A/N: So I've had this prompt in the back of my head for a while… So I'm going to write it. Enjoy!
Kurt should've said no to a take two on a Rachel Barry party. He should've said no to agreeing to take Blaine to this party. Everyone knew what happened the first time. While a lot has changed for the members of New Directions since then, the influence of alcohol could never be a good one..
The party hadn't been going for more than two hours and Blaine was pretty wasted. Everyone, Kurt especially, learned that Blaine could get particular touchy-feely and quite silly while drunk, and tonight was no excuse. Blaine sat in Kurt's lap, his legs wrapped around his boyfriend's waist and a full Red Solo Cup in hand.
"Kurt, you should really have some." Blaine slurred at Kurt. Kurt simply laughed
"Blaine, I'm a designated driver. I can't drink anything. We have to get home safe."
"Well… why can't we just walk?" Blaine asked in his drunken stupor.
"Because it's too far, Blaine. Just enjoy that yourself, okay?" Blaine said
"We won't get home safe if we walk?" Blaine asked again
"Right."
"Well we have to get home eventually."
"That's right."
"Because once we get home we're going to have hot ravishing gay sex, Kurt. God, Kurt, you're so hot. Let's just go home now." Blaine said. He bent down to set his cup of happy juice on the group before he seductively (and drunkly) stroked at Kurt's tie.
"Blaine, the party hasn't even been going on for two hours yet. It's not time to go home."
"But Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt." Blaine whined
"I want you to fuck meeeeeeee." Kurt tried so very hard to not laugh at his desperate and very wasted boyfriend.
"Blaine, I promise you, no matter how much you try, you are not going to get laid tonight. You're drunk."
"I can get you to agree." Blaine said. His eyes twinkled with drunken lust as he tried to lure Kurt in, though the latter was having none of it.
"You won't Blaine, I promise."
"But you loooooove me." Blaine whined
"I do."
"Then why won't you DOOOOO me?" Blaine asked, his voice still slurred.
"Because you're DRUNK, Blaine. I promise, tomorrow night, I'm all yours." Kurt whispered huskily. Blaine drunkenly grinned.
"You're always mine." Blaine said. He yanked at Kurt's tie and roughly attached his lips with Kurt's in a needy and lustful kiss. Kurt, while trying to settle Blaine's hormones down, knew that would be the most Blaine got tonight.
"I love you." Blaine slurred.
"I love you too, honey." Kurt answered back
"I love you so much, Kurt, I'm going to write you the best song ever. And then I'm going to sing it for you. And then tomorrow, you'll be moaning it because you'll love it so much, we'll be doing it all the time." Blaine said. Kurt tried so hard not to laugh at his boyfriend.
"Alright then, Blaine. You can write it once we get home."
"No! I have to start now! I have the perfect idea!" Blaine said drunkenly. He fell backwards onto the cold, hard basement floor of Rachel's house from Kurt's lap. He flopped around on the ground before getting enough balance to bring himself to a standing position.
"Rachel!" He yelled. Kurt laughed as Blaine drunkenly stumbled through blocks of people to Rachel.
"Rachel, I need a notebook and a pen." Blaine explained. Rachel, who not nearly as drunk as Blaine nodded.
"Okay, I'll get you one." She said. She told Blaine to wait and in a few minutes, she appeared back down into the basement with a notebook and red pen.
"Thanks Rachel."
"Why do you need it?" She asked as she grabbed on to Finn's arm.
"I'm writing a song for Kurt so he'll fuck me tomorrow." Blaine explained entirely serious. Rachel let out a howling laugh and Kurt ran over to his far from sober boyfriend, a blush on his face.
"Dude, that's my brother." Finn said, clearly disgusted. He was also a designated driver, so naturally, he was soberly horrified.
"It's not like you're not with Rachel." Kurt muttered under his breath, the thoughts of the two of them together tying knots in his stomach.
"Yeah I know that's your brother." Blaine said to the group around him
"He's your fucking HOT brother. He's supermegafoxyawesomehot." Blaine slurred. Kurt laughed at his made up word
"And you think he sings well? Well, he sounds like God when he's moaning my name as I.."
"BLAINE!" Kurt yelled, his whole face practically red. Finn was pale and Rachel was giggling.
"That's enough of that, c'mon Blaine. You have a song to write." Kurt said. He grabbed Blaine's arms and dragged him over to the couch. Rather than Blaine on Kurt's lap, he sat beside Kurt, the notebook in hand and tip of the pen in his mouth.
"I have the perfect idea, Kurt." Blaine explained. Kurt giggled
"And what's that?"
"Well, I figured writing a song about you fucking me would be inappropriate." Blaine said. Kurt giggled, a slight blush crept on his face.
"So I'm going to write a song about the world. What if, Kurt. There are so many what ifs!" Blaine explained.
"Well that's good, Blaine." Kurt said.
Kurt sat and watched Blaine as he scribbled down things on his notebook.
"Kurt this song is going to be so good, we're going to be having the best sex ever." Blaine said. Kurt just rolled his eyes and stifled a giggle.
"If it's that good, Blaine." Kurt shrugged.
As the late hours of the night dwindled to the early morning hours of the day, people began to leave the party. Finn was taking Artie, Mercedes, Tina, and Mike home, Santana and Britney were staying the night at Rachel's, Puck was walking home, and Kurt had Blaine in his car. Blaine, like the last time, would be spending the night at Kurt house, only this time with the consent of said boy's father. Kurt led Blaine out to his car and helped buckle him in the passenger front seat. He shut his door and walked around to the driver's side and started the car.
"I can't wait to show you the song." Blaine slurred.
"I can't wait to hear it." Kurt said, eyes focused on the road and not really on Blaine.
"It's hot, just like youuuuu." Blaine sang. Kurt giggled.
Kurt turned the radio on and up, a Katy Perry song filling the Navigator.
"KURT I LOVE THIS SONG!" Blaine cried loudly before he started to sing along to the chorus.
Yeah we danced on table tops
Yeah we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot
Last Friday Night.
Kurt rolled his eyes at his completely drunk yet adorable boyfriend, who still sounded amazing. The song ended as the two arrived at the Hummel house hold. Kurt shut the car off and turned to Blaine.
"Blaine, I need you to listen to me for a second, okay?" Kurt asked. Blaine nodded
"We're going to play a game, alright? Have you ever heard of the quiet game?"
"Of course silly! We used to play it all the time in elementary school!"
"Okay, well, we're going to play it again. You have to be completely silent until we are in my room, okay?" Kurt asked. Blaine thought for a moment
"What do I get if I win?" Blaine asked
"Really, Blaine?"
"I'm not playing unless I get something for winning." Blaine pouted, his arms folding over his chest. Kurt sighed
"I'll let you wear my 'likes boys' t-shirt and we can make out before we fall asleep." Kurt bargained. Blaine smiled
"Deal."
"Alright, the quiet games starts in 3…2…1." Kurt said. When he finished the count down, Kurt put a finger over his lips and smiled at Blaine. Blaine mimicked the movement before he got out of the car with Kurt. Kurt grabbed his arm to guide the drunken Blaine o his room, and in 5 minutes, the two were down in Kurt's basement room, the door shut.
"Okay, Blaine, you can talk now." Kurt said. Blaine grinned
"I won! I won!" Blaine boasted. He flopped over on Kurt's queen size bed. Kurt giggled before he threw his promised t-shirt at Blaine to change into. After both had gotten into pajamas, Blaine smiled.
"Are you ready to hear my song?" Blaine slurred. Kurt sat down on his bed and nodded. Blaine grinned, and walked over to Kurt's storage closet. He kept one of his older guitars in there to play when he was over at the Hummel's house, which was becoming more often as of alte. He sat down at the foot of the bed directly across from Kurt.
"Alright. Well, this doesn't have a name yet, 'cause I don't know what to name it." Blaine explained. Kurt nodded and gave Blaine the okay to play. As Blaine strummed out the first chords, Kurt stopped him
"Wait, Blaine?" Kurt asked. Blaine smiled and stopped his strumming.
"This song, I know is just going to be so amazing. Can I record it?" Kurt asked as he tried to hold back a grin.
"Sure." Blaine shrugged. Kurt pulled out his iPhone and hit record before he gave Blaine a thumbs up to go. Blaine started the song again, this time, making it to the lyrical part.
What if the world was made of glazed donuts?
You would be like,
"Man, that's fuckin' sweet, I can't believe the world is made of donuts!"
Kurt bit his cheeks in an attempt not to laugh. He was expecting something outrageous, but not like this.What if your hands were made of hot pockets?
You would be the first one to be eaten in survival situations.
As Blaine continued to strum along, he stopped singing and started talking.
"You know, hot pockets taste good." He said.
"They do."
"They're fucking delicious." Blaine stated. Kurt bit his cheeks and nodded, not able to say anything else without letting out a laugh.What if your thumb roared like a dinosaur?
What if you peed out of your nose?
What if your face was shaped like Mexico?
Or Trapezoids?
Or Texas and Hawaii?
Blaine continued to strum, not continuing with the lyrics.
"I think making out with you would be really hard if your face was shaped like any of that." Blaine thought out loud.
"'Cause like… Texas has that thing on it. And it would poke me. And Hawaii has like 20,000 parts to it, so I wouldn't be able to kiss all of you. And how could you get your shirt on if your face was shaped like a trapezoid? And Mexico? I mean like, I guess if someone had a face shaped like Mexico, wouldn't get picked on for his butt chin anymore and.."
"Blaine, just continue on with the song." Kurt said with a smile plastered on his face.
"Oh… right." Blaine said. He strummed for a little bit more before continuing to sing.
What if the world was made of other worlds combined into a world just like the world
you started with?
What if another world then ate the world made out of donuts, making all the donut people pissed?
"Would that be considered a zombie apocalypse? Because like, it would kind of be like that, only the worlds ate each other, not the people. And they aren't zombies. They are donut people. Their sex must be a lot of fun, everything would taste good. I wonder if it would taste like glaze if I…"
"BLAINE!" Kurt shrieked in horror. Blaine stopped his thoughts
"Right. Song." Blaine said, trying to focus
What if your face was made of bumblebees?
You would be like,
"Dude this really sucks! I do not want a face made out of bumblebees."
What if your dad was made of rainbows?
You would be like, "OMG that's lame! I want a dad made out of ninja robots!"
Blaine stopped strumming and singing and turned completely mad.
"What the fuck! So what if your Dad was made of rainbows? We're both made of rainbows, even Brittany said so! And I think we're totally awesome. We're fucking totally awesome! Rainbows are cool! Ninja robots are fucking stupid. Why would they even write that?" Blaine asked Kurt in disbelief. Kurt bit his cheeks almost so hard they were bleeding in an attempt not to laugh
"Blaine, honey, you wrote that. You could change it if you wanted." Kurt said. Blaine stopped and thought for a moment.
"I could." He said. There was a short pause of silence between the two boys once more.
"I'll change it when I'm done." Blaine shrugged. He began to strum again and continued on with his disaster of a song.
What if your pool was filled with apple sauce?
What if a hot dog was your tongue?
What if your mouth was filled with BROKEN GLASS,
And FIRE ANTS,
And creamy jambalaya?
"If your hot dog was a tongue, I could suck it like I suck your…"
"BLAINE EVERETT ANDERSON." Kurt said, blushing. Blaine giggled
"Silly, I was going to say lollipop." Blaine winked
"Of course." Kurt said as he slapped on a bitch glare that didn't even phase the far from sober Blaine.
What if you tried to build a spaceship with a cannon that shoots crocodiles at everyone you hate?
What if those crocodiles could shoot heat-seeking killer bees ensuring that there would be no escape?
"Dude, that would be totally fucking awesome! We could've like, scared Karofsky with that shit. And the bees would swarm around him like BUZZZZ BUZZZZ BUZZZZ and then he'd be like 'Ah fuck! Killer Bees!' and then the bees would all be like 'you asshole! BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ' and they'd sting the shit out of him." Blaine explained, motioning the actions of Karofsky and the bees with his hands. Kurt couldn't resist the temptation to laugh at Blaine's drunken stupidity anymore. Blaine simply shrugged and continued the song.
What if your room was filled with lots and lots of puppy dogs?
You would be like "Aww, look at the puppy dogs! Awwwwww, come 'ere! Come 'ere! Awwwww! Whatcha doin little guy? Whatcha doin? Ooh whatcha wookie-wookie! Who's the puppy dog? You're the puppy dog! Who's the puppy dog? Little puppy doggies!"
"Seriously, Blaine?" Kurt giggled as he cut off Blaine's baby talk to an invisible puppy.
"I want a dog, Kurt. Can we get a dog?" Blaine asked. Kurt giggled
"Maybe someday."
Where do the squirrels go during hurricanes?
What if your butt was on your chest?
What if guitars could squirt out sour cream,
And NACHO CHEESE,
And pure sulphuric acid?
"I think if your butt was on your chest, it'd be pretty weird to fuck you." Blaine said
"Jesus, Blaine, for God's sake, this is on tape! You can't just say those things!" Kurt half laughed and half scolded
"But it's true! Like, they'd have to come up with all new positions and.."
"Blaine, shut up." Kurt said. Blaine pouted
"And I WONDER IF MY GUITAR COULD SQUIRT THAT SHIT OUT OF IT!" Blaine questioned. He stood up of the bed and held the guitar, pointing the head of it at fake enemies in the room
"PEW PEW PEW! KILL YOU DUMB BITCHES WITH FUCKING CHEESE AND ACID! PEW PEW PEW!" Blaine said as he ran around the room and shot invisible criminals
"Blaine! Blaine!" Kurt shouted at Blaine. He stopped shooting his invisible enemies and turned to Kurt
"Oh, right, song." Blaine said. He readjusted himself on Kurt's bed and started to sing again
What if the world was made of-
"Alright, Blaine, I think your song is over." Kurt said. Blaine pouted
"No it's not! I have like three more verses!" He argued
"Well, we'll listen to them in the morning, okay?" Kurt said. Blaine sighed and set his guitar off to the side. Kurt stopped recording on his iPhone and smirked at the newly recorded piece of blackmail he would definitely be showing at their wedding someday.
"Kurt?" Blaine asked
"Did you like my song? Was it fuck worthy?" He asked as he curled up against Kurt's chest. Kurt smiled and stifled a giggle
"It was certainly… interesting." Kurt commented Blaine frowned
"I know, it wasn't that great…" Blaine sighed.
"Blaine, I loved it. I don't care what the song was about, or how you performed it, or anything. It came from you." Kurt said. A very drunken you. Kurt thought to himself. Blaine smiled
"Really?"
"Yes, Blaine. It was from you. And I loved it, just like I do you." Kurt smiled. He planted a small kiss on the top of Blaine's forehead and smiled.
"You think I will put it on my first album someday?" Blaine asked. Kurt giggled
"I don't think you'd be able to record it, Blaine." Kurt said. Blaine frowned
"Why?"
"It's so long, you'd run out of CD space." Kurt said. Blaine was silent for a minute before he spoke again.
"That's a great title for it, even if I don't record it." Blaine said
"What is?"
"We Ran Out Of CD Space."
"You think so?" Kurt asked, simply to humor his boyfriend
"Yup." Blaine said, clearly proud of himself. Kurt giggled and let another kiss linger on Blaine's head.
"Kurt?"
"Yes?"
"Can I take a rain check on that make out session?" Blaine asked. Kurt smiled.
"Sure, Blaine." Kurt said. Blaine smiled. The two moved to crawl under the covers and shut the night stand lamp off. Blaine cuddled into Kurt's side in the darkness of the room.
"Goodnight, Kurt." Blaine slurred drunkenly and tiredly. Kurt giggled.
"Goodnight. I love you." Kurt said. Blaine soon enough was out like a light, snoring soundly. Kurt giggled to himself and let a smile trace over his lips as he fluttered his eyes shut. He needed some sleep in order to deal with the most massive hangover Blaine will have ever experienced to date in the morning. But it was worth it.
Post A/N: The song used in this story is called We Ran Out Of CD Space by Psychostick - if you want a good laugh, check it out! (x I unfortunately do not own the song, however. It belongs to whoever it respectfully belongs to. And so does Last Friday Night. (: