I've never noticed how extremely frustrating it is, to have a crush. First of all, I'm a grown man…I shouldn't get crushes. This isn't high school. This is the real world where, you fall in love, and make mistakes. You don't have a crush and sit back for it to go away. Second of all I'm a teacher. A professor at a very distinguished University. Just a little school called Yale. I teach English and it's great. But the problem lies with one of my students. The one I have a crush on.

I know! Taboo! It's not like he's a 13 year old boy! Oh yeah…I'm gay. Which, I'm sure, in someone's mind, that makes it worse. The gays are going to dominate, and force all your kids to be gay. Watch out!

Give me a break. Just because I like dick, doesn't mean I'm some awful person, who wants everyone to be like me. Trust me I would never want any person to go through high school, having the shit beat out of you.

But back to my original problem, which was sitting in the second row, nose in his book, furiously taking notes. I was sitting at my desk, forcing myself not to stare, but who wouldn't? He was beyond handsome. He had the perfect face, a slightly big nose, but there is nothing wrong with that. His piercing green eyes, too many times before made me blush and stutter over my words. His lips…well they were like perfect little lines of cherry candy. I had seen him a few times before rolling on Cherry Chapstick, and all I could think of was that stupid Katy Perry song.

If you moved further down his body, to his collar bone and chest…all I could think of was how great it would be to feel his skin under my palms. Gently and slowly rubbing his chest, kissing, nipping at his beautiful pale skin…

"Professor?" I snapped out of my dirty thoughts and stood up quick. It was another student, holding his book, and bag on his shoulder. "My name is Carlos Garcia, and I just started here. I missed the first week, because of misunderstanding." I nodded and remembered seeing his name on a roster.

"Right, well we just started a new book." I quickly grabbed him it, and a packet of rules and guidelines to passing my class. "Right now, were just taking notes form that book," I pointed to the one in his hand, and he looked down nodding at it. "So you can go find a seat, and start on chapter one, up to whenever class is over which is…"I looked at my gold Rolex and laughed. "In 2 minutes." He laughed and I smiled. "You can just go ahead and leave. Read both books, to get an understanding for next class. I'll fill you in more." He nodded and walked out of the room. I looked back out of my class and saw two green eyes, staring up at me. I swallowed hard, and he gave me a small smile, before sticking his nose back in his book. I cleared my throat and closed my laptop. "Uhh…class is dismissed. Everyone can leave. I want you all ready fro a discussion on Monday!" I had to yell it as everyone walked out. Everyone except one. "You have a question Knight?" He smiled and quickly stood up, pushing his loose paper in his open book, and closing it.

"Actually I do have one." He wrapped his arms around his book as he walked to me. His tight black jeans, did wonders for his skinny, but toned legs. "I was wondering. Where did you go to school?"

"Yale." He smiled and shook his head.

"What was your major?"

"First…it was history, and then when I realized how boring history was, I switched to English. Why do you ask?" He shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

"I'm having a hard time figuring out what I want my major to be." I gave a warm friendly smile, while putting papers and books in my leather bag.

"You're a freshman Kendall. You have some time." I slipped my laptop in my bag as he watched me. "Of course I would recommend making a decision by the end of this year." He nodded and I put my bag on my shoulder. "I Think about what you love, and put that in a major." We walked out of my room, and I shut the door locking it.

"Yeah that's the only problem. My parents want me to be a lawyer. All I want to do is play my guitar." I almost dropped my keys, and he took notice at my sudden turn of nerves.

A musician?! You have got to be kidding me…could he be even more desirable?

"Well…you can't do things for the sake of your parents Kendall." We started walking, and when I realized he wasn't going to stop following me, until I told him everything he wanted to hear. "How about this?" I stopped and turned to him. He was taller than me, so I had to look up. "I will help you. There are music programs here, and you can take them with any other classes." He gave me a huge smile and sighed.

"You'd help me?" I'd do a lot more to you.

"Of course."

"Thanks Mr. Mitchell!" He gave me a quick hug and ran off, smiling ear to ear.

"Thank you…" I watched him run into a group of people. One of them, went to him, snaking an arm around his waist and kissing him hard on the lips. I felt a pang of jealousy knock around in my chest, seeing the blond beauty I had grown to staring at, kiss another guy.

The only silver lining I saw, while driving home to my condo, was that he was at least gay. Still I could do nothing. He was 19. He was seeing someone…

Jesus Christ! He was 19 and in a relationship! Stop having these thoughts! They will only get you in trouble! I was having a war in my head, and when I pulled into my spot, I groaned seeing a familiar, tiny black sports car parked next to my spot. I got out quick and ran up the stairs to my door. I didn't even have to unlock my door. I heard the soft hum of some jazz singer. I walked in and slammed the door.

"James?!" I heard hurried footsteps and set my bag down, seeing him walking out of my kitchen, wiping his hands with a dish towel. He was grinning ear to ear. "Why did I give you a key? Remind me…please." He laughed and walked into me, making me, crash into the door I just shut. I turned my head away from him, and his lips attached to my neck.

"Nice to see you too babe." I pushed on his rock hard abs and he laughed walking back into the kitchen. I was hit for the first time, with a delicious smell.

"You cooked for me?" I loosened my tie and tossed my jacket on the couch as I walked into the kitchen.

"Its our third year handsome." I shook my head walked to the counter picking at a freshly made Greek salad.

"This isn't anything James."

"Ouch." I turned to him and he put the towel on his shoulder, while stirring a pot on the stove. "You know, I only come out here for you." I gave a small smile and turned back to the stove. "What's on your mind Einstein?" I leaned against the counter as he walked to me, pushing two fingers into my belt loops, pulling me into him.

"How about you pour me a glass of wine, and I'll tell you all about it." He gave a devilish grin and nodded.

James wasn't my boyfriend. Although at one point in our lives, we were head over heels in love with each other. But our lives are so different. I'm a nerdy Yale professor. He's a model. Yeah, we have nothing in common.

But whenever I'm around him, and this was the reason I wanted to stay friends with him, was I felt like myself. I was happy, and I was comfortable. I could tell him anything, without feeling afraid of rejection or, judgment.

So when he sat me down, and fed me pasta with the Greek salad, and with the help of two glasses of red wine, I confessed my student crush to him. He smiled and sipped his wine looking up at the ceiling, and I brought my leg sup to my chest, hugging around them.

"Don't laugh at me. I know I'm an idiot." He shook his head and put his empty glass down on the table.

"That's not why I'm laughing. I remember a specific time, when you would talk about me like that." I rolled my eyes and rested my head on my knees. "And if I recall correctly, we were in love."

"We still are moron." He chuckled again and got up, grabbing both of our empty plates.

"Okay so, so what? He's 19…who cares. I say go for it! Your 30…and you're not getting any younger." I shot him a dirty look and he laughed, washing off the plates. "It's alright to have a crush Loges. And it is even okay to take those feelings to the next level."

"He has a boyfriend and you're out of your mind. He's my student. I could get fired."

"Not if anyone knew." I sat back and scrunched my eyebrows. I knew James to be a player. And I knew, he wasn't one for being slow or casual. But having a secret relationship, with one of my 19 year old students, was beyond insane. "Just think about it." He put the plates in the dishwasher. "Having crazy wild sex in your classroom. Lights off, door locked, knocks coming in, asking if everything's alright…" He paused, and looked up, like he was thinking about it.

"James!" I slammed my hand down on the table and he looked at me laughing.

"Seriously…like always you are over thinking things." I shook my head, getting up, grabbing my half full glass of wine. I walked out into my living room and laid on my back on my couch. I closed my eyes, and put one arm over them. I heard James still working around in the kitchen and I sighed.

I loved having him here. Yes we broke up. Yes, he cheated and I told myself, there was no way I could ever trust him again, but he was such a good friend…and honestly, an amazing kisser and great in bed. No matter how hurt he made me…I still wanted nothing more than to be with him. I moved my arm off my eyes and opened them seeing him walking out, holding the bottle of wine and his still empty glass.

I think I was just so upset about my stupid crush, that James said sounded more like being in love, that I even did what I did. I sat up, letting him sit down, and quickly pushed my body into his. Our lips met and he grabbed around my hips. We kissed, for what felt like an eternity, but really only a minute or so. He was the first to pull away, surprisingly. When he did, he stood up, and backed away.

"Logan…"

"Isn't this why you're here?" I asked bluntly. Yes we had broken up, but since then, we have hooked up. Which is usually why he was here. He ran a hand through his beautiful hair and let out a low sigh.

"Yes…I mean…no." I got up and raised my eyebrows. "I wanted to tell you…" He shook his head and closed his eyes. "I'm engaged." Every single breath left my body. I fell back on the couch and stared at the floor.

This was not fair.