Coming Home

-And the Light Shineth In the Darkness-

Tommy sniffed, wiped his nose into the sleeve of his sweatshirt. He exhaled through his mouth, wrapping his arms tighter around Ada as he rested his chin on her shoulder. She relaxed into him further, and when he tilted his head forward to peek at her face, he saw that her eyes were closed.

They couldn't sleep, so they took a drive, ending up along the Ohio River water front. The sky was starless, the moon hidden by a midnight overcast. They perched on a grassy hill of an empty park and watched the city lights ripple in the water. The night was cold and growing colder. Tommy didn't mind it much, but he worried about Ada so he kept her tucked between his legs. She kept pretty quiet.

Tomorrow night they'd be in Seattle, and they weren't looking forward to it in the slightest.

It was his first preliminary fight for Sparta. May had rolled around, and he was as ready as he'd ever be. Four fights over six weeks was all he had to get through to qualify, and come July 4th weekend, it'd all be over. All the arrangements for this fight had been taken care of for them, which meant they didn't find out until a couple weeks ago that they'd be returning to the place Tommy hated to his core, and the place Ada could never truly bring herself to talk about.

He kept this fight to himself as much as he could. Mostly because he didn't want to tempt Brendan into tagging along. He intended to fight and then get himself and Ada on a flight home the very same night. He wouldn't think about Tacoma and where his mother lay buried. He wouldn't dare attempt the quick drive down to see her. He didn't have time for that anyway. Not when his goal was to be out of the northwest as quickly as possible.

Returning to Seattle was bothering Ada more than she'd ever let on. Tommy didn't bring it up, even though he knew he should. She had a little brother, and he was dead. Tommy didn't know how he died. Didn't even know his name. Had no idea where her parents fit into all this. He assumed he'd eventually learn about her past, but he never did. He let it go until recently, when she stopped sleeping, and stopped talking so much. She wore herself out pretty quickly, and it pissed him off a little when a prescription for Lunesta appeared on their nightstand one day. It was non-refillable, so he knew its use was temporary, and she clearly wasn't trying to hide it from him, but still. She didn't talk to him about it, didn't tell him anything was wrong, even though he knew something was.

Then again, he never asked her about it, either. The hell was he supposed to say?

Tommy pressed his lips into her hair and stared at the city beyond the water. He knew that if he told her she didn't have to go, her reaction would be less than pleasant. She'd already taken the time off work, and she'd push to know why he would suggest something like that. He wanted her to tell him about her life when she was ready to. She'd pressured him into sharing some of the darkest parts of him, but it had been her job to draw that out of him. He'd waited patiently for the right time to learn about where she'd come from, and he was pretty sure that time had come.

Ada stirred against him, fingers gripping at his forearms. She stretched and tilted her head back to look up at him, and he lifted a hand to stroke the hair away from her forehead. "Let's get married right after Sparta," she said softly.

He snorted lightly, wrapping his arm around her front again. "That enough time?"

"Plenty. Let's just go to the courthouse. Invite Brendan and Tess as witnesses. Paddy, if he's in good health. No need for a big, fancy ceremony. A reception's just an excuse for presents. We'll make up for the grandeur during the honeymoon."

He gave another snort, then sniffed, rubbing his cheek against the top of her head as she shifted in his arms. "You decide where you wanted to go, yet?"

"Everywhere," she said, and he smiled.

"Okay."

It was a moment before she spoke again. "We could fly Pilar and the kids in, if you wanted. I don't know if-"

"Yeah, that sounds awesome," he said lightly. "I think she'd really like that. I'd like that." He stopped, thinking of his best friend's wife, and their two beautiful children. Pilar struggled everyday to stay afloat in that dump in El Paso. It'd been so long since he'd seen her. Since he'd seen the kids. He missed them. "I'm gonna win her that money."

"I know you are, baby."

She didn't doubt him. She wasn't scared for him. She didn't ever try to stop him from doing what he needed to do, and that kind of affirmation of his worth made his heart hurt. He pulled her in closer and kissed the side of her head. He was going to do something special for her tomorrow. He didn't know what yet, but he'd do something to make her forget that they were in Seattle for two days.

"You still have to wear a tux," she said. "On your wedding day and on your funeral – that's when you said you'd wear one, and I'm holding you to that."

He grimaced. "Only if you wear a dress."

"Don't you worry about me. I'm getting married – you think I'd allow myself to look like I just rolled out of bed?"

"You think I would?"

"I think you would if you could."

"Bummer I'm not still in the Corp – I bet you would've liked the Dress Blues."

"Your file came with pictures when I was treating you. I liked them very much."

He wasn't expecting her to say something like that, and leaned forward to catch her eye. "Oh yeah? What'd you like about them?"

"The badges," she said, her eyes drifting over his face as she looked up at him. A smile stretched her lips. "And the hat."

"Actually they call it a 'barracks cover.'"

"Is there a special name for the badges as well?"

"Uhh…" he looked towards the river as he thought about it, and she followed his gaze. "Not really. Insignia, I guess. I didn't get a lot of them. I didn't rank too high."

"You had rows of ribbons and badges over your chest, and rank had nothing to do with those. You were a good soldier, Tommy."

He winced as his heart dropped and a heaviness came over him. He was no soldier. A soldier didn't leave his unit in pieces in the middle of the desert when the coward in him chose to bail. There was no excuse for that, and he'd live with it for the rest of his life. A soldier doesn't say 'fuck this shit', and decide that he no longer wants any part of the fight. A soldier accepts that life happens, that death happens, and he proceeds with the mission. Manny was a soldier. The best kind of soldier there was. But not him. He was a deserter.

"I know what you're thinking about Tommy," Ada said quietly. She sat up, untangled herself from his arms and turned to face him. "But you're alive because you're supposed to be, and the decisions you've made have brought you here. To where we are right now. And I hope you don't feel regret about that."

Tommy didn't know what to say. He didn't have to try to convince her that he was happy to be sharing a life with her. She wasn't looking for that. She was looking for acceptance. His acceptance of something that had been entirely out of his hands. Nothing he or any of his men could have done would've prevented it from happening. He knew that. He knew that. An act of God, some people called it. He called it negligence. Americans killing Americans. They were never ready for that war. They didn't know what they were doing there. They just knew they had to fight, and kill, and live to see another day. There was something inherently wrong about that. How could he just accept that the men he fought alongside in this foreign wasteland were the men that killed his brothers? How could he accept that U.S. soldiers confused other U.S. soldiers for insurgents? Couldn't they see the flags? The Humvees? An entire platoon of eager young marines waving to their brothers in the sky? There wasn't ever accepting that kind of reckless abandon. The damage was done.

"How did your brother die?" He regretted the words a little as soon as they came out of his mouth, because she looked at him right then in a way he was sure he'd never seen before. He didn't take the words back though, just like she didn't apologize for calling him a good soldier. It was dark, but he saw the flash in her eyes, the confusion in the unexpected question. He hadn't tried prying into her past since the beginning of their relationship. You'd think he'd slapped her as she began to draw back a little. And the way her eyebrows creased as she attempted to analyze his current state of emotion and assess what may have triggered the question told him that she still wasn't all that willing to talk about it. He wouldn't let her turn this around on him again, though. He waited for her to say something.

"Cancer," she said, and he tried not to wince again. Cancer was awful. Cancer was hell. He'd seen firsthand what that disease could do to someone you loved, and he already hated the fact that Ada had to live through that as well.

"How old was he?"

She shifted, but kept her eyes on him, unwavering. "Tommy, why are you asking me this?"

"Because I want to know," he said, feeling like his mouth was guiding his brain. "You're my fiancée. I want to know where you come from."

"Fair enough, but where is this coming from? You haven't asked me about my family in a long time."

"I figured you'd tell me on your own time, but you didn't. And I'm not fuckin' stupid, Ada. I know Seattle's been bothering the hell out of you." She withdrew a little further, and that was his fault. He didn't mean to sound so snappy, but it just came out like that.

"I'm fine, Tommy." She did her best to sound sincere, and she did a hell of a job. Even smiled and laughed a little. But he called bullshit. "Going home has just had me anxious, is all."

It was like she'd completely forgotten everything about him. Like she didn't know he knew anything about loss. Like she had no idea he knew what it felt like to have the world as he knew it end. To leave everything he knew behind and start again somewhere fresh. And what returning to the place he had left behind could do to a man like him. To anyone, really. Like she didn't know that he immediately recognized that look in her eye. She'd came to Pittsburgh because she was leaving something behind. He wanted to know what it was, and he wanted to know why.

"Where are your parents, Ada?"

She hesitated, her gaze shifting to the side. "I hope you understand that I don't talk about them for a reason."

"Yeah, and I want to know why," he said. His brow raised and his eyes unfocused as he searched for the right words. "I have a right to know the person I'm marrying."

"My parents have nothing to do with who I am," she spat, jerking her head back towards him. "If you don't understand and accept that right now, then I won't tell you a goddamn thing."

"Hey, hey," he soothed, reaching for her. He didn't mean to make her angry. She jerked her hand from his grasp initially, but after a moment's thought slid her fingers back over his palm. "This won't change nothing. I just want to know."

"That's asking a lot," she said with a small laugh, as she reiterated something he often told her when she treated him. She shifted a little closer to him, and crossed her legs as she took both of his hands. He brought her hands up, brushing his lips over her knuckles as he waited for her to speak. "Uhm…" was how she began.

Micah DuPrae was fifteen when he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. And it was almost funny to them, because of how ordinary his condition was. Of course he'd develop leukemia. Of course it would be the most common type of cancer found in kids his age, and of course he'd be of the rough forty percent that couldn't fight it like others could. Ada was just beginning the second year of her residency when they started his treatment. Micah liked having his sister close, especially as his condition worsened. When he was at the hospital for days at a time, so was she. They'd roll in an open bed, and she'd sleep in between shifts right beside him. She'd check up on him whenever she had the chance, and when there was an emergency, she was always the first to know.

Micah had an indestructible spirit, but his body had always been feeble. The kid never had a chance, but Tommy admired the fact that by the sound of it, he never let that get to him. He was good to his sister. Kept her smiling and laughing, and believing in miracles even when they both knew that there wasn't going to be one in the stars for him. He stopped fighting after three years and took his last breath in the early hours of a Tuesday morning. Ada had gone home that evening, and woke to receive the call that he'd passed at 2:37 a.m.

Jacques and Kathryn DuPrae were people who did bad things with the best of intentions. They made sure their children were taken care of, but they did it in a way that made Micah and Ada resent them. Ada communicated with them sparsely after she left home for college. She wanted nothing to do with the things they were involved in and she feared being connected to them. She only returned to Seattle to complete her residency because she wanted to keep Micah on the right path in his most vital years of development.

Jacques was a hard-hearted and overbearing man who hustled and intimidated his way into a comfortable living. Kathryn was a delicate, gullible, and dependent woman, and she was his partner through and through. Organized crime was small-scale and petty in the northwest, but they made it work for what it was worth while they could.

Turns out that wasn't long. "My parents paid for the crimes they committed," Ada said. "I stuck around long enough to sign their estate over to the bank, and then I left. I'd applied for openings all around the country after Micah died. The first response came from Pittsburgh, so that's how I ended up here."

She didn't specify what happened to her parents. She never would. And Tommy didn't mind that too much. She found a way to put it behind her and he didn't want to disrupt that peace. He could make guesses about her parents' fate. The outcomes were limited. The acquisition of her parents' assets could have meant life in prison. It could've meant death. They were one in the same as far as Ada was concerned. She spoke of them as if she'd signed them off a long time ago.

"When people asked what they did for a living, I'd say they were small business owners. Which was true in a sense, I guess. My mother had a used books store up in University District. You see it all the time in the movies. But it isn't anything like the movies. And the strangest thing is that it's everywhere – all around us. We don't even know it. We sit down at a restaurant. We walk down a street, and we just have no idea that they're there. People like my parents are everywhere. Hustling – crime in general. It's such an easy business to get sucked right into."

Tommy found himself unable to formulate any kind of response, and they sat in silence for a long while. He didn't want her to go to Seattle with him. He didn't want her to relive any of the shit she'd worked so hard to put behind her, to experience unnecessary pain just to watch him fight for a few minutes. He was beginning to see that the world seemed to fuck everyone, one way or another. Didn't matter how ordinary someone seemed. Even someone as stable, as successful, and as beautiful as Ada had her own demons to live with. Everyone had a past. Everyone had shit that haunted them; shit they wanted to forget.

It really all came down to whether or not you let all that shit define you. He did. Ada didn't. Her brother didn't. He didn't know how in the hell they'd been able to do that. Wasn't everyday your parents were criminals, but she made it sound like it was, and she wasn't impressed. Maybe that apathy came with treating people who were fucked in the head day after day, seeing and hearing shit that would make most people squirm. He didn't know.

What he did know is that the both of them had had enough excitement to last them two lifetimes. He was done with it. He wanted a boring life. He wanted to go to work, come home, cook dinner with his wife, wrestle with his kids until bedtime, and then fall asleep every night to the eleven o'clock news. When people he hadn't seen in awhile asked him how he's been, he wanted to say, "the same." He wanted to argue with Ada over the cost of renovations to the house they planned to live and die in. He suddenly wanted that dog she'd been whining about since the beginning of the year.

Fuck, he loved her.

"It's freezing," she said suddenly, breaking the silence, her voice light like she'd only just noticed the temperature.

"Let's buy a house," he said.

Her eyebrows knitted together in a momentary confusion, and then she smiled. "Let's get married first," she said through a small laugh.

"Right."

She sighed, and reached up to comb her fingers through his hair. "You need another haircut," she said, trailing her fingertips down until she cupped his cheek. "When we get to Seattle, I want to show you my favorite part of the city. Conveniently, it's right outside the Key Arena."

"Space Needle?" he asked, and she grimaced.

"I hate the Space Needle. No, it's far better. So beautiful. You'll see."

He strained his memory to recall the structures around the Arena. That whole area was a cluster of outstanding hot spots, if he remembered correctly. "Is it that fountain thing?"

"Jesus, how do you know about that?"

He laughed at her blatant surprise towards his lucky guess. "Lived forty minutes away for three years, babe. Wasn't shit to do in Tacoma. I did my fair share of exploring."

"Hmm." Ada glared in thought as she unfolded her legs and pushed to a standing position. He followed her lead. It was time to go home. "Did you ever venture into the Underground City?"

"What?"

"There's a city underneath Seattle. Didn't you know?"

"The fuck?"

She laughed and turned to grab his hand. "Tours are daily. We'll go tomorrow night. We have to go at night. It's haunted, you know."

Tommy groaned as they strolled through the grass to the parking lot. But inside, he was all for it. Anything she wanted to do, they'd do it. Anything to keep her distracted, and happy during their trip. But as she looked up at him with a playful smile and brightness in her eyes, something told him that she'd be all right. They both would.

I'm probably going to reread this later and hate it, but I just had to get it out there. So don't be too hard on me! You guys have been amazing and so wonderfully supportive of this story. I can't thank you enough, and can't wait to see what you have to say about this one! Thank you, thank you for reading :)