Hi: Again not related to the previous fics other than this being a parody. AkaKuro, here we goo…. I made Akashi too childish OTL I'd rewrite it but I'm lazy so-

This was written in huge leaps and time pauses, so you can kinda tell when I got a firmer grasp on Akashi's personality and then he takes a funky little 70 degree turn in personality...

Warning: This is the worst fic so far unless you've read the KHR ones, which I sincerely hope you haven't. It's also kinda boring. Somehow this ended up AoKise by itself, don't ask me. Forward!

He was slightly creepy but admittedly attractive.

Akashi thought.

Fluffy, soft-looking hair, wide eyes framed by long lashes, a small figure encased in pale skin…

He was soft-spoken, gentle, understanding, and had a quiet determination for some things – namely, basketball.

Akashi found that cute.

In a slightly creepy way.

His large eyes never blinked, but stared endlessly into your eyes, as if peeling apart mental layers like an onion.

Akashi briefly wondered what it would be like to peel apart his layers. To take the silent boy and make him spill out his secrets, pull them out of him and make him scream…

Figuratively, of course. Yes. Figuratively.

Akashi idly licked at his chapped lips, deep in thought.

He could keep the boy secluded, dependent on him…

Which meant, of course, he wouldn't share.

Because right now, he was sharing.

Sharing with Kise, sharing with Aomine, with Momoi, Midorima, Murasakibara, with that upstart Kagami, with the entire school of Seirin.

Akashi told the Generation of Miracles to split up to different schools, yes, but they would all come back to him.

Because he wasn't sharing. He was lending.

There was a huge difference.

So admittedly Aomine found him first, introduced him to Akashi. Admittedly Kise took him out for vanilla shakes more and spent more time with him. Admittedly Murasakibara was at "allowed to feed Kuroko" status. Admittedly even Midorima seemed to talk more to Kuroko than he. Admittedly Momoi was his "girlfriend."

Akashi didn't mind much. They were all his anyway. And what was his would eventually come back to him.

Then he could go onion peeling.

Kise hummed happily as his walked, an evident spring in his step. He was in a good mood because he was going to visit Kuroko. Practice had ended early, so he was free to visit his favorite person.

Kise pranced onto the Seirin campus without a care in the world, ignoring the whispers and squeals around him as girls recognized him. He headed for the gym.

"Kurokocchi!" He sang, poking his head through the double doors. The gym was nearly empty, except for a few stragglers and-

I see him! Kise grinned. He paused for a moment, and his grin sagged. What…?

His former captain was talking to Kuroko, making gestures with his hands. He was only a little taller than Kuroko, but he gave off an oppressive aura. Kise cowered behind the door.

Kuroko was unaffected, of course. He waited for Akashi to finish speaking before dipping his head.

"Yes, of course. I would be glad to accompany you."

Akashi smirked. Of course he would.

He lifted a regal hand, flicking a few locks of Kuroko's hair out of the way. He leaned forward, their bangs brushing against each other.

"You had lint," he murmured slyly.

Kise was freaking out.

He was absolutely, without a doubt, freaking the flip out.

And when Kise was frazzled, he called people.

Clumsy fingers mashed familiar numbers, shaking with urgency.

"Whaaaat…" A lazy voice grumbled.

"AOMINECCHI IT'S HORRIBLE IT'S OVER IT'S OMG KUROKOCCHI HORRIBLE AKASHICCHI IT'S OVER I CAN'T-"

"Kise, you bastard, shut up and talk normally."

Kise decided not to point out that he couldn't shut up and talk at the same time.

He regurgitated the facts like diarrhea treated with laxatives.

Aomine put down his phone carefully so he wouldn't crush it with sheer anger.

When Kise finished telling Murasakibara the disaster that had occurred, he had to wait for the player to finish chewing and swallow before he said, "I know already."

"Wha- What do you mean?"

"Aka-chin told me already before he was going to go. If you guys want to follow Aka-chin, that's your business, but I don't want to die early."

Dial tone.

Kise wailed.

Kise dialed Midorima's number, tapping a foot impatiently. Ring. Ring. Ring.

He hung up and dialed again, and this time got the voicemail.

"If you are hearing this, it means I am busy and do not wish to speak with you. Stop calling now, it is an inconvenience."

He called Aomine again.

"Aomine-cchi, Midorima-cchi won't pick up his phone and Murasakibara-cchi isn't coming and should I call Momoi-cchi?"

"Fuck no, if that woman comes we'll all go insane."

So it was to be just the two of them.

It was Sunday.

Two young men were walking together, a little far apart so as to not appear too familiar with one another.

"You're absolutely positive that Akashi was threatening Tetsu?" Aomine drawled.

Kise nodded his head frantically. "What else could it be? That atmosphere, and Kuroko backed up against the wall, and it's Akashicchi. What else would he do?"

Aomine considered this. He had a point.

"That makes sense," he agreed thoughtfully. When Akashi talked to people alone, it usually was not a good thing. This was not from experience. Okay? Not from experience. Definitely not.

He was moving around and wasting energy on a Sunday afternoon for the sake of Kuroko's safety.

Yes.

And thus we will realize the full implications of two idiots making their own inferences.

"Be honored, Tetsuya. I have come to pick you up." Akashi stood proudly by the doorway. It looked as though he pressed the doorbell all by himself. He was wearing a casual yukata of dark cherry shades sprinkled with the petals of some unknown flower.

Kuroko smiled slightly. "Thank you, Akashi-kun." The slightly smaller boy was wearing his own yukata (as Akashi had demanded), a soft blue dye.

"Hmph. Of course when we go to a festival, it is imperative we wear yukata, no?" Akashi smiled to himself.

Kuroko kept the fact that most guys didn't wear yukata to festivals silent. (1)

"You seem excited, Akashi-kun."

"Not particularly. I just feel like it is a good chance for me to get to know my past teammates better," Akashi huffed.

Kuroko smiled a small smile. "Should we have invited everybody else? I'm sure Kise-kun and Aomine-kun and the others would have fun. And Murasakibara-kun definitely would."

"No, they're not coming," Akashi replied stiffly.

"I see."

Silence, broken only by the scuff of their shoes.

"Akashi-kun?"

The redhead turned to look at the boy.

"Why did you want the Generation of Miracles to split off to different schools?"

Akashi turned his gaze from Kuroko and directed it skyward. His mind whirled with the different answers he could give, and the different situations that would arise from them. None of them left him with an ideal atmosphere.

"Why did you vanish after the championship?" He returned with a question of his own.

Kuroko seemed to be looking for the right way to rearrange his words, silent as they walked.

"I…" he began. "I did not like the way we were playing."

Akashi raised a delicate eyebrow. "Winning, you mean?"

"No, not that. Just… it didn't seem like we were having fun with basketball anymore."

Akashi seemed to ponder this for a moment. He drew a blank.

"Is winning not fun for you? You would rather… lose?" He grimaced, as if the word left a bad taste in his mouth.

"No, that's not it either." The festival was in sight. "It seemed like we took for granted that we would win every time, and that made basketball detestable for me."

Akashi furrowed his brow. He could argue, but that would definitely not be the situation he wanted to be in at the moment.

"I… see." Even though he didn't see. "In any case, we have arrived." They had reached the festival.

If Kuroko noticed the abrupt change in topic, he didn't question it.

The festival was already strung with unlit lights and lanterns. Stalls were erected in tight rows, with people selling all manner of things – game tickets, food, toys. Children scampered underfoot, chasing each other and laughing at silly things. The bustle of the crowd nearly swept Kuroko away, even though it wasn't even night time yet.

Akashi reached back to snag onto Kuroko's sleeve and pull him out of the floods of people.

"Stay close," he ordered, glaring at all the people at the festival collectively. As far as he was concerned, others were all extraneous existences. He shifted his grip down to Kuroko's thin wrist.

"Hey Aominecchi, do you see-" Kise began.

Aomine shushed him. "There, next to the shooting game stall." Kise raked his eyes through the crowd before finding a redhead, and followed the redhead's hand to Kuroko (it was the only way to find him). He blanched.

"Is Akashicchi dragging him off to do violent things?"

"Shut up and watch," was growled back, but Aomine's back was tense all the same.

"I want to do the shooting game," Akashi declared haughtily. Kuroko hid a smile at his former captain's childishness, and nodded obediently.

After paying the shopkeeper, Akashi ignored the targets in favor of examining the gun. He ran slender fingers over the weapon carefully. His mind was a burst of calculations and analysis.

"To be able to hit a target I must consider the weight of the bullet and the force at which the gun will launch said bullet as well as the angle at which I shoot it, and it might be wise to account for wind speeds and adjust angles accordingly…" he muttered on and on to himself.

At this point, the shopkeeper looked rather disturbed. Kuroko bent down to look into Akashi's downturned face.

"Are you praying, Akashi-kun? I never knew you were religious," he said curiously.

Akashi scoffed. "I am a man of science, Tetsuya. Don't worry about me. It's probably better to worry about the vendor here."

He took careful aim, pink tongue moistening his lips slightly.

Bang.

The cork projectile hit and ricocheted, making its erratic way through the prizes. Thunk, thunk, thunk.

And every single prize save one fell sullenly to the counter.

"Oooh…" Kuroko applauded. The shop owner packed up the prizes, still in a state of shocked disbelief.

Akashi was shocked too.

Horrified, even.

"I… got all the ones except for the one I wanted."

Which caused Kuroko to give a soft chuckle and then buy Akashi a consolation prize – cotton candy.

"I want the blue one," Akashi said immediately as Kuroko offered. "I won't eat the pink kind."

So he got a blue cotton candy. Giant mounds of translucent fluff whorled together onto a paper cone, and he could pluck soft wisps of sugary cotton and let it melt on his tongue.

It was delicious.

And even more so knowing that Kuroko gave it to him.

"We are going to eat takoyaki," he said haughtily, and Kuroko had no objection. Akashi made Kuroko hold his precious cotton candy as he took the box of comfortably warm takoyaki from the vendor.

"Come over here." He grabbed Kuroko's arm and dragged him over to an empty bench. Kuroko sat silently, watching Akashi.

The taller boy speared a sauce-covered sphere and poked it into Kuroko's face.

"Eat." Kuroko opened his mouth without protest and closed his lips around the delicious morsel.

"What is that, poison?" Kise squinted.

Aomine heaved an irritated sigh, before flopping onto the grass behind him.

"Idiot, they're eating takoyaki. It's a date," he said disgustedly. "How you got death threats out of that is beyond me."

"A date?! That's even worse!" Kise cried, leaping to his feet. Aomine scissored his legs around Kise's ankles, pulling him less-than-gracefully back down to the earth.

"Ouch…"

"You honestly think if we disrupt their… date, Akashi will let you live?"

"That's not the point! Kurokocchi's chastity is-"

Aomine kneaded his temples, trying to massage out the deep furrows that tended to appear whenever he hung out with Kise too long.

"-and Kurokocchi is so innocent, he would never even-"

Shut up.

Aomine leaned forward and roughly planted a kiss on the model's lips. Teeth, tongue, saliva mingled.

"Mmmph…!" Kise's eyes went wide, falling backward into the grass. Aomine leaned over him for a moment, before sitting back up.

Ah, blessed silence.

He leaned back to take a nap.

Akashi made Kuroko throw away the remains of their snack, before standing and heading purposefully into a seemingly random direction. It was beginning to grow dark.

"Akashi-kun?" Kuroko questioned from his spot on the bench.

Akashi huffed.

"Follow," he ordered. Kuroko stood and brushed off his yukata.

And he followed.

Of course he did. Akashi smirked to himself.

Kuroko found himself growing more and more confused the longer they walked. They were heading away from the festival, into the secluded trees of a nearby park.

If I recall correctly from the shoujo manga I was forced to borrowed from Momoi-san… There should be fireworks soon, I believe.

Akashi was already poised in the grass (only he could manage to be poised on the ground), waiting for Kuroko to sit next to him.

The smaller boy chose his spot on the grass daintily, perching himself on a soft tuft of grass. Akashi scooted closer to him.

"Tetsuya."

"Yes, Akashi-kun?"

"Close your eyes."

Kuroko blinked, looking questioningly at his former captain.

Akashi huffed a little. "That was an order."

Kuroko slowly closed his eyes, long lashes fluttering erratically against pale cheekbones.

There was a rustle.

"There," came Akashi's satisfied voice. Kuroko slowly opened his eyes, and Akashi didn't reproach him for it.

Akashi held, clenched in his hand, the empty paper cone that had once held the blue cotton candy. Stray fluffs of sweet cotton still clung desperately to the edges.

"It suits you." He smiled. The growing darkness shrouded Akashi's face and made him look a little eerie, but Kuroko shrugged it off as the lighting.

"What does, Akashi-kun?" He touched his head and his fingers met not silky strands, but light fluff.

"It's the exact same shade as your hair, Tetsuya."

Kuroko felt a small twinge of annoyance. "Why did you do that? It's dirty."

"Because I can," was the simple answer.

Akashi leaned forward over Kuroko's lap, his dual-colored eyes glittering (with a definitely malicious glint, Kuroko found). He could feel the gentle breath coming from his captain against his face.

Nom.

Kuroko craned his head upward. "What are you doing up there?"

Cold hands seized his face suddenly, pulling him down so that the two were nearly nose-to-nose.

"Tetsuya, you're sweet," Akashi breathed. Fingers traced a delicate floral pattern down alabaster skin.

"Please don't eat off of other people's heads, Akashi-ku-"

He was interrupted as his former captain yanked a little harder on his hair than he would've liked.

"That hur-"

Kiss.

Kuroko could taste cotton candy, sugary and light, combined with the warmth of Akashi's saliva.

"Mmf…"

Akashi could hear the fireworks blooming behind him, the crackles and pops and whizzes-

The shoujo manga atmosphere he had worked so hard to create was completely ruined.

Oh well.

"My apologies, Tetsuya… It seems as though I've lost control," Akashi stated matter-of-factly.

Kuroko lay splayed on the grass, cheeks slightly flushed. His mussed yukata showed the barest sliver of skin down to his waist, which Akashi had no problem zeroing in on.

"Um, Akashi-kun…"

"Shush," he purred, tongue flicking out to caress the shadow's ear. He leaned his weight onto his right hand as his left traced teasingly down the opening of Kuroko's clothes. He kept his gaze fixed on Kuroko's face. It was slightly teary from pain and flushed, and Akashi took pride in the fact that he was the one who caused the normally stoic boy to look so defenseless.

"Nn…" A small sound escaped the smaller boy's lips. His eyes were half lidded; his breath came hard.

Akashi traced his own lips with a moist, pink tongue, shifting to straddle the other more comfortably. He twined his fingers into light blue locks; the silky strands held firm as Akashi tugged.

"Ow…!" Kuroko flinched back from the pain. Akashi ignored it, because of course he wouldn't apologize for that. He pressed a kiss to Kuroko's bare shoulder, to his neck, to his jaw, to his eyelid.

"You are mine," he declared. Kuroko looked back at him, puzzled, tears still clinging to his lashes.

"You are mine, so you can't show this side of you to anyone else. Don't show them your skin, or your tears, or your cute expressions. I won't allow it. I own you – all of you. Don't forget." He smiled eerily against Kuroko's soft cheek.

To be honest, he fully expected to be slapped, or hit, or pushed off. These were all within his calculations. After all, that would be a normal reaction to an assault followed by a declaration like that.

What he didn't expect was for the smaller boy to gently cup his face in his small hands, and press a light kiss to his chin.

"Yes." Was the simple answer.

And what he also didn't expect was for Aomine and Kise to come crashing through the bushes, faces bright red – evidently they had been watching – and fish Kuroko out from under their captain before slinging the small boy into a princess hold and taking off as if the devil were on their heels.

Which, for your information, he wasn't.

Akashi settled back down on the grass, lazily pulling the shoulder of his yukata back up. His fingers caressed his curved lips lightly.

I want to taste you again.

Kuroko curled in on himself in Aomine's hold, face in his hands.

As Aomine ran, he suddenly felt small hands seize him by the ears and yank his head down.

"Wha-"

"Aomine-kun," Kuroko said seriously, staring intensely at the tan boy. "How do males have intercourse?"

Aomine stopped abruptly in his running. His face became mask-like, frozen.

"Kise."

"Huh?"

"Here." He dumped Kuroko into Kise's arms and took off running. "That guy has way more experience than me in that area, so ask him!" he shouted.

"What are you-"

"Kise-kun. How do men have intercourse?" Kuroko asked again, turning his serious face onto the blond.

Kise began to sweat and panic. Then, when Aomine had said sunk in, he became indignant and embarrassed. "I do not have experience sleeping with guys!" he was so caught up in being panicked and indignant that he had stopped running.

A tap on his shoulder.

"Ryouta."

Kise froze in fear.

"You have something that belongs to me."

When Akashi had Kuroko safely back and clinging to his shoulders, he said smoothly, "Don't worry, Tetsuya. I am more than capable of …instructing you on matters of intercourse."

Kuroko said nothing, just burying his smile into Akashi's soft hair at the base of his neck.

End.

(1) To my knowledge (correct me if I'm wrong), many people just go to festivals in casual clothes these days, especially guys.

Also, yay POV changes and OOCness. /machinegunned I don't care anymore lol