A month had passed since Harry, Remus, Tonks, Moody and Sirius had been freed. The five of them were currently gathered in the living room of the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters, recounting their tale to the small crowd that had gathered around them.
"So what?" Ron asked, his eyes wide. "Were they, like, really insane?"
"Completely barmy" Sirius replied. "They thought they were countries, for Merlin's sake!"
Mrs. Weasley shook her head. "Oh, you poor dears" she murmured. "I'm just glad that you're all okay."
"Would you believe us if we told you that Voldemort was tied up in there with us?"
Hermione stared at Harry, looking skeptical. "Really?" she asked, sounding unconvinced.
"Really" Harry, Sirius, Remus, Tonks and Moody all said, at the same time.
At that moment, Dumbledore entered the room. He looked around the room, glancing at everyone and smiling pleasantly.
"Is everyone here?" he asked. "I have something I want to tell you all."
Everyone quietened down.
"So, I know you are all still getting over the latest...ordeal" Dumbledore said. "I am just pleased to see that you are all well."
Moody snorted. "Those fellows were out of their minds" he muttered.
"Yes, well -" Dumbledore hesitated for a moment. He coughed, sounding slightly awkward. "I...have some good news. I have managed to acquire some...very useful help for the war."
Everyone took note of the strange note in Dumbledore's voice. Ignoring this, Remus leaned forward, looking interested.
"Really?" he asked. "From who?"
"Well...he is quite strange" Dumbledore let out a small laugh, and his eyes twinkled. "I remember that time when he demanded that I give him tickets to see the Triwizard Tournament..."
"Alright then, strange blokes" Remus noted. "We're used to those types though" he grinned at the four others that had been in captivity with him.
Sirius snorted. "After what happened, I don't think anyone is strange...those blokes take the cake."
"Yes, well..." Dumbledore coughed, and wrung his hands together. "I think I might...explain things to you a bit, before I introduce you. You see...this might be a bit hard to wrap your minds around."
"Professor" Harry said, raising one eyebrow. "We just spent part of the holidays with a bunch of psychos who thought they were countries. NOTHING is hard to believe!"
"...Yes" Dumbledore let out a small laugh. "That's the thing. Those people that...kidnapped you. Well...I believe I might know them."
Remus looked confused. "What does that have to do with the help you managed to acquire?" he asked.
"Well..,you see..." Dumbledore hesitated. "The person who will be helping us...he...well..." he stared at the crowd for a moment. "He is England" he said, at last.
Everyone stared.
"...Please tell me I heard him wrong" Sirius choked.
"No" Tonks looked horrified. "I'm pretty sure you didn't."
Dumbledore continued to speak, despite the horrified reactions he was receiving. "You see, every nation in the world is personified -"
"NO!"
Everyone turned to stare at Harry, stunned by his furious exclamation.
"No, no, no!" he snarled. "I am NOT listening to this!"
"Harry, my dear boy" Dumbledore soothed. "It is the truth -"
"No it isn't!" Harry snapped. "If you're trying to tell me that those psychopaths were really countries, then you can just -"
A loud cry cut off whatever he had been about to say.
"SUCK IT LOSERS, THE AWESOME ME IS HERE!"
Sirius, Remus, Harry, Tonks and Moody all simultaneously paled.
"...No" Tonks whispered.
"Please tell me I'm hearing things" Sirius moaned.
"Why?" Remus groaned. "WHY?!"
Moody whirled around to face Dumbledore, his expression wild. "What can kill them?" he demanded, his breathing labored. "Tell me, what can kill them?!"
"...Yes" Dumbledore turned away from Moody, and smiled at everyone in the room. "I asked England to bring along as much backup as he possibly could."
"NO!" Sirius, Tonks, Moody, Harry and Remus all wailed.
Hermione looked confused. "Was it really that bad?" she murmured, surprised by the strong reactions her five friends were having.
At that moment, five figures entered the room (well, six, but no one ever noticed Canada).
"Hey guys!" America grinned, waving energetically. "The hero is back!"
Remus fell to his knees and began to sob.
"Ahh, Mademoiselle!" France took a step forward and smiled flirtatiously at Tonks. The witch took a step back, her expression darkening.
"Do you want me to punch you again?!" she spat.
"Oh...so many beautiful women in this room..." France's eyes rested on Hermione and he winked at her. Hermione blushed, looking pleased.
"Don't fall for it, Hermione" Tonks warned. "He'll devour your soul."
"Hola, everyone!" Spain grinned. "It's good to see you all again!"
England took a moment to glare at each individual (it seemed Harry's declaration of hatred had really affected him) before turning to Dumbledore.
"Hello Dumbledore" he greeted, his voice cold. "Don't think I've forgiven you for not giving me those tickets to watch Harry fight the dragons."
Dumbledore smiled. "Of course not."
England turned to glare at Harry. "I will never forgive you, you traitorous little fiend" he hissed.
Harry shrugged. "Just stop stalking me, and I really don't care" he muttered.
"Hey dudes. Is Tony's friend here?" America asked. "I wanna ask him for his phone number, so we can have that sleepover!"
Ron raised one eyebrow and glanced at Harry. "Tony's friend?" he whispered.
"He means Voldemort" Harry replied.
Ron leaned back and glanced at America, looking slightly disturbed.
Moody glared at the nations. "What the hell are you doing back?!" he demanded.
America grinned at him. "We're here to help the war!" he replied. "Because we're heroes - well, I am anyway. Those guys are all kind of pathetic..." he struck a heroic pose and stayed that way for a moment, as if waiting for some sort of reaction. Everyone simply stared at him; England's eye twitched slightly.
"I am awesome!" Prussia snapped.
"I am sexy!" France purred.
"I am angry!" England growled. He glowered at Harry. "Harry, I will NEVER forgive you!"
Tonks shook her head and glanced at Dumbledore. "They aren't countries" she said, defiantly.
"No" Dumbledore replied. "They are."
Prussia smirked, looking triumphant. "I told you!" he laughed.
"You're joking right?" Remus moaned. He had picked himself off the floor and was now standing with his back against the wall, as if the structure was the only thing keeping him standing. "They were serious all along?"
"Fine, fine, whatever!" Sirius snapped. "So they're countries - I get England, America, Spain and France -"
"And Canada" Canada whispered.
" - But what the hell is Prussia?!"
"The most awesome nation in the world!" Prussia announced.
"...I honestly don't know" Dumbledore murmured, looking thoughtful. He glanced at Prussia. "You are a real country, aren't you?"
"MY ARMIES WILL CRUSH YOU!" was the rather loud exclamation he received in response.
England scowled at Prussia, and then went on to do so to the other nations in the room. "I don't even know why you bastards are here..." he muttered.
"Because!" France replied, smirking slightly. "We were the only ones that volunteered to come along! Everyone else was much too afraid to do so."
England opened his mouth to reply, closed it, and then opted to whirl around to face Harry.
"Harry Potter, you traitorous brat!" he spat.
Ron frowned. "Is he alright?" he muttered.
"No" Harry replied. "He's crazy."
"Um" Canada tried to raise his voice as much as possible, and stood up straight, trying to get the attention of everyone in the room. "It's...nice to meet you guys."
Of course, no one heard him.
Tonks frowned. "Did you hear something?" she asked.
"Nah" Sirius replied, waving one hand dismissively. "It was probably nothing."
France let out a noise of frustration. "Why do I keep getting these fatherly emotions?" he demanded. "I do not understand! Do they mean something?!"
"It might be because of me..." Canada muttered.
"No...they mean nothing" France laughed. "Why would they mean anything?"
"Because I'm here" Canada replied, some heat slipping into his voice. "You know, Canada, your former colony?"
France walked straight past him, accidentally hitting him with his arm, and sending Canada flying.
"Ow..." he moaned.
"So!" Dumbledore beamed at the occupants of the room. "Now you are all aware of one of the most well kept secrets in the world!"
There was a moment of silence; then Harry walked up to the nearest hard surface and slammed his head against it.
"Heart-breaking, monstrous fiend!" spat England.
"This is so righteous, dudes!" America grinned. "Can we go find Tony's friend now?"
...
Voldemort stood, surrounded by his Death Eaters, smiling coldly at Harry as he walked forward. Harry, for his part, stood with his back straight and his wand clutched tightly in his hand.
"Prepare to cry, Voldie" Harry told his enemy. Voldemort's expression darkened with rage.
"What the hell are you -" his voice choked off as he caught sight of the people coming up behind Harry. "NO!" he howled. "WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING BACK?!"
"Ha!" Prussia cackled. "Cower at the sight of the awesome me!"
England stepped forward at stared at Voldemort. "Once upon a time" he growled. "I would have destroyed you on sight, in order to protect Harry - but now I hate the traitorous brat, so I will do no such thing!"
"England" Dumbledore, who had arrived sometime during England's angry speech, frowned at the nation. "You said you'd help..."
England scowled. "Oh fine!" he snapped.
"Hola!" Spain grinned. "Nice to see you again!"
"Bonjour, you ugly creature" France greeted.
"Hey dude!" America bounded forward, much to Voldemort's horror. "Wanna go catch a movie with me and Tony?!"
"I DO NOT KNOW TONY!" Voldemort howled.
"...I don't suppose you can see me, right?" Canada murmured.
Voldemort stormed forward, knocking him over, and walking right on top of him. Canada lay on the ground, glaring at the sky and silently cursing his misfortune.
"I hate you all!" Voldemort snarled, before turning and running away.
"RETREAT!" he howled to his startled Death Eaters. None of them looked like they knew what to do.
"Should we...run?" Lucius Malfoy murmured, looking confused.
"...I guess" Bellatrix muttered. "I mean...Master told us to...right?"
"Wait dude!" America abandoned his group and chased after Voldemort. "I need your number! Give me your phone number!"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" could be heard, echoing through the nearby area.
...
Legend says that, to this day, America still chases Voldemort, pleading for his phone number.
Of course, legends are a load of utter bullshit.
The truth is, Canada kind of got in the way (by accident of course) and, since he's invisible and all, Voldemort didn't see him, slammed into him, and went careening through the air...
...Coincidentally there was a cliff in front of him and he went sailing right over...and then down.
Down.
Down.
...And then he died.
In the end, it was Canada who defeated Voldemort, by default...but since he's pretty much invisible, no one ever saw him there, and America took all the credit. Of course, he made it sound much more heroic than it really was. And of course, no one believed him.
The countries left after that, never to be seen or heard from again (except for the occasional 'anonymous' hate mail England sent Harry).
No one really missed them, or mentioned them, or even thought about them (...much).
They were all just glad to see them gone.
...
AN:
So...that was the end.
Potter and the Perverts is finished.
It was so much fun to write this story :D Thank you for all your reviews, favourites and follows - you guys have been so awesome throughout this entire thing.
If you liked this story, I have a number of other ones written for Hetalia, as well as many written for Harry Potter too. I also recently posted out a Hetalia fic called 'The Best Way To Screw Up A Wedding.'
Tell me what you think of this last chapter, and of the story as a whole :D