of the band had the same face. A cookie clutter blur from afar of a mass of perfectly pressed uniforms and shiny caps was transformed into a display of the diversity and energy of New York City itself.

Don looked over at Leo, "Why do you think Raph would spend all his spare time around people, in the middle of a bustling city, if what he actually wanted was to be left alone?"

Leo paused, not entirely sure how to respond. Don's former smile had faded away as quickly as it had come, and it occurred to Leo how frequently that seemed to happen nowadays. It seemed more and more that only Mikey was willing to humor him anymore with a façade of feisty enthusiasm. As tiresome as that sometimes was, Leo could always rely on it as Mikey's tried and trusted method in extracting some form of attention out of anyone. It only now occurred to Leo how easily he may have missed the yearning signs for human, or turtle, contact all of his brothers may have exhibited.

"You really think Raph would continue to hang out with Casey if that wasn't what he had wanted from his nightly excursions in the first place?" Don stepped forward, turned and leaned his shell against the mural before sliding down to the ground into the same meditative position as earlier.

He closed his eyes, and his head bobbed for just a moment, his voice the only sign that he was even still awake, "I guess Raph's lucky. He's been going topside longer than any of us. And Mikey's a natural, took him less than a week to find his niche. Maybe none of those people really ever look twice at them, knowing who or what they are. But I think, maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe, just being around them all is enough. It's easy to pretend you belong."

"Don…" Leo's voice hesitated with a shameful twinge, which only deepened as his brother's eyes remained shut, "do you like it when you're left alone in your lab for hours?"

The younger turtle didn't answer right away and in the silence Leo bent down and sat beside him. When Don at last reopened his eyes, he avoided his brother and instead stared down at the limp hands lying lifeless in his lap. Leo slipped his arm around Donnie's shoulders, glad when the other leant in against him and closed his eyes once more. After a few minutes Leo had assumed Don had fallen asleep.

"Please don't let everyone forget me."

Donnie did always have a way of proving Leo wrong.