p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emSeamus Seamus Seamus,/em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI want to write your name over and over and over until the ink has seeped into my flesh and all I am is you. I want to trace the contours of your face with my paintbrush and I want to see your eyes and feel your laugh against my skin./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emDo you still laugh, Shay?/em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI drew you. I was so bloody terrified that I wouldn't remember that way it looks when your grin stretches so wide it's like it's splitting your face into two, but I could, and I'm not sure which is worse. Never seeing you, or seeing you when you're not really there?/em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI could say that this will be over before we know it but there's a part of me that knows it won't. Because every second is like torture, Shay. Every second there is a knife slitting open my fingertips, cross-hatching the groove of my jaw, brushing words into my vision with paints so rich they can't be conjured./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI see you and you are green, blue, violet, yellow, gold. You are my rainbow, Seamus, my world. And I know you'll be rolling your eyes and calling me a "feckin' pansy," but I know you won't mean it in the way I know you can't mean it. You'll never read these words. They'll be burnt and the ashes will dissipate into the air almost quickly as I will./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emYou won't read this, so maybe now is my chance to say it. Or not. The whole bleeding workings of Shakespeare wouldn't say what I want to./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI'm not going to tell you I love you./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emThree insignificant little words don't amount to 6 years./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emToo many people say it, anyway. My sister says it to my Mum and my Mum says it to my Dad and my Dad says it to me, and I don't want this /emthingem, whatever it is we're doing, to be just another link in the chain of three built upon utterings. So, instead, Shay, I'll tell you this:/em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emThere are days when I want the world to end. Days when I want to stop feeling the pounding of blood in my ears and for a silence to fall so this goddamned war can just stop, so /emIem can just stop. But then I see your face when my eyes close and you're there, you're there and you're telling me to stop being such a bleedin' sissy and to face up to whatever shit flies at me, and to shout;/em'SCREW YOU, '/embr /emYou're there and I decide that it's not my time to go./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI want an infinity with you, the little infinities that dance upon the tip of a paintbrush and the little moments stolen from the ashes of a burning parchment. Maybe I'll be back soon. Maybe I won't./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI'll spend an infinity waiting. I'll spend an infinity yours./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emMaybe this is what hope is, but somehow hope seems too light a word to use./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emUntil I figure it out, I'll live in hope. Hope is all I have./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emHere's to our infinities./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emDean./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"The smoke pricks at your eyes but you stare and you stare until the parchment slowly crumbles into a pile of ash. The smell of charred paper lingers in your nose long after you've changed base, and you want it to stay that way./p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"You wonder if you'll see him again, and try to imagine the way his eyes will light up when he sees your face./p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"You find you can't remember./p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"The flicker of hope dies, and your world is plunged into darkness./p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emEND/em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI want to write your name over and over and over until the ink has seeped into my flesh and all I am is you. I want to trace the contours of your face with my paintbrush and I want to see your eyes and feel your laugh against my skin./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emDo you still laugh, Shay?/em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI drew you. I was so bloody terrified that I wouldn't remember that way it looks when your grin stretches so wide it's like it's splitting your face into two, but I could, and I'm not sure which is worse. Never seeing you, or seeing you when you're not really there?/em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI could say that this will be over before we know it but there's a part of me that knows it won't. Because every second is like torture, Shay. Every second there is a knife slitting open my fingertips, cross-hatching the groove of my jaw, brushing words into my vision with paints so rich they can't be conjured./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI see you and you are green, blue, violet, yellow, gold. You are my rainbow, Seamus, my world. And I know you'll be rolling your eyes and calling me a "feckin' pansy," but I know you won't mean it in the way I know you can't mean it. You'll never read these words. They'll be burnt and the ashes will dissipate into the air almost quickly as I will./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emYou won't read this, so maybe now is my chance to say it. Or not. The whole bleeding workings of Shakespeare wouldn't say what I want to./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI'm not going to tell you I love you./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emThree insignificant little words don't amount to 6 years./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emToo many people say it, anyway. My sister says it to my Mum and my Mum says it to my Dad and my Dad says it to me, and I don't want this /emthingem, whatever it is we're doing, to be just another link in the chain of three built upon utterings. So, instead, Shay, I'll tell you this:/em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emThere are days when I want the world to end. Days when I want to stop feeling the pounding of blood in my ears and for a silence to fall so this goddamned war can just stop, so /emIem can just stop. But then I see your face when my eyes close and you're there, you're there and you're telling me to stop being such a bleedin' sissy and to face up to whatever shit flies at me, and to shout;/em'SCREW YOU, '/embr /emYou're there and I decide that it's not my time to go./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI want an infinity with you, the little infinities that dance upon the tip of a paintbrush and the little moments stolen from the ashes of a burning parchment. Maybe I'll be back soon. Maybe I won't./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emI'll spend an infinity waiting. I'll spend an infinity yours./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emMaybe this is what hope is, but somehow hope seems too light a word to use./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emUntil I figure it out, I'll live in hope. Hope is all I have./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emHere's to our infinities./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emDean./em/p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"The smoke pricks at your eyes but you stare and you stare until the parchment slowly crumbles into a pile of ash. The smell of charred paper lingers in your nose long after you've changed base, and you want it to stay that way./p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"You wonder if you'll see him again, and try to imagine the way his eyes will light up when he sees your face./p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"You find you can't remember./p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"The flicker of hope dies, and your world is plunged into darkness./p
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"emEND/em/p