Cast Aside

Chapter 13

Years passed without Edward.

Carlisle thought of their final confrontation every day. Even after a year had passed, then two, the memory was still sharp and clear, as though it had happened yesterday. The pain of losing his beloved companion seared through his body like flames. He could not forget - the boy was branded into his mind. Sharpest in his mind were his harsh parting words to his darling boy, and the look of defeat on Edward's face before it turned into rage.

But the memory could only grip him when he was alone, so when he was not working at the hospital, he spent as much time with Esme as possible. The connection he felt with her was so bright, it outshone all else. Esme allowed Carlisle to forget for a while. But no matter what happened in his day, Carlisle would reflect on Edward at least once before the next dawn.

Eventually Carlisle and Esme, destined to be mates, declared their love to one another and became intimate. Esme's body was glorious, and in sharp contrast to Edward's. Carlisle lost himself in the soft curves and slick folds of her femininity. Her cries of pleasure were more subdued, demure somehow. Carlisle missed the wild abandon that Edward would give himself over to, as well as the resistance and pressure the boy's tight channel inflicted on his cock. Esme was wonderful in a different way though, and despite missing some aspects of intercourse with Edward, Carlisle decided that he was quite content to devote the rest of his existence to coupling only with Esme.

Still, Carlisle loved Edward. The boy was his first companion in three hundred and fifty years, and his presence in his life had been constant. Carlisle's venom ran through his body; they were connected for eternity. Fledglings and their sires often stayed together, feeling an unexplainable pull toward one another. Carlisle hoped Edward felt it too, he desperately wanted Edward back. He felt like he was missing a vital part of himself. He loved Edward, but he couldn't bring himself to go against the will of his god. He hoped that if— he hoped when— Edward returned, the boy would be able to move beyond the past and toward his own redemption.

Carlisle couldn't bring himself to leave Ashland, and luckily, Esme made no argument. It was incomprehensible to Carlisle, but Esme wanted Edward home as well, and was nearly as pained as he was over Edward's absence. The boy had treated her terribly, had let her drink from a human, making no attempt to stop her when he easily could have. But she didn't blame him for that. She seemed to love him, even though she'd known him so briefly.

One day, as Esme was running her fingers just above the keys of the piano, looking wistful, he asked her, "Why do you miss him so much?"

She looked up with a start. "What do you mean?" she asked, bewildered.

Confused by her surprise, he explained, "You didn't know him long, and what you saw of him was… he was not at his best."

She put a hand on her hip in annoyance. "You seem to forget that when you were at work, we were alone together. Sure, he went off on his own many of those nights, but sometimes, he stayed and he would play for me. And talk some. I learned enough about him to know that he's just a boy, stuck in the mercurial stages of his late teens, and he needs some unconditional loving care. You can't do that for him. He needs a mother."

Carlisle was skeptical. "He'll never accept that. He has a mother."

"Had a mother."

Carlisle just stared at his hands, folded in his lap.

"And I had a son," she continued. "I also have an unfulfilled need, a need to nurture. My baby was taken from me when I had barely gotten started. The grief overwhelms me."

Carlisle took that in, taking a deep breath. He wasn't sure, but a part of him was worried that Esme suspected something was between he and Edward. Of course, she would be right, but he'd thought he did a pretty good job not revealing himself. He decided to do his best to distract her from that train of thought. "I hope, when he returns, he will recognize what a gift he has in you."

That seemed to work, and Esme swiftly crossed the room into Carlisle's waiting arms, seating herself on his lap, her legs wrapped around his back, her hands cupping the sides of his face.

"It is I who has the gift," she whispered just before she kissed him.

Xxxxxxx

Carlisle and Esme stayed in Ashland long past what was appropriate. Since Esme had been a relatively new arrival to town when she died, few people had known her, so she wasn't really missed by anyone. Carlisle concocted a story about having a severely infirm wife, so she would never have to be seen and guests would not come to the house. That had worked, but now Carlisle was claiming eight years past the age he looked, and his stone visage remained unchanged. Carlisle had to quit his job at the hospital, and he never ventured into town anymore. They would have to leave soon. It had been three years that the boy was gone now, without so much as a telegram. Edward was unlikely to return.

Carlisle shook his head in an attempt to clear his mind of his recollections and refocused on the book in his lap. A gentle breeze blew in the window, and Carlisle's nostrils flared, his body recognizing the cinnamon scent in the air faster than his mind did. A stronger breeze blew in, ruffling the pages of his book, and he stood, the book tumbling to the floor.

Edward.

He was home. Esme rushed into the room, having smelled him too.

"Oh, Carlisle, he's returned!"

Carlisle thought fast, not wanting to meet Edward after all this time with Esme by his side.

"Let me go to him. We don't know what he's been through. I want you to stay safe in here until I tell you it's okay."

Esme drew back, frightened now of the potential unknowns. "Okay. I'll stay."

Carlisle nodded at her and headed to the door. As soon as he stepped outside, he scanned the area for his boy. When he caught sight of him standing at the tree line, Carlisle broke into a run, his insides breaking apart and knitting back together in quick succession. Edward did not look up as Carlisle rushed at him, and the older man stopped just short of embracing him.

Edward raised his head then, and Carlisle was shocked to see Edward's rust-colored irises when they met his, knowing it meant the boy had given in to his nature while he'd been gone.

"Only bad people," Edward said quietly, tapping his temple.

Though he didn't condone what Edward had done, Carlisle was heartened that Edward saw the error of his ways. The shade of his eyes indicated that he had already begun to resume Carlisle's diet.

Let's run, Carlisle thought, starting to move away from the small house.

Edward was quick to move, and he led the way through the forest. They ran far from Esme's listening ears. When Edward could no longer hear her thoughts, he stopped running. Carlisle halted next to him, having been a few paces behind (he could never match the speed of the boy). And then, Edward turned to Carlisle and pulled him close, burying his face in the older man's neck, breaking down crying.

"Oh, Carlisle, "Edward whispered, his words muffled against Carlisle's skin. "I am sorry I left you. I couldn't handle seeing the beginning of your love with her happen before my eyes, in my mind. I had to get away. I hated you for what you did, leaving me but still being there."

Carlisle stroked his back in small circles, wanting him to be comforted. I'm sorry too, Edward. I could never have guessed she'd come back into my life in such a way. It can only be fate. Can you understand? Edward nodded but continued to cry quietly. I love you, Edward. When you were gone, I felt like I was missing a vital part of myself. I thought of you every day, worrying over you, hoping you would return. "I hate that I hurt you, my love," he whispered into Edward's hair, and the boy looked up at him, his face free of the tracks of his tearless sobs, but his eyes full of sorrow.

"I know," he said sadly. "I know your regret for my feelings. But I also know I can't compete with her, your mate. As much as I want to have you for myself, I won't have you unhappily with me."

Carlisle cupped Edward's cheek, looking into his eyes. "I wish it could be different, darl-" He stopped, catching himself, knowing Edward had forbidden him to use the term of endearment anymore. "You will always have a place in my heart. Edward, I can't bear it if you leave me again. Please tell me you'll stay with me. I've never felt so lost as when you were gone."

"I have nowhere else to go," Edward said with a small crooked smile. "I will stay. And maybe one day you will realize what you've lost and return to my arms."

Carlisle didn't like the idea that Edward would be holding out hope for the future, but he also could not believe how readily Edward was putting their relationship to rest. It could never be erased, but it was being put into a chest, locking it and throwing away the key. The chest would go with them everywhere for eternity, they would not be able to escape it, but they would never open it again. Carlisle found he could live with that, and he was relieved that Edward was so ready to settle for that.

A smirk flashed across Edward's face, and he looked at the older vampire from beneath his eyelashes. "But Carlisle—" Edward 's voice was deeper, huskier. Memories of what Edward was like in a state of arousal flooded his mind at the timber of his voice, and Carlisle could not deny he felt a stirring in his trousers. "If you want me to stay, I want something from you."

Carlisle's breath hitched, unconsciously knowing what Edward would ask of him, and venom rushed to his groin. He never could resist Edward's forwardness, his innate sexuality. Edward knew he had Carlisle where he wanted him. His smile grew wider and he leaned in closely, their lips nearly touching. "I want you to make love to me, one last time."

Edward closed the gap and captured his sire's lips in a fiery kiss. Carlisle responded in kind, not willing to give up this last encounter with his boy. Esme was his mate, but Carlisle knew that despite his reservations about his ultimate place in the Lord's kingdom, he loved Edward greatly and it would not be easy to give him up. Part of him wished desperately he hadn't been working the morgue that fateful night. But he couldn't deny the pull he felt toward Esme. When he'd lain with her while Edward had been away, it felt right. What he had with Edward was illicit and exciting, but Carlisle always felt like he was sinning. With Esme, it felt like home, comfortable and warm and inviting, like a long eternity should feel.

But Carlisle pushed all of that aside; he would sin one last time and enjoy every moment of it. So, Carlisle gave himself over to the will of this precious boy.

Their bodies knew what to do, and every caress felt new, yet achingly familiar at the same time. Time had not diminished their desire for one another, and while their bodies and minds were aflame with their need, the undercurrent of finality could not be ignored. Carlisle wanted to worship his boy and commit every touch, taste and scent to his considerable memory. He wanted to hear the boy's moans and mewls, inevitably louder and more passionate than those of his mate's.

The look of satisfaction on Edward's face showed that he'd heard Carlisle's thoughts, and his pride was clear as he quickly removed the clothes from Carlisle's body. Naked now, Carlisle needed to feel the boy's body pressed against his, and he was not nearly as careful removing Edward's clothes in his haste. Once his lover was stripped, he clutched him closely and lowered them to the forest floor, their bodies aligning, rubbing and writhing against one another while their lips and tongues remained connected. Without a need to breathe, they could have stayed that way indefinitely, ravaging one another's mouths, but Carlisle wanted more so he trailed his lips across Edward's jaw, down his neck to his chest, pausing to tease the dusky flat nipples. Edward's gasps of pleasure spurred him on, and he traced every hard muscle of his torso before moving down to the longest, hardest muscle.

The boy cried out loudly when the older man engulfed his straining length in his cavernous throat, hands twisting the grass and uprooting it from the earth. Those long fingers found their way to the soft blond strands of Carlisle's hair, carding through it and tugging lightly with the older man's every swallow.

Too soon, Carlisle removed Edward's cock from his throat and Edward whined when his wet skin met the cool air. His whine turned into a long groan as his rear was lifted slightly in two hands, a talented tongue stroking between the globes, wriggling inside his body, opening him up for a larger, most welcome intrusion. The lean thighs fell apart and his back arched, needing more. And Carlisle was ready to give it, his control growing tenuous.

The vampires' eyes met, gold on orange, and their gazes held as they became one, slowly breaching and then sinking in deep. Edward gasped when Carlisle was all the way in, closing his eyes and throwing his head back against the fallen leaves. Biting his lip to stave off the release that was oh-so-close, Carlisle set a slow pace, relishing in the feel of his boy's tight heat constricting around his eager cock. It wasn't long before Carlisle found just the right spot within Edward's channel, and the boy could not control his beautiful, keening moans. He begged Carlisle to go faster, and even though he wished to prolong their joining, he gave the boy what he wanted, setting a punishing pace, pushing his boy higher and higher until he could take no more.

When Edward fell over the precipice, he brought Carlisle with him, and they erupted together, their shouts of pleasure and release ringing out in the dead of the night. They clung to one another as they came down from their mutual high, their erratic breathing slowing as Carlisle's erection faded. When their connection could no longer hold, they both whimpered at the loss, knowing they would never feel each other that way again. Edward pulled Carlisle's face to his, their lips meeting. He poured everything he had into that final kiss, and although he would not voice his feelings, the kiss itself screamed, 'I love you, don't leave me.'

Carlisle threw himself into the kiss as well, but for an altogether different reason. This was his goodbye to a period of his life defined by sin. His kiss was one of release, release from the self-imposed condemnation of his feelings for Edward. No longer would they behave as mates, but Carlisle hoped they could still be close, in a different way. He didn't know exactly how, he only hoped something would work out.

Edward heard his thoughts of course, and he slowly pulled back. "I'll try, Carlisle." His sorrowful eyes met Carlisle's. "I don't want to lose you again. It hurt to be apart from you."

"It hurt me too, darling." Edward flinched and Carlisle quickly apologized. "I'm sorry. It hurt me too, when you were away."

Edward nodded, disentangling himself from Carlisle's arms and sitting up. "I know. I see it."

Carlisle breathed a sigh. Unbidden, the thought occurred to him that they'd been gone quite a long time, and he began to worry what Esme might be thinking was going on with the two of them.

It was Edward's turn to sigh. "I guess we should go back."

Esme's worried over you so much these last few years. She'll be happy to welcome you home.

Edward's jaw twitched and he didn't answer Carlisle's thoughts, he simply rose and quickly dressed in the remnants of his clothes. Carlisle did the same, and in the next moment, they were running off toward the house, to face two separate fates - one of comfort and love, the other of bitterness and pain.

XXX

Esme welcomed Edward home warmly, taking note of the relaxed state of her husband's shoulders and dutifully ignoring the tattered clothing and familiar musk that enveloped Edward when she hugged him in greeting. Her mind had asked the boy, Is this the end? His baleful orange eyes met hers and he'd given a slight nod. Carlisle missed you. "I missed you, Edward."

He smiled and nodded, but didn't return her sentiment. Instead, he gravitated toward the piano and sat down on the bench, regarding it for a few moments before testing to see if it was in tune. His smile grew wider when he realized that it was perfectly tuned— Carlisle made sure it would be ready for him whenever he decided to return— and started to play. The music flowed out of him as it always did, effortlessly. He became absorbed in his composition, and Carlisle thought it best to give Edward some space, so he asked Esme to go hunting with him.

They found a herd of deer a few miles out and drank their fill. Esme approached him after they'd buried the bodies, coming to a stop directly in front of him, her gaze stern.

"I'm not a fool," she stated calmly, although her hands were balled into fists.

"Esme, darling," Carlisle beseeched her, taking her fists in his hands. "It's over. I swear."

She stared into Carlisle's eyes for a long time, long enough for him to wonder if she could believe the truth. He prayed for her to believe him.

Finally, her eyes softened and she smiled a little. She did believe him. She started to lean in for a kiss, but drew back quickly, her nose wrinkling and her eyes narrowing. "Maybe you should go in the river."

xxxxxxxx

A few hours later, as they neared the house, the young vampire was still playing. It was the same haunting tune as before they'd left, only richer and more developed. And now, it had lyrics. It appeared Edward was too wrapped up in his music to notice they'd returned. So, they hung back and listened.

For to see my depth of sorrow

You are not allowed to follow me

Into this town square

And then run away

Evil angel with your cleft tongue

When you kissed me

On this town square

All the lights came on at sunset

Thought you'd stay

Evil angel bearing apples

When you kissed me

On this drawbridge

As the boats do

How was I to know you'd flee

Tear down these monuments

Bury the coat of arms

And build for me a factory

Evil angel when you're faced with hatred's

Daggers in my honor

You're no match no scratching hearts that no longer bleed

Oh, Evil angel tear down the monuments

Evil angel Bury the coat of arms

And rebuild for me these memories

For to see my depth of sorrow

A/N: Dear readers, I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter. It was hard to get in the headspace for this one, it hurts me to tear them apart like this! I'd love to hear your thoughts. I know I'm terrible at responding, but I cherish every review.

It is my intention to have two more chapters, an epilogue which brings us through to the present day (2006 in the Prologue). I can't guarantee when it will be done though; it might be a while.

The song is Evil Angel by Rufus Wainwright. Go to YouTube and listen to it - you'll thank me!