Disclaimer: EL. James owns these characters. Me? I'm just a big fan.

I should. No, wait I shouldn't. Yes, I should! My mind's in a whirlwind as I pace my mini-library in Escala.

I reach forth and grab the ductile acrylic ruler off the desk before marching purposefully towards Christian's study. I didn't bother knocking to announce my presence and walked straight in. I placed the whole fifteen inches right under Christian's nose, nervously awaiting his reaction. He stops typing on his laptop, looks at the ruler, proceeds to close his laptop, before looking up at me, curiosity lit his gorgeous blue globes.

"Spank me," with all the courage I can muster but it comes out as a bare whisper, "please".

Christian scrunches his nose, takes another quick glance at the now rather intimidating piece of stationary and picks it up. His expression is hardly readable and at that moment, a pang of regret hit me. What would Christian think of me? The tension starts to build as I feel a wave of cold shower over me. I wanted to snatch it back and dash right out the room, this was too embarrassing, and I was too late.

"Assume your position," Christian words through gritted teeth, finally breaks the silence, "Now Anastasia!" he almost yells as I realize my feet stood rooted to the ground. Avoiding his gaze, I scurry over to lie over his lap, palms on the dark parquet floor while Christian locks me in position with his right leg. In no time, my sweats were pulled down, bundling lifelessly at my ankles. I hear a hitch as Christian lightly caresses my backside.

"Why?" Christian asks and I realize it was rhetorical as I hear the distinct slap of the acrylic against my tender flesh. I gasp at the suddenness while the pain of the first strike started radiating across my derriere.

Swish *thwack*, swish *thwack*, swish *thwack*!

The hits came raining down mercilessly and I feel tears collecting around my eyes. This was what I wanted, each and every hit seemed to take my pain away. The pain was comforting and I closed my eyes to lose myself in the feeling.

Swish *thwack*, swish *thwack*, swish *thwack*!

Christian carries on dominating my derriere in silence, as though he understands that I needed it. I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks but I don't have the slightest urge to say 'Stop'. The hits kept coming, I lost count, the tears were pouring, my whole ass felt like it was on fire! Ironically, the more my flesh suffered, the better I felt within, it was such a complicated feeling but it felt good.

SWISH *THWACK*!

"Ooowwwwiiieeeeee!" I cried out 2 octaves higher, my hands instantly flew up to cover my backside as what felt like the most painful blow struck me. Over my sobs, I faintly heard Christian curse and the sound of the menacing tool hit something hard across the other far side of the room. Before I could even collect my thoughts, I felt my body lifted off from across Christian's lap and the next moment I was cradled tightly in his arms.

"I – I – Chris – tian – I…." I sputtered incoherently, trying to explain myself.

"Shh hush now baby," he purrs rocking me back and forth ever so slightly, "it's over, you're okay. Breathe Ana, breathe"

"No – Christian – I… needed that. I wanted it. I – I – than – k –you," I feel myself getting frustrated at my inability to string proper sentences and not blabber like a child learning her first words.

The physical pain was bearable, what I couldn't put a lid on was the exploding feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that made me lose my sense of self. I clung onto Christian, as though for dear life and sob relentlessly into the defined crook of his neck. Christian just let me lose myself in him, softly uttering comforting words, continuously professing his unconditional love for me till my sobs seems to subside to mere hiccups.

"Shh it's okay. I need you to breathe baby. Can you take deep breaths for me?" Christian so kindly instructs. I heed his words and took several deep breaths to calm my erratic breathing.

"Use this," he smiles upon me, offering the ends of his sleeves of his plain long-sleeve linen tee. I took it graciously, quickly wiping away the tears and mucin away. After a good cry, I already feel so much better and I thank my loving husband for that.

"Ana," Christian calls, but I was too embarrassed to look him in the eye. I snuggled closer to him, breathing in his scent – Mmmm a mix of coffee, mint and his unique musky manliness.

Usually it was Christian who dishes out the punishments when he sees it deem fits. However this time I actually asked – no begged him for it, plus I even presented my choice of implement. A flashback of that time when Christian used that on me was still livid in my memory. The last time, it gave me pain and pleasure, this time it gives me pain and relief. I kept still, reluctant to face this part of the deal.

"Ana look at me," Christian calls again, this time tilting my chin up so his loving eyes were looking right at mine. "Want to tell me what's wrong, baby?" His face engulfed with worry and I could feel myself tearing up again, just because I am so touched by Christian's overwhelming love and patience for me.

Nevertheless, I held my tears back and sucked in a deep breath before I speak, "Christian, I just feel so overwhelmed and stressed out by all the things happening these days. Kate getting married, me being her bridesmaid, a ton of new books to stock-take, you going off to Taiwan next week… "I stop as the thought that I'll be alone when Christian is away for his business trip strikes me. I close my eyes and hang my head low in a defeated manner.

"Hey, hey Ana look at me," He says as he brushes his thumb over the corners of my lips. I tilt my head up and his kisses me. Christian suckles on my bottom lip which became so sensitive after all the crying. He nearly took my breath away.

"I feel suffocated. I just needed some control over my life. I wanted, no, needed you to be that person to control me. I didn't know what to do… I just – just needed to let it all out – give it all up you know?" I try my best to explain, whether it makes sense to him or not was another matter.

"I get it baby," Christian says, stroking the back of my head, "I just want to let you know that I'm right here, right beside you. I want to give you the world Ana. God I'm so proud of you. If this is what you wanted, I'll give it to you too. Don't need to be shy about it. How are you feeling?"

"Better, much better. Thank you." I mumbled, still a little embarrassed about it.

"Good to know," Christian lays a peck on my forehead, "We're both busy people and I think I haven't been expressing my love enough. Would my wife be interested in some vanilla?"

I nod shyly.

"Me too" Christian gives a low chuckle, as he stood up, carrying my bridal-style to our bedroom…

A/N: An idea just popped into my head one day. I hoped you guys liked the story. Please review! TYVM! May add Christian's POV.